The perils of the interwebz.

I don't know if I told y'all... but Swiss has redirected his post-Army job finding focus to (mostly) one specific job. It is a job he should be easily able to land and one that has positions all across this great wide nation. Because variety is the spice of life. And choices are like crack to military families, am I right?

Anyway, yes, choices! So many! I spent most of last week researching states, cities, real estate, cost of living indexes, crime rates, city web-sites, high schools, you name it. It was useful information (if not a teensey bit OCD) and helped us narrow down our choices (CRACK!!! We have choices!?!?!?!?! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!). Ahem, sorry. We narrowed down our choices to 8 positions/cities from the current list and now Swiss is in the process of rounding up all the paperwork he needs to apply.

What did I do in the mean time? Why, of course I looked up houses in the cities we chose. Because I'm a SAHW and have nothing better to do. And guess what y'all. I found our dream house. And you know what? Now it is ALL either of us can think about. CURSE YOU INTERWEBZ AND MLS! Honest to goodness, we have been talking about it ever since we saw it, where we would put the couch, what color we would paint the bedroom, if and where we would build an outdoor run for Fletcher replete with doggie door. Yeah, it is sad. Did I mention it sits on well over 50 acres? Did I mention it has a large stream? And a sauna? And an outdoor fireplace? And a guest cabin? Swoon...

Anyway, I mostly want to tell you all to BEWARE of the interwebz. When next you find yourself moving somewhere new... don't go house hunting online until you are sure you are moving there. Otherwise the web will lure you in and poison your mind with picturesque homes in the woods and fireplaces and real estate p0rn. Be strong! Don't be weak like us. RESIST THE TEMPTATION!!!

Otherwise you too will spend your weekends drooling over a house that isn't yours in a state you aren't even sure you are moving to and trying to figure out how to afford it when neither of you have jobs yet. Trust me on this one.

And like, stuff.

Blargh. So with the new change of no change, I'm trying to re-evaluate our home life and my day to day. I was all ready to upend everything for Kid A's arrival and now that we don't have to... I'm thinking maybe I should anyway. Did that make any sense at all?

Like working out. Which I have not done in AGES. I finally found my fave workout book "New Rules for Lifting for Women" (thanks Amy!). Yes, its been 4 months since we moved in and I just found it this morning. Because why would a book be in with the other books? It absolutely should be in a giant 100 lb. box of weight plates. Which, BTW, totally reinforces my resolution to do our next move DITY-style. Anyway, I am back on track and have all sorts of motivation to get fit again. All I have to do is pump up the exercise ball and get Swiss to find a new home for the Army gear that has crept in like kudzu and taken over the workout room.

And being better about doing creative things. Because Facebook isn't creative. Neither is surfing the web or 3 consecutive hours of House Hunters International. Painting is. Drawing is. Quilting is (even though it involves waaaaaay more math than I'm comfortable with- blech!). Photography is. So I am promising to set aside time each day- and actually use it- do be creative and channel my inner artist.

The secondary benefit (I hope) to all of this will be making me feel less like a caged animal and more a happy housewife. I've started feeling stagnant and crunchy. I'm a teensey bit more irritable and more easily annoyed. And that is just silly, because what on earth do I have to be annoyed about? I have the best husband (though, like any real, live human being he has his issues) in the world who I am madly in love with, I don't have to work and we still don't have to worry about money, we are healthy, I have wonderful friends and family and yeah- I need to get some perspective and take advantage of the time I have to do the things I want. And that should make me on happy camper.

Anyway, that is my challenge to myself. Start lifting again, and make being creative a priority. So, with that, I'm off to sew. And work on that quilting math. Do you think they have tutors for that???

Oh, never mind.

And just like that, P (Swiss' ex-wife) changes her mind. She just can't let her baby go. Even though he's in some pretty serious trouble, is failing multiple classes, won't listen to her and scores of other things I won't talk about here.

All the work, all the effort, all the willingness to uproot our entire lives. All the time, all the planning, all the angst. For nothing.

I am caught somewhere between relief (because life will stay sane and relatively care-free) and angry (because this ISN'T what is best for Kid A and we ALL know it). I am mad that we got jerked around. I am mad that I know she will do this again when things get rough. And I am mad I wasted all that time. I am mad that we somehow still get the bad guy moniker even though we were willing to change everything for him. Because we were going to be strict, have rules, BE PARENTS.

Mostly, I am over this dysfunctional, overly dramatic, short-sighted, selfish, manipulative, fair-weathered off-shoot of our family. I hate how much control they exert over our lives, I hate how we always end up jumping through their hoops, and how we will always do it- because a child shouldn't get lost in the shuffle of principles and defiance.

So yeah, never mind all that stuff about Kid A and being a mom and reinventing our family, our home and our lifestyle. Sorry to have bothered you with it all. I suppose I should have known better...

Distractions.

So, this weekend we have stuff planned! With other Army couples! Like, hanging out and BBQs and going to lunch! HOORAY!

And in case you were wondering, yes, I am totally welcoming the distraction from thinking about wether or not I'm going to be a failure as a parent and precisely how we are going to get Kid A back on track. But I digress.

Yes, Army Friends! In all this time I've been with Swiss, our living apart hasn't really helped us foster Army Friends. Sure, we went to social functions with co-workers, sure we stopped by his ROTC boss' house for a beer or two now and again... but we really haven't been able to cultivate the kind of friends who you have BBQs with and hang out with regularly. Finally, we have.

I find this process, the one of finding folks you want to hang out with outside of work, to be utterly fascinating. We've all heard of (or maybe lived) the horror stories of folks that seem cool but are actually crazy and then won't leave you alone and you have to sneak around just to hang out with other people. Not fun. And, I think, when you get older and have your friends established, it makes it harder to reshuffle and make room for someone new... especially when the ones you have are already so amazing. Am I wrong?

I've also found it interesting that the hubs has asked me why I'm so hesitant to make friends here, and instead choose to rely on my old (I say that lovingly and with no implication of age) friends and internet buddies for banter, consolation, and general discussion. My response to him was twofold: First, I've always been- in my natural state- one of the girls who doesn't have a TON of friends. I have superficial acquaintances, a couple of friends, and just a small handful of folks who reside in my inner circle. So I never have had the huge drive to be Miss Popularity and be doing coffees and lunch dates and what-have-you with just anyone. I already have the awesomest friends, thankyouverymuch. Second, cultivating friendships is HARD. It takes time and it is a delicate process to navigate. With my old friend and my internet buddies, it is just EASIER. We've already done that stuff- so we can get on with the fun stuff like a night of pedicures, Indian Food and movies (Hi Shari!), or a day at the pool with the kids and a BBQ on the new deck (Hi Emily!), or hanging out on the kitchen counter or deck drinking wine and eating cheese laughing at how awesome her kids are (Hi Val!) or watching copious amounts of basketball while eating Chipotle after a day of shopping for new shoes, a new kitchen and David Bromstad approved lighting fixtures (Hi Beth! MISS YOU!!!).

Also, the beauty of the internet friendships I've built over the past few years, is that all that awkward stuff has already been covered. We've gotten to know one another over time, we've shared incredibly stories via blogs or networks, we've become a part of each other's lives. So now, when we do actually get to hang out in real life, it's like we skipped dates 1-7 and are already comfortable hanging out. (Thanks Amy, for that super analogy, and yes, hanging out with you was totally like date 8, so glad we did it!) This is why I never had any hesitation when a few internet MilSpouses wanted to get together for a weekend, I already felt like I knew them. And this is how I was able to add another amazing, talented, wonderful gal into my inner circle of bestest friends (Hi Brittany! Love ya!) But, again, I digress.

The point is, making new friends at new posts isn't ever easy. It isn't easy to identify the folks that you think you will want to hang out with. It isn't always easy to gauge how interested those folks are in making new friends or welcoming a new couple into the fold. There is a certain leap of faith you must make, a certain amount of risk you accept, and hopefully after a night of BBQ and beers and the Pioneer Woman's BBQ jalapeno poppers (my contribution to the night's festivities), you are still willing to spend a few hours of your weekend with these folks. And, if a good friend is the end result? Those risks are well worth it.

So, here's to new friends and making the best of a PCS. And to BBQ. Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Now, for the fun part of getting a 15 year old.

Redecorating!!! *snort*

Of course this isn't the only part that will be fun... but it is a big deal to me for Kid A to come down here to a HOME. Not just a spare room with spare stuff dressed up a his new room. I want it to be his, to be cool, to be welcoming, and most importantly to make him feel like he is wanted here. I know bedspreads and lamps won't do that alone, but I know no one has really done something like this for him before, so I'm hoping it goes a long way to helping him settle in and feel like he is a part of our family.

So, with that, I have pulled together some ideas from my ever loved IKEA that I think say "Welcome Teenage Boy!" as well as giving it a dose of cool, modern, funky style that a midwestern teenager who is ALL about skating might not be adverse to. Also, they all come in at right around $100. Score!

What? I am a stay at home wife. I spend waaaaaay too much time on the internet because I am bored and as Beth can attest, these idea boards are pretty much par for the course with me. I had 12 for my house when I bought it and 5 for our wedding. I'm visual folks. Can't be helped.

Aaaaanyway, here are the three ideas I have. The kids loves black. I get that, but also, he needs to be introduced to my best friend Roy G Biv. So I tried to put in shots of color and, hopefully, avoid a room that is just a pit of black dispair. Also, he could used some culture/exposure to new things and I'm hoping to help him see that there are cool things in the world that aren't made by DG and Vans and whatever else the skater kids are wearing these days.

So, without further adieu, here are the 3 rooms I've come up with. I hear some of your shouts that he should get to choose his room and theoretically I agree with you, but I really, really want him to walk in the door when we bring him home to a fully furnished, decorated, kick-ass room. Sue me.

First, choice A. This is the blackest room but I am totally in love with the map of NYC and that the duvet cover works with the blue pillows and red accents to be graphic and hip and sorta skater-y all at the same time.

Second choice B. I heart this duvet and it reminds me of a hoodie I bought him for Christmas and he loved. Still graphic and hip but a lot more color and a lot more pattern. Also, I love green and orange together, don't you?

Last but not least, choice C. This one is a bit safer, the duvet is pretty tame and the colors all come from the numbery print at the bottom. I think this one would work well but isn't quite as hip as I would like. Because it is all about me, right?

Okay, so now I need your votes. PLEASE! Pick A, B, or C and maybe throw in your 2nd choice too for good measure. Or any suggestions you have for mixing up the choices, that would be awesomesauce too. Remember: 15 year old midwestern skater kid who loves black and angsty teen metal music but who will also sing along to Viva la Vida by Coldplay when in the car with me.

THANK YOU!!! :)

Buckle up kids, its gonna be a bumpy ride.

So, based on the phone calls that have been going on in the past few days, I'm about 99.8% sure Kid A will be residing with us by the 4th of July. (Why the 4th of July you ask? Well, he has to do summer school since he's all but failed math already.) Honestly, my mind is reeling. The screenplay for what is going on in my head would read something like this:

Tucker ( alternately pacing around the house and blogging while eating chocolate and sneaking sips of a Makers Mark & Diet Coke):

Oh my God. I'm not old enough to have a 15 year old. Shit.
I mean, most days we can barely keep our acts together, and now we're responsible for this kid who needs so much help and direction and... OH MY GOD THIS IS GOING TO BE HARD!
I'm going to have to hide the liquor. Which sucks because it was so convenient in our cute little bar. Boo.
And no more loud sex (was that TMI?). And no more running around the house in underwear or a towel. Must get a new robe.
Oh, crap. Homework. I thought I finished that 10 years ago. And Math. Ugh. We need to get him a tutor.
But hey, I'll have someone to play Guitar Hero with! And he is a good egg with a great sense of humor.
Oh Lord, I forgot about the hygiene. What is it with teenage boys that make them so adverse to smelling good and not having fungus growing in their teeth? I don't wanna argue about toothbrushing. Really, really.
But, I do get to go to IKEA to pick out some nice stuff to make his room feel homey because that is important and I want him to know that he has a home and we care and he isn't an inconvenience.
Even though he really is.
God, please don't strike me down with lightening for that last one. I'm just being honest. I promise I'll never do anything to make him think that. Promise.
*Sigh* And then there will be the joys of the balancing act between Swiss who, though I love and adore him, tends to take the more militaristic parenting stance (that's how he was raised after all) and me who is more talk-and-hug-it-out. Gah. We aren't even on the same parenting style page. That isn't good.
Oh yeah, I'll get to start up my own shuttle company. Because he ain't getting to drive until he proves we can trust him.
But he gives great hugs and it means the world to me when he tells me he loves me or calls me Mom (which is a TOTAL trip, BTW) and when he talks to his Dad and asks how I am doing.
Though Fletcher is going lurve him. Oh good Lord, those two could seriously burn each other out. That is a good thing on two fronts.
And it would be fun to watch him play football or soccer and root from the stands, watch him go to prom, graduate... I cannot possibly imagine how incredible it will feel when he finally comes around and turns into the human being I (we) always knew he could be.
But mostly, am I ready for this?

Tucker then collapses on the sofa clutching her chocolate and drink, losing herself in hours of HGTV/Food Network to quiet her mind.

End scene.

So yes, this is going to be a monstrous change. Obvs Swiss and I have a metric TON to talk about, house rules to set, expectations of one another, signs we can use to let each other know when they need to re-evaulate, a house to teen-proof, the list goes on. Plus there will be multiple trips back home to get everything taken care of. And there goes the trip we had planned to Banff this summer. But then again, I guess this isn't all about me and us anymore.

Wow. This insta-family business is sort of overwhelming.

What it means to be a MilSpouse.

Here's the thing... there are times I identify SO strongly with fellow MilSpouses, I mean, we are all going through the same thing and we are united by our spouse's service and we sacrifice for our country and for people we'll never meet, we struggle with the same issues and we battle deployment gremlins of all sorts together- sometimes side-by-side. But there are also times when I feel more like we are a band of ships passing in the night. Sometimes I feel distant, sometimes I get caught up in envy or snark, sometimes I just don't feel like I'm one of the crowd. Those times, I feel like an outsider. Of course all of the things I listed above still hold true, but each of our experiences are so incredibly, amazingly unique... we are cut from different cloths, we are assigned to different units, different FRG's (or what-have-you), we cope differently, we react differently, we reintegrate differently... we are fingerprints. We are united because we all have them, but we are inherently different. No two MilSpouses are the same. So how united can we really be?

This is both the best thing about MilSpouses and the most difficult thing, for me.

I read other blogs, meet other spouses, hear the tales, and am struck by how astoundingly different our experiences are. And sometimes I get jealous. Sometimes I feel inadequate. Others I am knocked on my heels because the power this military life has over every aspect of our futures. Sometimes I get angry at how flippant and horrible some MilSpouses can be. I can get angry when all they do is blame the military for their woes or don't have to endure deployments. I can get venomously green with jealousy of those who "only" have to deploy to Haiti or get their deployments cut short, find themselves on Rear D or assigned to non-deploying units. I can get sad because life isn't fair already and losing your 20-something husband to a war we may never win makes it infinitely and unfairly harder. And sometimes I feel the weight of guilt because my husband came home, because his deployment (this time) was easy and relatively safe and we got to talk almost nightly. Other times I can't believe that this is the life we are leading (albeit for only a few more months now). And every once in a while, I feel like I can't relate to most any MilSpouses... I feel like a fish out of water who is only here because life has a sick sense of humor and thinks it is funny that I am a stay a home Army wife with no job, no friends (at Fort X), and no life. And then I realize that there are probably a lot of MilSpouses who feel all of these things sometimes too.

Full circle, right?

I'm not sure what my point is. Maybe that being a MilSpouse isn't a static thing, nor does it have any definition beyond being married into the military, which I think is much less dramatic and technical that we'd all like to think. Technically speaking, you get to wave the MilSpouse flag if you are the FRG Leader, the Base Commander's Wife, the newbie PFC's wife, or the skanky slut-bag who is out scheming and spending and cheating during deployments. Frankly, I don't like it (mostly because that means I share something with Swiss' ex-wife, and I'd rather not), but it is true... there is no formal code of conduct, we aren't held to a standard like our spouses are, we don't get Article 15's when we mess up. We just are. A tribe of spouses under the great big flag of the DoD no matter how we act, how we get by, what our spouses do, or how horrible a deployment may be... and we are united wether our spouses come home or not... we are united wether they deploy or not, wether they are heroes or not, wether they are Generals or Privates or retired.

Maybe that's the point. We aren't all supposed to experience the same things, maybe that makes our network and our bond stronger... we can pull from each other's experiences without having to live them ourselves. Maybe the point is that any one of us can read blogs like hers and get the perspective we might need, that we can remember how this experience is bigger than just our own. That we can experience all (mostly) aspects of MilSpouse life without living it. We can know the warning signs and struggles of reintegration even if ours went smoothly. We can try to understand the difficulty of being pregnant or a single mom during a deployment or having a wounded husband, we can learn about struggles with education goals, employment, identity, relocation, solitude, understanding (or lack thereof), family, finances, you name it without experiencing them ourselves. And even better, if we are experiencing these things first-hand, we have a shoulder, an understanding glance, a kind comment, a touchstone, to help us through.

All because we are MilSpouses, together, for better or worse.

Like, whoa.

So sometimes it take a minute or two (and by minute I mean day) for things to really sink in with me. This is usually why I come up with perfectly witty and cutting come-backs about 24 hours after the fact. I'm not slow... it just takes a bit for me to process the things I didn't see coming. But I digress.

Its the Kid A thing that is finally sinking in. Of course it still isn't set in stone... not even close for that matter... but I just realized how awesome (awesome as in holy-hell) of an effect this will have on our life and our choices. I mean, now we have to pick a house because it is in a good school district, not because we just love it. We have to take school commutes into account. We have to up the requirements on a house from 3 bedrooms to 4... plus another bathroom because teenage boys are gross (I say that with love and utter honesty). We have to think about getting a beater car for when he gets his license. And the skyrocketing insurance costs. We have to worry about girlfriends and god-forbid him knocking someone up. We have to consider all this other stuff now... not to mention the mind-numbing responsibility of moulding him into an adult we can all be proud of.

And to be honest? I'm not sure how I feel about it. Overwhelmed? Scared? Intimidated? A teensey bit annoyed (that is the selfish only child coming out)?

Of course we will do the right thing and make our choices with him and his needs in mind. But you know, I was really digging the idea of living in a remote corner of town with quiet and solitude and a cozy house that was all serene and quiet and usually looking pulled-together and lovely. I'm no fool- that picture doesn't meld well with a teenage boy and all raising a kid entails. I have no doubt that we will find the happy medium that will work for all of us. But wow... this change is going to be (if it ever happens) one of those moments in life where everything changes. Life will be defined, at least until he graduates, in terms of BKA and AKA. You know, before Kid A and after Kid A. le sigh.

Anyway, as you can tell I'm relatively pre-occupied with this newest development in our life. We are still on vacation visiting family and I am SO ready to get home to our own bed and I'll even admit that I miss Fort X a little bit. But for tonight, I get to see a dear friend and catch up over wine and watch our husbands bond over marrying such weird women.

Ch-ch-ch-changes.

Swiss got a call from his ex the other day. That usually isn't a good thing, in fact, it is usually a miserable, horrible, no-good, very bad thing. But, against all odds, it was a 'good' phone call. One I never thought we would get...

She told us (him) that she thought Kid A might be better off with us.    *gasp*

This is very different from the previous calls in regards to this matter... those were more of the "I can't handle this anymore- you take him, I don't want him" type. This was genuine concern for how he is going to grow up and that troubles that he might find (or might have already found). A recognition that where he's at might not be the best place for him and that we might be able to offer him something she and her fiance can't. Not better or worse, just different. And maybe all Kid A really needs is a big fat dose of something different (with a large helping of rules to boot).

Now, all of this must be taken with grains of salt the size of your head. Things change quickly with this cast of characters and we thought it best for Kid A to finish out the school year where he is at so that means there is time for moods to change and opinions to reverse. And there are the mountains of legal documents and court dates that will inevitably come, so this isn't something that can (or should) happen over night. There are conversations about HOW this will happen and when and laying out ground rules for everyone involved. It will take a bit of time before all the dust settles on this newest chapter.

And can I just tell you how glad I am we have a few months to figure this out? I mean, talk about a change in lifestyle for us. WOW. Now, please don't take that statement to mean that I'm all self-centered and thinking this is all about me and Swiss. It isn't. It is about Kid A and doing what is best for him at this, arguably, most critical junction in his life. But going from newlywed/newly reunited love-birds living in our own little insulated bubble populated with only our dog and the TV/Internet to responsible parents doing homework and going to soccer games and hosting teenage boys at the house for Guitar Hero or whatever they play now hang outs. Goo! THAT is a huge change no matter which way you slice it.

I am part giddy and part angsty and nervous. Kid A and I have a great relationship and I am excited about the prospect of Swiss and I getting him squared away and helping him get on track. Part of me hopes that a few years with us will save everyone with a stake in this a lot of drama and heartache down the road. But I am scared. Because there will be fights and we will get to be the bad guys and there will be hours of homework and snooping to ensure he isn't lying and- yeah. Wow. A totally different lifestyle.

But like I said, we are a few months away from all this and, again, there is a huge possibility that all of this will fall through. But I find myself thinking where will his room be?, will he like the weird things I cook?, how will we get him to school in the morning?, which school will he go to?, how will he like living on a military post?, and how long will it be bad before it gets better? But, mostly, I find myself wondering if I will be able to be a good mom. I just hope the answer is yes.

Movielicious.

ZOMG. So excited!!! Can you hear me "Squeeeeeee!"-ing? Oh, you must watch this trailer if you like SATC even the teensiest amount. And the bit right at the end??? *GASP!* You will see who shows up and then you will freak the heck out like I did. You know, only if you care about this stuff. AND I DO!!!

And anyone who needs a movie buddy to go see this (ahem, not that I am talking about myself AT ALL) just let me know! :) Woot!

My bad.

Ugh- so I promise I haven't gone AWOL. I mean, there are 4 unfinished blog posts in my queue as I type this. Somehow none of them ever got finished... some were too personal, some were too bitchy (re: family), and some I just couldn't get off the ground. Ah well, it happens to all of us I suppose!

Things here have been a not-so-wonderful shade of dramarific... things are swell with Swiss & I, but there have been family issues that have been of the "push my buttons" sort. But -I think- we have worked them all out and we leave tomorrow on a 2-ish week road trip of the south-eastern nether-regions of our country.  There will be beaches, the consumption of seafood and a couple of stops in places I've never been before (New Orleans! Charleston! Memphis!), as well as a few I've known and loved before (Pensacola! Savannah! The Smokey Mountains! Nashville!). I'm looking forward to getting away with the husband and the puppy and spend some time with his family. It will be interesting for sure.

And a side note to our trip and any future pet-assisted trips you might be planning: DO NOT let your more by-the-seat-of-your-pants travel planning hubby (even if he has been suspiciously successful with this method in the past) lovingly shame you out of planning 3+ weeks ahead. YOU HAVE NO IDEA how hard it was to find a hotel in some cities that a) took dogs and b) weren't already booked or ridonkulously expensive. Anal-retentitive always wins in these cases. ALWAYS. And you can cite me on that!

Otherwise we've been moving along on the USS Reintegration. Sure, we have our small hiccups, but mostly things have been good. We talk, we have our few spats, and then we are back to normal. It is swell. Though it has been an adjustment (as I knew it would) from the blissful, bicker-free existence we had post-wedding/honeymoon and pre-deployment. I think that, more than anything, has been the readjustment for us... in a good way. We are normal and we aren't living in a fairy tale (close, though!) and we have normal couple things to work through. Happily, the most stressful part of our relationship is when Fletcher wants/needs to get up every morning and neither of us want to do it. And that ain't too shabby!

Today we got to spend the day at the nice outdoor recreation area on post for a Battalion Organizational Day. Rumor has it there will be a mechanical bull and free food. Now, if there was free beer I would easily be able to say our 'work' Friday is better than yours. Followed with a "nana-nana-boo-boo!" because deep down I'm an 8 year old. But I digress. Sometimes it still trips me out, living on post... yesterday I dropped Swiss off (and picked him up) at a Dining In event and 4 times drove past a unit getting combat equipment handed out to them. I forget that even though Swiss's unit is home, other units are still leaving nearly daily. I forget that there are spouses here gearing up for what we just finished. I hate that I forget that. I hate how insular life can be even on an Army post. You know... it isn't our unit...

But I will write more about that later. Perhaps from a beach somewhere in South Carolina? I have loads I want to say, I just need to get myself in the right head-space to do it. Anyway, there's your update and a real-live blog post not advocating the culling of dumb Americans. Happy Friday Everyone! :)

Oh, America.

What are we going to do with you? Come to think of it, what are we going to do with this whole damned planet?

Now, before I launch into what will surely be an incendiary and contentious blog post (especially since I'm generally Liberal Lite in my circle of blogger peeps, or as I prefer to be known, the Gateway Drug of Liberal MilSpouses), I must give you context. So here it is: Swiss and I have, lately, been discussing at length the environmental, population, water, etc issues plaguing our planet- spurred on by the latest water-centric issue of National Geographic, the Life series on Discovery, and -oddly enough- Superfreakonomics by Stephen Levitt (a must read for sure)... not to mention my 4 years getting all geeked up about ecosystems and global warming and keystone species while in college (Viva Bel-wah!).

So, there have been discussions in the Tucker & Swiss household about how to save the polar bears and what to do in order to slow the increased rate of climate change (Yes, we can debate the whys, ifs, hows, and wheres of global warming for sure- but let's save that for another date, okay? And read Superfreakonomics as homework before we do.) and what/who should bear the burden of making it right. We discussed the culling of deer populations when they get 'undesirably' large and then (over wine, natch) segued into China's regulation of procreation and naturally (some would say) took that to culling people from all walks of life- Not Swiss and I of course! Nor you, dear readers!- in order to get the 'undesirably' large human population under control. Of course this is morally repugnant, but it is also a fair point. Deer and polar bears haven't done anything to make the world the way it currently is- we humans have. So- ergo- we should be the ones to pay. And of course we never will because we run the world with bleeding hearts for all humankind and with policies generally geared toward only looking out for our own human race.

But--- in my sick, twisted, mad scientist mind, I started to think about who we would cull. Sick, I know. But really- who? What countries? What proportions? Would there be criteria? Ah, but then I stumbled upon this article somewhere on Facebook and lo-and-behold I found who we should be culling. Take a minute and read the article... especially the part at the end... I will wait.

Done yet?               Okay.

Yes, THOSE are the people we should be culling. Sorry. I know it is crass to say- but... REALLY? I want to know WHY you wouldn't want to get the person who wrote this gem (in reference to the Bible) out of the gene pool: "These apostles need to get a clue and hire a ghost writer. Even Miley Cyrus's manager was smart enough to do that." I am stupefied and insulted... and I'm not even that religious! Or what about the people who criticize the writing style in The Diary of Anne Frank... uh- sorry to break it to y'all- she was a little girl, being hidden from Nazis in an attic writing in her diary. IN REAL LIFE. And the ones who chastise (admittedly, my favorite book) To Kill a Mockingbird as "Simply put, this is a novel about racism written for people who received their knowledge about racism from this book!" Wha? That didn't even make sense... and one tiny little thing... I would encourage you to remember that this book was written in the 60's. Not 2010. So it really was a bigfuckingdeal back in its day- and THAT is why it is a classic.

But this one tickles my scientific heart to no end. On Darwin's The Origin of Species "This book is a very interesting work of fiction. Its too bad that so many people take it seriously, though. Darwin had a great imagination, but with no scientific evidence to support it, its just a fable. I can't believe people are so gullible as to believe the things written in here. I'm judging it as a work of fiction. Its imaginative, but its lacking. One star." I would argue, that this individual should perhaps stop by his local library and read every science text written, then read this article about the (notoriously anti-evolution) Vatican. Fable my ass, Homeslice. And then I would encourage this person to get on the evolutionary-Darwinian train and ride it all the way into extinction.

See, these are the people that suck the life out of my faith in humanity and the power of human intelligence. These are the folks who, against all odds, still survive- nee, thrive- in this world despite their alarming lack of mental fortitude and intellect. And, sadly, I would counter that folks like these ain't making any situation we, as a world, find ourselves in any better. Because if you sit down to read Charlotte's Web and come away with this "Even as a child I found the plot very far-fetched. It is because of this horrid book that I eat sausage every morning and tell my dad to kill every spider I see. It is a traumatic, coma-enducing story that has changed my life forever. In conclusion I feel no one should be put through such torture and this book should be banned from every school, library, and bookstore in the Milky Way."? Well, I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't prefer it if you stopped using up all the oxygen and drinking all the water and slowly killing off those cuddly (not really) polar bears, thankyouverymuch.

So, sadly, yes... indeed these fabled 1 star reviews do leave me, as the article's author Jeanette DeMain said they would, "profoundly disheartened and pessimistic about the continued existence of humankind."...and more and more in favor of some good old fashioned culling. Evil, I know. But its the less threatening brand of evil that is just a teensey bit endearing... right???

No Way!

Okay- this one will be a quickie because I'm applying for jobs like insane this morning. I just want to thank all 5 of you who voted for me on the MilBloggies. I feel so loved! Should any of you want to toss in another nomination you can go here: vote for me! :) I'm not gunning for the top (that should go to LeftFace IMHO: VOTE FOR LEFTFACE HERE!) so mostly I wanted to say thanks to those of you who have already voted for me! THANKS YOU!!!

And while you are there take a look around and nominate some of the other super cool MilSpouse blogs out there: My Army Wife Life, Proud Liberal Army Wife and there are a bunch more, but check it out for yourself and toss us some nominations!

What do you mean we get to choose?

Yes, the job applications are flying around our house like mad and it is raining resumes. Swiss is having A LOT more luck finding suitable jobs to apply for, but I'm doing my best to think outside the box... you wouldn't believe some of the jobs I am applying for! But the ancillary issue to all of this applying and submitting is choosing where to live. Goo- what a decision!

Yes- we get to choose. And not from a list of 4 Army-approved options. We are part HALLELUJAH! and part Holy Hell, we live in a HUGE country... how are we going to do this? It is great to have this much control over our lives, but it is also so very strange to think about moving someplace new, randomly (sorta) picking places that we think would be great to live in. Also, we are used to these military moves which are all pretty non-threatening: You know you have a built in support system, you know there will be a swell commissary, a job, a PX, and mostly, you are comforted by the tidy little bubble that living on Post affords you. It is a known entity, it is easy to adjust to, and really, how different can it be from the last Post you were stationed at?

But man, the real world is scary. There are towns that seem great but aren't all they are cracked up to be- and of course we won't know that until we accept jobs and move there. Fah. There are town that we might dismiss but are really pretty great but we will never know because they look funny on the maps in the atlas. There are towns/cities close to the ones we love, there are ones on either coast. There are big ones and tiny ones and Mormon ones and Hippie ones and Southern ones and Conservatives ones (Liberal ones too).

It all feels so arbitrary- looking at an atlas, Wikipedia, city/town web sites, flickr photos, whatever we can find to somehow determine wether or not it would be a good place to settle down. Without actually going there. Of course there will be the (hopefully) interviews wherein we would actually get to be Boots on the Ground in the cities on the list. But right now, as we shuffle through lists of cities with open jobs... it feels more like a bad game of drunken pin the tail on the donkey. And you know that never ends well.

Anyway, I just think it is so funny that way back when I was a single lady (yeah, you've got the song in your head now too- bonus points if you do the dance!) a prospect like this was exhillerating.... now, when two of us have to find jobs and we have a family (wow- when did that happen?) to think about, a dog who needs a big yard, a lifestyle that doesn't romanticize schmancy apartment loft living, insane commutes or ridiculous work hours... I find it intimidating and exhausting.

I know there is time yet, and going in for interviews will give us a chance to really get the vibe of the towns/cities. That will make all the difference in the world... but when a job posting with 18 different cities you think you would like makes you narrow it down to 4? Bring me some more wine!!!

Job applications are a mother.

Mothereffer if you ask me. Big, stinky, sweaty, hairy mothereffer. I cannot tell you how damned frustrating this process is. Actually, I am going to... I am going to tell you exactly what it is about this process that is driving me MAD.

And yes, this is my blog and I'll write about whatever I want! *hmmph*

Just teasing!!! Well, sort of... ;)

Anyway, here's the deal. I am frustrated that I have to have 2 (plus) totally dissimilar resumes going at once. And that each one needs tweaking with EVERY application. I hate trying to translate my super specific experience into something a non-laboratorian would understand. IT IS HARD. And it is exactly what the hubs is trying to deal with dumbing down translating his military experience into civilian terms. Funny. And totally un-fun.

I also hate that simply having a well formed resume isn't enough. I loathe the online forms that you invariably have to fill out- and of course each site is totally different which means you spend hours upon hours re-typing your education and experience and skills and man, it is a buzzkill. I mean, I'm 100% okay with the USA jobs format because you can use those buggers to apply for a plethora of federal jobs, so yay on that. HOWEVER, I just got done putting the final job-specific touches on my resume for a lab job in Illinois and went to the site's application page... Yay! Upload your resume! And what does it do? It's program sifts through your uploaded Word document and auto-fills the information into their wonky online format. And you know what? IT DOES IT WRONG. I spent an HOUR going back through a perfectly done resume fixing all the mistakes the program made. And there were a ton. Awesomesauce.

Lastly, I loathe that a simple application process invariably turns into a hot mess of paperwork, documentation and frustration. The job hunting and applying process is arduous enough that the road blocks some employers throw up are enough to straight up Sink Your Battleship. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten so frustrated I've had to walk away and just DO ANYTHING ELSE but applications. Should it really be that way? I suppose some will argue that it is a way to weed out the unserious folks, cut the riff-raff off the top and ensure that you are getting the ideal candidates. I get that- but do you really want to toe the line of making the process so ridiculous that even the most qualified folks throw their hands up in disgust.

I think, mostly, I am just frustrated by having to sell myself harder than a dime hooker on a Monday (that is a SuperFreakonomics reference BTW) fully knowing the odds of me landing a gig is lower than low. I know this is mostly the norm, but regardless, it isn't fun. Boo. Anyway, that is my rant. I'll suck it up and hit is up again in the morning. I've got 3 gub'ment jobs to apply for! Wish me luck folks!

The ties that bind.

Family is always such an interesting entity. It always seems like such a unifying thing- we all have them and we all (mostly) love them (or most of them). They are the people you grew up with, the folks we spend holidays with, the ones who send us cards on our birthdays. But also? Holy crap... family doesn't always mean the same thing. And I have my marriage to thank for that nugget of wisdom.

Let me back up and give you a frame of reference: I am an only child... my "family" consists of my mom and dad, my grandparents (who have all passed on as of last year), my dad's sister and her husband and my mom's cousin and his wife and daughter- and they all live within 45 minutes of each other. Those are the folks we spend holdiays with, the ones I make a point to see when I am home, the ones who get Christmas cards... they are my family... all 7 of them. Swiss, on the other hand, has his two wonderful parents and is the youngest of six (6!!!). He has two kids and one of them is married with 3 kids and many of his siblings have spouses and kids of their own and they are scattered to the four winds. And if you are doing the math, thats like 17+. Basically, we have completely opposite families. It is nuts.

I think there are times, like right now, that positively boggle my mind when it comes to our families because I just cannot relate no matter how hard I try. I have no idea what it is like to have a sister or brother- that is a bond I just don't understand. I mean, I 'understand' it but I can't relate. I don't get it- but how could I? I have zero frame of reference. Swiss has been doing it his whole life. Also, there is the thing about kids. Swiss has (in case you didn't know) a kid of his own (Kid A) and an adopted kid (from his ex-wife and another random guy) who is 22 and has a family of his own. We don't have kids of our own, so there is this whole thing with his kids that I just don't get either. Most often, with his family, I feel like a little fish in a sea of very big, very confusing fish. Just call me Nemo.

Please don't get me wrong- I "get" it... the family thing. I understand that blood is thicker than water and that when you grow up with a brother by your side- you have a unique and strong bond. And I understand that it is in one's nature to help their kids in any way possible. But I don't know what it feels like to have a brother or a sister or a kid. I don't know what those bonds feel like and how the history you have with them colors (or clouds) your judgement. I just sort of view them as friends you are stuck with. Ha! That and my family tends to be pretty low-maintenance... not much drama, not many demands. Swiss's family, great as they are, don't quiet fit the low-maintenance bill.

Anyway, recently we've been faced with some family issues and it is so hard for me to know how, when, where, or if I should put my two cents in. I mean, I am sort of a part of this family... and all the decisions that effect Swiss effect me too... but still, they aren't MY family. A few of the issues have been financial- so I had NO problem butting in an tossing my 93 cents in... it is our money and I've added my hard earned cash to to coffers so I felt 100% justified in butting in. But it is the more subtle stuff- the whole spending a week of our vacation time and money to go visit family that couldn't even take a weekend off to come to our wedding (or send a card, or RSVP or well, anything). People who don't send us Christmas cards or call to see how Swiss is doing. People who, seemingly, never cared that Swiss was deployed to a war zone for a year.

Swiss does most of the heavy lifting in his family relationships and this is where I start to struggle. Maybe I am too tit-for-tat about it all. Maybe the rules are different for family (I strongly suspect they are). And maybe all it boils down to is that I don't get it because I'm not a mom, I'm not a sister (Unless you count the Beth and her sisters- they adopted me last summer- do you think that counts? Yeah- me neither.), I don't know what it means to be a sibling. So maybe my view on this is just all wrong.

But still, I can't help but wonder what the rules are for extended families. And how do I assert my opinions on family matters (even though I can't relate) when they directly effect us? And how do I do it without coming across like a callous, uncaring bitch? More importantly- when someone on your husband's side of the family drives you bananas with their spectacular displays of stupidity- how do you manage staying in their house for 4 days? 'Cause I haven't yet figured out how I'm going to pull that one off.

Vet bennies and reason #352 why Wisconsin is awesome.

First things first, this blog post is brought to you by my uber-cool, super smart best friend Beth. She passed this article my way and I just had to post it for y'all. So say it with me, Thanks Beth!!!

Did you know that the state of Wisconsin has its own GI Bill? Yep. It is a separate program from both federal programs (Montgomery and Post 9/11). How fabulous is that? I (admittedly) haven't done a TON of research, but I think WI is one of a very few states that have such a program . Which is awesomesacue. Go 'Sconnie! (Pleeeaaaase correct me in the comments if you are aware of other programs- I'd love to give those states a shout-out too!)

The official state line is this:

The Wisconsin G.I. Bill provides a full waiver (“remission”) of tuition and fees for eligible veterans and their dependents for up to 8 full-time semesters or 128 credits at any University of Wisconsin System (UWS) or Wisconsin Technical College System (WTCS) institution for continuing education, or for study at the undergraduate or graduate level.

But... the bad news is that in last year's budget, our Reps voted to (in effect) disallow this program by mandating Vets use the federal GI Bill (Post 9/11 type) and preventing them from "doubling" up on benefits. Bummer. Word is the move was a measure, among many, to cut the state budget and shamefully, it passed. HOWEVER, this year? They are making amends. There is currently a bill in the state Legislature that would reopen this state benefit to all Veterans.

The best things is that, if a Vet in the state of Wisconsin was a) motivated and b) street-wise, they could stand to get a Bachelors (or Associates, etc) degree PLUS 2-4 years of post-Bacheloriate education. That is a Master's degree, folks. That could even be a PhD degree. Or a Professional Certificate program. FOR FREE. (Color me envious because that stuff is Eeeeexspensive!) In total, it would be 16 semesters of schooling paid for. Awesomesacue. Talk about the cherry on top of the Post 9/11 GI Bill cupcake.

In my mind, this is HUGE. And I, for one, am super proud to be from a state that puts this much pride, hope and trust in the potential of their Veterans. Beth and I have discussed numerous times that there have been a ton of studies showing that Vets are (on average) much more productive with the degrees they get post service in the armed forces (if I can get some citations for this, I will). I am so impressed that Wisconsin recognizes this and is willing to pony up the money (which is still a contentious issue) to help our Vets take advantage of the myriad of educational opportunities and degrees out there. Hooray!

And, as Swiss and I are finding out, a Bachelor's doesn't always assure you a good paying job in your field of choice. In many, many fields advanced degrees are the norm, the standard and the expectation. This program allows our Vets to go on and get these additional degrees without worry of financial burdens and tuition bills... and more importantly get the appropriate degrees necessary to hit the ground running after their time in service. I can't say enough how fabulous this is... give non-traditional students like our Vets a leg up is time and money well spent, not to mention a more than appropriate way to say Thank You for your service. So HOORAY WISCONSIN!

Now, let's get this bill passed! And here's another idea: Talk to you state Reps and see what you and your fellow MilFolk can do to get a program like this implemented in your state. THAT would be something to be proud of!

(cross posted at LeftFace!)

Well, hello there!

Yes, I have been cheating. Photos do not really count as blog posts... this I know! And this is me doing better! Aren't you proud of me??? Okay. Fair enough. Nothing to be proud of here... but I digress...

So right now I am watching my 2nd consecutive hour of the Life series on the Discovery Channel. It is AWESOMESAUCE to the third. This stuff totally reminds me how much I love science and biology and ecology and all that super great stuff I learned in college. If you haven't been watching it, DO! If only because the filming is beyond incredible and you learn lots of stuff watching it. LEARNING FROM WATCHING TV? Sign me up! There are so many amazing things on this planet and so, so, SO many things I never learned about in 4 years of intensive study that are showcased on this show- I can't recommend it enough. Sundays 7-9pm Central on Discovery. Watch!

Anyway, today the hubs and I took the pup to a state park about an hour from post... we walked A LOT and saw some pretty amazing things... yuccas in bloom and wildflowers and waterfalls in the middle of nowhere. I'm really enjoying our exploring of this new home state of ours. And how awesome is this shot of Swiss and Fletcher? I couldn't have posed it this great if I had tried. It was great to get out of the house (something we've been less than good at) and get us some nature, let the dog wear himself out and just BE together. Gosh, I am using the Caps Lock a ton. Sorry. Okay- focus: The hiking was good for us, good for the dog and we had a great time. I really, really think we need to do more of this stuff- getting out and doing things togeher. I won't lie... the TV and the computers are sort of the other people in our marriage and it was great to leave them behind for a while. Plus the people you meet hiking are ridiculously nice and friendly and a puppy wearing a pack (like this Ruffwear one, it is fantabulous!) is sure to garner plenty of comments and laughter. I'm thinking there will be a lot more hiking in our future.. and I'm pretty darned stoked about it! (Side Bonus: Hike 5 miles and you are sure to have a blessedly tuckered out dog, as Cesar says: A tired dog is a good dog. We have a VERY good dog right now.)

In other news... Swiss has done a ton of really great work on his resume and applications and has gotten no less than 6 glowing references from all sorts of ridiculously Hooah types, plus a few specific jobs tossed his way. Again, awesomesacue. Can I tell you how much lighter the mood is in the house? We are stoked and happy and excited and feeling totally prepared for all the job hunting ahead of us. Today he applied for a ROTC post someplace 83 kids of awesome and soon his application for a schmancy security position with 40+ locations (about 12 of which I would be GIDDY over). I've got my application ready to go and a few positions of my own scoped out. I'm hopeful because there are at least 4 cities at the moment with job openings for both of us. We are cautiously optimistic and starting to get excited about what the future holds for us post-Army. It is way less scary now and much more anxious hope.

But otherwise, things have been quiet here. The ball was fun- pretty much a dressed up Frat party with a lot of bling (I'm totally going to brag here: My husband was the most decorated soldier there... he had more ribbons than ANYONE and looked like a ridiculously hot badass. Swoon!). We met some great couples and Swiss was very happy that the spouses I clicked with were attached to awesome soldiers. Ha! The food was decent, the wine was tasty but overpriced, the music was terrible and only one guy got hauled out for being insanely drunk. All in all, it was a good time. Though I get a huge FAIL for the abominably low number of photographs I took and the fact that I only got that one blurry head shot of the two of us. Sorry.

Okay- I'm off to snuggle up with the husband and watch River Monsters... a total guilty pleasure and chock full of adventure and culture and scientific awesomeness. I am SUCH A NERD. But a nerd with a cold Heineken, a comfy sofa and a studly husband waiting on her... peace out bean sprouts!

weirdos.

weirdos., originally uploaded by Tucker&Swiss.

And we weren't even drunk... though my dress was. There's a looooong story there, but I'll save that for another day!

Finger guns & fruit salad.

Finger guns & fruit salad., originally uploaded by Tucker&Swiss.

car!

car!, originally uploaded by Tucker&Swiss.

And the Bel-Wah shot is just for you Beth!

Where bars outnumber grocery stores.

What is this you ask? Why, it is a map of the US (clearly) showing the places in this great country where bars outnumber grocery stores- America's Beer Belly if you will (found here by my most awesome best friend Beth- Holla!).

See that giant red mass in the upper midwest? Yep- THAT is why (in part) I have so much midwestern pride... 'cause we do it right and we love us some beer. And brats and A LOT of cheese. I can proudly say that I come from the land where bars outnumber grocery stores. That is awesomesauce. And here's the best quote from the blog (floatingsheep) that came up with this little gem:

"Starting in Illinois, the beer belly expands up into Wisconsin and first spreads westward through Iowa/Minnesota and then engulfs Nebraska, and the Dakotas before petering out (like a pair of love handles) in Wyoming and Montana."

Now tell me you aren't wishing you were one of us... and that you aren't now thirsty for a big, cold mug of tasty, tasty beer. Mmm hmmmm.... that's what I thought: You can't.

Ninjas live here.

Yes, you heard me right: Ninjas have invaded our home.

Reintegration Ninjas to be more precise.

Ah, that makes it seem really bad and it isn't. Its more the idea that they jump out and get you when you least expect it- they are stealthy like that. We haven't struggled with big things, we are doing pretty well (considering we never really got to live together before he deployed) and thankfully we are talkers so we are working things out like proper adults and nipping them in the bud before they become full blown problems. Hooray for us! But I digress... back to the Ninjas.

I find that these Ninjas of ours like to be general pests rather than wage all out warfare on our household. I suppose that is the better end of the bargain as far as Ninjas go, am I right? I find Swiss and I bickering over silly little things like dishes and laundry and his (sometimes) endearing inability to use the giant hamper in our room and the fact that he unceremoniously took over my side of the bed when he returned home and I still haven't gotten it back. Oh yes, getting used to the fact that my husband does have hearing loss and I have to repeat myself A LOT. And the Ninjas get me all angsty over doing ALL the household tasks and then realizing that I shouldn't/can't and then stress out over exactly which tasks to give back to the hubs. I mean, really, how ridiculous is that? Im guessing you are seeing the theme here... all the stuff I had to do when he was gone, all the things you forget when they are away, all the stuff that was normal during the deployment that no longer fits into life. That's a broken record in MilSpouse Land if I've ever heard one, no?

I've been successful in handing over bill paying and a few other small tasks. But seeing as how I'm not working that is enough for now. Our biggest challenge is the job hunting/resume writing/application process. I'll admit that it has both of us stressed out- some more than others (wink, wink). It is testing our patience with each other and helping us "rediscover" our unique coping techniques and plans of action. Was that sugar coated enough for you?

Suffice it to say, we cope with our stresses in different ways and we approach "help" (ie: references, contacts, using whatever contacts you have to get yerself a J.O.B.) about as differently as you can imagine. I'm betting even odds that this is 100% related to the fact that he's the military one in the family. But I digress. It's been a process and a mostly smooth one. But don't let anyone fool you--- EVERYONE goes through some sort of wonky reintegration weirdness.

I think the thing I find most amazing is how much you 'forget' about your spouse when they are gone for a year. Of course you remember the big things, the funny things, the endearingly quirky things... but its the little stuff that doesn't have the strong foothold in your brain... that is the stuff (at least for us) that tends to pop up and rough up the seas on the USS Reintegration. You forget how he deals with minor stress, you forget how he is particular about how he folds his jeans, you forget about the little things and I find that I tend to steam-roll over these quirks because I'm not used to them.

My prevailing wisdom as of late has been, "Why don't we just do it my way?"...as I think to myself "Because it sure worked for me when you weren't here!" I know that isn't fair and it is totally unreasonable, and it is on me to open up to the idea that my way isn't the only way. And you know what? IT IS HARD!!! I am certain that he is doing his best to not treat me like a soldier (despite the occasional lapses) and he has done a great job falling into step with the natural order of things at home. Mostly, it has been a challenge to make our life OURS again. For so long it was mine and his... separately... and then I PCS'd and this home became mine... not ours. But you know what? It is feeling more and more like OURS every day.

Anyway, I suppose there isn't a big, grand point to make... just that all of this is exasperating and rewarding and totally par for the course in this military life. I won't lie when I say I'm looking forward to never having to do this again and forever banishing the Ninjas from our house!

Bracket Buster Bob.

TOMORROW! WOOT!!!! It starts... the hoops, the dreams, the Cinderella teams, the mascots, the MADNESS! Oh sweet, sweet March Madness. You are, by far, my most favoritest sporting event ever. I mean, really- what tops this? (IMHO BTW the awesomesauceness of the Olympics and World Cup are artificially inflated because they are only contested every 4 years. NOT FAIR.) Anything that tops the Sports Sundae with a cherry like Luther Vandross and a stirring sports montage One Shining Moment (Note that I chose the 2008 version. Why? Because my favorite team Kansas won that year... Rock Chalk folks!) always wins Best in Show.

Anyway, soon it will be time for our favorite obscure family member, known as Bracket Buster Bob (which is usually my father calling to goad me about some ridiculous upset or out of the blue win in a funny voice that always reduces me to giggles), to make his appearance. This year, the Tucker and Swiss household will be holding our own little bracket challenge. It is Swiss's first. Yep. He's a bracket virgin. Can you believe it? Anywhoodles, our rules are these: One point per correct winner with a bonus 5 point bump for picking the overall Champion. Keepin' it simple. To the winner go the spoils of a year's worth of bragging and telling everyone we know who is the Sports Boss in the house. (Side bet of $10 on me FTW. Anyone taking?)

Here are our brackets... feel free to chortle, snicker, point and laugh or applaud at your own discretion.
Swiss: The Virginal Bracket.

Tucker: The Bracket of Truth.

Just promise me this, Dear Readers: Don't be that Bracket Guy.  You know, the one who enters 13 brackets into the office pool that would normally only have 28 brackets in it? Pick one. Maybe two. But just don't be THAT GUY. No one likes him anyway.

Now, LET THE MADNESS BEGIN! Cinderella is all ready for the Ball... are you?



PS Update: My cousin's son Jackson is doing much better. He isn't out of the woods and is stilL intubated and on dialysis- but his condition is improving and we are all super grateful. Thanks for the good juju everyone!

Odds and ends.

First things first: Please send as much good karma, juju, prayers whatever your flavor to my cousin's son Jackson. He was flown to a major hospital last night via Flight For Life and is battling the most virulent strain of E. Coli... the infection has started kidney failure and he is on dialysis struggling to breathe. He's a fighter, but we could use all the help we can get. 

Second, and on a much lighter note, we've truly started the job/place to live/starting over hunt. I giggled last night when Swiss was looking at a job that had about 30 different locations to choose from. My method to narrow them down? Basketball teams. Yep, I made a JV team, a Varsity team, and a starting 5. No kidding. Even a 6th man. I'll chalk it up to the March Madness we've been immersing ourself in. The exciting thing? Of the starting 5, 3 of them have jobs for me too. That is promising! Also, the housing market is so insane that some of the cities (ie: Chicago) that would previously have been too expensive are now well within our budget. That is madness. Anyway, things are getting exciting now!

Also, I'm totally digging on the good weather here... it has been sunny and warm (70's) the last few days and holy crap it is SO much nicer than the snow I'd be knee deep in Minnesota. The grass is green and growing (we had to mow it this weekend! In March!) and the trees are budding and blooming. Spring is here and I couldn't be happier!

Ooh, and we got a super stellar text message  from P (for you new readers, that is Swiss' ex-wife) last night at about 11:30... three cheers for drunken texting! I mean, really lady? Really? Gah. The last year plus without those has been awesome. I totally forgot how ridiculous and annoying they are and (being totally honest) FUCKING MAD they make me. I mean, the woman throws out insults and cheap shots about parenting and the only reason she is keeping Kid A for is the child support check every month. And yes, she has admitted that- out loud- before. Lest I rant on for ages, I just wish she'd grow the heck up and act like an adult or get hit by a bus. There are plenty of divorced parents who manage to act civilly. Why'd we end up with the batshitcrazyinsane one? That must be some mighty gnarly karma.

But in other news, Fletcher and Swiss have totally bonded and the pup is starting to act 'normal' (at least for him) again. Praise the Lord. We are doing well, reintegration has been *relatively* painless and Swiss' job has a ton of flexibility for us and him to get ready for retirement. All I'm missing from home are my 'rents and friends. I realized the other day just how insular our life is here. We don't know many people and few of the ones we do are the type we'd choose to hang out with outside of work. We had one fellow over for basketball watching last night and it was really nice to have company. It made me really miss Beth and Val. I miss the girl talk and the hanging out. I miss the familiarity and understanding only years of friendship can cultivate. I miss my peeps.

But otherwise all is well here. The ball is in a week and a half, Swiss starts his online courses this week and I am well, cooking and cleaning. SAHW-hood is weird. We are off to take the puppy on a walk and enjoy the good weather. Hope you all have a stellar Sunday and thanks for listening to the rambling. Pray for Jackson too please!

Dressy.

I found one! Here she be... and best yet Only $115 at the Outlet Mall. Hooah!

If you can't tell, it is a dark peacock-tealish color. It's pretty simple but the jewelly things on the front and the rusching (sp?) on the back is surprisingly flattering. So yay! It's done! And since I saved so much on the dress? New shoes here I come!

A PSA for your lady bits.

We now interrupt the regularly scheduled bitching and posting for an important Public Service Announcement about your Lady Parts.

WAIT! Don't get nervous- it isn't pervy! I promise! Really, really, PLEASE just take a minute to read this because it is incredibly important for you, your daughters, your friends, your family members and every woman you know. Did I convince you to keep reading? Okay- Great! Let's get started!!!

I am a trained Cytotechnologist, which in a nutshell means I look at Pap Smears (amongst other things) through microscopes to diagnose infections, dysplasia and cancer. So I'm not making this stuff up... this is a truly qualified position I am taking and I have spent years learning, researching, studying and seeing this stuff every day. It is SUPER important and nothing to be taken lightly.

With that said, here are the 4 most important things I can tell you about your Lady Part Health:

1.) Get your annual Pap Smear (unless you've had 3 negatives in a row, in which case you can get one every 3 years barring no changes in sexual partners - or your partner's partners- or other health concerns, but don't take my word for it, consult with your doctor). I know it isn't fun to be all spread eagle in the stirrups and the speculum and the general awkwardness of it all- but this is one of the VERY few tests out there that can detect pre-cancerous cells, and we all know early detection is key in treating anything. It is easy, always covered by your insurance and has the ability to save a lot of drama, fear and uncomfortable/invasive procedures in the long run.

2.) Get the HPV Vaccination. It's pharmaceutical name is Gardasil and it is a quadravalent (4) vaccine administered 3 times at specific intervals. If you are over the age of 26 (which most of us are) it won't work for you (Why? Because likely you have already been exposed to at least one form of the HPV virus so it is not effective anymore)... but please, please consider getting it for your daughters (any time after the age of 9, but it must be before the onset of sexual activity). I know that there are some moral/religious/sex ed issues but hear me out:

This vaccine guards against four types of the (very common) HPV virus. The two most common types (6 and 11) are responsible for what are commonly known as genital warts and result in low-grade cervical dysplasia diagnoses on pap smears. These infections usually clear on their own with age, but since the methods of transmission of these viruses aren't 100% known, you can never be too safe. More importantly, the two high risk types (16 and 18) are almost always responsible for the development of cervical cancer and manifests itself early in the form of moderate and severe dysplasia on pap smears. You read that right: IT IS A VACCINE THAT PREVENTS CANCER. That, my friends, is an incredibly big deal. If you keep only this fact in mind, I hope it will be enough to convince you to vaccinate your daughters.

I understand that there are fears that having this vaccine will encourage girls to have unprotected sex and that giving what is essentially a STD vaccine is only embracing and potentially condoning sexuality at an early age (since the vaccine is generally recommended around ages 9-12). I maintain that if you teach your children well, discuss the benefits of abstinence, sex with protection, waiting until you are in a serious relationship- whatever your flavor of sex ed might be-  this vaccine will do nothing to erode your teachings. And more importantly, should your child choose to go against what you taught her, she will be protected from a potentially deadly infection. Whatever your moral take is on teen sex, sex before marriage, etc... I hope your stand on preventing cancer is stronger.

3.) Protect yourself! Use condoms. Don't have sex with strangers. And oral sex won't prevent you from getting this either! Men are common carriers (that makes them sound so dirty, doesn't it?) and do not often experience the same manifestations of acquiring this virus. This means you likely won't know if a man has HPV as there are no outward symptoms for most. So never, ever, ever take chances and ALWAYS use protection.

4.) Follow up. Seriously folks. If you get an abnormal result on your pap smear there are 2 things you must do. First, don't feel bad or ashamed or anything else silly like that. Like I said, transmittal of this disease is still largely misunderstood. It is common and treatable and doesn't have to be a big ordeal. Second, an of the upmost importance. If you get an abnormal result, stick to the follow-up regimen your Doctor prescribes. Sometimes these are repeat Paps in 6 months, sometimes they are biopsies, sometimes they are bigger procedures. DO NOT SKIP THESE. Seriously.

As Cytotechnologists and Pathologists, we rely on these follow up tests to monitor the progression or recession of the disease. HPV infections generally worsen in very predictable ways, if you do your part of the follow up, the chances are high that the disease won't get so bad that it requires radical medical treatment (chemotherapy, etc). Hysterectomies are common when the disease progresses (either to cancer or the severest precancerous lesions), but look at it this way. As hard as it is to give up that part of you, there are so, so, so many cancer patients that can't live without the diseased organ (lung, liver, bladder, etc.) and must suffer as the disease continues to grow. Being able to remove the organ in question will rid one of years of invasive follow up tests and continual worry.


I know we are all super, uber aware of the other gender specific cancers out there- particularly breast cancer, but I encourage you all to keep your lady bits in mind when being pro-active about your health. At the risk of getting to graphic on y'all, if ANYTHING abnormal starts going on down there? Go visit your Gynecologist and get it checked out. Post Haste. Abnormal bleeding especially. It isn't anything to be embarrassed or ashamed about. It is your body telling you, "HEY! Get me checked out! Something isn't right!"

So, with that, I endeth my Public Service Announcement regarding your Girl Parts. Please feel free to e-mail me if you have any specific questions about this- I'd be glad to share any knowledge I have or direct you to some great resources! (tuckerandswiss at yahoo dot com) Now, go get your Paps taken care of Ladies!

But I don't wanna!!!!

Oh the ball. The unit ball.

We SO weren't going to go. Decision made, moving on. No schmancy dresses, no forced fun with people we don't know, no awkward conversations with folks more interested in Harley-Davidsons than ANYTHING else. Phew!

And then today I got the call. We are going to the ball. He even gave me the Party line about it all when I asked him, in my best 8 year old tone, but whhhhhhhhy?

So here I go, with less than 2 weeks to find a formal dress in a town that has only a GAP and a Dillard's (of which you KNOW half the other women going are shopping at, am I right?). So online shopping I go. And here is where I need your help, faithful readers, what is my general goal here? Here are my questions:
-Is floor length a must?
-How glitzy do I go?
-Color? Black? What DOES go with that odd shade of Army green?
-And most importantly- I need your tips on how to get through this without needing counseling and/or copious amounts of wine?

Okay- so wish me luck and send your good shopping karma to the Online Shopping Gods with my name attached!

Blog mortality?

The end is near my friends... Swiss and I are job hunting and looking at places to live and sort of getting on with the process of no longer being beholden to the Army. This military life of ours has an expiration date and it isn't all that far away... it makes me wonder what will happen to this wee blog of mine. Will I keep it? Will anyone still read it once it becomes the ramblings of a non-military life? Will I still have a voice I want to share once I'm not a part of the great wide Military family? Or will I always be a part of that family? Do I really want to be just a normal blogger? *sigh* There's something powerful and special about being a MilSpouse blogger... there's a special niche and wonderful people who populate it. You feel like you are a part of something unique. And like you have a voice worthy of being heard...

But I can't help but wonder, is it once a MilSpouse, always a MilSpouse? Or do you get kicked out of the club when the retirement papers are served? I just don't know...

I do have blogger friends who have left the military and keep on blogging... but I universally think these women are 182 times cooler than me and have lives that totally warrant sharing them with the world (I am looking at you Amy!). Me? I don't know. I don't know what life holds for us, I don't know if it will be worth sharing, I don't know if it will be interesting or funny or if anyone will care. I don't know if I will even want to. Mostly, it is the idea of losing what this blog has given me makes me all melancholy.

I started this blog about six months before Swiss left for the Sandbox. At the time I was an Army newbie, still desperately trying to find my way. I was a fiancee then, trying to plan a wedding and cope with a PCS and looming deployment and utterly terrified that my perfect life would never come to fruition because of a war on the other side of the world, a war I didn't agree with. I was scared and naieve and unsure of myself in this new role. And I didn't know who to turn to. So I started blogging, mostly as an outlet for my fears and concerns and questions. Not because I thought anyone would read.

But somewhere along the line it turned into something I never anticipated- a lifeline to support, understanding, cameraderie, and lasting friendships. I found people who just got it, plain and simple. I found compassion and kindness, humor and bouyancy, wit, intellengence, charm, strength. I found an open seat in a lifeboat, full of women who had been where I was, or were currently there with me. I found what would eventually be what get me through this deployment. I found you all. And you know what else? I found my voice. I found on outlet for the things I wanted to say, and in you all I had an audience- a fabulous audience.

There are too many of you to list, but you absolutely know who you are. I love you and cherish you and am beyond grateful to you. Because were it not for you, I cannot fathom how I would have made it through this. I shudder to think what would have become of me if left to my own devices... not to be melodramatic, but you all kept me sane. Swiss and I both thank you!

This blog gave me a voice that I wasn't always comfortable sharing in person. Don't ask why, because I don't have an answer. But sometimes saying these things aloud was too hard, too uncomfortable, to difficult to explain. Being able to write it all down let me tell the most important people in my life (Beth, Val, Em, Shari, Mom...) what was going on in my head and process it in their own time... it let them know that even though I seemed okay, I wasn't always okay. But this blog let me explain myself. It let them into my head without having to find the right words immediately or ask questions they weren't sure they could. For that I am grateful. For these friends I am grateful.

So it is with trepidation that I (we) saunter up to the place in our life where we are no longer inextricably linked to the Armed Forces. Deployments will be a thing of the past. There will be no FRG drama, no phone trees, no MPs at the gate, no tales of bad phone lines or care packages gone wrong. There won't be tales from the front, anticipatory grief, unconsolable fear. I certainly won't miss any of those things, but I will miss belonging to the one thing that links us all together. I will miss being a part of this community. I will miss being counted amongst you--- you all are a group I have been so very proud to be a part of.

I wonder, if when we are just 'normal' civilians again, if you all will read. Will you read because we've formed a bond, a friendship? Or will you stop, eventually, inevetably, because our life will no longer bear any resemblance to yours? I don't know the answer to this. I wish I did. I just know that I don't want to fade away and not be, at least on the fringes, a part of this amazing community I was so fortunate to tap into. I still want to be one of you all, even when I'm not.

Oscar special.

Isn't that all Self Important of me?


So remember that rant I made a while back about how Hollywood always (almost) gets it wrong with war/Veteran movies? I still think all that jazz is true. But with all the hullabaloo about The Hurt Locker and Oscar buzz and by the more famous MilFolk (here and here) and everyone who has ever  even BEEN to Iraq weighing in... I thought I would throw in my two completely unqualified cents (you know, seeing as how I've never been to war or Iraq... see? I told you: Self Important!).

I read an interview with Jeremy Renner (the 'star' in the movie) the other day and it struck me as pretty accurate and reasonable. Amidst everyone shouting about how inaccurate it is... the ACU's instead of the DCU's that were standard issue at the time, the incorrect markings on trucks, the cries of "that isn't procedure!" (Bwahahaha!!! Yeah there have NEVER, in the history of this war, been soldiers who went against protocol and did stupid shit. PSAHW!), and "That wouldn't ever happen!" (again, PSHAW!)... Renner said this:

“It’s not an EOD documentary. It had to be as accurate as we could within a feature film. But I know some scenes my guys were saying ‘Dude, we taught you better than that.' ... I hope that they just roll their eyes at the Hollywood stuff, let that be what it is. But if it helps bridge the gap between these guys and civilians, helps show some of what they’re going through … I think there’s a lot of friction and ability to be able to communicate one’s life-and-death experiences. If even there’s a fraction of truth that they can use with their family or friends to help show that, then that’s amazing. ... The guys at Fort Irwin all pointed to one guy who would literally walk up to an IED downrange and kick it, and figure if it didn’t go off he won. That’s how he dealt with it. But that’s not standard military protocol."

Hmm. I think that is a fair point. Again, as someone who has never been there, I didn't watch the film with the mindset that this was some sort of action-thriller/documentary. Heck no. And I will fully admit that I would't know one way or another if the EOD techniques were sound or not (though I did notice the ACU thing, and it didn't really bother me)... I'm no military expert. But I feel like we all have to remember that it is and always will be, at the end of the day, a Hollywood Money-Maker.

Hell, I don't watch CSI: New Hampshire of NCIS: Tacoma or Bones or Grey's Anatomy and holler about how lab results ALWAYS take longer than that get snippy because that equipment was all wrong and how that diagnosis wouldn't come from a CT scan... THEY WOULD HAVE TO HAVE A PATHOLOGY REPORT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!! I get it, it is a TV show and real lab work ain't that exciting... and you can't wrap up a tidy hour of television with the cast twiddling their thumbs for a week or 3 days waiting for results. Am I right? But have you noticed that many of the MilFolk reviews of this movie do JUST that?

The point is, I think the movie (KEY WORD ALERT!) represented the general gist of living life, as an EOD guy, in Iraq circa 2004 (I know, as if I have any clue). At the very least, it put me in the general mind-space of the handful of soldiers portrayed. The bigger picture? It put me in the streets of Iraq in the middle of a war my husband fought in (this point, incidentally, is agreed upon by most Vets and is the word on the streets- the settings are spot on). It gave me a dose of perspective, a sliver of insight, a glimpse into what it might have been like for him. And that is more than any other Iraq war movie has done for me. A lot more.

Perhaps, in light of all the other crappy movies about this war (see: StopLoss, Brothers, etc), this is really quite a feat. Maybe this is simply a good first step. And maybe, just maybe, that is pretty damned good for a commercialized, for-the-masses, Hollywood Blockbuster.

A film professor (David McKenna, a film professor at Columbia University, via here) said this of the movie:  "Hurt Locker isn't as much about Iraq as it is about one soldier's addiction to war. It's a character study, an exploration of courage, bravado and leadership told through "a series of suspenseful situations. I suppose it could have just as easily been set in outer space." And I think that is the bigger point here (at least for me, as a non-Iraq veteran). This movie's draw, its interest, it's redeeming qualities lie not in the bombs or the tactical accuracies or the uniforms, it lies in the depiction of soldiers... as complicated people, struggling to deal with their day-to-day experiences, job requirements, and at-home issues. NOT as batshitcrazyinsane PSTD addled guys about ready to fly off the handle (see: Brothers, etc.).

For me, it was about the human experience of war... not wether or not the Bradleys are marked right. And best of all, it gave me a better understanding- even if only superficially- of what that experience was like for any given soldier. For a movie like that to be in the running for an Oscar? I'll call that a good thing any day of the week.

Have any of you watched this movie? What are your thoughts? 
(And PS: here is a link to another article about this, much better written IMHO!)