Distractions.

So, this weekend we have stuff planned! With other Army couples! Like, hanging out and BBQs and going to lunch! HOORAY!

And in case you were wondering, yes, I am totally welcoming the distraction from thinking about wether or not I'm going to be a failure as a parent and precisely how we are going to get Kid A back on track. But I digress.

Yes, Army Friends! In all this time I've been with Swiss, our living apart hasn't really helped us foster Army Friends. Sure, we went to social functions with co-workers, sure we stopped by his ROTC boss' house for a beer or two now and again... but we really haven't been able to cultivate the kind of friends who you have BBQs with and hang out with regularly. Finally, we have.

I find this process, the one of finding folks you want to hang out with outside of work, to be utterly fascinating. We've all heard of (or maybe lived) the horror stories of folks that seem cool but are actually crazy and then won't leave you alone and you have to sneak around just to hang out with other people. Not fun. And, I think, when you get older and have your friends established, it makes it harder to reshuffle and make room for someone new... especially when the ones you have are already so amazing. Am I wrong?

I've also found it interesting that the hubs has asked me why I'm so hesitant to make friends here, and instead choose to rely on my old (I say that lovingly and with no implication of age) friends and internet buddies for banter, consolation, and general discussion. My response to him was twofold: First, I've always been- in my natural state- one of the girls who doesn't have a TON of friends. I have superficial acquaintances, a couple of friends, and just a small handful of folks who reside in my inner circle. So I never have had the huge drive to be Miss Popularity and be doing coffees and lunch dates and what-have-you with just anyone. I already have the awesomest friends, thankyouverymuch. Second, cultivating friendships is HARD. It takes time and it is a delicate process to navigate. With my old friend and my internet buddies, it is just EASIER. We've already done that stuff- so we can get on with the fun stuff like a night of pedicures, Indian Food and movies (Hi Shari!), or a day at the pool with the kids and a BBQ on the new deck (Hi Emily!), or hanging out on the kitchen counter or deck drinking wine and eating cheese laughing at how awesome her kids are (Hi Val!) or watching copious amounts of basketball while eating Chipotle after a day of shopping for new shoes, a new kitchen and David Bromstad approved lighting fixtures (Hi Beth! MISS YOU!!!).

Also, the beauty of the internet friendships I've built over the past few years, is that all that awkward stuff has already been covered. We've gotten to know one another over time, we've shared incredibly stories via blogs or networks, we've become a part of each other's lives. So now, when we do actually get to hang out in real life, it's like we skipped dates 1-7 and are already comfortable hanging out. (Thanks Amy, for that super analogy, and yes, hanging out with you was totally like date 8, so glad we did it!) This is why I never had any hesitation when a few internet MilSpouses wanted to get together for a weekend, I already felt like I knew them. And this is how I was able to add another amazing, talented, wonderful gal into my inner circle of bestest friends (Hi Brittany! Love ya!) But, again, I digress.

The point is, making new friends at new posts isn't ever easy. It isn't easy to identify the folks that you think you will want to hang out with. It isn't always easy to gauge how interested those folks are in making new friends or welcoming a new couple into the fold. There is a certain leap of faith you must make, a certain amount of risk you accept, and hopefully after a night of BBQ and beers and the Pioneer Woman's BBQ jalapeno poppers (my contribution to the night's festivities), you are still willing to spend a few hours of your weekend with these folks. And, if a good friend is the end result? Those risks are well worth it.

So, here's to new friends and making the best of a PCS. And to BBQ. Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Serendipity or stupid coincidence?

So any of you who have been reading this blog for a while now know that I had no intentions of working after we PCS to Fort X (at least until Swiss retires, then back to work!). Most of this decision was based on the following facts: 1) My career isn't common, so jobs are hard to come by, 2) I'm an Army spouse who will only be in town for about a year, who would hire me? (and I'd hate to contribute to any negative MilSpouse connotations for employers), and 3) I'm not at all sure I want to continue with this job course when Swiss retires and we move someplace new and fabulous. So yeah, that was settled. No work for me, just walks with the dog, cooking great meals and loads of time to paint or practice my photography skillz.

Then I stumbled across something strange today: An opening at Fort X's Medical Center for exactly what I do. And the pay is gooood.

So what is a gal to do? I mean, this feels like a bit of a coup, I have 5+ years of experience (which legally speaking is a big deal for my career) and spousal preference, it is a job I should easily (knock on wood) land. It is an employer that certainly understands the Army lifestyle and won't hold it against me if I have to leave in a year. And it is super close to home. I'd be able to come home every day for lunch with Swiss. I'd be able to contribute a sizable sum of money to our savings. Gaw, just a year of working and saving it all would be at least a 20% deposit on a sweet ass house with land. Or three new cars. Or two new cars and a fat trip to Europe. Do you see where I am going here?

I hadn't planned on working. But this feels like a giant sign from the Big Man upstairs saying, not so gently, "TAKE THIS JOB!" Am I going to miss all the planned free time? Absolutely. But will that extra sum of money in the bank make life post-Army all that much easier? Definitely. So I guess that's the verdict then. ...off to spend some quality time with the applications portion of USA Jobs!

UPDATE: Application successfully sent. And the USA Jobs/Army resume builder wasn't too cumbersome to use (thank you copy & paste!). I also felt like, for the first time, being a military spouse might actually get me something good other than a discount at a hotel. ha! Wish me luck folks! :)

Yeah, what he said.

The Degradation of the American Dialogue

Go read it.
The end.


And thanks to LAW for pointing this out to me.

Near... ...far.

Yes, Grover has taken over Tucker & Swiss. You know… near… …far. Remember that? Yeah, Grover was cool. Gaw, haven’t even started this post and I am off track already.

Okay, so my point: lately the hot topic in the house has been the “where” portion of our life post-Army. As in where are we going to get jobs? Where would we want to live? Where do we not want to live? Where can we have/afford/find the happily ever after we’ve decided on (this includes at least 20 acres of land, chicken coops, a garden, a studio for painting, a cozy house built just for us, and ideally the ability to hunt on said 20+ acres for Swiss)? Where, where, where? And all of the where’s lead to all the obligatory issues regarding proximity to family, current jobs versus new careers, autonomy & privacy, etc. Fun, right?

See, currently we (and by we I mean me) live in a mid-sized town in the upper Midwest. Swiss’s ex-wife P lives in the same city which we will call M-town with Swiss’s son. Swiss’s brother also lives in M-town. And 30 minutes down the road in S-ville reside Swiss’s parents. Me? I have a good job and own the house we live in here in M-town, but my family lives 4 hours away in P-town. I am super close with them, they adore Swiss and we don’t get to see them near as much as we would like, which sort of sucks. However, Swiss’s parents, while great folks, like to put monopolies on our time and P usually collapses into her “The Sky is Falling” routine when we are in M-town. Long story short? Even though I have been told by my Boss’s Boss (a retired Naval MD who I adore as far as bosses go) that he would hold my job for me for the year we go back to Fort X after this deployment, Swiss and I aren’t staying in M-town. We decided last night. This is a pretty huge decision for us.

So then what does all of this mean? Do we stay in the mid-west? Do we just find someplace ‘near’ here, but far enough away from everyone to have some privacy, autonomy and space? Do we run ‘far’ away and just do what makes us happy and run for greener pastures (read: Colorado, Utah, Idaho, Washington, Oregon) and hope family follows us out there or is willing to make visits despite the distance?

Granted, all of this is a little premature since we don’t know which jobs (ROTC or JROTC hopefully) will be open to Swiss when he retires. And these decisions are most certainly going to hinge on where we can get hired and therefore paid. But y’all, I am a planner. I cannot sit here after we’ve decided NOT to stay in the place we currently call home and not think about the vast oceans of cities, towns and states that could possibly await us. East? West? Middle? Small town? Big city? Suburbs? Damn, why is this country so effing big??? So, I am super interested to see where y'all plan to settle once military life is over... where and why?

Work it out.

working out, originally uploaded by tongueinchic.

I am pumped. Why? Because ArmyWife and I are going to be workout buddies! No, I suppose you are right, that isn't Earth-shattering news. BUT, it is super cool because we live just over 1,000 miles apart. God Bless teh Internetz!

Our plan? To report back to each other when we finish workouts, talk about our progress and work through this awesome book: The New Rules of Lifting for Women. Oh, and that other pesky thing necessary for workouts: Motivation. As she said, "...it is going to be GLORIOUS!" and I agree. Of course I also have to give a shout out to Alternative Army Wife because a) she is way cooler than I am and b) she got me all kinds of geared up to get back into my workout groove (she's going to be a fitness guru, just you wait!). So yeah, that is the plan.

Go Team!

Exactly!!!

So I am in the middle of reading "I Love a Man in Uniform" by Lily Burana (which is excellent and super engaging BTW) and I just came across a nugget of wisdom and insight that had me instantly running over to my computer to post about it. Here it is:

"The weirdest thing about West Point? No one discussed the war. ... In my "civilian" friendships, your opinion is like your fingerprint, a critical marker of your identity. We talked about the war all the time, pro or con. It was a political football tossed back and forth in constant conversational play. But at West Point, I never conversed about the political or moral ramifications of the war. ... The depth of candor surrounding the domestic ramifications of the current conflict was astonishing. But what we thought of the war itself? It never came up. Not even once." -Lily Burana

YES! That is the problem! That is why we have LeftFace! That is why we are trying to open up the dialogue about what it means to be a military spouse and how to reconcile personal opinions (and politics) with our husband's careers and the culture of the military.

It isn't about bashing one view or extolling the virtues of any given political party. It is about SHARING. It is about the exchange of thoughts and ideas. It is about openly and honestly talking about the very issues that our loved ones must enact. We SHOULD be talking about this war. We MUST be questioning policies. We NEED to engage each other about these topics! Why? Because every last bit of these policies directly effect us, the 1%. I refuse to just take what someone (especially our government, regardless of who is running it) tells me at face value. I was taught to think outside the box, to analyze the situations, problems and resolutions in front of me. I was molded into a critical thinker, not only by my parents, but by my educational institutions and my life experiences. None of that changed when I became an Army wife.

Just because we are military, doesn't negate our ability (and right) to be critical, challenging and open minded. It doesn't renege our right to question and debate the policies, politicians and government who we are inextricably tied to. And engaging in these thoughtful, open, honest and critical debates does NOT make me unpatriotic, it does not make me a bad military spouse and it most certainly does not lessen my pride in our armed forces, our country or my husband. Thankyouverymuch.

The kitchen saga

New Countertop Samples, originally uploaded by Tucker&Swiss.

Okay... so the kitchen. We all agree that dark counter tops are our favorites- so dark counters it will be. Think #11.

Sinks, stainless it is... you guys are awesome... I never even thought about all the stains on the white ones (I thought mine was just old so it stained more readily).

And here is where it gets interesting. The faucet. Y'all picked #3 (which is secretly the one I wanted y'all to pick because I loved it). I went to Lowe's yesterday to pick up said faucet. Dude. The thing is HUGE. The actual faucet is probably about a foot tall. It would look ridiculous in my kitchen... or most kitchens for that matter. Stank.

So back to the drawing board on the faucet. I will post more options later for your excellent opinions. Hopefully the ones I pick out this time will not be better suited to the home of a NBA star.

I am off to eat some Berry, Berry Kix (2nd favorite cereal) and hang with the mutt before I head out to tromp through the woods with my MIL and SIL looking for shed antlers.

Happy Sunday all!

PS- I finished my painting in art class! I posted it over at my other blog, check it out if you want to!

The kitchen: part 4

Here they are folks! The faucets! Hooray! Number 'em 1-4 like yesterday and let me know what you love!

Tomorrow I will post everything together and we'll see if it looks fabulous! :)

The kitchen: part 3

Sinks. Sexy, sultry sinks. Okay. I don't know of ANY sinks that would qualify as sexy or sultry, but I am trying to make this post exciting! Ooh! Sinks!

Is it working?

Hmm. Didn't think so. Anyway, here they are. Stainless vs. white? Boring or quasi interesting? These are the four or so I have narrowed it down to...

Consider them numbered 1-4 and give me your takes. Remember, this is a 1927 home with original white and somewhat plain cabinets. The knobs are simple and a twee bit modern... I got them at Ikea.

And look on the bright side. Once we decide this... we get to pick a faucet! Woot!

The kitchen: part 2

First off, of course I want your opinions! You all are smart, witty and clever ladies who have had more than your fair share of kitchens to deal with... why wouldn't I? Thank you for all the great input yesterday- y'all rock!

Second, in regards to the market here. It is good. Better than the average because our town is home to a 'destination medical center' (talk about marketing terms, right?) so there is always an influx of new residents and employees. Plus, our house is within walking distance of said hospital and in a historic neighborhood... 2 big items that we hope will go a long way in selling this house.

Third, COUNTER TOPS!
We currently have... wait for it... parquet wood flooring tiles as our counters. Niiiiice. (I know you are all SO jealous!) My mom and I got all crafty on it when I moved in (back when I was single) and sanded it down, wood-filled the heck out of it, and painted it a faux black marble. I love the dark counter tops, they look so good with all the white and the lighter floors! But again, pretty taste specific... I can't imagine that they are everybody's cup of tea. So, with that in mind I've picked out some black options to stay with what we have, or some beigey tannishness options to lighten things up.

So, without further adeui, here are our choices... (all are laminate, we just aren't in a Corian or stone price bracket).

New Countertop Samples, originally uploaded by Tucker&Swiss.

Note- the black ones will be in another post because I am not smart enough to figure out the blogger/flickr issues I am having...

The kitchen: part 2.5

New Countertop Samples, originally uploaded by Tucker&Swiss.

Here are the black options...

I can't wait to hear what y'all think! And I promise I will post pictures of the current counters & cabinets when I get home tonight. Happy Tuesday!

Catching up.

Since the fog of this cold has started to lift, I actually have enough motivation to do something more than sit on the sofa. Go me! So, what do I all have to say.... hmmm.

Let's start with Dover. The verdict is in and Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates is opting to reverse the existing policy. At first glance I had a twinge of angst and fear, then I took a minute an read further. (Whoa, what a concept.) This is what he had to say:

"After receiving input from a number of sources, including all of the military services and the organizations representing military families, I have decided that the decision regarding media coverage of the dignified transfer process at Dover should be made by those most directly affected: on an individual basis by the families of the fallen," Gates told reporters at a briefing at the Pentagon this afternoon. "We ought not presume to make that decision in their place."

And you know what? He is right. It is our choice. Who are they to say yes or no on our behalf? That should be my choice, your choice, heck- even our service member's choice. I think this is a big step forward for us MilSpouses... I mean, the government is actually trying to do what is right here. They are stepping aside and have realized that, at least on this issue, is isn't about them, it is about the families and the wishes of our fallen troops. So I say well played... and thank you. (And I won't get into all the crazies who are taking this all out of context and jumping to irrational conclusions, or claiming that this new policy is disregarding the wishes of military families... I don't have that much motivation yet!)

In other news, the apocalyptic snowstorm predicted for today turned into only a few inches of wet, heavy snow. Either way, I am SO over winter in the upper Midwest. However, my neighbor Wayne totally rocks because he cleared off my snow covered sidewalks just to be nice. I am nominating him for sainthood post haste.

Swiss is doing well and many of our unanswered questions are finally getting answered in regards to the when, where and how of this deployment. Good news all around. I have started medicating Fletcher (I kid, I kid) with rawhides, he is doing much better.

And lastly, I give the finale of Top Chef two huge thumbs down. Hosea? Seriously? Do better. You really had to go with the tool box who cheated on his girlfriend on national TV and is completely devoid of any personality? Bah. Talk about unsatisfying television. I demand a recount.

Ooh! One more thing... this is SO WAY COOL. I want to do one on my flickr page. Did I mention that I heart flickr? Well I do.

Choices.

We make them every day. Some are small. Some are huge. Some we will forget in minutes. Some we will think about years later. Some will alter the course our life. Some will change nothing.

But I ask you this: When you choose something, does it mean that you give up your right to complain? Does the choice you made trump any expression of your frustrations, worry or anguish? Does the act of choosing void any right to bemoan your situation?

Put it this way: If you choose to have children, do you forgo the privilege of complaining about your child not sleeping through the night? Do you not get to whine about spending all your time and money on your kid and not yourself? No aggravation over mounds of dirty diapers and spit-up caked clothes? Does that choice mean you don't get to gripe about all that parenthood entails?

I would guess that anyone reading this (especially anyone who is a parent) would shout a resounding "Hell no!" Am I right?

So I ask, then, why do members of our military (including their families) constantly get this sentiment thrown in their faces: "You chose this." (meaning joining the armed forces)? I cannot tell you how many times I have heard this, how many times I have seen it in comments left online, how many time my MilSpouse friends have been confronted with it.

When we complain about the ridiculous up-tempo deployment cycle we are in and the treatments of our troops, what do we hear? You chose this.

When there are complaints about what war does to a soldier and the woes of PTSD treatment, what do they say? You chose this.

When we are upset about missing holidays with our loved ones, being separated from your spouse for up to 15 months at a time, consoling children who miss their parent, taking care of everything at home alone, what is the response? You chose this.

Why is it different for us? What makes this any different than any of the litany of choices people make in life and then complain about... marriage, careers, family, finances? Why do John & Judy Average-American get to whine all they want about every choice they've made when we aren't allowed to complain about military health-care, ignoring PTSD, families on their 5th or 6th or even 7th deployment in as many years, inadequate body armor, death tolls, the cost of staying connected during deployments?

Instead of sympathy or curiosity or understanding, we get "You chose this." What is it, exactly, that we did to unknowingly relinquish our right to complain, admonish, disapprove, question and just plain whine?

We chose to serve our country.

PS: I'd like to thank my MilSpouse friends for your take and wisdom on this subject... I might have borrowed some of your arguments, but it was because you said it better than I ever could. You all are amazing!