Aaah, the perils of being a non-working former working gal. Let me first say that I 100% recognize how incredibly lucky I am to be in a position where I don't have to work and our household income is still plenty sufficient to live the life we like. So yes, I am in full understanding of the fact that I am lucky that I get to whine about such inane things. Hopefully that will prevent your eyes from rolling back so hard they get stuck...
Okay, back on point. Stay at home wifery. I find this to be an entirely odd 'profession' where I am constantly negotiating the line between lazy-useless-good-for-nothing and industrious-June-Cleaver-uberhousewife. Neither are a good thing, I don't want to be the wife who stays at home all day and still lives in a pig sty with no clean underwear and 2 weeks worth of dishes rotting away in the sink. I also don't want to indulge my OCD tendencies and become the sort of housewife that has nary a throw pillow out of place and no traceable specs of unruly dust floating through the house. Swiss isn't fond of either incarnation and let's be real here, neither of those extremes are likely to happen anyway.
What I'm having trouble with is the day to day choices. If there are dishes in the sink (dishes are still Swiss's chore because I loathe them and Swiss loves me) and I choose to quilt or paint or blog, am I being a bad housewife? Should housework and cooking and laundry always trump the multitude of other ways I could spend my days? How do I deal with the nagging voice in the back of my head telling me I'm being lazy when I suggest going out to dinner rather than cooking? How do I reconcile the days when I just cannot bring myself to vacuum or dust or put away the laundry for the nth day in a row so I watch the Food Network and HGTV and blog? And just how ridiculous is it that I have this inner turmoil over being a good housewife when Swiss could care less?
See, I am used to having tasks to do, I am used to work, I am used to having to show some sort of proof of my accomplishments on any given day. To me, if the house isn't reasonably fabulous, I must have been slacking because an imperfect house means I can't point to the tangible things I've done. A quilt isn't what stay at home wives do, cleaning is. A witty blog post only means I wasn't spending my time buffing the linoleum. Ridiculous, right?
I am mostly good at moving past this silly little ear bug, but man, there are days when I feel like doing the things I want to do with this gift of a year off is nothing short of selfish and when Swiss has to go to work all day, the least I can do is have a spotless house for him to come home to. Even though he doesn't care. Seriously, someone please slap me! Thankfully this is one of my quirks that I alone have to deal with, and it is one that is *usually* easy enough to move past. Because when you have 15 different sewing projects gnawing away at your brain, the vacuuming can always wait. Right?