Speak now or forever hold your peace.

This comment arrived under the “Who We Are” section over at LeftFace, but I wanted to put it out there to as wide of an audience as possible. Kristy is trying to get some real changes made and we ALL need to throw our thoughts into the ring. Please think about these questions she poses and get your voice out there!!!

Hi All, My name is Kristy Kaufmann, I’m the Army wife who wrote the op-ed in the Washington Post, “Army Families Under Fire” 5/11/09.

Since the article ran, I’ve been in contact with the White House, the Secretary of the Army, the office of the Sec. of Defense, Army family program directors and some congressmen and senators. It’s taken me 8 years and an op-ed to get in the room and I’m doing everything I possibly can use this “voice” to inject some urgency and reality into these conversations. I am completely unaffiliated and my only agenda is to speak for the many who have no voice and hold our leaders (civilian and military) accountable for doing what they say they are going to do (and doing it effectively).

We (military families) need smart people like you at the ground level who are unafraid to speak honestly and help provide solutions. I wouldn’t have taken the risk to write the article if I didn’t think it could affect significant change, but I’m just one person. I need to hear from others that are “in the trenches”; ours is the voice that has been missing from the conversations where decisions are being made. I have a direct line to the top right now, let’s use this opportunity!

Here are a couple of questions I’ve been asked by non-profits who want to help military families, they want input from the ground level. Please feel free to post them on Left Face, people can also respond directly to me at kkaufmanncool@gmail.com. I will keep all responses anonymous. I’m using “soldier” to represent all military members, regardless of branch.

1. What are the biggest problems facing soldiers (and their families) returning from deployment?
2. What could be done to address these problems?
3. Does the current military family support system work? If not, why?
4. How can veteran’s service organizations help military families?
5. If you had all the power in the world, what would you do to support soldiers and military families?

Thanks! Kristy

Here are my two cents, which I already posted over at LF… I really encourage all of you to either shoot Kristy an e-mail or head over to LeftFace to get your opinions and thoughts heard!

1. I echo LopsidedMom on this one. JOBS! My husband will soon retire and our options are super limited give his MOS and I worry that if he doesn't stay in a career with military ties (ROTC, JROTC) no one will realize his potential, experience and mad skills. The Vet unemployment rate is WAY too high and generally speaking these are folks with loads of potential and a totally untapped resource. We need to fix this!

2. I think the tax incentives are a good start- make it profitable to hire these folks. But again, echoing LopsidedMom, we need to educate employers to their skill sets, abilities, and all the ways these amazing folks can be an asset to their company.

Also, help them recognize that sometimes with folks like this, college degrees aren't necessary, their breadth and wealth of experience should count for something. I can't tell you how many jobs my husband has already looked into and is qualified for SKILL-wise but not Degree-wise. This is an issue for lots of retiring NCO's and we need to create a situation that allows these troops (especially those with 15-20 years in) to get more than entry level jobs. (And the GI Bill isn't the only answer to this, we need to get creative here!)

3. Yes and no. If the FRG (Army) is run by someone who has a) the time, b) the resources and c) the support to do it right, then it works well. But more often than not, this isn't the situation. I agree that these positions all need to be paid and specific goals/tasks need to be laid out so that expectations can be met and folks can be held accountable. These groups need to revolve less around socializing/status making and more around concrete help, support and education.

I also think that the support network for families not in the general vicinity of their installation (ie- went home to live with parents during the deployment, didn't choose to move shortly before a deployment like me, etc) needs to be beefed up and the DoD or someone needs to be more creative about creating support networks for these folks. I would love to see someone create databases (I know this is a huge task) that would allow military families of all branches reach out and find real tangible support in their location. I wouldn't care if the only folks I had in town for support were Navy or Air Force (that's not a dig!)... just having actual people to meet with when you are geographically separated from your Unit would be AMAZING. This is an area that is sorely lacking!

4. I think that having lists of trusted service providers would be a great start. Who can you trust to do yard work? What is a reliable mechanic that won't try to take advantage of me? Who does good home repair that, again, won't fleece me? I also think that possibly Veteran organizations could also serve as a resource for finding other military families in your area. They could possibly host meet-ups open to all branches? But I do agree that this should be a two way street. If Vet's organizations and MilFamilies relied on each other, there could be A LOT of amazing work accomplished!

5. At the risk of sounding like a Miss America contestant, I agree with trying to bring peace to fruition and bring our troops home. But in all seriousness. I would stop using our troops as worldwide peace-makers. I would try to rely more on UN forces and support/augment these groups for situations like Iraq, etc. I would use our troops in more of a preventative role (rather than reactionary and risk becoming the go-to guys in everyone else's time of need), focusing on intelligence, homeland security, keeping the US safe and working WITH allies and multi-national forces in supporting roles instead of taking over. If conflict wasn't avoidable, I would focus on utilizing our forces efficiently and evenly, paying close attention to OpTempo and staying within our means (both at home and in theatre).

I would put real money, time and effort into fixing the woefully inadequate systems in place to deal with PTSD, suicides, substance abuse and relationship/family issues. I would also beef up the school and support programs for military kids... more after school programs, more counselors, more funding for special events. Anything to make deployments easier on kids. And yes, free college to Gold Star kids for sure.

Lastly, I totally second LopsidedMom on requiring our elected officials to wear 80lbs of combat gear and go to Birkram Yoga. But only after they had to do some Basic Training and get buzz cuts.

Okay folks, now it is your turn. Go get your opinions heard!!! Double Time!!!

Lingering.

I've decided that Suckytown isn't really all that bad. So I think I am going to stay for a little while. (Don't be concerned... I have no plans to put roots down and stay here or anything!) This particular funk is a strong one and I don't quite have the urge/desire to take it on just yet. So I am going to linger here.

Yesterday, when I was talking to Swiss, he told me he had a tentative date for R&R. Which is awesome, but also still very far away. He told me that it was almost like starting over again at zero, because we've done the same amount of time apart already. Seriously, I almost started bawling when I heard him say "Zero". Ugh. I don't want to be at zero again. I CAN'T be at zero again. The thought of that is downright depressing.

I have also discovered some of the side effects of residing in Suckytown. Maybe it has something to do with the air here, but I can't remember important day-to-day stuff anymore. Mah brain is fried and if it ain't on a list, it ain't gettin' done. I am way distracted (more so than usual) and find myself craving solitude. Not because I don't like people or have decided to become a recluse (though I have contemplated it, but for other reasons), I think just because I know deep down the only person who could make any of this better is the one who is so far away. And that is just the way it is.

But, don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I'm just taking my time to see the sights, get a taste of the local flavor and enjoy the break from wearing the HappyFace (trademark). Suckytown isn't a place I want to stay... but for now, it's just easier being here than anywhere else. Have a great Wednesday everyone and thanks again for all the kind thoughts and encouragement!

Gratitude.

I just need to say this: I have so much to be thankful for... even in the midst of this spectacularly sucky part of the deployment, I have found SO many amazing people, from near and far, from every walk of life, that I can call my friends. People who get this. People who understand. People who are compassionate, witty, kind, generous and amazing. People who don't just try to pick you up when you fall... people who tell you it is okay to sit for a spell, ask if you are okay, try to fix or soothe what ails you and know that you will get up on your own as soon as you are ready. These are the kind of people who will be there when I fall again... they will be there even if I never fall again. For these people, I am truly grateful.

So THANK YOU. Thank you to all who commented/e-mailed/called yesterday, all of those who knew what I was going through, who stood beside me, who didn't judge or tell me to suck it up, who were there to tell me I was normal, things would be okay, and that I had every right to feel this way. In no way could I do this without any of you... you all will always have my gratitude, admiration and love.

Roll Call:
Slightly Salty
Meghan (who really should jump into the blogosphere!)
indiana.girl
Bette
Anchored Away
alternativearmywife
Post Tenebras Lux
LopsidedMom
Army Wife Life
Military Brat
LAW
Kimba

You all are amazing, wonderful, unique and incredible women & men. I would be lost in the sauce without you!!! Thank you for all you do, all you have done... and I can only hope that one day I can be there for y'all the way you have been there for me. I am so grateful for each and every one of you!

Suckytown, USA

I am pretty sure that I am to the point in this deployment where I'm starting to resent the Army. Okay, resent might be too strong of a word, but I am maxed out on Hooah, plum out of "Better! Not Bitter!", and the tank that was once full of "Embracing the Suck" is running on fumes. Now, I have no idea if this is 'normal' or not... but up til now I've been at peace with Her (her being the Army). I've been okay (mind you- not happy, but okay with it because this is the life we lead) with the fact that She had to send Swiss so far away for so long. I've been keeping my positive (for the most part, aside from the random venting) attitude and trying to stay optimistic about our situation. I've been doing my best to avoid the long, slow descent into Suckytown, USA.

But now? Now I am surly. And I might be the new Mayor of Suckytown... or at least the County Commissioner. I'm just SO over this and I can't help but look at all the blissfully happy (or not) couples everywhere I look and be overcome with disdain. Disdain for their proximity to their loved ones, which they no doubt take for granted. Disdain for the 8-ish more months I have to pretend to be okay with being 'single' again. Disdain for having my own husband rationed out to me in 30 minute parcels. Disdain for being at the mercy of an organization that not only doesn't know us, but doesn't care to. Disdain for an Army that, as of late, is more about lip-service than actual action.

I will fully admit that my disdain isn't all well placed. I'll be the first to admit that. Is it fair for me to look at all those other happy couples with sourness and envy? No. It isn't their fault. Do I have a right to be surly with the Army when I knew full well this was a possibility when I married Swiss? Probably not. But this situation defies even my best science-based logic... I can't get past one measly detail: THIS SUCKS.

I am tired of pretending it doesn't suck. I am over acting like that everything is perfectly fine and normal. I am done pretending that nothing will change when Swiss gets home (personally, career and otherwise). I can't keep up the facade that I am okay/at peace with all of this. Because seriously, I am not. Even though I know I have to be.

See, I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night and find myself alone yet again. I don't want to lay in bed quietly crying because I can't really remember how it feels to be in his arms or what it sounds like when he snores. I want to feel like my life isn't on hold (because, let's be honest, if you are in a solid marriage/relationship, when he or she is gone for a year, your life is on hold... one way or another, whether you want to admit it or not.). I want to have a conversation with my husband that doesn't involve a phone or a timer. I want to wake up and hear him breathing, feel his presence, and hold on to him- not just a memory of him or a t-shirt that faintly smells like him (and of plastic zip-loc bags).

I know, I know. Whine much? It's just that while I know every day is a day closer to us being together, lately the days are just blurring into one massive puddle of suck. Sure there are glimmers of the good, there are friends and family that do their best to distract you the days that don't seem so bad. But at the end of every day, I crawl into an empty bed and know full well that nothing will change for a long, long time. Ugh. I'll get over it, I always do. But I just don't feel like playing nice with Her today.

LiveBlogging: The PCS, Part 3

Okay, so clearly the numero uno priority in the Tucker & Swiss household is the PCS. What happens in any good PCS? Houses are sold. And what happens when you live in a house for 2 years and gain a husband? You get lots of stuff. LOTS. So that is what my wonderful Mom and I did this week/weekend. We cleaned, we organized, we purged, we edited, we rearranged, we painted, we trimmed and we packed. We got that sucker ready.

IT. WAS. AWESOME!

Tiring, but awesome. And my Mom, bless her, kicked some serious arse while I was working last week. And this weekend we put the hurt on the rest of the STUFF and got the house looking smashing. That woman has got to have Super Powers. (Lucky me, I'm an only child so I can be the sole beneficiary of her awesome powers!)

We even went out and bought the new counter tops, dishwasher, faucet and all the necessary things to install them. So exciting! And my brother-in-law is coming over tonight to get the old dishwasher uninstalled (thankfully Lowe's is willing to take the old one and dispose of it for us, which is excellent!). If all goes as planned (knock on wood) we will have the house ready to be put on the market the week after the Fourth of July. w00t!

The next things on the list? Finish organizing our wardrobes/closets. Remodel the kitchen. Spruce up the living room. Clean windows and give the house a spiffing up before the big day. Not too shabby, right? I feel SO much better about this whole process now that we got so much done. I doubt I would be even a quarter as far along as we are if it weren't for my awesome Mom. Sorry folks, she's not for hire!

I'll keep you all posted on the kitchen remodel and the word from our Realtor. Happy Monday everyone and THANKS MOM! :)

Happy Birthday Army!

HOOAH!

Now, where is my cake? ...Ice cream? ...Hats and streamers? ...Anything???

Fletcher Colbert

Fletcher, originally uploaded by Tucker&Swiss.

So Swiss and I have been debating what Fletcher's middle name would be. Because all self-respecting dogs have middle names, right?

Anyway, I made a command decision last night (and Swiss doesn't know yet). It is going to be Colbert (silent T). Because a) he is hilarious and awesome, b) it sounds cool, and c) he got so many cool points for going to Iraq and being an advocate for the military and their families. I figure the least I can do is partially name our dog after him. He would be honored, I'm sure.

Oh, and if you didn't get a chance to watch his shows from Al Faw Palace, you need to spend some quality time this weekend catching up. It was awesome and hilarious and, I think, a pretty big deal. So a Tip of the Hat to you Mr. Colbert. Thanks for all you do. And for being so damned funny. And for making me cry when you said the bit about "Honey, I'm comin' home." You rock.

And also, how could anyone NOT love this man? Seriously, that should go above the fireplace...

Happy Friday Everyone!

Yeah, what he said.

The Degradation of the American Dialogue

Go read it.
The end.


And thanks to LAW for pointing this out to me.

Mah Mom.

This is my Mom. She is teh coolest.
Today is her Birthday! YAY! So, happy Birthday Mom, you are the best friend I could have ever hoped for you and you are the awesomest Mom ever! I am so lucky! Swiss thinks he's lucky to have you for a 2nd Mom too, plus he thinks you are pretty funny, even though this photograph in no way supports that theory. So here's to you and here's to many, many more!

Happy Birthday Lola!

LiveBlogging: The PCS, Part 2

This is part 2 in a series... Oh, and one more thing. A good friend is also blogging about the PCS experience from his point of view, that of a Military Brat... go check it out. I promise it will be helpful if you have kids and this guy is funny, realistic, insightful and honest. Plus, he thinks I am funny, which will always help me like you more. What? ... I'm being honest! ;)

Okay, so the house. Ugh. The house. I love our house. And really, not to be selfish or whatever, but it is kinda my house. I bought it before I met Swiss and the poor guy has really only lived there in weekend-long spurts and for random weeks at a time, but it does house his stuff... man, does it ever! I slaved over the real estate web pages for 6 months to find it. I decorated it. I pay the mortgage. So really, this whole Sell-The-House! (patent pending) thing is my issue... my burden to bear. Which, considering Swiss is in the Sandbox, isn't too bad of a deal for me. But I digress...

Today I met with our real estate agent. She is the kind, patient lady who forged around 30+ houses with me when I was on the search for this one. And she found me just what I was looking for. Only this time I am counting on her to SELL just what I had been looking for. Because now? Now I'm in the market for some sweet on-Post housing circa 1953 with stained brown carpeting, plain white walls and a tiny kitchen. I'm crazy like that.

The list of things to do?
1.) Remodel kitchen. Like, yesterday.
2.) Declutter, depersonalize and edit... this will be hard. I have stuff. Lots of stuff. And I like it, I don't want to pack it up... this isn't any fun!?!?!
3.) Maintain immaculate home... will be a challenge with a shedding, overly active dog and slightly slobbish ways.
4.) Pack up the unnecessary items, get our sappy photos off the walls and get rid of the junk. See #2 for appropriate whine.
5.) Have Mom do as much of this as she can while I am at work. Oops! Did I write that down?
6.) Spruce up yard, plant things, don't kill them.
7.) Have mini-meltdown on way home from Target after meeting.
8.) Shove my face full of Chipotle for dinner to soothe self.

Yeah, so consider 7 & 8 done. I think it is just me being weary of doing, well, everything solo. This is the stuff you are supposed to do WITH your spouse. This is the crap stuff that you help one another get through. This the stuff you do together, instead of relying on your mom or whatever. But alas, not for us. Anyway, I will work on 1-6, um, like NOW. Our agent is confident that we can sell the house, but the sooner we can get it on the market the better. She is trolling for potential home buyers who are currently renters (and therefore can accommodate the fact that we can't move out until November 1). I just have to get everything in order, pack some things up, clean, organize and pray for a real estate miracle.

And away we go! So, do y'all got any seller/staging tips you want to share? Because, seriously... I NEED THEM!!!

LiveBlogging: The PCS, Part 1

Now, those are 3 dirty letters if I ever saw any! Swiss and I are about to embark on a PCS back down to Fort X. And by Swiss and I, I mean that I am doing it and Swiss is going to have to listen to me bitch and talk me down from whatever ledges the paperwork and hoop jumping puts me on.

I thought that since I would probably be complaining, er... I mean blogging about the trials and tribulations of said PCS, why not make it a series of how to (or NOT to) PCS. It's like a learn-as-you go thing for me, and I will most certainly welcome any and all tips/nuggets of wisdom y'all have to share.



So here it goes... Part 1.

Dudes, yesterday was productive! And it felt good! I contacted the realtor I bought my house from to meet and discuss when to list it (soon! think July), what needs to be done by then, and what contingencies I may or may not want to have (ie: stay in the house until November renting from new owners, closing date in November, etc.). She is coming over to the house tonight so that will be a super productive visit. Also, my mom is coming up this week so that should give me some great projects to task her with when I am at work. My only worry other than selling the house is our need to stay in it until November as Swiss's mid-tour leave will be in October and I would hate to put him and us in a hotel for all that time or someone else's house. We just want to be home. Know what I mean?

I also contacted to PPSO (Personal Property Shipping Office) at the local (tiny) Army post. I think I might have lucked out with being close to only a small post as the folks there are a) not swamped with customers/families/or massive restructurings (read Carson, Knox, Campbell, Hood and that whole 4th ID shuffle) b) uber friendly and c) able to give you quick and thorough replies to your queries. I might be in love with our PPSO contact. She gave me all the paperwork I could possibly need within an hour of my initial e-mail inquiry. She rocks. She also let me know my time lines and that I could opt in for a 'counseling' session that would mean I could actually MEET with someone to talk over the details and any other questions I may have as we get closer to the PCS date. Awesome!

And for the most important lesson I can give any of you with any sort of PCS on the horizon. FIND AN OBVIOUS, SAFE PLACE FOR THE PCS ORDERS. Ha! I spent about two hours tearing through 30 lbs of 'current' Army paperwork (some of which dated back to 2005) to find that one precious piece of paper. Ugh. Not fun. But I did find it so Hooray for me! So, yes, just make sure all your paperwork is in order and that you KNOW where everything is. Y'all know how the Army is... I will likely have to show those PCS orders and our marriage certificate no less than 73 times before this ordeal is over. (Oh, and a friend also told me that if you can't find said PCS orders, you should start by contacting the S1, who would be a part of the HHC... or at least that is how it is in Swiss's unit.) I also finally got my BIL to commit to finishing up the kitchen. Woot!

So that is where we stand now. Next tasks? Get on housing list at Fort X, get house ready for listing, and review the scary checklists. Ready... Break!

Operation Iraqi Stephen: Going Commando

I heart you Stephen Colbert! And that is one fantastic suit by the way...

Not only did you shave your head, but you traveled to Iraq to support and entertain our troops, you constantly keep these wars on the public radar and you support organizations that support troops and their families (Yellow Ribbon Fund and DonorsChoose.org). You seriously rock. And I love you for it!

Be sure to watch the Colbert Report this week. The shows filmed in Iraq at Al Faw Palace are airing Monday-Thursday. 11:30 Eastern, 10:30 Central on Comedy Central. All the cool kids will be doing it!

Kid A.

So, I have steered away from family talk for the most part on this here blog, primarily because I don't want to tempt Karma. Also because once you start telling family stories, you sort of have to tell them all in order for the situation to be completely understood. And that is not something I want to do. There is also the small bit about opening up the quirks of your family situation to ridicule- dude, I know we are weird, but it is a whole other thing when a stranger tells you your family is weird, right? Which brings me to Kid A, Swiss's 14 year old son from his previous marriage to P.

Kid A is this sort of entity that bounces in and out of our lives for various reasons on a somewhat constantly quasi-frequent basis. I don't say this to imply that we don't want him in our lives. That isn't the case at all. Its just that he isn't a constant in our home. He is like an earthquake... you don't know when he's coming, but he arrives with a bang and you always know it when he's there. And that is mostly a product of his mother, not him. P has full custody of him, but when Swiss is around and she doesn't feel like being a parent anymore, Kid A ends up with us. Nothing like making the kid feel wanted, right? So he bounces in and out of our lives... in and out... in and out...

Anyway, Kid A showed up at our house again today with his friend. No big deal, but it is the second day in a row after not seeing him for a few months. I like hanging out with him and I like that he is comfortable enough with me and likes me enough to come over when Swiss isn't here. But then he went and said that he wanted to move in with us after Swiss gets home. And I can't help but feel like I'm either getting played or getting set up to have our hearts broken by him one more time.

See, Kid A's mom isn't what you would call a good parent. And I can say this without any personal feeling about her clouding my judgment. She's smoked pot in front of him when he was 10, she's 'tried to kill herself' (a half-assed job mostly for attention), she's let him essentially fail most of Middle School, and she never disciplines him. He's become quite a handful under her tutelage; he lies, he is defiant (beyond the usual teenage norms), he is unmotivated and he doesn't know that being strict (us) is different from being mean (his mom, she's a fighter and a yeller).

But under all of those rather large issues, he is a good kid. He just takes the easy way out, because he always has one. He lies because that is what he has been raised with. And he doesn't try because no one expects or asks him to. He needs structure and discipline and love and someone who is going to push him to be something more than a gas station attendant. He needs us, but living with us is a heck of a lot harder than living with his mom. So when things get tough, he goes back to her. And we have done this 3 times now since Swiss and I have been together. We even tried to put him with his favorite uncle (Swiss's brother) temporarily while Swiss was deployed. Every time it is the same routine, things get hard and he bolts to his mom.

Of course there is a flip side to this. When he does live with his mom he recognizes the differences, he knows that he isn't her top priority. And eventually he realizes that he should have stayed with us, or his uncle. But how many times are we going to get on this carousel? Every time Swiss tries to do the right thing for him, he ends up with his heart broken because Kid A bolts for his half-assed mom whenever you try to do the right things and be a real parent.

So yes, that is the saga of Kid A. He hasn't had it easy, but he has a habit of choosing the wrong thing for the wrong reasons. I can't help but wonder why it would be any different when Swiss comes home this time. And I can't help but wonder if he really would move to Fort X, if he really would go to court so we could get full custody (which is absolutely necessary), if he really does want to live with us. I just don't know what to believe or what to do. So I guess, for now, I'll just settle for being the cool step-mom that he can hang out with when he wants do.

I don't know what else to do.

Hijacked.

So I envisioned my Saturday evening going as such: Watch movies, drink wine, talk to Swiss, get to bed early-ish.

This is how the night went: Sit down to watch movie, drink wine, answer phone to talk to Swiss only moments before the doorbell rings (?), answer door and see Swiss Jr. (must come up with better name for him- let's go with Kid A) and his friend standing there. Let Swiss talk to Kid A, entertain 14 year old kid I've only met once in the meantime, have abbreviated conversation with Swiss and then proceed to watch the boys play an hour of Guitar Hero (not to be confused with Sitar Hero though).

So yeah, my night was hijacked by two teenage boys. And Guitar Hero.

And can I just say that, while great to see Kid A because it has been months, it is sort of odd to have two 14 year old boys just show up on your doorstep at 9:35pm on a Saturday night. Am I wrong? And they WALKED here. (Granted, his mom P lives only 3 streets up from me, hence our overwhelming urge to not stay here). Anyway, that was my very odd Saturday night.

Oh, and I got screwed out of my evening phone call with Swiss. THAT SUCKS. But, you know, I did get to watch about 15 different GH songs played on Expert. That will mess with your head, for cereals. The end.

Deciphering the panic.

So I talked to Swiss today about the looming PCS and all that it implies. And let's be honest, I only talked to him about it because I knew I'd get another phone call tonight that wouldn't involve acronyms or movers. And you know what I realized? I realized that I am not, in fact, panicking about the PCS itself. I am panicking about selling our house.

Yes, the military.com patented OVERKILL worksheets freaked me out, but honestly, I don't think the Army portion of this move is all that scary. Perhaps I will even have lucked out because I'll get to work with the folks at a MUCH smaller post and get some (hopefully) good one-on-one interactions that will make that portion go smoothly and relatively painlessly. I am confident about what I need to do with the housing office at Fort X, mostly because Swiss and I have done it before down there and I am familiar with the staff for our housing community. I am even prepared for the inevitable (again, hopefully) few months spent transitioning between civilian life and Army wife life. I've got like 4 contingency plans for that- all of which are perfectly serviceable options. I've got all of that under control. It is good.

What can't I control? The housing market. Selling this house. Finding a buyer. Yes, this my friends is what is setting off alarms, sirens and putting my panic button on high-alert. DEAR GOD WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO IF THIS HOUSE DOESN'T SELL? I am not going to have a job at Fort X so it would be tough to pay 2 house payments, and I categorically WILL NOT stay here after he comes home. So yeah, we HAVE to sell this sucker. I'm panicking to the point of sending my real estate agent an e-mail this weekend telling her we had to meet. NOW. Yes, the move is nearly 7 months away, but the Holidays are in there and yeah, we've got to get this sucker on the market!

So yes, I have deciphered my panic and at least now I have some good direction. Anyone want to buy a house???

PCS panic.

Yeah, yeah, I know I still have a few months before it is truly fair to "panic"... but seriously, I am new to the Army, this will be my first PCS, we have a whole house to move (and sell- whole other reason to panic, but I can't handle thinking about that today), and Swiss won't be here to help me navigate the bullshit, er... red tape... no, ummmmm... let's call it "Army policies". Yeah, that's it.

Anyway, I went over to military.com and looked up PCS checklists... lists help me plan, they are the salve to my panic. UNTIL YOU MAKE ME EIGHT CHECKLISTS*. Seriously, there are 8 of them... for one PCS! And some of them are multiple pages long! That my friends, was no salve, that was salt in the wound. Eight lists in an of themselves were panic inducing. ZOMG! Eight! How the heck am I going to do this and not eff things up terribly, lose all our furniture, fail to acquire on-post housing, and end up living in our tent somewhere behind the Railhead with only Army issue sleeping bags and MREs? Sigh.

I am relatively certain wine, ice cream and the wisdom/help of much more experienced MilSpouses will render this experience much less horrid than it is now playing out in my mind. I also think that if I just let my anal-retentive tendencies run amok it will help immensely... think binder for said checklists, giant calendars (oh wait, already have that), obsessive calling of pertinent players and manic documentation. Yes, yes, I can do this. REALLY! I can!

Right?
Oh Lawd, please say yes!!!

*This was also somewhat reminiscent of Martha Stewart's Wedding Checklist that was 12 pages long... also panic inducing. People, checklists are supposed to make you feel better, not feel like you WILL NEVER GET ALL OF THIS DONE. Just saying.

Neighbors.

So we got some new neighbors on the block, not on my street, but on the opposite end of my block. I walk past their cute house on my way to and from work every day. (Side note: I looked at that house when I was house hunting and it needed a lot of work, but someone seems to have 'flipped' it so I imagine it is super cute now. Because you all just had to know that. Right.) Anyway, I started to get the distinct impression that they were military...

What was it, you ask, that got me thinking they were military?

Could it have been the GWOT Veteran license plate? Sure.

How about the giant ARMY! flag hanging in front of the house?
Yep, that sealed the deal. Awesome. Why you ask? We are around 110 miles from the nearest Army post, and that one is teensey... so there aren't a lot of military folks in these parts other than the handful of recruiters at the office down the street.

I got all sorts of ideas for introducing myself... envisioned BBQ's this summer or at least a beer or two with hopefully some really nice Army folks, just like me. Another twee set of folks who get it, and right around the corner!

And then I saw this on the tire cover of their Jeep Wrangler XL.

0.o Yeah, ummmm, about that. (If you can't read it, it says: CAUTION Stay 100 Meters Back or you Will be Shot. And then it is translated into Arabic.) Pretty sure I'm not cool with you having that on the back of your SUV. In AMERICA. Dude, you aren't in theatre anymore. (I get that it is his prerogative, yadda, yadda, yadda....)

I mean, am I the only one who thinks this is, amongst other things, insulting, ridiculous and utterly lame? Who puts that on their car? And it is BIG. Really, what kind of Army dude put this on the family vehicle? I know what kind... the kind I don't want to BBQ with. I bet his one of those uber Hooah-Hooah guys who hasn't really done much to warrant being so flashy about his rough-tough-Army-guy persona. So yeah, am I overreacting or is this really as ridiculous as I think it is?

A random question.

Now that all my venting for the week is done (hopefully), I have a question for you, dear readers. This is what I want to know: What are the things you adored in your youth (think Middle School/High School or even younger) that you still really, truly love?

I mean, let’s be honest, this is likely a short list for all of us… but I wonder what the common themes amongst us are? Age? Music? Genres? Movies? TV? Pure cheese factor? I'm so intrigued!

Okay, here’s my list:
Elementary School – Wild America with Marty Stouffer (okay, PBS & nature shows in general), cooking shows, all things arty... drawing, painting, doodling, any of it, Kraft Mac & Cheese, Oldies, the Sound of Music and U2.

Middle School – Counting Crows. That’s it. Nothing else. Those were some rough years. (And "Omaha" is still my favoritest EVER.)

High School – Giant tote bags (anyone else remember those ESPRIT bags?), softball (though I was playing loooong before HS) and marching bands. (NERD ALERT!!!)

I find it hilarious that in all my formative years of music listening, I only picked two truly great bands and one movie that I still love to this day. Man, I had some CRAPPY taste as a kid. Of course, I found loads of cool stuff in college, but hey, who didn't, so that doesn't count, even though it would make me look waaaay cooler than this list does. Clearly my early years were my best… I PEAKED TOO EARLY!!! It’s all been relatively downhill since then... Sigh.

So pony up and spill the beans because it is your turn… I can’t wait to read your responses! Oh, and happy Almost Friday!

Army FAIL.

What happens when you put a large metal building in front of the antennas for the MWR phone room? Yeah, genius, you block the satellite reception. No phones, no internets. Rocket surgery, I'm sure.

Army FAIL.



Swiss did call, all is well now with phones and internet. Building no longer there. Swiss is good. Thanks for the good thoughts and for putting up with my rants. Much obliged!

Pass the cheese.

Stop reading now if you don't want to hear me whine and rant. I need to vent and I am going to do so right now. Seriously, if you are already rolling your eyes STOP READING!

Whine begin:

Why is it so damned hard to have working phones and internet in the MWR areas for our troops? Because you know, calling home and stuff isn't really important. And lets not all forget who is likely responsible for the maintenance and status of these phones... evil KBR. See I told you the effects of the Kool-Aid wouldn't last long. Aaaarrrrrrrrgh. Grr. Pffft. EFF!

Just so you know, this totally wouldn't be as annoying if I wasn't especting a phone call, but when you expect one and don't get one, this one gets surly. CONSIDER ME SURLY!!!! EFF YOU AND YOUR NON-WORKING PHONES! Also, really annoyed with how I am able to go from normal to crying in like 60 seconds flat. I blame PMS and the Army. Not cool man, not cool.

And while I am at it, I would also like to say a big thank you (read: eff you) for so kindly rationing out my husband to me, because he isn't like, you know, GONE for the whole year. I really do appreciate the challenges of getting everything you want, need and wish to say in a half hour phone call. It's like a game! A GAME THAT I HATE. In case you care.

Whine end.

FRGing goodness.

Seriously, we got a new FRG leader this month and can I just say that the turn around in attitude, information, timeliness, communication, everything has been AMAZING! I feel so, "Ooooohhhhhhh, this is what a FRG is supposed to be like!" It is awesome.

I have been a POC (Point of Contact) for our unit since they deployed, all I ever had were phone numbers and magically now I have e-mail addy's too! And the two ladies I was never able to contact? Yep, they are alive a kicking with apparently new contact information. MAGIC I tell you! She is so stinking organized and friendly and quick on replies and gosh-darned HELPFUL. I heart her. Plus she has the same name as me and spells it all funny too... we get all sorts of confused when we read e-mails now. Lame, I know, but still, it is cool.

And I don't want to dis on our past FRG leader... she was a super sweet lady, but man, she has 6 kids under the age of 10 so I have NO idea why she or anyone else thought she would be able to do this job well. I would say that she is a scatterbrain, but hey, 6 kids that age would make me scatterbrained too! At least she tried, right?

But yeah, I am super stoked about the new FRG leader, that ours is actually functioning the way it should be, and that someone is taking the time to do it right. Maybe it feels extra important to me since it is my only tie to the unit and post since I am living so far away, but yeah, I am pumped! And I am actually excited to be participating and be a POC and a part of this giant Army machine. Don't worry though, I only took a sip or two of the Kool-Aid, I am sure it will wear off soon! ;)

Monday, Monday.

I had some irreverent things to say about IKEA and lattes and Counting Crows and Pandora. But the rash of tragic and upsetting current events put a damper on my trivial thoughts, as they well should.

So instead, keep these people and their families in your thoughts.
Hope that the man who did this get what he deserves in this life AND the next, and that people start realizing that nothing about murder is "Pro Life".
And do whatever you can to help stop this and this from ever happening again, because no matter what you believe, these men are not the ones that need to be discharged from the military (see SisB's post on this topic, she's spot on as usual, Kanani too.). These men are all that is right with the Armed Forces, regardless of who they sleep with at home.

And that is all I have to say about that.

Something to ponder...

Go read this over on eHow: How to Date a Military Man.

And then explain to me why there isn't a tutorial online on how to date Teachers or Construction Workers or Chefs. Heck, it is the interwebz, maybe there is. But golly, that sure would have helped me land Swiss a whole lot sooner! And by that I mean not. Seriously, why are people SO DUMB? (That was rhetorical, I think blogger would crash if you commented with all the reasons, no?)

Bring on the allen wrenches and sweedish meatballs.

You got it right Ladies (and gents).... Beth and I are off to IKEA today. Heck, she even brought the truck which I suspect indicates that she means business! We will also hit up an insanely large mall and try to find some Chipotle. You can never have too much Chipotle (I'll savor mine for you Swiss!)!

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Catch y'all on the flip side!

Meet Swiss.

The hubs, originally uploaded by Tucker&Swiss.

So Swiss and I were talking just last night about my little blog and he asked me why there weren't more photos of him... I was all... um, well isn't that an OPSEC thing? He said not likely, unless he was in uniform with all this snazzy patches and ranks and names and blood types and so on. So, here I go introducing you all to Swiss.

This is the guy who writes me poetry, then goes and kills a deer so we have venison in the freezer. He is the man who once brought me flowers that were attached to a pint of Ben & Jerry's Crem Brulee ice cream and 2 spoons. He is the guy who wants to go on a hunting trip as much as he wants to go to Barcelona to sip wine and people watch. I could go on and on about how awesome he is, how amazed I am by him, and how funny and clever and sweet and sexy he is, but you all don't need to hear all of that right now. All you need to know is that he is my Happily Ever After. swoon! I love you Sweetheart!

Someday I will tell you how we got our nicknames of Tucker and Swiss... but for now I will just wish you all a Happy Friday! Cheers!

On blogging.

Recently a few friends have been talking about their blogs, if they are going to continue them, what material they want to share, reader reactions, perceptions and whether or not it really is the outlet it was intended to be. Heck, by the looks of it we are losing another MilSpouse blogger too (you probably already know of who I speak). And I can't help but wonder how this all happened... all these questions about what will people think if I write X, maybe I should water it down and write Y, and so on.

I guess I have never really shied away from writing about all of the crappy stuff, mostly because I needed an outlet for these emotions, and I never let myself worry about what other readers thought. I figured if they didn't like it, or thought it too moody or depressing, they could just move on. If they could relate or had something they wanted to share, then pull up a seat and let's talk. Is it fun when someone tells you your opinions are lame? No. Does it make you all fuzzy and warm inside when someone posts a mean or snarky comment? Heck no. Is it a great feeling when someone slanders you on their own blog? Not at all. But also, if someone is willing to behave like that, then I just plain don't care about their opinion. That isn't someone I would ever invite into my life, so just because (s)he may be trolling the interwebz looking for something to take a poke at, I won't let her (or him) stop me from saying what I need to say.

Because after all, regardless of public perception or opinion, this is MY AO, MY blog, MY place to put it all out there. And yes, I am taking that leap because I am putting it out there... literally... rather than journaling or keeping a diary privately. I am welcoming public opinion, but I don't think any of us should have to sugar coat, water down, or hold back on what is going on in our lives just because someone else is reading. I need a place to say that usually in the morning when I get out of the shower and see the message Swiss wrote to me in the steam filled mirror before he left (I ♥ Tucker!) I smile, but today it made me bawl because I can't stand being apart from him, not for this long. I need this place, this blog, because I can't say it at work, I can't say it to someone who doesn't get it, I can't admit how miserable I am sometimes because no one wants to hear that. But if I can vent about it here, somehow I feel better. It isn't always pretty or happy or filled with rainbows & butterflies, but it is real, it is honest and it is what I am feeling.

So I guess the point is that to any of you ladies contemplating stopping for any (or all) of the above reasons... don't do it. Not unless it is what you really want. Say what you need to say, put it out there in all its raw, honest glory, nothing you have to say is trite or harsh or unwelcome- it is YOUR space to say whatever it is you need to say- regardless of what is going on with those around you. And screw anyone who doesn't understand. Because I promise to understand, I promise to listen(read) and I promise to still find you all utterly charming and amazing no matter what you blog about.

The end.

Puppy paws and eyeballs.

They do not mix. Let me tell you!

Yep, I get to go to the Opthamologist today because Fletch managed to poke/nick/claw my eyeball last night while playing. I'm thinking that my contact lens took the brunt of the assault, but we will know for sure later today. So the moral of the story, in true OSHA fashion, is to wear protective eye wear when roughhousing with your dog on the floor.

And in other news, I am super pumped that there are two (2!) different series going on in the blog-o-sphere about reintegration and post-deployments: SisB over at Veritably Bare and LAW & The Army Wife over at LeftFace. I feel like, though 'far' away still, our reintegration is a final exam that I have no way of studying for... and it ain't open book either. So I am thrilled that these awesome ladies are going to share their experiences, advice, tips and really put themselves out there in such an open and honest way... I'm hoping I can glean some insider tips and at least show up to my final exam slightly prepared! Anyway, go check them out and share your experiences (mostly so I can glom off of your knowledge!)!

That is all I have for today. I do wish it would stop raining though... Happy Wednesday everyone! Off to get some caffeine!!!

UPDATE: The eyeball is fine, though now both eyes are dilated and I am stuck at work with enough fluorescent lighting to land a UFO. Mah eyez! They hurt! Anyway, that is all. Carry on!

For the record.

I don't like e-mails that end with "I love you gotta go quick stuff is happening".

I don't like snarky co-workers who are mean because they aren't happy with their own lives.

I don't like Spring when it is muddy and raining all the time.

I don't like that I don't know how to build a transporter or teleporter or one of those "Beam me up Scotty" things.

I don't like being a geographical Bachelorette. It sucks. For reals.

The end.

Odds and ends.

Aaaah... back to reality after a super swell long weekend at home- ugh. I love Wisconsin. I mean, really love it. It is all hilly and green and there are cows and big red barns and there is cheese and beer and brats and cranberries and Madison and Summerfest and family and friends and cheese and lakes and the Badgers and Brewers and the art museum and cheese. Yeah, I miss it there. Lots and lots.

I spent the weekend hanging out with Mom & Dad, Fletch got to play with Sally & Miller which is always comical... three English Setters in one place is a lot of dog and a lot of energy to contend with. We had a party on Sunday and I got to see all the friends and family from the Milwaukee area and catch up... most of which I haven't seen since our wedding in October. They all got to shout "Hi" to Swiss when he called too... is was awesome because those folks can be LOUD when they want to be!

Monday my Mom and I went down to our little town and watched the Memorial Day parade. It was so sweet and quaint and so quintessentially small-town American. The members of the VFW marched by and I got all misty... I applauded them as they marched by and quickly everyone along the street joined in. I was so proud and honored and humbled in those minutes as the WWII era war planes flew overhead and the local high school marching band played "God Bless America". At that moment, it was all that is right with our country. (Though to see what is wrong with it, read yesterday's post)

On the drive home Monday night, as Fletcher slept in the back seat, I thought long and hard about where Swiss and I will be in the future, about him coming home to Fort X, about retiring and finding a job, about family and priorities and getting on with our post-Army life. It is all so surreal sometimes... it is so liberating to know we can go anywhere we want... but the pull of family and friends is so strong. I'm still not sure how to reconcile these things, or which ones are more important. I know Swiss would go anywhere, and he would never balk if I said that a specific town was where I wanted us to live. He just wants us to be happy. And of course that is what I want too. I just don't know how to find OUR happy medium, not just one happy medium that the other is okay going along with.

There is a JROTC job at the (swanky) Military Academy very near my parents home. Not that it is necessary for me to live uber close to the parental units, but it would be a GREAT job for him (and it is one that he is already interested in). We could find a home 20-30 minutes away, and we would be SO close to the people who help make me, well, me. Beth would be an hour away, we could be near my 91 year old and completely wonderful Grandfather, my parents adore Swiss and are so much fun... all of my family and our friends are such amazing people and all of them are completely in love with Swiss. But I know deep down that all of these things are about ME. Not Swiss, at least not directly. All he wants is to make me happy, get a good job (preferably at a military academy) and have 10 or 20 acres to run around in. But where is that line? Where is the line that we can both stand on, both be happy with? Where is the middle ground that makes us BOTH happy? I don't know. I guess we have to figure that out for ourselves.

Anyway, this got to be reeeeeeeeal long. Sorry. But that is all the news here that is fit to print. Swiss is doing well, we are getting there. So here's to another week down. I'm crabby today, but I think that is only because people are dumb, which I'm afraid can't be helped. ugh.

Memorial Day rant.

Monday my Mom and I went down to our little town and watched the Memorial Day parade. It was so sweet and quaint and so quintessentially small-town American. The members of the VFW marched by and I got all misty... I applauded them as they passed me and quickly everyone along the street joined in. I was so proud and honored and humbled in those minutes as the WWII era war planes flew overhead and the local high school marching band played "God Bless America". At that moment, it was all that is right with our country.

And then I came home, hopped on the web, and witnessed all that is wrong with our country. I got all kinds of surly with the commenters over at Pioneer Woman today... it seems that Memorial Day, to many, isn't about the military or the sacrifices of those men and women specifically that allow us the freedoms and liberties we have. It seems that for a lot of folks it is about remembering their families, their lineage, their ancestors. While I think it is great to remember your family history, I can't help but be annoyed that so many folks ignore, forget or disregard the fact that this is the ONE day a year we specifically set aside to remember those who sacrificed EVERYTHING for our freedom. I guess I feel like we have every other day of the year to remember those loved ones who have passed, Memorial Day isn't that day, at least it shouldn't be that day. Plus this lady really torqued me off:

"repmogirl said: Thanks for reminding folks that Memorial Day is about more than barbecues…It seems to have become another military holiday, but in my family it’s more about keeping track of family history and passing it on to the next generation..." (emphasis is mine)

WHA? ANOTHER MILITARY HOLIDAY??? There are only 2 major ones lady. Two. 2 days a year to stop for a damned minute to say THANK YOU. Thank you for putting you life on hold, for fighting with all you have, for giving up your life to make this country what it is. 2 days. Quite frankly, it doesn't seem like enough. Anyway, thankfully a poster named Deb got it right:

"Thank you for sharing from your heart about your Memorial Day, which is centered on your family cemetery. As the wife of an Air Force officer who has selflessly served our country for over 20 years, including two tours in Iraq, I was really saddened to hear that your Memorial Day doesn’t focus on what Memorial Day is really all about. (But thanks for including the paragraph on cowboy “Sam” who served in Vietnam, and mentioning the military in the last paragraph.)
Please know that Memorial Day is a day to honor and remember the brave military men and women who died while in military service. You & I would not enjoy the freedoms we have today without the military folks, past & present, who are willing to give their lives in order to secure our freedom.
Thank you to all of you out there who serve in the military! May God bless America, land of the free…because of the brave."

YEAH. What she said.

So that is my rant. I don't mean to sound sanctimonious, it is just that I get so fed up with the people of this country who forget about our military, who shrug off their daily sacrifices as inconsequential, who don't care to remember or honor them, who look at the military with disdain or disgust, who flippantly blow off the remembrance of the people who DIED so that you can have your white picket fences and an internet to spew your stupidity on (repmogirl, not Ree). I get annoyed that people feel the need to make THIS holiday about them, about their own tiny bubbles, not the National Day of Remembrance for the strangers that died for your freedoms, this year, last year, and every year before. What those men and women died for was your right to be an outspoken moron and not have to reap any consequences for it. So at least be thankful for your right to be an idiot, you ungrateful twit.

Hhmph. Rant over.

UPDATE: I was over at The Big Picture (go check it out, they have some beautiful Memorial day photos) and while there is plenty of drivel in the comments, there are a few from European readers who thanked our WWII troops for all they have done, all their sacrifices so that they too may be free. So that the French and Spanish and all the others can still be just that, not part of a German empire (see # 35, 37, 41, 84, 88). These folks made me tear up because they don't even live here, the troops weren't their countrymen, it wasn't their sacrifice and yet, they GET IT. They get it in a way that clearly so few Americans do.

Memorial Day

'Flags-In' at Arlington National Cemetery for Memorial Day 2008, originally uploaded by Army.mil.

I am off to the motherland this weekend, back to Wisconsin and home. But please remember what this weekend is about... remember those who gave everything so that we may have what we do today. Let this weekend be about them... not just BBQ's, sales and a day off from work.

The Memorial Day Order:
"The 30th day of May, 1868, is designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country ... and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village and hamlet churchyard in the land.

We are organized, Comrades, as our regulations tell us, for the purpose among other things, "of preserving and strengthening those kind and fraternal feelings which have bound together the soldiers, sailors and Marines, who united to suppress the late rebellion." What can aid more to assure this result than by cherishing tenderly the memory of our heroic dead? We should guard their graves with sacred vigilance. All that the consecrated wealth and taste of the nation can add to their adornment and security, is but a fitting tribute to the memory of her slain defenders. Let pleasant paths invite the coming and going of reverent visitors and fond mourners. Let no neglect, no ravages of time, testify to the present or to the coming generations that we have forgotten as a people the cost of a free and undivided republic.

Let us, then, at the time appointed, gather around their sacred remains, and garland the passionless mounds above them with choicest flowers of springtime; let us raise above them the dear old flag they saved; let us in this solemn presence renew our pledge to aid and assist those whom they have left among us a sacred charge upon the Nation's gratitude—the soldier's and sailor's widow and orphan." —General Orders No. 11, Grand Army of the Republic Headquarters

Fletcher

Fletcher, originally uploaded by Tucker&Swiss.

I share this picture because it is the ONLY one I have where he doesn't a) look insane or b) appear as a white & black blur. He actually looks quite distinguished and stately.

Don't be fooled though, in reality he is much more like a toddler on meth, a la Coco.

Their wedding video is cooler than yours. Sorry.

Brian & Eileen's Wedding Music Video. from LOCKDOWN projects on Vimeo.

This should totally make you feel inadequate about your wedding and also make you feel really uncool because you didn't think of it. At least, that is what it did for me. But still, AWESOME. (Thanks Jenny!)

An observation.

Once you have officially decided to leave your place of employment (but haven't actually TOLD anyone yet) it is amazing how much less tolerant you are of the ridiculousness. I mean, like, WAY less tolerant. I am ready to pull my hair out.

Can't I just quit now and eat bon-bons, watch Daniel Craig movies and paint?

Wha?

Mortgage?

DAMMIT!


P.S.-I am SO totally in love with Glee!


(and yes, you are welcome for the gratuitous eye-candy.)

Teh randomness.

Yeah, so I went AWOL this weekend from the blog-o-sphere. Sorry.
I’ve been in a sort of quasi funk… not that things aren’t good, because they are… just that Ugh, are we done yet?
(HA HAHAHA Ha hahahahahhaaaha AHAHAHAHAH! NO. We are not.)

I coached the U12 girls in a tournament this weekend. We were 1-3. But somehow we still got 2nd place in the “Bronze” Bracket. Also known as the LOSER bracket (and I say this with utter confidence as we lost both qualifying games). I love how we are sugar coating everything for kids now days. Anyway, this coaching gig has been an interesting observation and study in the results of parenting methods… and I totally made 2 girls cry. One told me she didn’t like the position we put her at so I said if she didn’t like it she could sit on the bench. Tears. The other told me she wasn’t cheering for her teammates because she was bored, to which I said, if you are bored then go home. Tears. Heh… I sound like such a hard-ass. The thing that blows my mind is how some of these 11 & 12 year old girls have no idea what the word respect means. They don’t come out of the womb like that, right? Someone made them that way. And those parents? I want to kick them in the shins and whip them the bird. Mature, I know.

But I digress. Fletcher and I have reached a happy compromise that involves him sleeping in his kennel in the basement so that I am no longer awakened at 5:09 am and grumpy as all get out. It is good! Plus I think Fletch is waaaaay cuter at 6 am than he is at 5. Everyone wins!

And in other super exciting news, I just booked my first paying job as a photographer. (ahwehewyeysrusdiufydsiuhg!!!!) It will be a family photo shoot combined with 9 month baby pictures. The baby girl? She is adorable! This family? They are beautiful. And we are doing it in their garden, which is more like a botanical park. I can’t wait! I think this means I might need to come up with a logo or something. Hmm. Should I stick with Tucker & Swiss as a name or branch out? Do I go with my real name? Make something random up? What do you all think????

A favor.

To any of you who read this who don't have husbands (or wives or boyfriends or whatever your flavor) deployed: Do me a favor, please? Hug him (or her). Hold him tight and talk to him, for more than your allotted 30 minutes per day. Do it because I can't. Do it because you can. And savor every second of it. Okay? Good.

Thank you.

Us and our craptastic timing.

So part of our big Post-Army plans include getting Swiss a ROTC or JROTC job. He votes JROTC because the pay is better. I vote ROTC because he is SO good at teaching and would be a huge asset to any program. And college towns are usually way cooler than regular towns. And the other thing is that we are sort of picky about where we retire to (rightfully so in Swiss's case- dude has EARNED it). We have a few states that we think are part of our "wheel-house"... states we are pretty sure we would be happy in, places we aspire to live in, places we hope beyond all hope will have jobs when we are done with Lady Army.

That bit about our craptastic timing? We are about 15 months out. And guess what? Six (6!) of our "Dream" locations popped up on the ROTC job posting site this week. Yeah, we (meaning Swiss) can't apply for them yet because his retirement isn't approved (actually he can't submit the paperwork for another 4 months) and we are too far out right now. Madison? Check. Missoula? Check. Minneapolis? Check. And a few others that are smaller towns, but in states we like. Well, feck.

Feck. Feck. FECK!

Why couldn't they wait a year? Madison? Ohh, it would have been perfect. PERFECT!!!! Twin Cities? Wonderful. Missoula? I love that town. Washington? Utah? Yes please!

What sucks the most is that likely none of these positions will be open by the time Swiss can apply. And that makes me SO sad... it makes me wonder and worry about where we will end up. It makes me sad that we likely won't be able to live in Madison... which was my perfect, make my heart skip a beat, master plan. So yeah, I am sort of mourning that dream's death... lamenting the loss of the "You really CAN have it all" Utopia I had created in my mind for us. le sigh.

I know something else will come along, I know there is an outside chance that this position will stay open. I know everything will work out okay, but, you know, DAMN.

Stephen Colbert reports for BCT.

Stephen Colbert reports for basic combat training, originally uploaded by Army.mil.

I heart you Stephen Colbert. Oh, and nice bag...

(And just in case you are reading this... ha!... I do not count you or the lovely Jon Stewart in my list of "The Media", just so you know...)

Why the media sucks.

So this latest event… you likely know which one I speak of… brings into sharp focus why the media sucks. I can hear the calls of “Free Speech” and the “Right to know” and those lauding the Information Age where we all get our news as it happens. And in many situations I agree with all of that… but not this one. NOT ANY LIKE THIS ONE.

I loathe that the “media” (read this as ALL media, liberal, independent, conservative, TV, radio, internet- all of it) places more value on a hot lead than what their partial news may do to the families and loved ones involved- be it 2 or 2,000. They are more worried about getting the story out first, whether it is complete or not, than thinking about the fact that (pardon the caps lock fit I am about to have) PEOPLE’S LOVED ONES DIED AND THIS IS THE FIRST THEY ARE HEARING ABOUT IT. No, they didn’t name names. But that is because they can’t… Why? Because likely the military hasn’t been able to notify the families of these deaths yet.

So I ask you to imagine how many wives, husbands, moms and dads are sitting around work or home today wringing their hands because they haven’t heard from their soldier. Imagine how they feel seeing it on every internet news site, the local news, the nightly national news, probably on the radio, even overhearing it at the proverbial workplace watercooler. And all they can do is wait. Wait for the phone call or e-mail that will fill them with relief, only to be flooded with guilt at feeling relieved someone else’s loved one died. Or wait for the life changing knock at the door. Wait for the soldiers in Class A’s who have been trained to tell you your life will never be the same because (s)he won’t be coming home. Wait. Worry. Fear. That isn’t news. That is agony. And it is inexcusable.

But for what? What did anyone benefit from getting all these incomplete stories? A sensational news tale from war-torn Iraq? Military scandal? High drama more befitting a movie script? Something to casually chat about over lunch? Maybe for someone, but not me, not for thousands of military families. That story broke my heart. That story caused so much worry and angst and mind-numbing fear for so many people. And I cannot forgive you media for putting the almighty dollar and a sensational lead before common courtesy, respect and the sanity of families who sacrifice and deal with so much already. Shame on you.

Happy Mother's Day, Military Spouses Day, apologies and ramblings.

First off: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM! You are the best... you were the best mom, the best advocate, the best supporter, the best caregiver and now that I am all growed up... you are my best friend. Thank you for all you have done, thank you for all you do, and I'm sorry we couldn't be together on this day.

Second: Happy Military Spouse's Day (a day late). To all you MilSpouses out there: YOU ROCK. I could go on and on, but you know the gist of it... so keep on truckin' and thanks to all you wonderful MilSpouses who have become so much more... my friends.

Third: Yo, I am sorry I have been much of a Debbie Downer these days. There has been a toxic cloud of PMS, loneliness, uncertainty and blah hanging over me lately and this stage of the deployment falls squarely in between "Look! We are a quarter done!" and "Balls. 5 more months until I get to see him. Seriously?". It isn't a fun place to be. But, I think the winds are changing... hopefully this funk will blow right on out of here soon. So yeah, I am going to give myself a "Do Better" and do just that. Thanks for sticking by me even when I am not what anyone would call fun.

Lastly: You know those times when folks tell you that you, in fact, cannot have it all? Well, I say PISH-POSH! We, Swiss and I, ARE going to have it all. Why? Because I said so, and because I am going to put my mind to it, and dammit things are going to work out for us because (by the time he gets home) these 3 years of long-distance dating, insane 'family' drama, moves, and a deployment have been effing hard and we have earned it. We are going to get great jobs someplace we would like to live, we are going to be near (but not too near) family... one way or another, we are going to have that house we always wanted to build, we will have our 20 acres, we will travel to exotic locales and we WILL have it all. Our happily ever after. So there.

Long weekend.

Trout stream, originally uploaded by Tucker&Swiss.

I am off this afternoon for a long weekend hanging out with my Dad. That picture there? Yep, that is where we are going... purty isn't it? I'm excited for the day off of work, excited to get out of the house, excited to hang out in the woods, and excited to see my Dad. It should be a nice break from all the sameness around here.

Last night I had my 2nd softball practice as coach for my U12 girl's fastpitch team. Like wrangling cats... that talk back... and think they know everything. But on the plus side, I have finally been able to use some of the great one-liners and coach-isms I learned over the years. What time is it coach? Don't worry about it, it's practice time! Heh. I am turning into a coaching cliche as we speak. Anyway, it is fun and gets me out of the house and it was a b-e-a-utiful day yesterday.

Next week's agenda? Get a hair cut (or all of them). Clean the house. Sign dog up for obedience classes (and purchase sedatives... just kidding. Sort of.). Purchase items for kitchen renovation. Force Brother In-Law to pick a date to install said kitchen items. Revel and bask in new kitchen glory.

I hope you all have a super weekend and enjoy the good weather if you've got it!

Touch.

Day 68 :: touch, originally uploaded by Meredith_Farmer.

This is one of those days when all I can think about is his touch. And not in an X-rated, dirty way... I crave the simplest, most banal, everyday touches. I miss the way my feet find their way under his legs when we sit on the couch. I miss the way he always reaches out to hold my hand. I miss how my hand always finds his leg when we sit next to one another. I miss his hand on the back of my neck. I miss curling up behind him in the middle of the night. I miss his forehead against mine. But mostly I miss his arms around me. I miss how safe and loved I feel when I am in his arms, how all the bad things melt away and how I can feel what we share, what our relationship is all about. And I would do anything just to feel his arms around me right now. Even for just one minute. Sigh.

5 more months.

Rain, rain go away.

Rain Rain Go Away..., originally uploaded by Lisa Photography.

We are in day 1 of a 5 day stretch of rain/thunderstorms. I know my plants will love it. I, however, do not. You know, just in case Mother Nature is listening.

Maybe the best reason ever to move to Europe.

Tuileries, originally uploaded by chris_catford.

According to this article, the French spend the most time eating and sleeping of all 'wealthy' nations of the world. I knew there was a reason I loved France so much... do you think I could talk Swiss into moving to Paris??? (hint: NOT A CHANCE.)

...le sigh...

Near... ...far.

Yes, Grover has taken over Tucker & Swiss. You know… near… …far. Remember that? Yeah, Grover was cool. Gaw, haven’t even started this post and I am off track already.

Okay, so my point: lately the hot topic in the house has been the “where” portion of our life post-Army. As in where are we going to get jobs? Where would we want to live? Where do we not want to live? Where can we have/afford/find the happily ever after we’ve decided on (this includes at least 20 acres of land, chicken coops, a garden, a studio for painting, a cozy house built just for us, and ideally the ability to hunt on said 20+ acres for Swiss)? Where, where, where? And all of the where’s lead to all the obligatory issues regarding proximity to family, current jobs versus new careers, autonomy & privacy, etc. Fun, right?

See, currently we (and by we I mean me) live in a mid-sized town in the upper Midwest. Swiss’s ex-wife P lives in the same city which we will call M-town with Swiss’s son. Swiss’s brother also lives in M-town. And 30 minutes down the road in S-ville reside Swiss’s parents. Me? I have a good job and own the house we live in here in M-town, but my family lives 4 hours away in P-town. I am super close with them, they adore Swiss and we don’t get to see them near as much as we would like, which sort of sucks. However, Swiss’s parents, while great folks, like to put monopolies on our time and P usually collapses into her “The Sky is Falling” routine when we are in M-town. Long story short? Even though I have been told by my Boss’s Boss (a retired Naval MD who I adore as far as bosses go) that he would hold my job for me for the year we go back to Fort X after this deployment, Swiss and I aren’t staying in M-town. We decided last night. This is a pretty huge decision for us.

So then what does all of this mean? Do we stay in the mid-west? Do we just find someplace ‘near’ here, but far enough away from everyone to have some privacy, autonomy and space? Do we run ‘far’ away and just do what makes us happy and run for greener pastures (read: Colorado, Utah, Idaho, Washington, Oregon) and hope family follows us out there or is willing to make visits despite the distance?

Granted, all of this is a little premature since we don’t know which jobs (ROTC or JROTC hopefully) will be open to Swiss when he retires. And these decisions are most certainly going to hinge on where we can get hired and therefore paid. But y’all, I am a planner. I cannot sit here after we’ve decided NOT to stay in the place we currently call home and not think about the vast oceans of cities, towns and states that could possibly await us. East? West? Middle? Small town? Big city? Suburbs? Damn, why is this country so effing big??? So, I am super interested to see where y'all plan to settle once military life is over... where and why?

Give me your Money!

Okay, not ME. Give THEM your money. And by THEM I mean military kids. Sounds like a better idea now, right?

Anyway, check out this post at LeftFace (Great work LopsidedMom!) and then go here: Donors Choose. Stephen Colbert is wicked awesome and I am super stoked that he is championing this cause. I donated to a high school at LeJeune... mini-computers for field work and environmental testing. That is the coolest part, you get to pick the Service Branch you want to support (Go Army!) and then you get to pick the specific project you want to donate to. And all of them help military kids. Wicked cool.

So go give a little money that will really help, so support the military by supporting their kids. And like Mr. Colbert, I too believe the children are our future, so let's start sucking up to them now, okay? Thus ending this PSA.

3 months.

Also known as 1/4 of the way done with this beast. Can I get a w00t? Only 5 more months till I get to see Swiss... and he ain't gonna know what hit him. hee!

This month will forever be known as the Month Without A Phone. And it sucked. But hey, at least I got to watch Lord of the Rings. I took art classes, I started coaching U12 girl's softball, and finally got my dog to act quasi-normal*. I don't really have much more to say about this month, other than is sort of sucked. Yes, it could have been worse, but no sense sugar coating it. These are the months that really show you who your friends are and help you realize how lucky you are to have those kinds of people in your life, real or imaginary.

Swiss still loathes his unit and is frustrated with wimpy command decisions and wishes there was a steady, reliable supply of toilet paper in the middle of the desert. And you know, of all the things that are REALLY IMPORTANT in a war zone, it is wearing your combat patch. Totally. But he did get a sweet new iPod that I will promptly steal when he gets home and has been inundated with care packages not just from me, but from my aunt, his mom, my mom and a family friend. I think we've already made up for P's measly 1 package last time. I win. (Yes, that is totally juvenile. I don't mind.)

My parents visited this month, which was cool, though their dogs taught my previously mute puppy to bark. Awesome. On the other hand mine taught theirs to incessantly go to the door because playing outside is waaaaay more fun than sleeping. Heh. Score one for Fletcher. I finalized my decisions for the big kitchen remodel... now I just have to get my handy brother in-law to get over and do it. Free family labor is the best kind. Cannot wait for the new, shiny kitchen... and a dishwasher that actually works. My art classes were good, I got much better at portraits and drawing figures. That shiz is hard, yo. But I am getting better. And I am painting a lot. Also, good. I am sadly addicted to TV, but also getting my butt off the sofa to work out now that I have a buddy (Awesome.). Otherwise, it is Spring (finally!) and I got new sidewalks. Thrilling, I know.

So that is all that April held for the Tucker and Swiss household. May is full of Father-Daughter bonding time (Our annual fishing and hunting trips to the bluff country. Yes, I kill stuff. And then I eat it and it is yummy.), softball tournaments (and therefore whole weekends spent with 12 year old girls, God help me!), and a visit from my bestest friend Beth (can you say IKEA? Sweet.).

Thanks to all of you who made this crappy month better. You Ladies ROCK. Here's to a good May, healthy Sprinkles, safe deployments and great friends!


*Subject to change at any given moment.