Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts

11 August 2009

Here and Far.

A few days ago I got an e-mail. Shocking, right? But this e-mail wasn't from someone I knew. It wasn't Twitter spam, and it wasn't the latest from military.com. It was a smart, honest and sweet e-mail from one Molly Birnbaum. She wrote telling me of her experiences being an Army girlfriend, with her boyfriend Matt getting recalled to the Army and now serving in Afghanistan, the emotions, the fear, the not knowing. And she told me she and Matt had a blog they were writing together during the deployment.

Intrigued and curious, I immediately clicked over and started reading.

It was incredible. It was unique. I couldn't stop reading. Of course, Molly and Matt are both accomplished professional writers, so it is as beautifully and smartly written as one might hope. But her honesty and emotion, his descriptions of what it is like to be there and the people he has met.... how clearly and truthfully they tell their stories. It brought me to tears more than once. And the idea behind it? As Matt put it, "...chronicling our parallel experiences during this deployment, the blog was meant to examine what challenges couples who are separated by war endure." Compelling to say the least, and certainly something we can all relate to.

From Molly, on Independence Day:
"... The anger doesn’t come because Matt left. He had no choice. This situation is entirely out his control. It’s out of my control. Sometimes I think it’s even out of our government’s control. I don’t feel angry because I’m alone. I’ve been alone before and I like to think that I’m independent enough to handle it. Perhaps I’m angry because this war is happening at all. I’ve long felt opposed to the action in Iraq and Afghanistan. But I know myself, and I know I’m not the type to feel such consuming anger about something general, about something as large as a country or as a war. I can feel disappointed and depressed, yes. But I think I’m angry because I’m afraid. Someone I love is somewhere quite dangerous, and I’m very afraid.

... I like the idea that I can blame my anger, which feels both helpless and useless, on evolution. My brain just isn’t made to feel this terror for a danger that resides half a world away. I’m not programmed to think of such opaque realities, of such theoretical monstrosities.

... And I have to remember to be aware. I need to be aware of my anger, and of my fear. I don’t often know where these feelings come from, but I am prepared to look them in the eye and deal with their presence. I will take it one day at a time, and I will think about Matt, who doesn’t have the distraction of holidays and picnics to shield him from unwanted emotion. And I will think about my friends, who feed me cake and keep me busy and watch fireworks on the street in front of my apartment after the sun goes down."
From Matt, on Gardez:
"A sandstorm rages outside my makeshift office on a U.S. military outpost in eastern Afghanistan. Soldiers lean into the wind, their noses pressed into the crooks of their elbows, squinting as they scan for shelter from the stinging wind. The rocky desert mountains surrounding the camp are now all but obscured by the enveloping haze.Eventually, the dust will subside and tonight’s full moon will emerge, casting a glow over our base that in any other setting would seem peaceful. Here, however, the illumination offers would-be attackers an opportunity, and it can be deadly.

...Gardez is a bewitching place, hardened, like its people, to the elements. It is steeped in a history of violence that has repeled the most determined of marauding armies. Only a few miles to the east and south lies the border with Pakistan’s Federally Administered Tribal Areas, an inconsequential demarcation from a bygone age of empire to which the tribal Pashtuns here pay no mind. Indeed, it is in the infinite caves and canyons of this sliver of Pakistan that the Taliban now launch daily attacks against us."
Incredible, right? I am excited to keep reading... excited to see what stories they will tell next, excited that they are willing to share these experiences, emotions and tales with us. I know this is an unabashed plug, something I haven't really done here before, but my goal here is to welcome Molly into the fold. To introduce this amazing woman to all of the other amazing women on know here. My intention is to help create opportunities for all of us to meet someone new, to share incredible experiences and to, most importantly, let one other know that we aren't in this alone.

I leave you with this, an excerpt from the latest post from Matt, because if this doesn't tug at your heart strings, bring tears to your eyes, and make you want to go read their words, nothing will...
"Where was home for me? I asked myself. Who do I rely on?

I had struggled with these questions many times over the last few years, but they now seemed so simple. The answer to both of course was Molly. Having moved myself five times in two years across three continents, Molly has been the only constant in my life. She has kept me grounded, connected somehow to a comforting if ethereal notion of home. Molly has been a rock.

And she is what matters most right now. Not the work, which will mean little in seven months. Not the ring, which can be replaced. What’s important is that I do better at letting Molly know how much she means to me, how I couldn’t do this without her, how everything reminds me of her. Even the most exotic oriental headwear from a far-off desert land."
So go meet Molly and Matt, you'll be glad you did. Here and Far.

04 August 2009

Miscellany.

Okay, I don't have anything that is long enough or coherent enough to warrant a 'real' post but here you go:

First off, the Marine Corps League National Convention is in town this week. It is awesome. Why you ask? Well, because I don't think there has been this many MilFolks in town maybe ever. And there is another conference next weekend for the Enlisted Association of the National Guard of the United States National Convention (EANGUS) which is also cool. I love walking to work and seeing clusters of retired Marines sitting outside my Caribou drinking coffee. This morning I saw a particularly jovial groups outside and, as I walked by with my Large Cold Pressed Coffee (yum), I said "Thanks for your service Gentlemen"... they looked momentarily shocked and then one said Thank you in return. It was nice. It made me all gushy inside. I like gushy.

Second, I was scrolling through my flickr account this morning looking for a picture of Swiss to post. There was going to be some great picture of him and I would say how awesome he his and how much I miss him. Instead I started crying. Because I do miss him. I miss him so much. The kind of missing that makes your chest tight, makes you short of breath sometimes and the kind that brings you to tears if you think about it too much. And besides... what's not to miss about this face?

And lastly... yesterday I told my boss that I was leaving. It's a decision I am (and have been) 110% on board with, but it was still hard. This has been my AO. I went to school here, I started my career here, I worked my way up the ladder here. I am very grateful for all of the opportunities I had, all of the things that made me good at what I do, I have learned so much in the six years I have been here. I am beyond grateful for the amazing folks I met... Val, Emily, Shari, Angela. But it is time to go and I feel very calm and certain about this decision. Thankfully my boss was sweet about it, she understood, and she told me she would have done the same thing if she were in my shoes. Which is all I could have asked for. And wholly unlike my boss's boss who has been pouting, making me feel guilty and asking me if I want to be called Tucker A or Tucker T (A=abandoner and T=traitor) ever since I told him. And he's former Navy. Nice, right? Ah well...

So it is starting to feel like this chapter is coming to a close. Which is both sad and liberating. I am beyond excited about moving and being home with Swiss and getting on with our life. I am sad to leave all that I have built for myself here, but what is waiting for me down south? So much better.

Ooh! And one last thing... I've got a few more names for my photography gig over here. Go check them out and let me know what you think!

29 June 2009

Weekend recap.

So, first order of business. Summerfest was Awesome. The company was great this weekend (You rock Beth!!!) and despite all the gloom and doom everyone was feeding us about never making it to Milwaukee on time, we arrived at the Fest with an hour and change to spare before the Crows hit the stage. HA! TAKE THAT! Plenty of time to cruise about and soak in the crazy attire, drunken revelers and the overwhelmingly good smells of Fest food (which is in another stratosphere from Fair food).

Anyway, our seats were good and we sat down with our $6 Miller Lites and pack of Twizzlers to await the unknown. Our beloved Crows were billed as a "Special Guest" to the Keith Urban concert. What did that mean? 20 minute opener? More? Well, rest easy friends, we got a solid hour of the Crows (see right, all images courtesy of keithurban.net)... the only thing that was a bummer was that they were clearly pandering to a non-Crows, country-heavy audience. I think there were only a couple hundred folks there who a) knew who they were and b) knew any of their songs other than Mr. Jones (which was the only song that got most everyone fired up). Either way they put on a great show and Beth and I were super pumped to have been able to see them again.

Set break. We bust out for the bathrooms and more beer. Not at all concerned about getting back in time for Keith Urban to start. Because while Beth has listened to his Greatest Hits album, I have only heard like 4 songs and consider myself to be neutral at best when it comes to country music these days. We had both heard that he put on a good show, but the expectations were low. Heck, we even contemplated leaving early to catch the Offspring (?!?) at the Miller Lite Oasis. But we made it back to our seats, moved to better, less crowded ones (see left) and awaited the concert's start.

ZOMG. That is how you start a concert. The huge ginormous screens and flashing lights and thundering bass & drums? Yep, pretty much set the stage. We were in for a country flavored Rock Concert. Not some pansy Pop Country show, which is exactly what I was told I was in for (except for you usmcwife8999). The atmosphere was great, it always is at summertime outdoor arenas and, despite all the non-necessary cowboy hats the show hit the ground running. Literally, that is what he lead with, and after just that first song, I was sold.

I think there were at least 15 instances, maybe more, in which Beth and I were looking at each other totally gobsmacked at what we were witnessing. This guy can freaking PLAY. I never thought I would say that about some pretty boy Aussie country star. Heck, he is more like some countrified hybrid of Paige/Plant (see this guy play and you won't think that is blasphemous, promise)... and I was waiting for him to start playing with his teeth a la Hendrix.

I never knew this guy had such serious guitar chops. Every song had a perfectly placed and timed guitar solo that made the whole thing SO much more like a rock concert than anything else. And the guy is a showman. The whole bit where he walks through the crowd while playing and singing up to a secondary stage in the middle of the amphitheater to play an acoustic mini-set? Fantastic. So yes, I was blown away. And I would dare say it was one of the best concert performances I have ever seen. Better than No Doubt, better than the Crows last year and better than (Ezra? ha! get it???), gasp, Coldplay. Yep. I said it. The best concert I have ever been to was a Country concert. Color me surprised.

Anyway, yes, amazing show. Every song was turned up to the proverbial 11, the whole band was mad, mad talented and the whole thing rocked way hard. Harder than any country show has a right to rock. Kudos to you Keith Urban, for being way more of a Guitar Hero than I ever thought you were, for proving me wrong, and for putting on a damned good show. And I want all five of those giant HD screens, which by the way, made the whole experience for anyone with cheaper seats exponentially better. And while you are at it, you NEED to put our a live CD. Because how y'all play live is a million times more awesome than anything on your studio albums, which I now own.

The rest of the weekend was marked by a Concert Hangover (not beer, promise, 3 in 5 hours won't do that...) on Saturday, new Reef flip flops, ridonkulously cheap Gap jeans ($19.99!), and yummy pizza. Sunday we drove up to Minneapolis, kicked it at IKEA and checked Beth into her uber trendy hotel, got Chipotle and continued to discuss the pitfalls of the Post-9/11 GI Bill, family planning, career/school and everything else under the sun. I love the conversations we have, the exercise it gives my brain, and how I totally get to be me with Beth. No pretenses, no judgment, totally honest, totally open and totally hilarious. Thanks for being that kind of friend Beth... you are a rare find and genuinely amazing!

So yep, that was my weekend. Fan-freaking-tastic if you ask me. I needed that. Happy Monday all!!!

28 May 2009

On blogging.

Recently a few friends have been talking about their blogs, if they are going to continue them, what material they want to share, reader reactions, perceptions and whether or not it really is the outlet it was intended to be. Heck, by the looks of it we are losing another MilSpouse blogger too (you probably already know of who I speak). And I can't help but wonder how this all happened... all these questions about what will people think if I write X, maybe I should water it down and write Y, and so on.

I guess I have never really shied away from writing about all of the crappy stuff, mostly because I needed an outlet for these emotions, and I never let myself worry about what other readers thought. I figured if they didn't like it, or thought it too moody or depressing, they could just move on. If they could relate or had something they wanted to share, then pull up a seat and let's talk. Is it fun when someone tells you your opinions are lame? No. Does it make you all fuzzy and warm inside when someone posts a mean or snarky comment? Heck no. Is it a great feeling when someone slanders you on their own blog? Not at all. But also, if someone is willing to behave like that, then I just plain don't care about their opinion. That isn't someone I would ever invite into my life, so just because (s)he may be trolling the interwebz looking for something to take a poke at, I won't let her (or him) stop me from saying what I need to say.

Because after all, regardless of public perception or opinion, this is MY AO, MY blog, MY place to put it all out there. And yes, I am taking that leap because I am putting it out there... literally... rather than journaling or keeping a diary privately. I am welcoming public opinion, but I don't think any of us should have to sugar coat, water down, or hold back on what is going on in our lives just because someone else is reading. I need a place to say that usually in the morning when I get out of the shower and see the message Swiss wrote to me in the steam filled mirror before he left (I ♥ Tucker!) I smile, but today it made me bawl because I can't stand being apart from him, not for this long. I need this place, this blog, because I can't say it at work, I can't say it to someone who doesn't get it, I can't admit how miserable I am sometimes because no one wants to hear that. But if I can vent about it here, somehow I feel better. It isn't always pretty or happy or filled with rainbows & butterflies, but it is real, it is honest and it is what I am feeling.

So I guess the point is that to any of you ladies contemplating stopping for any (or all) of the above reasons... don't do it. Not unless it is what you really want. Say what you need to say, put it out there in all its raw, honest glory, nothing you have to say is trite or harsh or unwelcome- it is YOUR space to say whatever it is you need to say- regardless of what is going on with those around you. And screw anyone who doesn't understand. Because I promise to understand, I promise to listen(read) and I promise to still find you all utterly charming and amazing no matter what you blog about.

The end.

27 May 2009

Puppy paws and eyeballs.

They do not mix. Let me tell you!

Yep, I get to go to the Opthamologist today because Fletch managed to poke/nick/claw my eyeball last night while playing. I'm thinking that my contact lens took the brunt of the assault, but we will know for sure later today. So the moral of the story, in true OSHA fashion, is to wear protective eye wear when roughhousing with your dog on the floor.

And in other news, I am super pumped that there are two (2!) different series going on in the blog-o-sphere about reintegration and post-deployments: SisB over at Veritably Bare and LAW & The Army Wife over at LeftFace. I feel like, though 'far' away still, our reintegration is a final exam that I have no way of studying for... and it ain't open book either. So I am thrilled that these awesome ladies are going to share their experiences, advice, tips and really put themselves out there in such an open and honest way... I'm hoping I can glean some insider tips and at least show up to my final exam slightly prepared! Anyway, go check them out and share your experiences (mostly so I can glom off of your knowledge!)!

That is all I have for today. I do wish it would stop raining though... Happy Wednesday everyone! Off to get some caffeine!!!

UPDATE: The eyeball is fine, though now both eyes are dilated and I am stuck at work with enough fluorescent lighting to land a UFO. Mah eyez! They hurt! Anyway, that is all. Carry on!

26 May 2009

Odds and ends.

Aaaah... back to reality after a super swell long weekend at home- ugh. I love Wisconsin. I mean, really love it. It is all hilly and green and there are cows and big red barns and there is cheese and beer and brats and cranberries and Madison and Summerfest and family and friends and cheese and lakes and the Badgers and Brewers and the art museum and cheese. Yeah, I miss it there. Lots and lots.

I spent the weekend hanging out with Mom & Dad, Fletch got to play with Sally & Miller which is always comical... three English Setters in one place is a lot of dog and a lot of energy to contend with. We had a party on Sunday and I got to see all the friends and family from the Milwaukee area and catch up... most of which I haven't seen since our wedding in October. They all got to shout "Hi" to Swiss when he called too... is was awesome because those folks can be LOUD when they want to be!

Monday my Mom and I went down to our little town and watched the Memorial Day parade. It was so sweet and quaint and so quintessentially small-town American. The members of the VFW marched by and I got all misty... I applauded them as they marched by and quickly everyone along the street joined in. I was so proud and honored and humbled in those minutes as the WWII era war planes flew overhead and the local high school marching band played "God Bless America". At that moment, it was all that is right with our country. (Though to see what is wrong with it, read yesterday's post)

On the drive home Monday night, as Fletcher slept in the back seat, I thought long and hard about where Swiss and I will be in the future, about him coming home to Fort X, about retiring and finding a job, about family and priorities and getting on with our post-Army life. It is all so surreal sometimes... it is so liberating to know we can go anywhere we want... but the pull of family and friends is so strong. I'm still not sure how to reconcile these things, or which ones are more important. I know Swiss would go anywhere, and he would never balk if I said that a specific town was where I wanted us to live. He just wants us to be happy. And of course that is what I want too. I just don't know how to find OUR happy medium, not just one happy medium that the other is okay going along with.

There is a JROTC job at the (swanky) Military Academy very near my parents home. Not that it is necessary for me to live uber close to the parental units, but it would be a GREAT job for him (and it is one that he is already interested in). We could find a home 20-30 minutes away, and we would be SO close to the people who help make me, well, me. Beth would be an hour away, we could be near my 91 year old and completely wonderful Grandfather, my parents adore Swiss and are so much fun... all of my family and our friends are such amazing people and all of them are completely in love with Swiss. But I know deep down that all of these things are about ME. Not Swiss, at least not directly. All he wants is to make me happy, get a good job (preferably at a military academy) and have 10 or 20 acres to run around in. But where is that line? Where is the line that we can both stand on, both be happy with? Where is the middle ground that makes us BOTH happy? I don't know. I guess we have to figure that out for ourselves.

Anyway, this got to be reeeeeeeeal long. Sorry. But that is all the news here that is fit to print. Swiss is doing well, we are getting there. So here's to another week down. I'm crabby today, but I think that is only because people are dumb, which I'm afraid can't be helped. ugh.

10 May 2009

Happy Mother's Day, Military Spouses Day, apologies and ramblings.

First off: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM! You are the best... you were the best mom, the best advocate, the best supporter, the best caregiver and now that I am all growed up... you are my best friend. Thank you for all you have done, thank you for all you do, and I'm sorry we couldn't be together on this day.

Second: Happy Military Spouse's Day (a day late). To all you MilSpouses out there: YOU ROCK. I could go on and on, but you know the gist of it... so keep on truckin' and thanks to all you wonderful MilSpouses who have become so much more... my friends.

Third: Yo, I am sorry I have been much of a Debbie Downer these days. There has been a toxic cloud of PMS, loneliness, uncertainty and blah hanging over me lately and this stage of the deployment falls squarely in between "Look! We are a quarter done!" and "Balls. 5 more months until I get to see him. Seriously?". It isn't a fun place to be. But, I think the winds are changing... hopefully this funk will blow right on out of here soon. So yeah, I am going to give myself a "Do Better" and do just that. Thanks for sticking by me even when I am not what anyone would call fun.

Lastly: You know those times when folks tell you that you, in fact, cannot have it all? Well, I say PISH-POSH! We, Swiss and I, ARE going to have it all. Why? Because I said so, and because I am going to put my mind to it, and dammit things are going to work out for us because (by the time he gets home) these 3 years of long-distance dating, insane 'family' drama, moves, and a deployment have been effing hard and we have earned it. We are going to get great jobs someplace we would like to live, we are going to be near (but not too near) family... one way or another, we are going to have that house we always wanted to build, we will have our 20 acres, we will travel to exotic locales and we WILL have it all. Our happily ever after. So there.

29 April 2009

Work it out.


working out, originally uploaded by tongueinchic.

I am pumped. Why? Because ArmyWife and I are going to be workout buddies! No, I suppose you are right, that isn't Earth-shattering news. BUT, it is super cool because we live just over 1,000 miles apart. God Bless teh Internetz!

Our plan? To report back to each other when we finish workouts, talk about our progress and work through this awesome book: The New Rules of Lifting for Women. Oh, and that other pesky thing necessary for workouts: Motivation. As she said, "...it is going to be GLORIOUS!" and I agree. Of course I also have to give a shout out to Alternative Army Wife because a) she is way cooler than I am and b) she got me all kinds of geared up to get back into my workout groove (she's going to be a fitness guru, just you wait!). So yeah, that is the plan.

Go Team!

22 April 2009

You are special and make everything better.

Well, at least that is what Matthew said to me when he and his brother and Mom stopped by our house last night. Matthew belongs to my wonderful and amazing friend Val and he may be the sweetest child I have ever met. I adore him (and his brother Sam) to no end and have considered kidnapping them both.

Anyway, he invited me to brunch on Sunday with his family for strawberry pannekoeken and told me it was because I was special and make everything better when I am around. (Val tells me he came up with that all on his own) Don't you love it when a 9 year old makes you melt? So here's a big, heartfelt THANK YOU to Mr. Matthew, for making my day, making me feel special, and inviting me to brunch. You are a doll and have no idea how much that meant to me.

I would also like to extend the same big, heartfelt Thank You to all you wonderful readers who gave me great advice and super support yesterday. Things are better today, all because of y'all and a sweet 9 year old. Well done!

13 April 2009

Books and their covers.

Please go watch this. Seriously, do it now.

And then move to England with me so I can vote for this woman a million times over.

I can't tell you how much I needed to see something like this, witness something so unexpected and beautiful and heartwarming.

I wish her all the best in this world and certainly all the success she deserves with a voice like that (and maybe a big, juicy first kiss with Daniel Craig). Go watch it, I guarantee it will make your day, make your heart swell, teach you a wonderful lesson and possibly make you cry*.

Mother Jones was spot on: Susan Boyle, Curing Cynicism Since 2009. Oh, and Thank you LopsidedMom and LAW for essentially making me watch this and thus making my Monday.

*In the interest of full disclosure, it totally made me cry.

23 February 2009

Monday, Monday.

I have nothing profound to share. So I will stick with my latest penchant for lists.

1.) This article is good. Interesting. I will have more to write about it later, but for now check it out.

2.) This deployment, though only 3+ weeks old, has very clearly shown me that I was spot on when I picked the gals for my inner circle. They have come through with flying colors, just by being there and for letting me know that they care, and I say thank you. You two know who you are.

3.) I am SO over this cold. OVER! (And I thought one of the perks to being married was someone to take extra good care of you when you are sick... The Army is interfering with my wifely rights!)

4.) We finally got word of Swiss's final* destination. It is, I quote "in need of some infrastructure improvements before it is safe ... to occupy (Sewage,Water, Electricity, etc need some work). I will tell you up front that the living conditions ... will be spartan at best compared to previous rotations..." Poor Swiss.

That's all I have for now. Perhaps if I get to breathe out of both my nostrils I will post more later.

*Final is a loose term in the Army, I know this now. So it is, of course, subject to change.

13 February 2009

Say.

Hmmm... what do I want to say? It has been a long week and the synapses aren't firing quite right. I suspect wine would make it better. But here's the short-list.

I want to say a heartfelt Congratulations to Beth and Ethan. This doesn't really change anything about you two, but I am so happy for you none-the-less. Now let's get on with the business of free cake.

I want to say that even though I work at an 'elite' world renowned hospital (I hope that doesn't sound boastful because it isn't meant to be), I still work with a bunch of idiots.

I want to say that Valentine's day is lame. Of course I am only saying that because Swiss is about 7,500 miles away and I will be spending my Valentine's day with a dog (albeit a very cute dog). I would feel totally different about all of it were Swiss here. I admit this whole-heartedly.

And finally, I want to say that I don't have anyone to eat sushi with. And no one to curl up on the sofa sipping wine with. And that sucks. I miss Swiss. I miss him a lot.

23 January 2009

Public service announcement.

This is a public service announcement to let everyone know that my bestest college bud Beth is the smartest person ever. And she is wicked cool to boot! Plus, now she is famous.

Check this out... I know that Wisconsin programs to boost college attendance aren't every one's bag, but it is a great article and Beth is super smart and awesome and I totally have to brag her up. I mean, com on, this is good stuff, and it is in the CHICAGO TRIBUNE! Awesomeness.
"We think it would lead to more kids going to college by tapping a group that isn't accessing college at the level we feel is possible," Stransky said. "A state investment of dollars would really give the Covenant meat. It would make it more than just a symbolic action."

Smarty. Pants. Anyways, Kudos to you Sporty Spice!