Farewell Fort Hood.

Hello All.  I am Swiss.  My lovely wife has given me the privilege of posting my feelings on leaving Fort Hood and the Army; to put it plainly, leaving neither is difficult.  There is a lot that can said about getting to a new unit and watching things unfold from the perspective of the new guy along with the sense that you were never really welcome.  Looking closely at the last few years, I can see now that my final taste of the Army had to be one of bitterness... or I may have never left.  The only thing I truly will miss about the Army will be standing up for other people who can't stand up for themselves.

Hey all, it's me, Tucker again... I can say that leaving here is sort of surreal. Despite never wanting to move to Texas, despite Fort Hood being the lesser of three evils, despite the heat and enormous bugs and snakes... we made this place home. We said goodbye here, we had our homecoming here, we got to be us for the first time here. Now, I won't say that we liked it enough to want to stay here. Far from it. But I think living on an installation makes you feel more at home, like a part of a community, like you belong. That I will miss. I won't miss the scorching summers. Nor will I miss the hoodlum kids that taunt the dog and throw trash in our yard. But I will miss the thumping of Apaches on training missions, falling asleep to artillery rounds, and I will miss the bugle calls. I won't miss the 8 rush hours or the bad drivers. I won't miss the hugeness of this post, nor will I miss the cockroaches. But I will miss being one of us... an active duty spouse, one of the many in our ranks. I will miss being knee deep in the Hooah. Oh yeah, and the sunsets. I'll miss those. Nothing like a big sky Texas sunset...

In any event, being married to the military has been a trip. It has taken me (and us) places we never imagined, it has been the source of incredible highs and crushing lows. And it has led me to all of you, dear readers, for which I am the most grateful. I have grown so much in these few years with the help of your support and wisdom, and thanks to the Army (and the internet) I've meet some of the most amazing women with whom I will always be friends. Thank you for joining us on this journey, thank you for following all of our ups and downs, and I truly hope you all will stick around now that I am officially an Alumnus.


So off we go, leaving this chapter,this place, this life behind. There is a long road ahead of us (literally) and we can't wait to get started. But first, cue up the music... I'll take a little "On the Road Again" action if you please.

Hooah and farewell... for now,

<3

Tucker and Swiss

One more Retirement FYI. Or two...

So all of my previous retirement stuff can be found here and here (this one was featured in the Blogs section of the Army's Stand To site and I didn't know it until today- super cool!).

But here's the thing I want y'all to know. (Which I wish we knew). Housing WILL NOT give you your all clear stamp early, and you can't fully clear- and therefore get your DD-214- until you've cleared housing. So, I would suggest that y'all just book yourselves a week or two in a hotel or on-post lodging and get the housing situation squared away sooner rather than later. Otherwise you will be like Swiss and I are now... somewhat akin to jobless college kids home for summer break. Lots of TV and aimless meandering around the house with tiny sporadic bursts of packing.

Back to my point. Seeing as how we did not do this... Swiss can't clear post until the afternoon of the day we plan to leave. And go to finance and to the S1 and get the DD-214 and his retirement awards. Then drive half way from here to Minnesota. Jealous, aren't you?

We shall file this under things I wish someone had told us 6 months ago. And believe you me... that list is turning into a doozie.

Also, here are my sage two cents on all things pertaining to the VA: Do your homework. Looking into the Post 9-11 GI Bill? Find out how long the turn around time is on the applications (weeks, lots and lots of weeks) so you can work with your school accordingly. And get to know the process, which can be convoluted and confusing, so that when you start to navigate it you'll at least have an inkling of what you should be doing. Unhappy with your disability percentage? Find out who to contact with your dispute and get your medical records in order. Like tippy toppy shape. Know them backwards and forwards.

So, that is all I have to say about this topic for the time being. Once this whole brewhaha is over with (FYI- it takes up to 45 days from your formal retirement date to get your disability percentage) I will have a big ole' summary for you guys.

Detaching.

So, I've been thinking about this retirement thing. Not in the what-have-I-forgotten-to-put-on-the-list way... but more philosophically. What I've pretty much come up with is this... in some ways it is like preparing for a deployment. No, the fear and worry and anxiety aren't there (at least not in anywhere near the same levels) but the distancing? The whole steeling yourself against what is going to happen thing? Totally happening.

Swiss and I both find ourselves slowly withdrawing and disassociating from all things military. Obviously it isn't because we don't care anymore. And I know it isn't because all that stuff suddenly doesn't matter. I think it is just our way of preparing to live a life where the military isn't front and center every day. You know, kind of like you do with your spouse before they leave (we all do/did that, right?) for battle. You have to get yourself ready for the new future in front of you that doesn't include that person (hopefully, just for the time being). In our case, that person is the Army.

It is certainly easier to do this now that Swiss is on terminal leave... his only duties are to go to the occasional VA appointment or stop by different offices to get his papers stamped. He doesn't have a work schedule anymore, no PT, no forced family fun, nothing. We are just two non-working folks who happen to live in on-post housing. Is it almost like we are slipping, quite easily, into the retired mode where the only thing we need from the military are the PX/BX and Commissary privileges... and the retirement checks.

I know that this is a time that Swiss was VERY ready to have come. He is ready to move on and not be a soldier anymore. He doesn't have that romantic view of what it means to be in the military... this unit and the deployments have worn that away. He sees it for what it is and is ready to do something else. And I know this is helping him through this process, which I am sure can be difficult for many.

As for me? Well, I don't think I've been a part of this whole machine for long enough to develop serious attachments. Yes, this has been our life for the last 3+ years, but I sort of view it (at this point anyway) as a chapter in a much bigger book. At times, yes, it was all consuming. Absolutely. And at times it was the biggest driving force in our lives... dictating places and times and 100% responsible for enormous emotional burdens and fears. But. It was temporary and we got through it. So yes, I too am ready to move on.

But I'd be lying if I didn't admit that this feels a little sad. I know we'll always be a part of this family, but  the thing I loved most about being a military family is the sense of community. Being part of something bigger, having a network and an instant, understandable bond with all the members of this community. Yes, that I will miss the most. But hopefully, either via this blog or other social networking venues, I'll be able to keep the mainline flowing to these relationships and this fabulous community. Because, at the end of the day, it is the people that make our military great, and it will be the people that I miss the most.

Retirement, Part Deux.

So, are y'all ready for part two? Well, ready or not, here it comes... (and if you missed part one, check it out)

Okay everybody, here's the gist of it: there are things you should do, things you must do, and things that are way more complicated than they should be that often you don't/won't get told about. Is it annoying? Of course. But the main thing is (hopefully) that you get the nitty gritty list from someone who has just gone through it (because we all know in 5-10 years this process is going to be totally different) and make sure you do the things that aren't on the official list. Here is my list.

MEDICAL:

• At the risk of sounding like a broken record, if your spouse should have any ailments, any at all, go to sick call and get it documented! This might require multiple trips (I'd suggest multiple trips with similar ailments bundled into each visit) but it is a very important step that is not written down anywhere. Apparently, the VA reps who review your medical records are mostly trained to hone in on sick call forms... not official medical records. The more of the sick call forms you have, the more accurate their summary of your medical records will be. Otherwise you have to do it and make sure your MDs know about it.

• Also, be aware that these MDs doing the VA physicals are booked. Always. Expect a 5-6 week wait for your first appointment. This is where the planning ahead and allowing time for this stuff will really work in your favor.

• Be warned that there WILL be extra appointments. While you are allowed to do these appointments while on terminal leave, the 2 or so appointments they first schedule you for aren't the last ones you'll be doing. Most of these will be scheduled only after the first round. Be sure to leave wiggle room in your schedule for these!

HOUSING/TRANSPORTATION:

• Get with housing and transportation. Here, housing told me in January that they were okay with only 2 weeks notice for retirements, which was awesome. Turns out that isn't the case (thankfully we have more than enough time to schedule it). However, since transportation requires the usuall 30 days, it is sort of a moot point. Your post might be different so check in to it early and often! Ask lots of questions and if something sounds hinky, ask again!

• Be ready to be flexible with every aspect of this last PCS. Assuming that you have left yourself tons of time to complete this, it shouldn't be an issue. However, given how fickle things can be with theses processes, be sure to give yourself enough of a window. And, unlike some more traditional PCS scenarios (assuming you are moving to a location not near your current duty station and not near another military installation), plan to stay a night or two on post after you clear housing. This will allow you to get registered with the VA and tie up any loose ends that you may be used to tying up before moving out of housing.

DOCUMENTS GALORE:

• Be mindful of the documents you will need in your new non-Army endeavours. Mainly your retirement orders, your DD-214, and any documentation supporting preferences given in hiring (Purple Heart, 30+% disability, etc). These documents can help you quite a bit, but anyone who is willing to help a Vet wants documentation, so have it in a handy place.

• Did I mention something last time about getting organized? At this point, if you haven't done it, sit down and do it. You should have files for the medical records, files for the VA, files for clearing, and the ever-important file for all the papers and orders you need to get anything done on post.

INSURANCE:

• This is one of those things that they give you pamphlets on and let you figure out the rest. Fun, right? I'll give you the run-down: Your spouse will automatically be removed from TriCare Prime when they get their new card and status change to "Retired", though they will still be covered under Standard. At this point, you get to choose what insurance you want, assuming you are not eligible for the VA insurance. TriCare Prime is really only going to do you any good if you end up living relatively close to a major military installation. The enrollment fee is cheap ($400 per family per year), and the co-pays are wonderfully awesome, but you are mostly limited to in-service providers (like a HMO) which are only going to be present in helpful enough numbers near a military base. But FYI- Prime Remote is no longer an option when you transition to retired status! TriCare Standard or Extra will likely serve you best if you are going to move somewhere less close to military medical care/military installations. This is still a pretty cheap option, but you will be required to pay a little bit more as a dependent than you used to (something like 5% more). Either way, you have to re-look at your insurance situation with a new set of eyes, be aware of your final location, costs and physician availability.

• Be cognizant of the fact that you are paying for insurance out of pocket. When you get offered your next non-military job, be sure to keep this bargaining chip in mind. Most employers pay some or all of your enrollment fees and whanot. Be sure to let them know you won't be participating (unless it is way better/cheaper than TriCare) and see if they will pony up extra money for your salary or extra vacation days. This goes for you too spouses!!!

So, there you have it, the latest and greatest hits from the Tucker and Swiss Retirement Tour. I'll keep you all posted as things get crazier! And as always, let me know in the comments if there are other issues you have questions about!

This is bananas. AKA the Retirement process.

Y'all, seriously, the whole retirement process really is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

I've been wanting to write about this process for some time now, but is is so long and drawn out that there has been no good time to to sit down and put it to paper screen. But I suppose now we are coming to a close and there really is no better time than the present. And before I get started, to all you Navy/Marine/Coastie/Air Force folks, sorry! I don't know how much of this is consistent across the board (I'd imagine the VA stuff is) but all I can speak to is the Army's process... in any event, I hope even this little bit can help you prepare for a future ETS or retirement!

So, the long and short of it is this: ACAP, VA, meetings, meetings, seminars, meetings, VA, ACAP, ACAP, retirement office, VA, housing, transportation, VA, VA physicals, retirement office, VA. Or something near that. What you need to know is that it is a long process with a lot of stops along the way, make sure you leave plenty of time to do it all. And a stash of beer or wine won't hurt!

ACAP is the Army's program for transitioning out of the service. Everything from interview skills, resumes, job searches, how to dress for interviews, job fairs, prospective employer meet and greets, generally just a whole lot of how to get your shit together for life outside the Army. It is a great program and, aside from the nutty schedules for the seminars and meetings, full of useful information. ACAP is awesome and be sure to take full advantage of it. And spouses! You can use ACAP too! Your spouse isn't the only one transitioning out of the Army so you can participate in their resume workshops and job fairs as well. Use it!

The VA stuff is insane. Insane because the sheer amount of information they throw at you, insane because of the mind-boggling loopholes and if-then scenarios they pose. And insane because when you are retiring, how you handle the VA stuff before you leave duty will have a MAJOR impact not only on your disability, but on how easily you will be able to navigate the VA system once you are in it. Suffice to say, the more you do, and the better/more thoroughly you do it, the easier your life will be in the future. But be prepared to have your mind blown by how the system works. BANANAS.

The retirement office on post handles lots of the paperwork. All the DD-214s and retirement orders and they are the ones who actually get you out of the Army. My 2 cents when working with them? Be Prepared. Have copies of all your necessary documents, have copies of all your awards and honors, and review what the system says you have (in terms of time in service, duty stations, ranks, awards) before you walk in the door. Double checking is your best friend. And play nice with your representative- they can make your life hell if you make their job difficult (that should be obvious, but this is one person you want on your good side!)

Now, back to the VA insanity. This is probably the single most important part to retiring (a little less so for ETSing) so I'm gonna focus here a bit. The things I think y'all need to know up front are these:

• VA systems are based on a regional format. These regions DO NOT interface (as insane as this may be, it is the truth). If you move from one region to another, it is 100% on you to take your medical records with you and ensure that your records are transferred to your new region. 100% on you. Did you get that? Its all on you to make sure this stuff transfers the way it should.

• The VA system is not one stop shopping. It is like the utility company, if you are having problems with the electric, you wouldn't call the water company, right? BE SURE WHO YOU ARE CALLING. If you aren't sure, ask or check online. Because if you call the wrong folks? They will not help you, you will get frustrated, and you will give up... loosing out on benefits and help. And this is probably the single most common mistake when dealing with the VA.

• Have your medical records in tip-top shape. I mean it! You need to account for every bump and bruise going in to these VA appointments. The whole point is that someone will review the records and then set up medical appointments to corroborate and suss out any health issues. The more complete your records are, the more likely you will a) get an accurate disability rating and b) get these things on record for both future healthcare and future disability should the condition worsen. Very important stuff folks. And this could be thousands of dollars over a lifetime. (Did you know that tendonitis in and ankle or knee, if documented, is 10% straight away??? And that stuff adds up!)

• ASK QUESTIONS! The whole thing is complicated and confusing... fro the Post 9-11 GI Bill down to how and when to register with the system (FYI- you register on the first day you are no longer an active duty soldier). If you aren't sure, ask, because sometimes finding the answer out yourself could take days. The more notes you take early in the process and the more questions you ask, the better you will understand the process... or at least where to start looking when you have issues. This will serve you well in the long run. I promise!

As for the rest of it? These tid-bits pertain to anyone getting out- ETS or Retirement. These are the nuggets of wisdom I've taken away from the process so far and I think they will help anyone going through this:

• Schedule! This stuff takes time. And the meetings/presentations/specific hours that things are done are ridiculous and all over the place. Leave yourself enough time to get all this taken care of without rushing. Rushing leads to mistakes and mistakes lead to problems. If you have questions, talk to the ACAP folks and the people in the retirement office. They will know! Also, some of these meetings require your spouse to attend, so be prepared and have your calendars open!

• Schedule! Part two! Make sure your unit is allowing you enough time to get through the retirement process. As I said, this takes time and if you are tasked with labor and time intensive duties when you should be ACAPing or doing your VA physicals, you will be scrambling at the last minute to get it all done. These appointments will dictate when you can PCS and when your terminal leave can start- the sooner you get done, the more enjoyable and stress-free the final stages will be. (Trust me, we are living this nightmare right now because Swiss got tasked with running EIB when he should have been working on retiring. NIGHTMARE!)

• LISTEN! Pay close attention to the content of those meetings. As boring as they are (and I know they are, I've sat through them!) they are chock full of useful information that you will (WILL) need in the future. Take notes, ask questions, pay attention! They will cover everything from Post 9-11 GI Bill benefits, VA health care, insurance, claiming preference... it is all so important! So don't tune out, don't doodle, don't take naps. Suck it up and pay attention. Your bank account, sanity, and future health care will benefit in the long run.

• Document. Have your paperwork in order. This means everything from medical records to NCOERs and promotion paperwork, honors and awards, re-enlistment contracts... the whole kit and caboodle. The better organized you are the easier the whole process will be. Take some time before you start the process to get this all in order. It will save you lots of headaches in the coming months. 

• Be flexible. Both in schedule and attitude. Know that your dream PCS/terminal leave dates may or may not work. Know that the date you want to do a particular ACAP meeting might be booked, have alternates in the back of your mind. Be prepared to bounce around the offices and missing some of the silly hours they have set up for these things (because you have no way of knowing they only look at medical records from 8-11 on Mondays). As frustrating as it might be, it is necessary because they don't make it easy on you. Consider yourself warned.

• Organize! Make yourself a big old file folder (or set aside a drawer, box, whatever) and keep all this stuff you'll be getting in one place. There will be more handouts and information than you can keep track of, so start some files for each item so you can find it again. I SO wish we would have done this early on. I am faced with doing this now and it is a HOT MESS. Also, this will serve you well in the future as you need to go back and reference this information.

• BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE! The people helping you are just doing their job. As nice as they may be, its no skin off their back if you get screwed in the end. I don't mean to sound cynical, but it is in your best interest to pay attention to what is going on. Case in point, when Swiss's medical records were getting reviewed his (VERY) well documented history of a thyroid disorder, skin cancer and a gunshot wound from combat were missed. If he hadn't spoken up, not only would his medical care have suffered, but we would have missed out on something like 70% disability. Huge deal folks! HUGE! If you aren't going to pay attention and look out for yourself, you can't expect someone who sees you as just another case to do it for you. So, this might be the single most important pointer I can give you. Take ownership of this process and the information- double check, triple check and pay attention! Be your own advocate. Period!

Okay, so that is the nitty gritty cliff notes version of this process so far. As more things come to light, I will pass on whatever nuggets of wisdom I glean. And also, please, please, please don't hesitate to ask questions either by e-mail or in the comments if you have them. I'm by no means an expert in this, but I'd be glad to pass on whatever information I have!

Stay tuned for more information! Ooh, and let me know if there are aspects of this process you specifically want more information on... I'll do my best to help out however I can.

On being a scaredy-cat.

Woo Hooo!!!! The good news in our neck of the woods is that Swiss got final approval to be a JROTC instructor. This means we (and by we, I mean he) now get to call up the schools with openings and schedule interviews. Once an offer is extended, we pick is, schedule our PCS, find a place to live there and get on with getting out of the Army. Hopefully this process will also include a month or so of free time before work starts so we can spend some time with the families. Exciting, no?

Well, yes, exciting. But also nerve-wracking and bringing out my OCD tendencies in a big way. I mean, there is an Excel spreadsheet involved (which will in no way, shape, or form surprise those who know me best) for crying out loud! I think the issue lies in the simple fact that any of the options open to us are unknowns. Some are straight up enigmas to us, places we've never been or never considered living. Others are known only through the eyes of a tourist- which we all know involve rose-colored glasses. It is an interesting challenge finally having say over where you live, but still ending up having to choose a place that you frankly don't know much about. It is starting to feel like a business-as-usual Army move if you know what I mean.

Whats worse? Swiss and I have come up with a tier system of sorts for the locations we have to choose from. There was the tier one list. It only had 5 locations on it. And the two that were closest to home and family are gone. This has taught me a valuable lesson: Don't put your favorites at the top of your list because they will be gone! So now? The top of my favorite list is Bethel, Alaska. I'm hoping this hoodwinking of karma/fate works! In any event, there are still some good contenders in the top tier and if all goes as we hope, one of those will come through for us.

The challenge for me, right this minute, is that all of the other locations in the top tier are quite far from home. We are currently over 1,000 miles from home now, and it sort of sucks. All the things I got used to being only 250 miles away are gone. No weekends hanging out with Beth. No jaunts home just for kicks. No holidays with the family or meet-ups at concerts or sporting events. I worry about what that will be like for years on end. What will it be like to miss out on my best friend having her first baby? What will it feel like to miss out on most family get-togethers? How will it feel to miss out on what everyone else is doing?

I am certainly game to move far, far away. I am excited about carving out a home for us, free from some of the drama and expectations that come with being proximate to (some) family. There is an element of excitement in the adventure and unknown. New cultures, new foods, new lifestyles. But it is a challenge to find that balance of what is best for us and what is best for family. I am certainly not a believer that you make the decisions in your married life based on the others in your extended family. Especially when some show no signs of being willing to do the same for you. But where is that balance?

In any event, this decision will likely be taken out of our hands. We are dependent upon an offer and should there be only a few, that will make life and decisions easier for us. And for now, until something closer to home opens us, we are destined to move far, far away from everything we call home. Good thing the Army has already prepared us for this!

Interview with a...

Vampire? No.

JROTC Instructor? Yep.

So, tomorrow is a big day in the Tucker and Swiss household. Swiss has his preliminary interview for the JROTC application process. If he nails it, his application gets approved and his information will be passed on to the schools with openings in the states we have selected and we can get on with planning the rest of our lives. If not, well, our Battleship will be at least semi-sunk.

No pressure, right?

Now, I'm not worried about it per se. Swiss is a champ and quite personable, plus he has that whole "Johnny-on-the-spot" thing going for him. He interviews very well and always has the right thing to say on the tip of his tongue. (Unlike me, who once actually said "SOL" in an interview and then was asked to explain what that means. Whoopsies.) Plus he has great experience with positions like this and his record is impeccable. I am relatively confident that this interview will go well and that we will be able to move forward in the process and hopefully have concrete interviews/job offers in the coming month or two. But, if you like, feel free to send any good ju-ju our way tomorrow mid-morning!

In other Army news, Swiss's unit has hit the "glide" path for the next deployment. I suppose you are wondering why we should care, seeing as how Swiss has an approved retirement set for the end of this year... am I right? Well, the deal is this: Swiss is cutting it close as far as wether or not he will fall into the  stop-loss window. Wha? You thought they did away with that pesky stop-loss thingy? Well, not really. Not for guys trying to retire! Jokes on us! In fact, the douchey lovely Army can still stop his retirement and keep him for an additional year (which of course would be far more than a year because of the deployment) if they deem him necessary to the unit and their mission.  Hahahhahahahhah. Head*desk. And bring me a box of wine with a reeeealllly big straw. Of course there are exceptions, but none of them apply to us unless we somehow manage to get our household good shipped to a new location before the stop-loss window hits, which would require a job so send that good ju-ju for Swiss' interview please!!!

I'm, surprisingly, not freaking out just yet. Swiss claims the odds are in our favor since he's sort of an 'extra' in the unit and isn't directly responsible for anyone/anything in light of his pending retirement so the odds of him being deemed essential to the unit are low. But then again, this is the Army we are talking about and nothing is ever logical or predictable when it comes to this stuff. And you never know when he'll be tagged to take over a unit or some other insanity, thus rendering him unit essential. In any regard, I'm sort of trying to ignore this little tid-bit for the time being and will save the panic and anguish and devastation (not to mention mourning for the 'normal' life we've been fantasizing about) for a time when the situation is set in stone. Which hopefully won't ever happen. Cross them fingers folks!

So yeah, now you are all up-to-date with the insanity here. Keep that good ju-ju coming ladies... we need it!!!

** Note: If you comment and don't see it show up... its because there is something awry with blogger... but rest assured, I'm getting your comments. I am sure they will show up on the blog soon! Thanks! **

Wake up call.

Holy crap! It is July 1st. Already.

Did you know that we could be officially out of the Army in as little as 14 weeks? FOURTEEN WEEKS!!!!??!?!?!?!!??!?!?! WTF? Where did the time go? No, seriously? What happened to it?

Dude. We have no plans. NONE! Directionless!!! Oh okay, to be fair, we have plans, just nothing concrete yet. Applications are in, we are waiting on scheduling some interviews for JROTC jobs which should (fingers crossed, knock on wood, etc) yield a job offer or two. Something solid should come up in the next month or two and then the plans will start to fall into place. I hope. I mean, I really, really, really hope.

Now, the back up plan is that we just stay in until his actual ETS date (December) instead of leaving early and using up vacation as terminal leave. That tidbit soothes my neurotic, over-planning, beginning to panic little soul. But the shock of it all sort of hit me full-bore today when I flipped the calendar. Wow.

Yes, this is all exciting and the promise of a 'normal' life of our own choosing is titillating. But the not knowing and my nearly obsessive need to start planning things MONTHS ahead of time? Killing. Me. I actually suggested to Swiss that we get things moving on lining up movers and whatnot. Then I stopped and said, wait... how can we plan and organize movers if we don't know where we are moving to? Cue panicked breathing. Well, not really. But close.

I've been working on the job/career hunt too- but all of that seems a bit premature given that we don't have a location yet. I mean, how much time and effort do you put into planning grad school applications when not every town on the options list has schools with those programs? And how much time do you log into each state's education website trying to navigate the madness when you don't even know if you'll end up there? But I'm not complaining... just noting that the logistics of planning a life when you don't know the setting can be a bit daunting.

In any regard, we are balls to the wall here, trying to get our post-Army plans in order. The biggest consolation is that since Swiss is retiring, there will be a paycheck every month come rain or shine. Which means, if need be, we could have a really nice place in a van down by the river. Hahahahhahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaa head*desk. I can't tell if I'm laughing or crying... but all my unnecessary dramatics aside, things are going to get crazy here again, are y'all game for the ride?

Musings on the future.

No, not the living on the moon, Jetson's-type "future". My future. Our future.

I can honestly say that my personal future has never been as up in the air, left to chance (sorta), undecided as it is now. I find this to be both highly disturbing and oddly liberating.

See, I've always been the girl with the plan. In grade school I knew I wanted to go to college. I wanted to be a scientist. In high school, I knew where I wanted to go to college and what I wanted to major in. In college, despite the normal hiccups, I chose my degree and got it (even with a change) in 4 years. I wanted to get a job as a scientist. And here I am, 20+ years later doing just what I set out to do when I was a kid. I knew what I wanted and I made it happen. I was the girl with a plan. Now, don't get me wrong... of course there were brief interludes of "What now?" and "Crap. This isn't going as planned." and "Well, I didn't see that coming!". But all in all, I am a planner at heart and I generally know (and have known) what is on the horizon in my life.

Not anymore! All I know, for now, is that in a few "short" months I will be down at Fort X, trying to be a quasi-southerner, not get shot for being a liberal in maybe the most conservative state in the union and being a housewife for about a year. All of which I am very, very excited for. But after that? After Swiss retires? ... ... crickets ... ... I have NO idea what I am going to do. None. Zip, zero, zilch. These few years being an Army wife/gf have certainly taught me about letting go (sorta) of planning, preparing and laying out life in specifics. They've sort of broken me of that trait. But also, I know a life post-Army is coming up soon. And for that? I'm gonna need to plan.

But plan what? A career? Pick a new one or stick with the old? Go back to school or just find any old job that fits? And of course all of that hinges (rightfully so) on where Swiss can get a job. And before you go telling me that my career and I should have just as much say in where we end up as his... trust me... we've talked about it and given the circumstances, his skills/job prospects, my degrees & job prospects... our plan of attack makes the most sense. And of course I will have a great deal of say in where we end up. This girl isn't meek or mild and has no trouble speaking her mind! But like I said, where do I (we) go from here?

I guess what I'm wondering is this: How do you go about choosing a new career path? How do you figure out what road to take when you've been on the same one for 6 years? How do you gather up the gumption to take risks when you are 30+ and have more than just yourself to worry about and consider? How do you make smart choices yet still follow your dreams (gaw, that sounded hokey!)? And how, in this horrible market/economy/blah, do you start over in a way that won't leave you financially unstable?

Odds and ends.

Aaaah... back to reality after a super swell long weekend at home- ugh. I love Wisconsin. I mean, really love it. It is all hilly and green and there are cows and big red barns and there is cheese and beer and brats and cranberries and Madison and Summerfest and family and friends and cheese and lakes and the Badgers and Brewers and the art museum and cheese. Yeah, I miss it there. Lots and lots.

I spent the weekend hanging out with Mom & Dad, Fletch got to play with Sally & Miller which is always comical... three English Setters in one place is a lot of dog and a lot of energy to contend with. We had a party on Sunday and I got to see all the friends and family from the Milwaukee area and catch up... most of which I haven't seen since our wedding in October. They all got to shout "Hi" to Swiss when he called too... is was awesome because those folks can be LOUD when they want to be!

Monday my Mom and I went down to our little town and watched the Memorial Day parade. It was so sweet and quaint and so quintessentially small-town American. The members of the VFW marched by and I got all misty... I applauded them as they marched by and quickly everyone along the street joined in. I was so proud and honored and humbled in those minutes as the WWII era war planes flew overhead and the local high school marching band played "God Bless America". At that moment, it was all that is right with our country. (Though to see what is wrong with it, read yesterday's post)

On the drive home Monday night, as Fletcher slept in the back seat, I thought long and hard about where Swiss and I will be in the future, about him coming home to Fort X, about retiring and finding a job, about family and priorities and getting on with our post-Army life. It is all so surreal sometimes... it is so liberating to know we can go anywhere we want... but the pull of family and friends is so strong. I'm still not sure how to reconcile these things, or which ones are more important. I know Swiss would go anywhere, and he would never balk if I said that a specific town was where I wanted us to live. He just wants us to be happy. And of course that is what I want too. I just don't know how to find OUR happy medium, not just one happy medium that the other is okay going along with.

There is a JROTC job at the (swanky) Military Academy very near my parents home. Not that it is necessary for me to live uber close to the parental units, but it would be a GREAT job for him (and it is one that he is already interested in). We could find a home 20-30 minutes away, and we would be SO close to the people who help make me, well, me. Beth would be an hour away, we could be near my 91 year old and completely wonderful Grandfather, my parents adore Swiss and are so much fun... all of my family and our friends are such amazing people and all of them are completely in love with Swiss. But I know deep down that all of these things are about ME. Not Swiss, at least not directly. All he wants is to make me happy, get a good job (preferably at a military academy) and have 10 or 20 acres to run around in. But where is that line? Where is the line that we can both stand on, both be happy with? Where is the middle ground that makes us BOTH happy? I don't know. I guess we have to figure that out for ourselves.

Anyway, this got to be reeeeeeeeal long. Sorry. But that is all the news here that is fit to print. Swiss is doing well, we are getting there. So here's to another week down. I'm crabby today, but I think that is only because people are dumb, which I'm afraid can't be helped. ugh.

Planning for a probably.

So our plan, during this deployment, is for Swiss to put in his retirement papers. (WOOO HOOO!) Which means that upon his return, we will have about 8 months left and then can skip off into the land of puppies and rainbows hand-in-hand with nary a care in the world.

Only we won't have a place to live or jobs yet. Details! Details!

Anyone who knows me in real life is aware of the fact that I am a planner. Don't get me wrong, I can be whimsical and spontaneous, it just doesn't usually play out that way. Gaw, that makes me sounds stuffy! Anyway, Swiss and I have been doing reconnaissance on where to retire, what jobs we are going to have, buy a house or build one and so on. Sometimes we just snoop around on real estate web sites looking for what is out there... I did some of that this morning, it was fun and interesting and exciting to plan and think about our future. And then Swiss came in with the paperwork for his will and handing over power of attorney. Buzz Kill.

I think that, sometimes, planning for the future like that can be an escape. It can be a little umbrella shielding you from reality for a bit, allowing you to live in a world where he has come home from the deployment safe and sound, his retirement was approved, and he wasn't stop-lossed. A place where happily ever after really does happen (and isn't Disney).

And other times it can feel like a taunt. Like a carrot being dangled in front of you, hopelessly out of reach. You know where you want to go, but you aren't sure if you are going to get there, or God forbid, you will get there alone. This morning, after the buzz kill, the website was still up on the computer and it left such a sour taste in my mouth, looking at the homes and land way out west. This morning it felt like a taunt.

Anyway, I have faith that our happily ever after will arrive right on schedule, just as planned. I don't think there is any other way to do it, honestly. But those are my 2 cents on planning. At least as it stands today...