Unoffer.

So, Mr. I Need to Move Into Your House RightThisMinute pulled his offer. I am pleased about this. And that feels odd. But seriously, 3 weeks? I think I would have ended up hopelessly addicted to both No Doze and Red Bull. *shudder* No thanks, homie.

Anyway, there are two scheduled showings today and a Realtor-Only Open House. My fingers are still crossed and I am still waiting to talk to someone from PPSO who has actual clout to get the skinny on how much time I really need to get the ball moving. And Swiss, being the wonderful husband and miracle worker he is, managed to get a shiny new Power of Attorney for us, so that we can legally sell this house without risk of me ending up in jail for forgery. (Even though his name isn't on the title or deed, our state makes him half owner since we are now married. The old POA we had didn't go into selling property since we didn't think he counted as an owner- mistake!)

I say Onward and Upward. Hopefully some of the activity over at Casa de Tucker y Swiss will result in new offers and we can get this mess over with. Though the prices of extended stay hotels is, in a word, INSANE. I fear that I will end up living with my in-laws. Not sure how I feel about that one yet. Blargh.

Okay, back to work. Next agenda item is to insert toothpicks in my eyes so that they stay open. And try to mainline more Diet Cokes without my coworkers noticing.

Offer. Counter-offer.

So, the weekend was awesome and the wedding festivities were fantastic. But I have photos to upload, so that will be a post for later. However, I can share this, no photos needed: We got an offer on the house. On Friday.

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Okay, okay, I had to take a deep breath too, because it was almost insultingly low for the house not even being on the market 24 hours. And they MUST move in by the 4th of August. Ha! The PPSO folks at our nearest base recommended at least 3 weeks to get things moving. That would be today. Ha hahahahahah. I'm thinking this one ain't gonna pan out.

We have counter offered twice, the last one will be my final offer. We are right around the "magic number" that will possibly prevent us from having to pay that $3000 at closing and with all the hoops I'd have to jump through to close and get moved and get organized with the PPSO folks I think our counter offer is reasonable. I'm just taking all of this as a good sign that there is interest in the house. My realtor is hosting a realtor only open house tomorrow, so fingers crossed that there is more interest coming. Or that this buyer comes to his senses and accepts our counter.

Now, I'm off to find out what the monthly rates will be at the extended stay hotels around here! Have a great Monday everyone!

Wedding weekend.

Okay folks. I am outie like a bellybutton for the rest of the weekend (Yay vacation day!). My bestest friend in the whole wide world (that isn't my husband) is getting married this weekend. Yay Beth and Ethan!

So, this wedding weekend means I will be out of the blogosphere, twitterverse and interwebz for the next couple of days. I intend to imbibe plenty of libations, eat well, sleep in and celebrate with a purpose. Because it isn't every day your best friend gets married, right? Plus my date is Beth's teenage sister who loves Project Runway, Sex and the City and high heels... me thinks we will get along splendidly!

Enjoy your weekend, soak up the good weather and relax. Y'all have earned it! And if you have some spare good thoughts, throw them out into the great wide universe for good real estate karma (for us!) and a wonderful happily ever after to Beth and Ethan.

Hardcore history.

Okay, this will likely seem like it is coming out of left field, so bear with me. I love history. Despite my penchant for all things creative and scientific, I am a closeted history buff. I read histories and 'historical fictions' for fun, I love historically based movies of any and all sort, and I am in love with a history podcast: Dan Carlin's Hardcore History.

Dan Carlin isn't a historian. But he is a creative thinker, a great speaker, and an awesome story teller. He made the Punic Wars exciting and fascinating for crying out loud. Really! The Punic Wars... do you even remember learning about it in school? Anyway, he does most of his podcast with a story teller vibe, which I think is the best part. He tries to tell the stories from the viewpoints of the people who lived through it, not as a cold, unfeeling outsider. Which makes these tales completely engaging... so yeah, if you are down with history and dig podcasts (FYI, they are great for driving/road trips) go download some of his podcasty goodness!

Go check out the archives... the topics are both varied and extensive... and awesome! NERD ALERT! (And if you need/want recommendations from this nerd, I particularly like the ones about the Plague (Bubonic Nukes), the first Blitz episode (History Under the Influence) and the Punic Nightmare series 1-3). Fascinating stuff I tell you!

Okay, this PSA is now over. Proceed with your day!

LiveBlogging the PCS: Part 5

Also know as: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

The good? The house is officially on the market. Papers are signed and we are off 'n running.

The bad? Having to keep the house spotless, smelling fresh (aka: not like dog) and organized.

The ugly? Best case scenario means we will have to bring $3000 to closing.

I understand that this is what we are choosing. I understand that the market is bad. I understand that since we've only been paying on the mortgage for 2 years the amount we owe is too much to really make a profit. But it sucks because we have an adorable house, in a good & desirable neighborhood, we updated the kitchen, it is a gem. And we are still going to be out money on this deal. Aaah, the joys of PCSing.

We do not qualify for the HAP program. Missed it by a few months. We don't want to rent because a) we are going to be 1,200 miles away which is too far to keep tabs on a tenant or be good landlords and b) we have zero intention of living here when he retires. Too much drama and baggage. So that leaves us with taking the hit, sucking it up, and praying for the best.

So cross your fingers and wish us luck! Also, let me leave you with one little tidbit of useful information: When filling out your Power of Attorney before a deployment, if at all possible, have your significant other sign off on ALL items, even if you think they don't/won't apply to you or your situation, because you never know what obscure state laws might trip you up. Not that I would know or be in a complete panic or anything.

And hey, PCS... just so you know... we aren't going to be friends when this is all over. Mmkay?

UPDATE: I (by I, I mean Swiss and my parents and I) decided to up the listing price by 5K for the time being to see what kind of offers, if any, we get. I don't know how it will all pan out, but I figure that if someone is interested, they will just lowball an offer and we can negotiate from there. Swiss is totally unconcerned about the potential $3000 loss, which is keeping my inner panic from turning me into someone who is obviously, outwardly unhinged.

Did you know...

That Swiss and I, despite being a "couple" for the past 3 Julys, have never spent a 4th of July together? I just realized that today.

Isn't this just so military of us?

Not that it is a big deal, but with 2 summers of Warrior Forge for his ROTC assignment and now the deployment, you can see why we've never gone to see fireworks together, host BBQ's or relax in lawn chairs by a lake. Not til next year I guess. But then we are going to make up for it in style... even though I'm not quite sure what that would entail! But I do know this, you are all invited!

A question.

Okay, so at the almost halfway point (with a few months to go before R&R) I'm starting to feel the effects of being separated from Swiss for so long. I don't know how much of this is because we are newlyweds, how much is because I am still new to Army life or how much is just because this sucks.

Do any of you sort of forget what it feels like to be married? I'm not saying that I don't feel like I am married or anything like that. I just mean, do you ever find yourself in the middle of a deployment trying to remember what it was like to have someone else in the house, to cook for two, to wash underwear that isn't from Victoria's Secret or to have to come to a consensus to watch TV? Do you find yourself trying to grasp what it is/was like to cohabitate, to have someone else physically in the house at almost all times?

Because I sort of feel like all that stuff is slipping away... I remember the times when all those things were normal. But they don't feel real, it feels like something that happened a long, long time ago... in a land far, far away.

Am I weird? Never mind, don't answer that.

Please don't misconstrue this as me not wanting to be married or contemplating single life again or any other ridiculousness. I am very happily married. It's just that right now I feel more married rightthisminute to my cell phone and the idea of a husband than I do the person on the other end of the line. Does that even make sense?

I've started sleeping in the middle of the bed again. I eat dinner on tiny plates at my computer. I use up all the hot water. I buy less cheese and more fruit. I watch SATC reruns whenever they are on. Somewhere along the line this became my new normal. And I don't like it. I liked my old normal that involved Swiss at home, cooking for two, having a 'side' of the bed, bushing my teeth with someone else standing next to me, the smell of soap that isn't from Bath & Body Works and sweaty PTs on the floor. Know what I mean?

Sigh. I know my old normal will become my new normal again when Swiss is home, but somehow this new normal feels really foreign and lonely. I like being married. This imposed geographical bachelorette business? For the birds.

Come home soon Swiss... I'd like to get back to our normal again. I miss you...

LiveBlogging: The PCS, Part 4

Dudes. Seriously, getting a house ready to put on the market is A LOT of work. I mean, I have moved before and had to clean and all that stuff. But nothing like this. This house sure as heck better sell in a jiffy... because it looks pretty fly if I do say so myself!

My Mom and my Almost Mom Carolyn came up this weekend and for just the cost of a nice dinner and drinks, they helped me scour, clean, touch-up, organize and stage the house. We did everything from mulching, painting, shampooing carpets, to buying pretty plants, framing pictures and cleaning windows. The place looks 84 kinds of sharp and hopefully I will be meeting with the Realtor on Thursday to get this thing rolling. Phew! Now, all we need is a buyer! Cross your fingers all- with any luck I will be living in an extended stay hotel suite by late August/September!

I think the best pieces of advice I can offer anyone doing this are the following:
1.) DON'T BUY A HOUSE. I'm not kidding. Just don't do it if you have any inclination that you will be moving soon. ... Okay, I am sort of kidding. Owning a house has been awesome, but the stress of selling one with a PCS looming and a deployed spouse has been, well, not fun. So I say avoid it unless you are lucky enough to homestead at a particular post or have no real intentions of leaving even if PCS orders do come down.

2.) Get some help when you go to clean/detail it for sale... not only is it a lot of work, but it helps to have an outside perspective to edit/purge your personal items and stage the rooms you have done your way. I can't stress this one enough... my Mom and Carolyn were able to help out tremendously by telling me to can certain items, bring out others and rearrange furniture. It looks SO much better and I wouldn't have been able to do that all on my own!

3.) Buy lots of cleaning products and paper towels... I went through more Shaklee Basic H (LOVE THIS STUFF) this weekend than I have in the last year, but I didn't get high on chemical fumes and with the concentrate on hand, I was able to make more and more and more as we needed it. Is this a shameless plug for a great safe and green product? Sort of, but seriously, you are going to need about 4 times more cleaning products/tools/implements than you think you will. No matter how clean you keep your house!

4.) If and when you do paint, be sure to keep all the extras well labeled and on hand. We did a ton of tiny touch ups to the trim and the walls, it looks freshly painted and it was easy peasy because not only did I know where everything was, it was all clearly labeled. Even the stuff from the previous owners! Score!

5.) Keep all of your owner's manuals, warranties, paperwork and brochures pertaining to the house in one central location. Mine is all in one binder clearly labeled by room. It came to me all in one folder, which was awesome, but Mom organized it even better and it looks fantastic. Nothing says "I was a good homeowner! Buy this house!" like these little touches.

Now to get on the housing list at Fort X. Do you think they will let me simply reactivate our previous housing application with only date changes to be made? STOP LAUGHING! It could happen!!! Wish me luck folks! *Okay, y'all were right to laugh. No beans on reactivating applications... must go home and fill out 926 questions with answers. AWESOME.

Happy Fourth of July!

Eighth Avenue Patriot, originally uploaded by Tucker&Swiss.

Enjoy the day and remember what it is about, and remember those fighting to keep it that way...

Angsty.

I don't know what it is, but lately I've been feeling antsy and angsty and generally unsettled. It has nothing to do with the PCS, that much I know. I suspect it has everything to do with all the turnings of the tides over yonder in the Sandboxes. I don't know how many times I have heard "All of our troops are out of the city!" in the last few days and then how many times I roll my eyes. (Not to mention the inevitable, "So does this mean Swiss gets to come home?" No. No it does not.)

They are not out. Decidedly not. Anyone who knows anything knows this. So why the charade? Why the lip service? Are we afraid to say we were wrong and they aren't ready? Do we not want to hurt feelings or relationships so we just go along with the plan anyway? Or are we just not ready to give up control, so we just say we are? In word but not in spirit? Or worse yet, are we still there because we didn't have a good place to move these guys to? Ask around and you might be surprised by the answers you find...

Somehow our guys went from soldiers to "Advisers" overnight, and somehow this means they are no longer "troops"? Wha? And what's worse is that somewhere the truth got lost in the translation and it seems that folks think the war in Iraq is now over. If only... Gaw, lately it seems like it is just beginning again, albeit in a new format. Violence is up. Attacks are up. Security is uneven at best.

And this major offensive in Afghanistan (with one KIA already) and the DUSTWUN soldier too... it all makes me nervous. It makes me edgy. It makes me realize that even though things seemed 'easy' and 'safe' for a little while, they aren't. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Troops are still dying, losing their legs, anything else you can (or can't) imagine. There are still mortar attacks, IEDs, the works... This isn't easy, this isn't over and the danger isn't gone. And all of this brings the fact that Swiss isn't safe, none of our loved ones over there are, into sharp focus. And that scares the crap out of me.

So I guess the nerves, the angst, the antsyness... all just par for the course. This is what it feels like when your loved ones are at war. It ain't a fun place to be. But then again, most of you know that. And you know this feeling. Maybe you are feeling it right now too...

At the risk of sounding hokey, the only thing I can think to do is keep these guys and gals in your thoughts (or prayers if that is your bag). And don't let the folks around you forget. It isn't over yet and we all need to remember that. Do it for them, for their families, or even for me... just one in the endless sea of worried, nervous and angsty spouses. Until they all come home. Okay?

I know it isn't much, but it is something. And right now I'll take anything that will help me feel even a little bit better about this.

Funny randomness.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Jeff Goldblum Will Be Missed
http://www.colbertnation.com/
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Jeff Goldblum

Very, very funny. And also, my love for Stephen Colbert only grows with each passing day. And the buzz cut is still hawt. (but no need to worry Swiss, he's no you!)

Because we all need more baby gorillas.

There. Those should have made you sufficiently mushy and gooey inside. And unless you are cold and heartless, you should be smiling. Nom nom nom.... baby gorilla. Seriously, how stinking cute is this little guy? And he just got a new surrogate mom... which is good because otherwise I would have tried to adopt him and then there would literally, one day, be an 800lb gorilla in the room. Awkward.

Okay, Carry On! Happy Wednesday all! Thanks for humoring my gratuitous baby animal post, it's my inner Jane Goodall coming through... (Oh, and don't forget to vote on my new studio name thingy in yesterday's post!)

The newish gig. Sorta.

So most of you already know that I am trying to start up a photography business... yeah, I know, me and everyone else. But I am hoping that this is something I can do for actual money and still get to flex my creative muscles, espeically when we are down at Fort X and I will be gainfully UNemployed. The plan? Family, baby and senior portraits. I love weddings, but don't want to go that route just yet... no real good reason other than I like my weekends to myself. Selfish Only Child Alert!!!

So the first gig is on Thursday, it is for a good friend at work and her beautiful family. I'm only charging, so far, for a sitting and time spent editing. No printing, they will just get a DVD with the photos (or CD if it is small enough) and they can choose their own images. At least that is the plan for now. But I digress.

The real issue at hand is this: What the heck do I call this thing?

I know I have asked this, sort of, before... but here are some options I am mulling around... I need your input. Which one sounds sufficiently creative and quirky without sounding flighty or dumb/nonsensical?

Here are my thoughts so far: (mind you, most of these came from song names, poems, etc... and the Studios/Photography part is interchangeable in all cases)

Lovebird Studio

Goodnight Elisabeth Studio

Blackbird Photography

Violet Hill Studio

Lost & Found Photography

What do y'all think? Ideas? Thoughts? Favorites? Let me know what you think folks, because apparently I am incapable of making decisions!

Happy Blogoversary to Me!*

So, I've managed to stick around for a year and not run out of inconsequential things to say. Go me!

And you've managed to stick around despite all the reasons I give you not to... Go you!!!

Thanks to all of you who have stopped by, encouraged me, laughed (at) with me, and helped me through this deployment so far. And even better, thank you to all my 'imaginary' friends who I have met in this great thing called the interwebz... y'all rock the cazbah.

Now, go eat some cake and/or ice cream and/or drink some bubbly. And you are welcome for the justification to eat bad-for-you food and drink booze. Consider it my present to you! Srsly!

*Technically my blog-o-versary was on the 27th, but I was too busy with my concert hangover to care. Sorry.

Weekend recap.

So, first order of business. Summerfest was Awesome. The company was great this weekend (You rock Beth!!!) and despite all the gloom and doom everyone was feeding us about never making it to Milwaukee on time, we arrived at the Fest with an hour and change to spare before the Crows hit the stage. HA! TAKE THAT! Plenty of time to cruise about and soak in the crazy attire, drunken revelers and the overwhelmingly good smells of Fest food (which is in another stratosphere from Fair food).

Anyway, our seats were good and we sat down with our $6 Miller Lites and pack of Twizzlers to await the unknown. Our beloved Crows were billed as a "Special Guest" to the Keith Urban concert. What did that mean? 20 minute opener? More? Well, rest easy friends, we got a solid hour of the Crows (see right, all images courtesy of keithurban.net)... the only thing that was a bummer was that they were clearly pandering to a non-Crows, country-heavy audience. I think there were only a couple hundred folks there who a) knew who they were and b) knew any of their songs other than Mr. Jones (which was the only song that got most everyone fired up). Either way they put on a great show and Beth and I were super pumped to have been able to see them again.

Set break. We bust out for the bathrooms and more beer. Not at all concerned about getting back in time for Keith Urban to start. Because while Beth has listened to his Greatest Hits album, I have only heard like 4 songs and consider myself to be neutral at best when it comes to country music these days. We had both heard that he put on a good show, but the expectations were low. Heck, we even contemplated leaving early to catch the Offspring (?!?) at the Miller Lite Oasis. But we made it back to our seats, moved to better, less crowded ones (see left) and awaited the concert's start.

ZOMG. That is how you start a concert. The huge ginormous screens and flashing lights and thundering bass & drums? Yep, pretty much set the stage. We were in for a country flavored Rock Concert. Not some pansy Pop Country show, which is exactly what I was told I was in for (except for you usmcwife8999). The atmosphere was great, it always is at summertime outdoor arenas and, despite all the non-necessary cowboy hats the show hit the ground running. Literally, that is what he lead with, and after just that first song, I was sold.

I think there were at least 15 instances, maybe more, in which Beth and I were looking at each other totally gobsmacked at what we were witnessing. This guy can freaking PLAY. I never thought I would say that about some pretty boy Aussie country star. Heck, he is more like some countrified hybrid of Paige/Plant (see this guy play and you won't think that is blasphemous, promise)... and I was waiting for him to start playing with his teeth a la Hendrix.

I never knew this guy had such serious guitar chops. Every song had a perfectly placed and timed guitar solo that made the whole thing SO much more like a rock concert than anything else. And the guy is a showman. The whole bit where he walks through the crowd while playing and singing up to a secondary stage in the middle of the amphitheater to play an acoustic mini-set? Fantastic. So yes, I was blown away. And I would dare say it was one of the best concert performances I have ever seen. Better than No Doubt, better than the Crows last year and better than (Ezra? ha! get it???), gasp, Coldplay. Yep. I said it. The best concert I have ever been to was a Country concert. Color me surprised.

Anyway, yes, amazing show. Every song was turned up to the proverbial 11, the whole band was mad, mad talented and the whole thing rocked way hard. Harder than any country show has a right to rock. Kudos to you Keith Urban, for being way more of a Guitar Hero than I ever thought you were, for proving me wrong, and for putting on a damned good show. And I want all five of those giant HD screens, which by the way, made the whole experience for anyone with cheaper seats exponentially better. And while you are at it, you NEED to put our a live CD. Because how y'all play live is a million times more awesome than anything on your studio albums, which I now own.

The rest of the weekend was marked by a Concert Hangover (not beer, promise, 3 in 5 hours won't do that...) on Saturday, new Reef flip flops, ridonkulously cheap Gap jeans ($19.99!), and yummy pizza. Sunday we drove up to Minneapolis, kicked it at IKEA and checked Beth into her uber trendy hotel, got Chipotle and continued to discuss the pitfalls of the Post-9/11 GI Bill, family planning, career/school and everything else under the sun. I love the conversations we have, the exercise it gives my brain, and how I totally get to be me with Beth. No pretenses, no judgment, totally honest, totally open and totally hilarious. Thanks for being that kind of friend Beth... you are a rare find and genuinely amazing!

So yep, that was my weekend. Fan-freaking-tastic if you ask me. I needed that. Happy Monday all!!!

My ode to Milwaukee. (aka: Friday!!!)

Aaah, Milwaukee. Or, if you prefer it Wayne's World style: "Mill-e-wah-que" which is Algonquin for "the good land." Thanks Alice Cooper (fast forward to minute 1:45)! Home to the Miller Brewing Company, Harley-Davidson, the Brewers, Summerfest, Laverne & Shirley, Kohl's Department Stores, Usingers Sausage House, Happy Days, a wicked cool Art Museum and copious numbers of German descendants (ME!). Not to mention Les Paul, Liberace, Gene Wilder, Danny Gokey, Bob Uecker and um, well, er... Jeffery Dahlmer. Also, sort of home. Granted, I grew up about 25 minutes from Milwaukee, but still, it was THE city.

It was where I went to see Michael Jordan play in his prime, where I went to see No Doubt and REM back in the day, it is where my college boyfriend lived (ugh, let's not go there), where I went to the old County Stadium to watch Bernie Brewer slide into his giant mug of beer, and now Miller Park where we watch the Brat, the Hot Dog, the Polish Sausage, the Italian Sausage and the Chorizo race every game night. (See right. God, if that stuff doesn't make you just love this town, I don't know what will.) It is where I always went with my parents to Big Fun Things (like the ballet, theater, sporting events, State Fair, etc.). No, it wasn't like growing up near Chicago or some place bigger or cooler, but it was still pretty great.

Being from Milwaukee also predisposes you to drinking Miller beers (also, Lienenkugle's. Nom nom nom. Summer Shandy and Honey Weiss, I love you!). And see that photo to the left? That is the Miller High Life (aka: "The Champagne of Beers") logo, the Girl in the Moon. I dressed up as her for Halloween a few years ago and it was the AWESOMEST costume ever. And no one got it. Sigh. The perils of not living in Wisconsin anymore. Anyway, the lady who was the model for the Girl in the Moon? Esther Moody. She was a ballerina and my Mom took ballet lessons from her when she was a twee little girl. See, practically in my blood to drink Miller beers.

And also, for the record, the Brewers' had the single coolest sports logo maybe ever in the history of sports (see right). Seriously, look at that thing. A "M" for Milwaukee, a "B" for Brewers all fashioned into a stylish baseball mitt complete with a ball in the center of the "B". I tell you, why they ever got rid of this is beyond me.

Milwaukee is also home to, no jokes, the world's largest music festival. You heard right, Milwaukee. Wisconsin. Its name? Summerfest. What is it? It is essentially 10 days of beer, food, music, entertainment and crowds all situated right down on the shores of Lake Michigan. Because it is "Cooler by the Lake" and that is actually true. While sometimes it can be far from fun, it is also wicked awesome because some really cool concerts come into town and yeah, beer! So that is where Beth and I are heading this weekend, just like we did last year, to go see our favorite band perhaps ever. Counting Crows. Sweetness.

This also means we get to do some serious people watching, because I have found that nothing brings out the crazies like the name Summerfest.

Witness this photo:

Sexy, right?

Nothing helps celebrate the world's largest music festival like mullets, Harley Davidson gear and spandex, often all in one outfit! All of which you will find in great abundance here. Just another reason to love Milwaukee. It isn't pretentious in the least. God Bless it.

So yes, that is where I am off to this weekend. I cannot wait. And for good measure, I will also be spending some quality time with, maybe my favorite town in the Midwest: Madison. But that is another post for another day. I hope y'all have a stellar weekend and when you raise your glass of beer and noshing on your bratwurst while relaxing in the summer sun, give a tip of your hat to Milwaukee.

My belly and me (aka Thursday).

Okay, so I am super serious about getting in better shape and getting healthier so I can live long and prosper as a crotchety old lady. Also, because I fear my once wee belly (where I tend to show my extra weight first) is starting to veer dangerously close to “when is it due?” territory. Ugh. So I am vowing to Do Better (patent pending) in all areas, starting with my diet.

But man, where the heck do you start? I mean, I have a serious love affair with cheese. And I have always put sugar in my coffee. I have an ‘addiction’ to Diet Coke. And I usually wuss out of cooking dinner now that Swiss is in the Sandbox… cereal or Mac ‘n Cheese anyone? I know I make plenty of suspect food choices… a sub without mayonnaise is sacrilegious, sour cream is sent from heaven and... really, I just rely on processed foods way to heavily in general. Shame on me!

I have decided to start sort of small… I’m not giving my diet a complete overhaul, nor am I out to count every last calorie just yet. I truly do love fruits and veggies, I think hummus is fabulous and as a certified carnivore, I love me some protein. I just need to weed out the stupid stuff.

Thanks to Amy (from whom I have stolen almost ALL of these ideas), I’ve taken her lead and have stopped putting sugar in my coffee. I found that if you buy good coffee (CARIBOU!) you don’t have to put the sugar in it. I’ve bounced back up to 2% milk and I am weaning myself off of Diet Coke (but I am not going to give it up completely just yet… one thing at a time folks!). I am buying fruit by the bucketful and trying to eat at least 2 serving a day. Lately cherries have been my snack and dessert. I am also going to buy more produce/perishables, I hate to see it go to waste so hopefully it will help me eat the good stuff! Breakfast is now going to be a protein shake with loads of fruit (which totally gives me an excuse to use my shiny red blender). Lunch will be Kashi (at least while I am working) frozen meals because they usually have lots of vegetables and their grains/pastas are always whole wheat (and the Mayan Harvest Bake is DE-freaking-LISH!). Dinner will be protein plus 2 veggies with a smattering of whole wheat carbs/grains. Snacks? Hummus and veggies, hard boiled eggs or more fruit. FO’ REALS! I mean it this time!!!

The hard part? Keeping this up when Swiss gets home. That man loves him some cheese (read: puts it on almost everything, even stuff that already has cheese on it) and isn’t a huge fan of all the veggies I usually feed him (unless covered in said cheese)... something about excess gas. Aren't you glad you asked? Side note: how he manages to remain so fit, trim and generally free of body fat I will NEVER know. He doesn’t eat fruit (too much work. Seriously, that is his excuse!) and prefers mostly proteins, virtually no carbs unless they are in the form of cereal. But then again, I am the cook so if he wants to eat, I guess he will have to get used to it!

Anyway, this is my plan. I figure that if I write it here, I have to sort of hold myself accountable and not be a flake about it. I've been doing it all this week so far and have noticed a difference in my energy levels and a little in my weight already. AWESOME. So, do y’all have any tricks to weed out the bad and find ways to eat more tasty & good for you foods? Let me hear ‘em if you’ve got ‘em!

Wednesday, you wicked minx.

Aah, Wednesday. You suck less than Tuesday and Monday. Good for you!!!


Today started off not so sweet. Think obsessively whining and whimpering dog at 0415. But I vowed not to react to it (unlike yesterdays yelling and screaming... fun!) and sure enough, 15 minutes later, the devil dog stopped. For about 45 minutes. Then he started up again. I, yet again, resisted the urge to go ballistic and just stayed in bed. 20 minutes later he stopped. Then the blissful peace and quiet returned to our house and I got to sleep until the alarm went off. Much better!

Then, I checked my e-mail and guess what? The super cute Birki's I wanted to buy but were out of stock? They were back in stock! So I bought them. Wanna see 'em?

And then I realized that I didn't have to go to softball practice tonight, so that made me at least 28 shades of happy. And I get fair food for lunch! See, this week is our town's Festival (not to be confused with the County Fair or anything)... so that means the streets downtown are blocked off and chock full of fried food vendors and music stages. Good times! I will most certainly pass up the "Hot Dish on a Stick" this year though. S-k-e-t-c-h-y. (Bonus 10 points if you actually know what "Hot Dish" is.)

Swiss gently lectured me yesterday about over-extending myself. Which is fair, because that is exactly what I have been doing. So now I have to do some soul searching about what I need to quit to regain my sanity and take better care of myself. I've been going non-stop this whole month with work and after-work activities every day of the week. I'm suffering, Fletcher is suffering and I don't think the really important stuff is getting done the way it should (like the PCS work, getting the house ready, etc). It's been too much, but this gal ain't a quitter, so I've been in more of the "Suck it Up Buttercup" mindset. I'm afraid the coaching gig will be what takes the hit, since it takes up 4 nights a week... but I hate to do that to the girls and I just can't stand the idea of quitting something I committed to. But that is my cross to bear and it must be done.

Anyway, I am doing much better today with the help of a tasty Caribou Iced Coffee, a newly updated iPod music stash, and the prospects of a kick ass weekend with Beth involving the concert, wedding planning (the fun kind) and another trip to IKEA. Things are looking up... and that is a very, very good thing. Happy Wednesday y'all!

PS: Jenny, I hope these posts are helping you keep track of your days! :)

New math.

Just because it made me giggle. And I need to giggle more. I like this sort of math...

Via the ever hilarious BurnMyBiscuits... from New Math.

Et tu Tuesday?

Meh. Apparently I am still lingering around the outskirts of Suckyville (though I do have some company...). I mean, seriously, are we DONE yet? hahahahahahaha.... NO. Ugh.

Today isn't looking much better than yesterday... though Swiss's "thing" worked out just fine and he is safe & well. Phew. My new dishwasher? Doesn't drain, and the sink still leaks. BIL needs to fix this because I simply don't have the gumption to deal with it. IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER! NOT WORSE!!! The dog is now fluffy and clean... but he won't sleep past 5:30am. Which is killing me slowly. Today I am only doing 2 people's jobs, so that is better I suppose! And did I mention how humid it is here? Yesterday it was 95 with 47% humidity. I was sweating like crazy just standing outside... lucky us we get more of the same today! HOORAY UPPER MIDWEST. And by that I mean not. Decidedly.

But I won't complain any more because I know it isn't that bad. I get to go to Milwaukee this weekend for a Counting Crows concert with the coolest gal I know, Beth, for her bachelorette 'party' (the best thing is that we did the exact same thing for my bachelorette 'party'). And you must understand that by 'party' we mean, go to a great concert, drink overpriced beer, and hang out in general. MAN- WE ARE CRAZY! Right? No? Oh, well. I think we both like it better this way... no phalluses involved, no "Suck for a Buck" and NO tiaras/veils. Perfection!

Okay, I should get to work and stop avoiding it like the plague. Validations make mah brain hurt. Hope y'all have a great Tuesday!

Teh Kitchen

HOORAY! I have a semi-new kitchen! The remodel is thisclose to being done... just some finishing touches and I can put her through the wringer, so to speak. Anyway, I thought I would give you a good old fashioned, HGTV inspired before and after. This was totally like a Design on a Dime episode, only with a Brother In Law, a bunch of Mountain Dew and an abundance of fart jokes. What can I say, my BIL is one classy guy.

So, without further adieu...

BEFORE: (ugh, what a mess! Sorry!)

AFTER! (oooohhhhhh! aaaaaaahhhhhhh! *golf claps*)

New sink: $185

New faucet: $114

New countertops: $178

New dishwasher: $297

Fixins: $75

TOTAL: $849 (plus $300 labor)

Aren't y'all proud of me!?!?! And doesn't it look lovely?! Sigh... I'm a happy girl and pretty sure this will go a long, long way in helping us sell this house. YAY!

Monday morning blahs.

Some Monday mornings just can't get it right. I mean, Mondays are supposed to be an gentle easing back into the workweek. Not a kick in the rear. Or at least that is how I would like Mondays to be... sigh, if only someone cared what I thought. ha!

This Monday was marked (so far) by a dog who rolled in the dumped out grapefruit scented dish soap (leftover from the kitchen remodel, which I will post tomorrow) in the lawn (thanks BIL! not.). Now he is sticky, muddy, matted and smells vaguely of citrusy mud. Today also had my Dad leaving town to go home, never fun because my parents are awesome and I miss them and I am only going to move further and further away because the Army makes me. And I get to do 3 people's jobs today at work! woot! Oh, and my new sink leaks. Must fix that tonight (looking at you BIL). There are also worries today because of some things (vagueness is the peanut butter to OPSEC's jelly) going on with Swiss today and "things" always make me nervous. I'm feeling distinctly gun-shy of the news today and that makes my internet surfing difficult.

Anyway, I'm not bitching, just laying out my case to Monday. This ain't how you do it... you know, for future reference. Mmmkay?

Oh, and before I forget... here is a site y'all should check out, not just because the name is cool: Burn My Biscuits. It's Amy from Alternative Army Wife and she is embarking on her new non-Army life... hence the new blog. Go check it out and be inspired not only by her story and kick ass outlook on life, but by her awesome information and take on getting healthy and working out. Way to go Lady! Congrats!!!

Happy Father's Day

Wedding, originally uploaded by Tucker&Swiss.

I just wanted to send Father's Day wishes to my amazing, wonderful, wise and funny Dad. He is the best father a girl could ever hope for and I'm please as punch that I got to spend this weekend with him.

Thanks Dad, for all you do, all you have done, and for being my biggest supporter.

Random question.

Okay- here is my random pre-weekend question for you:

What is the best advice you've ever gotten from a movie?

Me?
Lester Bangs, Almost Famous. "The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you're uncool."

A fantabulous movie (highly recommended) and a very true quote. I figure that in any situation, if you can't be your naturally uncool self, it ain't worth a thing. So thanks Lester Bangs (played by the ever amazing Philip Seymour Hoffman) for the poetic words and great advice.


Your turn! Oh, and have a wonderful weekend!


(And if you can't tell, I'm making my way out of Suckyville... which suddenly reminds me of Stuckeyville from maybe one of the best TV series ever. Gaw, I loved that show. The end.)

A farewell to flip-flops. Sort of...

Today is a sad, sad day. I went to the doctor to have them look at my feet. My feet suck, they hurt more often than not and sadly this has been going on since college, which is longer ago than I care to admit. Anyway, it was time to do something about it. My doctor's remedy? Custom orthotics. Yes, old lady orthotics. But, hey, it they will make my feet better? I am down. It was all good and well and fine until he uttered some of the worst news of my life:

"Your days of flip flops are over." o.0 ...crickets...

Wha? NO FLIP FLOPS!?!?!?!? Inconceivable!! (yes, say that with the required lisp a la The Princess Bride)

I am aghast. I am downtrodden. I am brokenhearted. I feel all Brokeback Mountain... you know... I CAN'T QUIT YOU! Seriously Mr. MD... you can't make me do this!!!

So, between you and me, am I really going to go home and throw away all of my wonderful, toe liberating, color coordinated, essential-to-wardrobe flip flops? Aw, HELL NO. We just won't tell my doctor that, mmkay? It'll be our little secret.

Speak now or forever hold your peace.

This comment arrived under the “Who We Are” section over at LeftFace, but I wanted to put it out there to as wide of an audience as possible. Kristy is trying to get some real changes made and we ALL need to throw our thoughts into the ring. Please think about these questions she poses and get your voice out there!!!

Hi All, My name is Kristy Kaufmann, I’m the Army wife who wrote the op-ed in the Washington Post, “Army Families Under Fire” 5/11/09.

Since the article ran, I’ve been in contact with the White House, the Secretary of the Army, the office of the Sec. of Defense, Army family program directors and some congressmen and senators. It’s taken me 8 years and an op-ed to get in the room and I’m doing everything I possibly can use this “voice” to inject some urgency and reality into these conversations. I am completely unaffiliated and my only agenda is to speak for the many who have no voice and hold our leaders (civilian and military) accountable for doing what they say they are going to do (and doing it effectively).

We (military families) need smart people like you at the ground level who are unafraid to speak honestly and help provide solutions. I wouldn’t have taken the risk to write the article if I didn’t think it could affect significant change, but I’m just one person. I need to hear from others that are “in the trenches”; ours is the voice that has been missing from the conversations where decisions are being made. I have a direct line to the top right now, let’s use this opportunity!

Here are a couple of questions I’ve been asked by non-profits who want to help military families, they want input from the ground level. Please feel free to post them on Left Face, people can also respond directly to me at kkaufmanncool@gmail.com. I will keep all responses anonymous. I’m using “soldier” to represent all military members, regardless of branch.

1. What are the biggest problems facing soldiers (and their families) returning from deployment?
2. What could be done to address these problems?
3. Does the current military family support system work? If not, why?
4. How can veteran’s service organizations help military families?
5. If you had all the power in the world, what would you do to support soldiers and military families?

Thanks! Kristy

Here are my two cents, which I already posted over at LF… I really encourage all of you to either shoot Kristy an e-mail or head over to LeftFace to get your opinions and thoughts heard!

1. I echo LopsidedMom on this one. JOBS! My husband will soon retire and our options are super limited give his MOS and I worry that if he doesn't stay in a career with military ties (ROTC, JROTC) no one will realize his potential, experience and mad skills. The Vet unemployment rate is WAY too high and generally speaking these are folks with loads of potential and a totally untapped resource. We need to fix this!

2. I think the tax incentives are a good start- make it profitable to hire these folks. But again, echoing LopsidedMom, we need to educate employers to their skill sets, abilities, and all the ways these amazing folks can be an asset to their company.

Also, help them recognize that sometimes with folks like this, college degrees aren't necessary, their breadth and wealth of experience should count for something. I can't tell you how many jobs my husband has already looked into and is qualified for SKILL-wise but not Degree-wise. This is an issue for lots of retiring NCO's and we need to create a situation that allows these troops (especially those with 15-20 years in) to get more than entry level jobs. (And the GI Bill isn't the only answer to this, we need to get creative here!)

3. Yes and no. If the FRG (Army) is run by someone who has a) the time, b) the resources and c) the support to do it right, then it works well. But more often than not, this isn't the situation. I agree that these positions all need to be paid and specific goals/tasks need to be laid out so that expectations can be met and folks can be held accountable. These groups need to revolve less around socializing/status making and more around concrete help, support and education.

I also think that the support network for families not in the general vicinity of their installation (ie- went home to live with parents during the deployment, didn't choose to move shortly before a deployment like me, etc) needs to be beefed up and the DoD or someone needs to be more creative about creating support networks for these folks. I would love to see someone create databases (I know this is a huge task) that would allow military families of all branches reach out and find real tangible support in their location. I wouldn't care if the only folks I had in town for support were Navy or Air Force (that's not a dig!)... just having actual people to meet with when you are geographically separated from your Unit would be AMAZING. This is an area that is sorely lacking!

4. I think that having lists of trusted service providers would be a great start. Who can you trust to do yard work? What is a reliable mechanic that won't try to take advantage of me? Who does good home repair that, again, won't fleece me? I also think that possibly Veteran organizations could also serve as a resource for finding other military families in your area. They could possibly host meet-ups open to all branches? But I do agree that this should be a two way street. If Vet's organizations and MilFamilies relied on each other, there could be A LOT of amazing work accomplished!

5. At the risk of sounding like a Miss America contestant, I agree with trying to bring peace to fruition and bring our troops home. But in all seriousness. I would stop using our troops as worldwide peace-makers. I would try to rely more on UN forces and support/augment these groups for situations like Iraq, etc. I would use our troops in more of a preventative role (rather than reactionary and risk becoming the go-to guys in everyone else's time of need), focusing on intelligence, homeland security, keeping the US safe and working WITH allies and multi-national forces in supporting roles instead of taking over. If conflict wasn't avoidable, I would focus on utilizing our forces efficiently and evenly, paying close attention to OpTempo and staying within our means (both at home and in theatre).

I would put real money, time and effort into fixing the woefully inadequate systems in place to deal with PTSD, suicides, substance abuse and relationship/family issues. I would also beef up the school and support programs for military kids... more after school programs, more counselors, more funding for special events. Anything to make deployments easier on kids. And yes, free college to Gold Star kids for sure.

Lastly, I totally second LopsidedMom on requiring our elected officials to wear 80lbs of combat gear and go to Birkram Yoga. But only after they had to do some Basic Training and get buzz cuts.

Okay folks, now it is your turn. Go get your opinions heard!!! Double Time!!!

Lingering.

I've decided that Suckytown isn't really all that bad. So I think I am going to stay for a little while. (Don't be concerned... I have no plans to put roots down and stay here or anything!) This particular funk is a strong one and I don't quite have the urge/desire to take it on just yet. So I am going to linger here.

Yesterday, when I was talking to Swiss, he told me he had a tentative date for R&R. Which is awesome, but also still very far away. He told me that it was almost like starting over again at zero, because we've done the same amount of time apart already. Seriously, I almost started bawling when I heard him say "Zero". Ugh. I don't want to be at zero again. I CAN'T be at zero again. The thought of that is downright depressing.

I have also discovered some of the side effects of residing in Suckytown. Maybe it has something to do with the air here, but I can't remember important day-to-day stuff anymore. Mah brain is fried and if it ain't on a list, it ain't gettin' done. I am way distracted (more so than usual) and find myself craving solitude. Not because I don't like people or have decided to become a recluse (though I have contemplated it, but for other reasons), I think just because I know deep down the only person who could make any of this better is the one who is so far away. And that is just the way it is.

But, don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I'm just taking my time to see the sights, get a taste of the local flavor and enjoy the break from wearing the HappyFace (trademark). Suckytown isn't a place I want to stay... but for now, it's just easier being here than anywhere else. Have a great Wednesday everyone and thanks again for all the kind thoughts and encouragement!

Gratitude.

I just need to say this: I have so much to be thankful for... even in the midst of this spectacularly sucky part of the deployment, I have found SO many amazing people, from near and far, from every walk of life, that I can call my friends. People who get this. People who understand. People who are compassionate, witty, kind, generous and amazing. People who don't just try to pick you up when you fall... people who tell you it is okay to sit for a spell, ask if you are okay, try to fix or soothe what ails you and know that you will get up on your own as soon as you are ready. These are the kind of people who will be there when I fall again... they will be there even if I never fall again. For these people, I am truly grateful.

So THANK YOU. Thank you to all who commented/e-mailed/called yesterday, all of those who knew what I was going through, who stood beside me, who didn't judge or tell me to suck it up, who were there to tell me I was normal, things would be okay, and that I had every right to feel this way. In no way could I do this without any of you... you all will always have my gratitude, admiration and love.

Roll Call:
Slightly Salty
Meghan (who really should jump into the blogosphere!)
indiana.girl
Bette
Anchored Away
alternativearmywife
Post Tenebras Lux
LopsidedMom
Army Wife Life
Military Brat
LAW
Kimba

You all are amazing, wonderful, unique and incredible women & men. I would be lost in the sauce without you!!! Thank you for all you do, all you have done... and I can only hope that one day I can be there for y'all the way you have been there for me. I am so grateful for each and every one of you!

Suckytown, USA

I am pretty sure that I am to the point in this deployment where I'm starting to resent the Army. Okay, resent might be too strong of a word, but I am maxed out on Hooah, plum out of "Better! Not Bitter!", and the tank that was once full of "Embracing the Suck" is running on fumes. Now, I have no idea if this is 'normal' or not... but up til now I've been at peace with Her (her being the Army). I've been okay (mind you- not happy, but okay with it because this is the life we lead) with the fact that She had to send Swiss so far away for so long. I've been keeping my positive (for the most part, aside from the random venting) attitude and trying to stay optimistic about our situation. I've been doing my best to avoid the long, slow descent into Suckytown, USA.

But now? Now I am surly. And I might be the new Mayor of Suckytown... or at least the County Commissioner. I'm just SO over this and I can't help but look at all the blissfully happy (or not) couples everywhere I look and be overcome with disdain. Disdain for their proximity to their loved ones, which they no doubt take for granted. Disdain for the 8-ish more months I have to pretend to be okay with being 'single' again. Disdain for having my own husband rationed out to me in 30 minute parcels. Disdain for being at the mercy of an organization that not only doesn't know us, but doesn't care to. Disdain for an Army that, as of late, is more about lip-service than actual action.

I will fully admit that my disdain isn't all well placed. I'll be the first to admit that. Is it fair for me to look at all those other happy couples with sourness and envy? No. It isn't their fault. Do I have a right to be surly with the Army when I knew full well this was a possibility when I married Swiss? Probably not. But this situation defies even my best science-based logic... I can't get past one measly detail: THIS SUCKS.

I am tired of pretending it doesn't suck. I am over acting like that everything is perfectly fine and normal. I am done pretending that nothing will change when Swiss gets home (personally, career and otherwise). I can't keep up the facade that I am okay/at peace with all of this. Because seriously, I am not. Even though I know I have to be.

See, I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night and find myself alone yet again. I don't want to lay in bed quietly crying because I can't really remember how it feels to be in his arms or what it sounds like when he snores. I want to feel like my life isn't on hold (because, let's be honest, if you are in a solid marriage/relationship, when he or she is gone for a year, your life is on hold... one way or another, whether you want to admit it or not.). I want to have a conversation with my husband that doesn't involve a phone or a timer. I want to wake up and hear him breathing, feel his presence, and hold on to him- not just a memory of him or a t-shirt that faintly smells like him (and of plastic zip-loc bags).

I know, I know. Whine much? It's just that while I know every day is a day closer to us being together, lately the days are just blurring into one massive puddle of suck. Sure there are glimmers of the good, there are friends and family that do their best to distract you the days that don't seem so bad. But at the end of every day, I crawl into an empty bed and know full well that nothing will change for a long, long time. Ugh. I'll get over it, I always do. But I just don't feel like playing nice with Her today.

LiveBlogging: The PCS, Part 3

Okay, so clearly the numero uno priority in the Tucker & Swiss household is the PCS. What happens in any good PCS? Houses are sold. And what happens when you live in a house for 2 years and gain a husband? You get lots of stuff. LOTS. So that is what my wonderful Mom and I did this week/weekend. We cleaned, we organized, we purged, we edited, we rearranged, we painted, we trimmed and we packed. We got that sucker ready.

IT. WAS. AWESOME!

Tiring, but awesome. And my Mom, bless her, kicked some serious arse while I was working last week. And this weekend we put the hurt on the rest of the STUFF and got the house looking smashing. That woman has got to have Super Powers. (Lucky me, I'm an only child so I can be the sole beneficiary of her awesome powers!)

We even went out and bought the new counter tops, dishwasher, faucet and all the necessary things to install them. So exciting! And my brother-in-law is coming over tonight to get the old dishwasher uninstalled (thankfully Lowe's is willing to take the old one and dispose of it for us, which is excellent!). If all goes as planned (knock on wood) we will have the house ready to be put on the market the week after the Fourth of July. w00t!

The next things on the list? Finish organizing our wardrobes/closets. Remodel the kitchen. Spruce up the living room. Clean windows and give the house a spiffing up before the big day. Not too shabby, right? I feel SO much better about this whole process now that we got so much done. I doubt I would be even a quarter as far along as we are if it weren't for my awesome Mom. Sorry folks, she's not for hire!

I'll keep you all posted on the kitchen remodel and the word from our Realtor. Happy Monday everyone and THANKS MOM! :)

Happy Birthday Army!

HOOAH!

Now, where is my cake? ...Ice cream? ...Hats and streamers? ...Anything???

Fletcher Colbert

Fletcher, originally uploaded by Tucker&Swiss.

So Swiss and I have been debating what Fletcher's middle name would be. Because all self-respecting dogs have middle names, right?

Anyway, I made a command decision last night (and Swiss doesn't know yet). It is going to be Colbert (silent T). Because a) he is hilarious and awesome, b) it sounds cool, and c) he got so many cool points for going to Iraq and being an advocate for the military and their families. I figure the least I can do is partially name our dog after him. He would be honored, I'm sure.

Oh, and if you didn't get a chance to watch his shows from Al Faw Palace, you need to spend some quality time this weekend catching up. It was awesome and hilarious and, I think, a pretty big deal. So a Tip of the Hat to you Mr. Colbert. Thanks for all you do. And for being so damned funny. And for making me cry when you said the bit about "Honey, I'm comin' home." You rock.

And also, how could anyone NOT love this man? Seriously, that should go above the fireplace...

Happy Friday Everyone!

Yeah, what he said.

The Degradation of the American Dialogue

Go read it.
The end.


And thanks to LAW for pointing this out to me.

Mah Mom.

This is my Mom. She is teh coolest.
Today is her Birthday! YAY! So, happy Birthday Mom, you are the best friend I could have ever hoped for you and you are the awesomest Mom ever! I am so lucky! Swiss thinks he's lucky to have you for a 2nd Mom too, plus he thinks you are pretty funny, even though this photograph in no way supports that theory. So here's to you and here's to many, many more!

Happy Birthday Lola!

LiveBlogging: The PCS, Part 2

This is part 2 in a series... Oh, and one more thing. A good friend is also blogging about the PCS experience from his point of view, that of a Military Brat... go check it out. I promise it will be helpful if you have kids and this guy is funny, realistic, insightful and honest. Plus, he thinks I am funny, which will always help me like you more. What? ... I'm being honest! ;)

Okay, so the house. Ugh. The house. I love our house. And really, not to be selfish or whatever, but it is kinda my house. I bought it before I met Swiss and the poor guy has really only lived there in weekend-long spurts and for random weeks at a time, but it does house his stuff... man, does it ever! I slaved over the real estate web pages for 6 months to find it. I decorated it. I pay the mortgage. So really, this whole Sell-The-House! (patent pending) thing is my issue... my burden to bear. Which, considering Swiss is in the Sandbox, isn't too bad of a deal for me. But I digress...

Today I met with our real estate agent. She is the kind, patient lady who forged around 30+ houses with me when I was on the search for this one. And she found me just what I was looking for. Only this time I am counting on her to SELL just what I had been looking for. Because now? Now I'm in the market for some sweet on-Post housing circa 1953 with stained brown carpeting, plain white walls and a tiny kitchen. I'm crazy like that.

The list of things to do?
1.) Remodel kitchen. Like, yesterday.
2.) Declutter, depersonalize and edit... this will be hard. I have stuff. Lots of stuff. And I like it, I don't want to pack it up... this isn't any fun!?!?!
3.) Maintain immaculate home... will be a challenge with a shedding, overly active dog and slightly slobbish ways.
4.) Pack up the unnecessary items, get our sappy photos off the walls and get rid of the junk. See #2 for appropriate whine.
5.) Have Mom do as much of this as she can while I am at work. Oops! Did I write that down?
6.) Spruce up yard, plant things, don't kill them.
7.) Have mini-meltdown on way home from Target after meeting.
8.) Shove my face full of Chipotle for dinner to soothe self.

Yeah, so consider 7 & 8 done. I think it is just me being weary of doing, well, everything solo. This is the stuff you are supposed to do WITH your spouse. This is the crap stuff that you help one another get through. This the stuff you do together, instead of relying on your mom or whatever. But alas, not for us. Anyway, I will work on 1-6, um, like NOW. Our agent is confident that we can sell the house, but the sooner we can get it on the market the better. She is trolling for potential home buyers who are currently renters (and therefore can accommodate the fact that we can't move out until November 1). I just have to get everything in order, pack some things up, clean, organize and pray for a real estate miracle.

And away we go! So, do y'all got any seller/staging tips you want to share? Because, seriously... I NEED THEM!!!

LiveBlogging: The PCS, Part 1

Now, those are 3 dirty letters if I ever saw any! Swiss and I are about to embark on a PCS back down to Fort X. And by Swiss and I, I mean that I am doing it and Swiss is going to have to listen to me bitch and talk me down from whatever ledges the paperwork and hoop jumping puts me on.

I thought that since I would probably be complaining, er... I mean blogging about the trials and tribulations of said PCS, why not make it a series of how to (or NOT to) PCS. It's like a learn-as-you go thing for me, and I will most certainly welcome any and all tips/nuggets of wisdom y'all have to share.



So here it goes... Part 1.

Dudes, yesterday was productive! And it felt good! I contacted the realtor I bought my house from to meet and discuss when to list it (soon! think July), what needs to be done by then, and what contingencies I may or may not want to have (ie: stay in the house until November renting from new owners, closing date in November, etc.). She is coming over to the house tonight so that will be a super productive visit. Also, my mom is coming up this week so that should give me some great projects to task her with when I am at work. My only worry other than selling the house is our need to stay in it until November as Swiss's mid-tour leave will be in October and I would hate to put him and us in a hotel for all that time or someone else's house. We just want to be home. Know what I mean?

I also contacted to PPSO (Personal Property Shipping Office) at the local (tiny) Army post. I think I might have lucked out with being close to only a small post as the folks there are a) not swamped with customers/families/or massive restructurings (read Carson, Knox, Campbell, Hood and that whole 4th ID shuffle) b) uber friendly and c) able to give you quick and thorough replies to your queries. I might be in love with our PPSO contact. She gave me all the paperwork I could possibly need within an hour of my initial e-mail inquiry. She rocks. She also let me know my time lines and that I could opt in for a 'counseling' session that would mean I could actually MEET with someone to talk over the details and any other questions I may have as we get closer to the PCS date. Awesome!

And for the most important lesson I can give any of you with any sort of PCS on the horizon. FIND AN OBVIOUS, SAFE PLACE FOR THE PCS ORDERS. Ha! I spent about two hours tearing through 30 lbs of 'current' Army paperwork (some of which dated back to 2005) to find that one precious piece of paper. Ugh. Not fun. But I did find it so Hooray for me! So, yes, just make sure all your paperwork is in order and that you KNOW where everything is. Y'all know how the Army is... I will likely have to show those PCS orders and our marriage certificate no less than 73 times before this ordeal is over. (Oh, and a friend also told me that if you can't find said PCS orders, you should start by contacting the S1, who would be a part of the HHC... or at least that is how it is in Swiss's unit.) I also finally got my BIL to commit to finishing up the kitchen. Woot!

So that is where we stand now. Next tasks? Get on housing list at Fort X, get house ready for listing, and review the scary checklists. Ready... Break!

Operation Iraqi Stephen: Going Commando

I heart you Stephen Colbert! And that is one fantastic suit by the way...

Not only did you shave your head, but you traveled to Iraq to support and entertain our troops, you constantly keep these wars on the public radar and you support organizations that support troops and their families (Yellow Ribbon Fund and DonorsChoose.org). You seriously rock. And I love you for it!

Be sure to watch the Colbert Report this week. The shows filmed in Iraq at Al Faw Palace are airing Monday-Thursday. 11:30 Eastern, 10:30 Central on Comedy Central. All the cool kids will be doing it!

Kid A.

So, I have steered away from family talk for the most part on this here blog, primarily because I don't want to tempt Karma. Also because once you start telling family stories, you sort of have to tell them all in order for the situation to be completely understood. And that is not something I want to do. There is also the small bit about opening up the quirks of your family situation to ridicule- dude, I know we are weird, but it is a whole other thing when a stranger tells you your family is weird, right? Which brings me to Kid A, Swiss's 14 year old son from his previous marriage to P.

Kid A is this sort of entity that bounces in and out of our lives for various reasons on a somewhat constantly quasi-frequent basis. I don't say this to imply that we don't want him in our lives. That isn't the case at all. Its just that he isn't a constant in our home. He is like an earthquake... you don't know when he's coming, but he arrives with a bang and you always know it when he's there. And that is mostly a product of his mother, not him. P has full custody of him, but when Swiss is around and she doesn't feel like being a parent anymore, Kid A ends up with us. Nothing like making the kid feel wanted, right? So he bounces in and out of our lives... in and out... in and out...

Anyway, Kid A showed up at our house again today with his friend. No big deal, but it is the second day in a row after not seeing him for a few months. I like hanging out with him and I like that he is comfortable enough with me and likes me enough to come over when Swiss isn't here. But then he went and said that he wanted to move in with us after Swiss gets home. And I can't help but feel like I'm either getting played or getting set up to have our hearts broken by him one more time.

See, Kid A's mom isn't what you would call a good parent. And I can say this without any personal feeling about her clouding my judgment. She's smoked pot in front of him when he was 10, she's 'tried to kill herself' (a half-assed job mostly for attention), she's let him essentially fail most of Middle School, and she never disciplines him. He's become quite a handful under her tutelage; he lies, he is defiant (beyond the usual teenage norms), he is unmotivated and he doesn't know that being strict (us) is different from being mean (his mom, she's a fighter and a yeller).

But under all of those rather large issues, he is a good kid. He just takes the easy way out, because he always has one. He lies because that is what he has been raised with. And he doesn't try because no one expects or asks him to. He needs structure and discipline and love and someone who is going to push him to be something more than a gas station attendant. He needs us, but living with us is a heck of a lot harder than living with his mom. So when things get tough, he goes back to her. And we have done this 3 times now since Swiss and I have been together. We even tried to put him with his favorite uncle (Swiss's brother) temporarily while Swiss was deployed. Every time it is the same routine, things get hard and he bolts to his mom.

Of course there is a flip side to this. When he does live with his mom he recognizes the differences, he knows that he isn't her top priority. And eventually he realizes that he should have stayed with us, or his uncle. But how many times are we going to get on this carousel? Every time Swiss tries to do the right thing for him, he ends up with his heart broken because Kid A bolts for his half-assed mom whenever you try to do the right things and be a real parent.

So yes, that is the saga of Kid A. He hasn't had it easy, but he has a habit of choosing the wrong thing for the wrong reasons. I can't help but wonder why it would be any different when Swiss comes home this time. And I can't help but wonder if he really would move to Fort X, if he really would go to court so we could get full custody (which is absolutely necessary), if he really does want to live with us. I just don't know what to believe or what to do. So I guess, for now, I'll just settle for being the cool step-mom that he can hang out with when he wants do.

I don't know what else to do.

Hijacked.

So I envisioned my Saturday evening going as such: Watch movies, drink wine, talk to Swiss, get to bed early-ish.

This is how the night went: Sit down to watch movie, drink wine, answer phone to talk to Swiss only moments before the doorbell rings (?), answer door and see Swiss Jr. (must come up with better name for him- let's go with Kid A) and his friend standing there. Let Swiss talk to Kid A, entertain 14 year old kid I've only met once in the meantime, have abbreviated conversation with Swiss and then proceed to watch the boys play an hour of Guitar Hero (not to be confused with Sitar Hero though).

So yeah, my night was hijacked by two teenage boys. And Guitar Hero.

And can I just say that, while great to see Kid A because it has been months, it is sort of odd to have two 14 year old boys just show up on your doorstep at 9:35pm on a Saturday night. Am I wrong? And they WALKED here. (Granted, his mom P lives only 3 streets up from me, hence our overwhelming urge to not stay here). Anyway, that was my very odd Saturday night.

Oh, and I got screwed out of my evening phone call with Swiss. THAT SUCKS. But, you know, I did get to watch about 15 different GH songs played on Expert. That will mess with your head, for cereals. The end.

Deciphering the panic.

So I talked to Swiss today about the looming PCS and all that it implies. And let's be honest, I only talked to him about it because I knew I'd get another phone call tonight that wouldn't involve acronyms or movers. And you know what I realized? I realized that I am not, in fact, panicking about the PCS itself. I am panicking about selling our house.

Yes, the military.com patented OVERKILL worksheets freaked me out, but honestly, I don't think the Army portion of this move is all that scary. Perhaps I will even have lucked out because I'll get to work with the folks at a MUCH smaller post and get some (hopefully) good one-on-one interactions that will make that portion go smoothly and relatively painlessly. I am confident about what I need to do with the housing office at Fort X, mostly because Swiss and I have done it before down there and I am familiar with the staff for our housing community. I am even prepared for the inevitable (again, hopefully) few months spent transitioning between civilian life and Army wife life. I've got like 4 contingency plans for that- all of which are perfectly serviceable options. I've got all of that under control. It is good.

What can't I control? The housing market. Selling this house. Finding a buyer. Yes, this my friends is what is setting off alarms, sirens and putting my panic button on high-alert. DEAR GOD WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO IF THIS HOUSE DOESN'T SELL? I am not going to have a job at Fort X so it would be tough to pay 2 house payments, and I categorically WILL NOT stay here after he comes home. So yeah, we HAVE to sell this sucker. I'm panicking to the point of sending my real estate agent an e-mail this weekend telling her we had to meet. NOW. Yes, the move is nearly 7 months away, but the Holidays are in there and yeah, we've got to get this sucker on the market!

So yes, I have deciphered my panic and at least now I have some good direction. Anyone want to buy a house???

PCS panic.

Yeah, yeah, I know I still have a few months before it is truly fair to "panic"... but seriously, I am new to the Army, this will be my first PCS, we have a whole house to move (and sell- whole other reason to panic, but I can't handle thinking about that today), and Swiss won't be here to help me navigate the bullshit, er... red tape... no, ummmmm... let's call it "Army policies". Yeah, that's it.

Anyway, I went over to military.com and looked up PCS checklists... lists help me plan, they are the salve to my panic. UNTIL YOU MAKE ME EIGHT CHECKLISTS*. Seriously, there are 8 of them... for one PCS! And some of them are multiple pages long! That my friends, was no salve, that was salt in the wound. Eight lists in an of themselves were panic inducing. ZOMG! Eight! How the heck am I going to do this and not eff things up terribly, lose all our furniture, fail to acquire on-post housing, and end up living in our tent somewhere behind the Railhead with only Army issue sleeping bags and MREs? Sigh.

I am relatively certain wine, ice cream and the wisdom/help of much more experienced MilSpouses will render this experience much less horrid than it is now playing out in my mind. I also think that if I just let my anal-retentive tendencies run amok it will help immensely... think binder for said checklists, giant calendars (oh wait, already have that), obsessive calling of pertinent players and manic documentation. Yes, yes, I can do this. REALLY! I can!

Right?
Oh Lawd, please say yes!!!

*This was also somewhat reminiscent of Martha Stewart's Wedding Checklist that was 12 pages long... also panic inducing. People, checklists are supposed to make you feel better, not feel like you WILL NEVER GET ALL OF THIS DONE. Just saying.