My latest addictions are Chamomile tea and blogging pictures from flickr. Hey, at least it ain't drugs, right? The tea for now is Tazo Calm and I am on the hunt for other brands. The photos? What can I say... I'm a photo junkie always looking for inspiration and well, cooler people with cooler photographs than me. Anyway, that is all. I have nothing else of consequence to share other than the Vet is in love with my dog. Ignorance is bliss I suppose...
29 April 2009
I am pumped. Why? Because ArmyWife and I are going to be workout buddies! No, I suppose you are right, that isn't Earth-shattering news. BUT, it is super cool because we live just over 1,000 miles apart. God Bless teh Internetz!
Our plan? To report back to each other when we finish workouts, talk about our progress and work through this awesome book: The New Rules of Lifting for Women. Oh, and that other pesky thing necessary for workouts: Motivation. As she said, "...it is going to be GLORIOUS!" and I agree. Of course I also have to give a shout out to Alternative Army Wife because a) she is way cooler than I am and b) she got me all kinds of geared up to get back into my workout groove (she's going to be a fitness guru, just you wait!). So yeah, that is the plan.
28 April 2009
This is how I feel today... come to think of it, this is how I have been feeling for a while. Just Meh. At least there is a magazine for gals (or guys) like me... Silver lining and all...
27 April 2009
I had shrimp and curry couscous tonight for dinner and it was yummy.
The list of things Fletcher is terrified of now includes thunderstorms along with sirens and whistles. That is one odd mutt we got.
Actually hearing Swiss's voice makes everything SO much better! I know that sounds sappy and corny but it is true and I am not ashamed to admit it.
I am waaaay too fond of my television. And Ty Murray has some GUNS on him! woo! And I might be in lurve with Castle.
Okay, that is all for now. Sorry I am so boring!
26 April 2009
Anyway, it is rainy and cold here, so I am staying in, painting and chilling out... and waiting for Swiss's next phone call. Squeeeeee!
23 April 2009
Here we go:
1. I have a birthmark on my forehead and it is like a mood ring. It is usually hardly noticeable now that I am 'grown up' (whatever that means) but when I am upset or stressed it is b-r-i-g-h-t pink an square in the middle of my forehead. Sexay.
2. I have creepy double jointed fingers.
3. My last meal would include BBQ, sushi, a Chipotle burrito and a big bowl of corn. Possibly mashed potatoes.
4. I want to get a tattoo but think I am too old. I know I am not, but I am weird like that.
5. I am have a very strong bond with my eye liner. Won't leave the house without it on.
6. I am a whiz at getting stains out of anything, and I have my Grandma Ethel to thank for it.
7. I sneeze in pairs.
8. I dance in public and gauge loyalty/friendship by one's ability to put up with it and/or join in.
9. I love post cards.
10. My favorite city in the whole wide world is Venice, no wait, Paris... or maybe Madrid? Ugh, that was a horrible one to end with. I'll go with Madrid... but reserve the right to change my mind starting now.
22 April 2009
Anyway, he invited me to brunch on Sunday with his family for strawberry pannekoeken and told me it was because I was special and make everything better when I am around. (Val tells me he came up with that all on his own) Don't you love it when a 9 year old makes you melt? So here's a big, heartfelt THANK YOU to Mr. Matthew, for making my day, making me feel special, and inviting me to brunch. You are a doll and have no idea how much that meant to me.
I would also like to extend the same big, heartfelt Thank You to all you wonderful readers who gave me great advice and super support yesterday. Things are better today, all because of y'all and a sweet 9 year old. Well done!
21 April 2009
I think it also has something to do with being here in the civilian world… it is starting to feel like Swiss and this deployment has been forgotten by all but a few. No one asks. No one talks about it. We talk about everything else, but somehow this deployment and how we are doing seems to be verboten. Maybe they are just afraid to talk about it. Maybe they think I will have a meltdown if it gets brought up (I won't... I haven't had anything even resembling a melt-down yet, at least not in public!). Maybe they don't know what to say, so they don't say anything at all. Maybe they think I am doing perfectly fine and don't need anything. I don't know. I just know I'm feeling sort of invisible. If I have a bad day, no one asks. I don't have very many bad days, so it is sort of disappointing that it doesn't register that I might need some support or a kind gesture.
Now mind you, this isn't everyone in my life (thank God!). I have a few great friends who aren't afraid to ask or talk about it and still genuinely care about us. And I am so thankful for them, but a good portion of them are not here, they are scattered to the four corners and not physically present in my day-to-day life (I heart you ladeez!). And I know those are the folks I should focus on, but I am feeling a tiny bit lost at sea right now and I am terrible at asking for the kind of 'help' that would go so far in making this easier. I don't want a pity party and I don't need help-help. I just need someone to ask "how are you doing?" or say "let's go get dinner some night". I don't want to seem weak because I feel like I should be able to do this all on my own, but this hasn't exactly been what I would call easy. It would be nice though if someone came up to me and asked if I am doing okay. I don't want to have to say "I'm having a shit time right now, can you ask me out to dinner or drinks or come over to just hang out?". Maybe that is silly of me.
I know I will get over this soon. I know it will pass... I will put my Big Girl Britches on and get over myself. I will keep on trucking to Mordor and focus on getting to the Precious. But man, this really sucks sometimes.
19 April 2009
You see, in the span of just one day, I have seen no less than 46 passionate kisses on television. Okay, so maybe that means Network TV is conspiring against me and maybe that I watch too much television. But still, thanks for the not-so-gentle reminder that I won't be getting any passionate kisses for another 6 months. But really, once was enough. I get it. 46 times though? That's just plain mean. Because believe me, I am acutely aware of this fact, so STOP BEATING ME OVER THE HEAD WITH IT! Please?
"Which brings up the elephant in the room: Adam's gayness. (He has not actually come out, but pictures of him kissing men and a video of him saying that women are not his preference are all over the Internet.) No gay man has ever won "Idol," which raises the sociopolitical stakes of the show's finale considerably. If Adam loses, will it be because of homophobia?"SERIOUSLY? This is beyond ridiculous... and this isn't even about AI. This is about someone who is insanely talented by any measure. His sexual orientation doesn't affect his talent and it shouldn't preclude him from the success he rightfully deserves (not that he won't have success if he doesn't win, heck my Mom is in love with the kid and would by his album). But is America really this shallow? Are we really that concerned with the sexual preferences of its artists? Are we willing to shortchange someone just because of who they may or may not like to kiss?
I guess there is only one way to find out and American will have its say in a few short weeks. I'm hoping for the best and that eyeliner and internet photos aren't the only things he is judged on. You can do it America! I have faith in you!!!
18 April 2009
I WANT THE FUCKING PHONES TO BE WORKING ALREADY!
We are moving into week 4 of no verbal communication. The SPAWAR station is set up though... the phones are in, the tables are made, the cable is laid. All we are waiting on is some civilian contractor (aka Commo Guy) to get their ass out to BFE and point the damned satellite in the right freaking direction. That's it. But the civilian just hasn't shown up in the past week and no one really knows when he will be there. So we sit in radio silence and rely on hotmail to communicate.
And if one more civilian tells me "well, at least you have the computer" I will likely punch them. Then I will likely spew forth something ineloquent about how they would feel not seeing their husband for almost 3 months and relying on freaking e-mail to talk and not hearing his voice and then start crying. And then I will have no more civilian friends because they will all think I am either a bitch or insane... or both.
See what you are doing to me Commo Guy? Just get out there and point that thing in the right direction and I will regain my sanity. Is that so hard??? Throw me a freaking bone here dude... Poor Swiss would prefer nothing more than to wring some necks over this, but has resigned himself to the fact that most of the folks in his unit are inept and beyond help. Oh woe is us. Just please, make me sane again and get those phones up and running. Please?
Thus ending my rant.
Oh, and I swear I'm not usually this surly! I just really, really, really need to hear Swiss's voice.
17 April 2009
16 April 2009
Can I also say that in a bout of cosmic synchronicity, the piano lady in the subway at work was playing Edelweiss. It made me want to twirl and sing along at the top of my lungs. Yes, I heart the Sound of Music. This is a dirty little secret of mine and now you all know.
PS- I forgot to give a Shout Out to LopsidedMom for passing on this goodness. She rocks!
14 April 2009
I was taking a primate anthropology course (ugh, the memories, that class was h-a-r-d) my Junior year and she came to our wee college to talk to the whole campus and community about her experiences and her project Roots and Shoots. Our class was lucky enough to get to have lunch with her, chat and get her to sign our books (A Reason for Hope, it is a great read by the way, go read it!). She is so amazing, so wise and patient and kind and adventurous. Passionate. She is a pioneer- for scientists, for women, for educators and advocates. As Stephen Jay Gould said, "Jane Goodall's work with chimpanzees represents one of the Western world's greatest scientific achievements." She is what science is all about... not stuffy professors who sit behind big desks, tenures and grant money. She is 'boots on the ground'... She is the real deal and she is everything that I wanted to be when I was in college.
13 April 2009
And then move to England with me so I can vote for this woman a million times over.
I can't tell you how much I needed to see something like this, witness something so unexpected and beautiful and heartwarming.
I wish her all the best in this world and certainly all the success she deserves with a voice like that (and maybe a big, juicy first kiss with Daniel Craig). Go watch it, I guarantee it will make your day, make your heart swell, teach you a wonderful lesson and possibly make you cry*.
Mother Jones was spot on: Susan Boyle, Curing Cynicism Since 2009. Oh, and Thank you LopsidedMom and LAW for essentially making me watch this and thus making my Monday.
*In the interest of full disclosure, it totally made me cry.
08 April 2009
"The weirdest thing about West Point? No one discussed the war. ... In my "civilian" friendships, your opinion is like your fingerprint, a critical marker of your identity. We talked about the war all the time, pro or con. It was a political football tossed back and forth in constant conversational play. But at West Point, I never conversed about the political or moral ramifications of the war. ... The depth of candor surrounding the domestic ramifications of the current conflict was astonishing. But what we thought of the war itself? It never came up. Not even once." -Lily Burana
YES! That is the problem! That is why we have LeftFace! That is why we are trying to open up the dialogue about what it means to be a military spouse and how to reconcile personal opinions (and politics) with our husband's careers and the culture of the military.
It isn't about bashing one view or extolling the virtues of any given political party. It is about SHARING. It is about the exchange of thoughts and ideas. It is about openly and honestly talking about the very issues that our loved ones must enact. We SHOULD be talking about this war. We MUST be questioning policies. We NEED to engage each other about these topics! Why? Because every last bit of these policies directly effect us, the 1%. I refuse to just take what someone (especially our government, regardless of who is running it) tells me at face value. I was taught to think outside the box, to analyze the situations, problems and resolutions in front of me. I was molded into a critical thinker, not only by my parents, but by my educational institutions and my life experiences. None of that changed when I became an Army wife.
Just because we are military, doesn't negate our ability (and right) to be critical, challenging and open minded. It doesn't renege our right to question and debate the policies, politicians and government who we are inextricably tied to. And engaging in these thoughtful, open, honest and critical debates does NOT make me unpatriotic, it does not make me a bad military spouse and it most certainly does not lessen my pride in our armed forces, our country or my husband. Thankyouverymuch.
07 April 2009
Distance can make us drift apart. Distance can make us weaker. Distance can make us different. Distance can create tension or worse yet temptation.
Please don't take this wrong right off the bat. Swiss and I are doing great (aside from the ongoing weeks of no phone calls). We are happy and communicating and still madly in love and without drama. Thank Gawd. We aren't struggling with any of these things, and lest you think I am trying to create issues, you should all know that I am a planner. And I generally plan for the worst case scenario.
The thing of it is that Swiss and I have such a stable, normal, affectionate, honest and fun relationship. It is the most normal relationship I have ever been in. We are so happy and we are so good together. And yes, we had to the whole long distance thing for 90% of our relationship so it hasn't all been cupcakes and fairy tales. But we've had it good. We communicate and we are open and we've gotten through many an issue together, without yelling (neither of us are good fighters), all while being as supportive and understanding as we can.
But I wonder what all this time apart will do to change that. I am not naive enough to think that he will come home and everything will be just as it was when he left. I worry that things won't be as smooth as they were before. I worry that we won't be as good at reading each other, that we won't know how to be like we were before. I don't feel like I am changing, but I can't see how I couldn't. Same for Swiss. And I don't know what weeks and months on end of conversing only by computer screen & keyboard or phones alone does to the communication skills you established before. I don't know what kind of complications it could create.
In short, I wonder if things will ever be the same. Lord, I hope so, because we only had 3 months of 'normal'. We had 90 days to live together full time, to be us. And I can't help but wonder how far reaching the effects of this deployment will be on our relationship. How long will we pay for this? And what will the cost be?
I hate to sound melodramatic about all of this. We really are doing fine and I'm not seeing any red flags. But I guess it would be weird to not think about all of this, no? Anyway, at the end of the day I am going to put my faith in us and in our love. Faith that we will work through any issues that do arise... I can only hope that they are minimal and easy to deal with.
And at night when I am laying awake, I will think of this, think of how strong our love is, and rest easy. "And ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation." -Kahlil Gibran
05 April 2009
"Thank u Swiss-u r the epitamy of what a Soldier should be!"Note the excellent spelling and grammar... It was from a number neither of us knew so I just ignored it rather than call/text back a 'stranger'. I chalked it up to a drunk buddy who got sappy at the bar... or something like that.
Well today the mystery of the random texter was found out, thanks to my brother in law. It was P, Swiss's ex-wife who is engaged to be married. Drunken engaged ex-wife texts are my favorite! We haven't had one of those since waaaay before we were married... oh how I've missed them! I'm sure she was either a) trying to rattle my cage thinking that I had his phone or b) trying to suck up to Swiss assuming that he had his phone with him in the Sand. Either way it made me laugh when I found out who it was... I still can't figure out the reason behind it- she usually isn't that nice!
But no matter, it is just another entertaining tale to tell in the saga of The Ex-Wife. Do y'all have any crazy ex-wife stories to share? I have more, but this is as much as I am willing to tempt Karma!
Anywhoodles, I've spent the morning painting which is 84 shades of awesome and thanks to the lack of snow I can complete the shopping for the latest items Swiss has requested (including, but not limited to: a AA battery powered alarm clock, Guitar Hero Metallica, shelf brackets with adhesive and baby wipes). And I am making homemade granola bars to send him too. Yum. So, that is all I have for my Sunday update. You can all rest easy now that you are up to speed on my thrilling life...
03 April 2009
Not cool Weather, not cool.
But on the plus side, this site (warning NSFW or kids) makes me laugh until I snort and hopefully that will pull me through this crappy bout of weather. It also makes me want to get this shirt for my dog. Not that I am a big fan of dressing up pets, but come on, that is funny. "I am part of the problem" heh.
On the down side, rumor has it that it will be another week or so until the "commo" guys get the SPAWAR phones up and running. Why yes, wait until the entire unit is out there before you even being working to get the phones up and running. No sense doing it before now, like when the advon went out a month ago. That would be silly.
But back on the plus side, I got all my art supplies so this weekend will be filled with painting, sangria (I'm in charge of finding the best recipe for Beth's wedding party- suggestions?), and apparently snow.
So I don't know where that leaves me, but here's wishing a Happy Friday to everyone and enjoy the lack of snow wherever you are.
02 April 2009
And for those of you who either have been a POC or have had a POC: tips? Crib sheets? Cliff noties? Please!
Second, we gals over at LeftFace are in a bit of a competition for best new MilSpouse blog. If you like us, please, please go vote for us here. Thanks!
Third, I just found this organization, Operation Dreamseed, via research for this blog post about Kids in Afghanistan. Wow, they are an amazing organization with a presence in not only Afghanistan and Iraq, but also Nicaragua and Colombia. Here is their mission:
"Operating within the values of freedom, democracy, education, and self-betterment, Operation Dreamseed will develop and support education initiatives in the schools and education systems of underdeveloped countries in order to foster and facilitate the access to and process of learning."If you can, go check them out and see if you (and your peeps) can get some donations together to help the cause. Thus ending this PSA.
Lastly, I really want to watch Grey's Anatomy tonight and put up another post about the status of Owen's PTSD, but alas, I will be in art class. So y'all will have to wait a twee bit until I can watch the episode online and pull a post together.
So go vote and have a super Thursday everyone!
01 April 2009
Here's my point. Just yesterday I was all proud of Swiss and I because we got 2 whole months down... only 10 more to go! Hooah! But then all the deployment math started running through my head, especially the equations about how much longer it will be until I get to see my man.
That's when it hit me. Even though we have 2 months down (which sadly seems like an eternity), I am still going to have to wait 6 more months to see his face, touch him, be near him. I knew that, we had talked about it numerous times before. It will be Fall before I see him. Most of 2009 will be over by that time. For some reason today all of it really sunk in. 6 more months of this. It sort of makes me wan to cry (and by sort of I mean really).
6 more months of no kisses, no hand to hold, no one to curl up next to in bed, no handsome man to come home to, no normal couple-ness. It makes these past 2 months feel like 2 days. Like we haven't really accomplished anything in getting this over with.
I know that isn't the case... 2 months is not nothing. And I know that the flip side is that once he is home on R&R, it will only be a handful of months until he is home again. But today that knowledge doesn't help... it doesn't make me any less lonely and it doesn't make this any easier.
I just really miss him. And I am really ready to have him home again. If anyone finds or has a Fast Forward button please pass it my way post haste...