On kindness and asking for help.

So, a couple of weeks ago Swiss mentioned that the guys he is stationed with (he is the only one from his unit, all the other guys are from another unit) are BORED. Not necessarily with work, but mostly when not at work. See, they are in a remote JSS without much for services or entertainment. Nothing to do when work isn't calling, nothing to read. He said they were sorely lacking any and all reading materials... I thought, Hey! I can fix that! So I set out to buy a ton of magazines to send the guys.

Then I realized that at around $3.95 a pop (if not more), it would take more to $100 to fill up a box, plus postage. We aren't poor, but that's a lot of loot! So I sat and stewed on this. How could I procure reading materials at little to no cost without having to run around town and beg grocery stores/bookstores/etc for their unsold wares? I was loathe to ask folks I know for help, please don't ask me why because surely I don't have a good reason. But finally I sent out the only slightly begging e-mail to some select co-workers. I asked if they had any old Dude Magazines (remember: Infantry) that they would be willing to give up, so that I could send them to Swiss and his fellow soldiers.

I was nervous about sending this e-mail. I didn't want to sound like I couldn't fix this myself. I didn't want to inconvenience anyone. I didn't want to sound like I, or the guys, needed pity. Lame, I know.

But happily, 6 folks (only 2 of which have actually met Swiss), brought in armloads of magazines to share... everything from Bowhunter (Swiss will LOVE these) to National Geographic to Men's Health to Outside to Sports Illustrated. I got enough to fill two flat rate (the big kind!) boxes, both of which I am sending out today with big bags of Starbursts and Twizzlers. And it made me all fuzzy and warm inside, I might have even teared up a little. I also brought in a card, thinking that perhaps the folks who donated these magazines would want to say something to the guys. Then I thought better of it, what if they thought that was lame? What if they were only doing it because they knew me and felt obligated? What if they didn't have anything to say? But again, I was so wrong. They wrote the kindest, sweetest most grateful comments. And once again, I got all warm and fuzzy inside.

I am SO glad I asked for help, because they helped me accomplish something that I wouldn't have been able to do on my own. And together, we fixed a simple problem, we made life a tiny bit better for the guys over there. It feels good.

So the moral of the story is that, while we assume folks don't care because they don't talk about it or don't act as advocates/supporters of our troops, when push comes to shove... some of them do. Some of them will lug 5 pounds of magazines to work so that your husband and his co-workers have something to read. They will write kind sentiments that you never knew they felt, and they will help when you need it, as long as you are willing to ask.

That, my friends, is a wonderful thing.

LiveBlogging the PCS: Part Ohmygodarewedoneyet?, or 6

Ahhhh, Army housing. You and I have sort of a love-hate relationship. I love that you don't involve any leases, are located on post, are roomy (at least at the hub's rank) and easy to acquire*. I hate that you are sterile, have suspect oddly colored brown carpeting, are subject to frequent fly-overs and I get such a limited selection of what kind to live in.

And moreover, there is the whole process of applying for you. One would think that, with PCS orders, marriage certificate, proof of citizenship, promissory note for firstborn child and a Get Out of Jail Free card from Mr. Monopoly himself, one would be able to get housing on post quiet easily. But alas, one would be WRONG. Silly Rabbit, on post housing is only easy if you are physically present on post to get on the waiting list.

Once you geographically remove yourself from any offices that contain housing folks that could help you, things start to get exponentially harder. See, gone are the days of the fax and the actual paper application. Ha! That is for dinosaurs and anthropologists... paging Dr. Jones! Lady Army has gone electronic. Lady Army got all fancy on us in the last 6 months and has thusly rendered me, who is supposedly technologically savvy, useless as an Army Spouse. How you ask? Let me present the evidence:

First, refuse to let us re-open an application that was from a mere 8 months ago. I get this, because y'all told me it was because ranks change and promotions happen and yadda, yadda, yadda. But when I assure you that NOTHING has changed in said 8 months? Hmm, still no go.

Then, refer me to an online application form. Sweet. I can do online applications! But, require me to know random and seemingly unnecessary information about my husband. Like his ETS date. And his last DOR, even though you already asked me if he was promotable. Because these things matter when you are trying to decide if I live in planned community I or II. Right. Then, give me two separate places to list myself, the spouse. What to do? Why, list yourself in both! And then ask me to, not once, but twice, give you the location of where we intend to PCS to... even though this is a specific application for housing at said location. Yes, Lady Army, you are the Queen of redundancies. Long Live the Queen! But then, as a final act of ruthlessness, tell me that my application cannot be processed because "The following characters are not allowed `~!#$%^&*()_-+={[}]'<>?;:/ Please go to the following field and take out the unsupported character. Accessibility". So I go to look for said Accessibility field and guess what? Jokes on me! There is no Accessibility field! hahahahahahahhhahahahaah.

So what is a girl to do? Why yes, send an e-mail to the listed address for Tech Support. Then laugh manically when said e-mail gets returned due to delivery failure. Then smash head on desk. Then drink wine and whine about it on Twitter. Yes, this is exactly how my Tuesday night went.

Finally, call and leave a rambling message on the Housing Office's answering machine begging for help. When she gives you a secondary web site to check, go there and, with the assistance of your husband on the phone from Iraq, fill in all the nonsensical blanks and hit submit. And as one last salute to the madness, completely contradict what the nice lady at the Housing Office said. And by that I mean, she said I didn't have to send any of our million sheets of legal jargon (aka: PCS orders, next of kin, marriage certificate, Hall Pass from 7th grade, etc.) until one month before the intended move-in date, when they called me, they would ask for it. The web site? Wants to me scan them in and send them along rightthisminute. Sigh. What's a girl to do?

Simple. Drink more wine. Which is exactly what I am doing as I type this.

The plus side is that our application, for better or worse, right or wrong, is now in the hands of the Housing Folks. The downside? I may have done everything wrong and Fletch & I will be living in a tent somewhere remote on post, hoping the feral pigs and cougars don't get us while we sleep, waiting for dear, sweet Swiss to get home a bail us out. Meh, I suspect wine can fix that too.

I wish I had a moral to this story, but I do not. Just that this process gets one, big, fat DO BETTER. And that wine fixes everything. That is all. Oh, and please cross your fingers that Fletch and I may procure actual housing with four real walls upon our move to Fort X. I'm guessing Swiss won't appreciate the rustic nature of a tent after 12 months in the Sandbox.

*I vehemently redact this statement. VEHEMENTLY!

LiveBlogging: The PCS, Part 4

Dudes. Seriously, getting a house ready to put on the market is A LOT of work. I mean, I have moved before and had to clean and all that stuff. But nothing like this. This house sure as heck better sell in a jiffy... because it looks pretty fly if I do say so myself!

My Mom and my Almost Mom Carolyn came up this weekend and for just the cost of a nice dinner and drinks, they helped me scour, clean, touch-up, organize and stage the house. We did everything from mulching, painting, shampooing carpets, to buying pretty plants, framing pictures and cleaning windows. The place looks 84 kinds of sharp and hopefully I will be meeting with the Realtor on Thursday to get this thing rolling. Phew! Now, all we need is a buyer! Cross your fingers all- with any luck I will be living in an extended stay hotel suite by late August/September!

I think the best pieces of advice I can offer anyone doing this are the following:
1.) DON'T BUY A HOUSE. I'm not kidding. Just don't do it if you have any inclination that you will be moving soon. ... Okay, I am sort of kidding. Owning a house has been awesome, but the stress of selling one with a PCS looming and a deployed spouse has been, well, not fun. So I say avoid it unless you are lucky enough to homestead at a particular post or have no real intentions of leaving even if PCS orders do come down.

2.) Get some help when you go to clean/detail it for sale... not only is it a lot of work, but it helps to have an outside perspective to edit/purge your personal items and stage the rooms you have done your way. I can't stress this one enough... my Mom and Carolyn were able to help out tremendously by telling me to can certain items, bring out others and rearrange furniture. It looks SO much better and I wouldn't have been able to do that all on my own!

3.) Buy lots of cleaning products and paper towels... I went through more Shaklee Basic H (LOVE THIS STUFF) this weekend than I have in the last year, but I didn't get high on chemical fumes and with the concentrate on hand, I was able to make more and more and more as we needed it. Is this a shameless plug for a great safe and green product? Sort of, but seriously, you are going to need about 4 times more cleaning products/tools/implements than you think you will. No matter how clean you keep your house!

4.) If and when you do paint, be sure to keep all the extras well labeled and on hand. We did a ton of tiny touch ups to the trim and the walls, it looks freshly painted and it was easy peasy because not only did I know where everything was, it was all clearly labeled. Even the stuff from the previous owners! Score!

5.) Keep all of your owner's manuals, warranties, paperwork and brochures pertaining to the house in one central location. Mine is all in one binder clearly labeled by room. It came to me all in one folder, which was awesome, but Mom organized it even better and it looks fantastic. Nothing says "I was a good homeowner! Buy this house!" like these little touches.

Now to get on the housing list at Fort X. Do you think they will let me simply reactivate our previous housing application with only date changes to be made? STOP LAUGHING! It could happen!!! Wish me luck folks! *Okay, y'all were right to laugh. No beans on reactivating applications... must go home and fill out 926 questions with answers. AWESOME.

The newish gig. Sorta.

So most of you already know that I am trying to start up a photography business... yeah, I know, me and everyone else. But I am hoping that this is something I can do for actual money and still get to flex my creative muscles, espeically when we are down at Fort X and I will be gainfully UNemployed. The plan? Family, baby and senior portraits. I love weddings, but don't want to go that route just yet... no real good reason other than I like my weekends to myself. Selfish Only Child Alert!!!

So the first gig is on Thursday, it is for a good friend at work and her beautiful family. I'm only charging, so far, for a sitting and time spent editing. No printing, they will just get a DVD with the photos (or CD if it is small enough) and they can choose their own images. At least that is the plan for now. But I digress.

The real issue at hand is this: What the heck do I call this thing?

I know I have asked this, sort of, before... but here are some options I am mulling around... I need your input. Which one sounds sufficiently creative and quirky without sounding flighty or dumb/nonsensical?

Here are my thoughts so far: (mind you, most of these came from song names, poems, etc... and the Studios/Photography part is interchangeable in all cases)

Lovebird Studio

Goodnight Elisabeth Studio

Blackbird Photography

Violet Hill Studio

Lost & Found Photography

What do y'all think? Ideas? Thoughts? Favorites? Let me know what you think folks, because apparently I am incapable of making decisions!

Speak now or forever hold your peace.

This comment arrived under the “Who We Are” section over at LeftFace, but I wanted to put it out there to as wide of an audience as possible. Kristy is trying to get some real changes made and we ALL need to throw our thoughts into the ring. Please think about these questions she poses and get your voice out there!!!

Hi All, My name is Kristy Kaufmann, I’m the Army wife who wrote the op-ed in the Washington Post, “Army Families Under Fire” 5/11/09.

Since the article ran, I’ve been in contact with the White House, the Secretary of the Army, the office of the Sec. of Defense, Army family program directors and some congressmen and senators. It’s taken me 8 years and an op-ed to get in the room and I’m doing everything I possibly can use this “voice” to inject some urgency and reality into these conversations. I am completely unaffiliated and my only agenda is to speak for the many who have no voice and hold our leaders (civilian and military) accountable for doing what they say they are going to do (and doing it effectively).

We (military families) need smart people like you at the ground level who are unafraid to speak honestly and help provide solutions. I wouldn’t have taken the risk to write the article if I didn’t think it could affect significant change, but I’m just one person. I need to hear from others that are “in the trenches”; ours is the voice that has been missing from the conversations where decisions are being made. I have a direct line to the top right now, let’s use this opportunity!

Here are a couple of questions I’ve been asked by non-profits who want to help military families, they want input from the ground level. Please feel free to post them on Left Face, people can also respond directly to me at kkaufmanncool@gmail.com. I will keep all responses anonymous. I’m using “soldier” to represent all military members, regardless of branch.

1. What are the biggest problems facing soldiers (and their families) returning from deployment?
2. What could be done to address these problems?
3. Does the current military family support system work? If not, why?
4. How can veteran’s service organizations help military families?
5. If you had all the power in the world, what would you do to support soldiers and military families?

Thanks! Kristy

Here are my two cents, which I already posted over at LF… I really encourage all of you to either shoot Kristy an e-mail or head over to LeftFace to get your opinions and thoughts heard!

1. I echo LopsidedMom on this one. JOBS! My husband will soon retire and our options are super limited give his MOS and I worry that if he doesn't stay in a career with military ties (ROTC, JROTC) no one will realize his potential, experience and mad skills. The Vet unemployment rate is WAY too high and generally speaking these are folks with loads of potential and a totally untapped resource. We need to fix this!

2. I think the tax incentives are a good start- make it profitable to hire these folks. But again, echoing LopsidedMom, we need to educate employers to their skill sets, abilities, and all the ways these amazing folks can be an asset to their company.

Also, help them recognize that sometimes with folks like this, college degrees aren't necessary, their breadth and wealth of experience should count for something. I can't tell you how many jobs my husband has already looked into and is qualified for SKILL-wise but not Degree-wise. This is an issue for lots of retiring NCO's and we need to create a situation that allows these troops (especially those with 15-20 years in) to get more than entry level jobs. (And the GI Bill isn't the only answer to this, we need to get creative here!)

3. Yes and no. If the FRG (Army) is run by someone who has a) the time, b) the resources and c) the support to do it right, then it works well. But more often than not, this isn't the situation. I agree that these positions all need to be paid and specific goals/tasks need to be laid out so that expectations can be met and folks can be held accountable. These groups need to revolve less around socializing/status making and more around concrete help, support and education.

I also think that the support network for families not in the general vicinity of their installation (ie- went home to live with parents during the deployment, didn't choose to move shortly before a deployment like me, etc) needs to be beefed up and the DoD or someone needs to be more creative about creating support networks for these folks. I would love to see someone create databases (I know this is a huge task) that would allow military families of all branches reach out and find real tangible support in their location. I wouldn't care if the only folks I had in town for support were Navy or Air Force (that's not a dig!)... just having actual people to meet with when you are geographically separated from your Unit would be AMAZING. This is an area that is sorely lacking!

4. I think that having lists of trusted service providers would be a great start. Who can you trust to do yard work? What is a reliable mechanic that won't try to take advantage of me? Who does good home repair that, again, won't fleece me? I also think that possibly Veteran organizations could also serve as a resource for finding other military families in your area. They could possibly host meet-ups open to all branches? But I do agree that this should be a two way street. If Vet's organizations and MilFamilies relied on each other, there could be A LOT of amazing work accomplished!

5. At the risk of sounding like a Miss America contestant, I agree with trying to bring peace to fruition and bring our troops home. But in all seriousness. I would stop using our troops as worldwide peace-makers. I would try to rely more on UN forces and support/augment these groups for situations like Iraq, etc. I would use our troops in more of a preventative role (rather than reactionary and risk becoming the go-to guys in everyone else's time of need), focusing on intelligence, homeland security, keeping the US safe and working WITH allies and multi-national forces in supporting roles instead of taking over. If conflict wasn't avoidable, I would focus on utilizing our forces efficiently and evenly, paying close attention to OpTempo and staying within our means (both at home and in theatre).

I would put real money, time and effort into fixing the woefully inadequate systems in place to deal with PTSD, suicides, substance abuse and relationship/family issues. I would also beef up the school and support programs for military kids... more after school programs, more counselors, more funding for special events. Anything to make deployments easier on kids. And yes, free college to Gold Star kids for sure.

Lastly, I totally second LopsidedMom on requiring our elected officials to wear 80lbs of combat gear and go to Birkram Yoga. But only after they had to do some Basic Training and get buzz cuts.

Okay folks, now it is your turn. Go get your opinions heard!!! Double Time!!!

The kitchen: part 4

Here they are folks! The faucets! Hooray! Number 'em 1-4 like yesterday and let me know what you love!

Tomorrow I will post everything together and we'll see if it looks fabulous! :)

The kitchen: part 3

Sinks. Sexy, sultry sinks. Okay. I don't know of ANY sinks that would qualify as sexy or sultry, but I am trying to make this post exciting! Ooh! Sinks!

Is it working?

Hmm. Didn't think so. Anyway, here they are. Stainless vs. white? Boring or quasi interesting? These are the four or so I have narrowed it down to...

Consider them numbered 1-4 and give me your takes. Remember, this is a 1927 home with original white and somewhat plain cabinets. The knobs are simple and a twee bit modern... I got them at Ikea.

And look on the bright side. Once we decide this... we get to pick a faucet! Woot!

The kitchen: part 2

First off, of course I want your opinions! You all are smart, witty and clever ladies who have had more than your fair share of kitchens to deal with... why wouldn't I? Thank you for all the great input yesterday- y'all rock!

Second, in regards to the market here. It is good. Better than the average because our town is home to a 'destination medical center' (talk about marketing terms, right?) so there is always an influx of new residents and employees. Plus, our house is within walking distance of said hospital and in a historic neighborhood... 2 big items that we hope will go a long way in selling this house.

Third, COUNTER TOPS!
We currently have... wait for it... parquet wood flooring tiles as our counters. Niiiiice. (I know you are all SO jealous!) My mom and I got all crafty on it when I moved in (back when I was single) and sanded it down, wood-filled the heck out of it, and painted it a faux black marble. I love the dark counter tops, they look so good with all the white and the lighter floors! But again, pretty taste specific... I can't imagine that they are everybody's cup of tea. So, with that in mind I've picked out some black options to stay with what we have, or some beigey tannishness options to lighten things up.

So, without further adeui, here are our choices... (all are laminate, we just aren't in a Corian or stone price bracket).

New Countertop Samples, originally uploaded by Tucker&Swiss.

Note- the black ones will be in another post because I am not smart enough to figure out the blogger/flickr issues I am having...

The kitchen: part 2.5

New Countertop Samples, originally uploaded by Tucker&Swiss.

Here are the black options...

I can't wait to hear what y'all think! And I promise I will post pictures of the current counters & cabinets when I get home tonight. Happy Tuesday!

The kitchen: part 1

Okay... welcome to Kitchen Makeover week here at Tucker & Swiss. It'll be like HGTV, only without the commercials and all the special effects.

Thanks to a hearty tax refund, we are updating the kitchen post haste (partly for me, partly for resale- either way Hooray!). This week I will enlist your help in making some decisions that will help with resale, which shouldn't be too hard for y'all because I know how opinionated you are! See, I know what I like... but what I like is odd, so I don't want to do anything too crazy, I want it to look uber-great when it goes up for sale next year. So that is where you ladies come in!

First things first. Here is the kitchen.

It looks kinda patriotic now that I look at it, but it was never intended to be that way. I fell in love with my red KitchenAid and all my kitchen utensils/accents are red. And there was this insanely bright blue paint that I adored. So it went in the kitchen. But I digress. We need new counter tops, a new sink, new faucet and a new dishwasher.

My first question to you, dear readers, is this: MUST I repaint? Is the blue too much?

I really, really don't want to since it is less than 2 years old and frankly, I think it looks great with the white cabinets and honey floors. But be honest, do I have to bite the bullet?

Tomorrow: Counter tops!!!!

Soapbox.

This is my Soapbox. I am going to get on it and shout about and an maybe, just maybe someone will listen and help do something. These are the headlines that are breaking my heart:

"More Army Suicides Than Combat Deaths Reported in January"

"Army suicide rate could top nation's this year"

"Army Suicides Rise Sharply-January Figures Up Six-Fold From Same Time in 2008"

"Army official: Suicides in January 'terrifying''

Not to mention the series of articles Salon.com is running this week. Read here and here. Seriously. Stop right now and go read them. Come back when you are done.

"Nobody is willing to help anybody," he said about his experience at Fort Carson after returning from Iraq. "You have to understand. We are just pieces of equipment."

If that doesn't make you ill, perhaps nothing will. Except maybe this:

Yes, a soldier left a stack of these at the sign-in desk at the Doctor's office at Fort Carson. How can anyone get help, get better, in this environment?

And here is what the Army has to say for itself:

Col. Elspeth Ritchie, the Army's top psychiatrist, ticks off a series of initiatives to improve Army mental healthcare, including the hiring of 250 new mental health providers through civilian contracts and more than 40 marriage and family therapists since the spring of 2007. Ritchie said an August 2007 Army directive ensures PTSD screenings for soldiers with disciplinary problems so serious the Army wants them out. She added that the Army surgeon general issued a memo in May 2008 requiring additional review of any diagnoses short of PTSD to make sure the Army gets it right. "We've really tried to enhance our access to care," she said in a telephone interview.

All well and good, but 250 mental health providers extra? 40 marriage counselors extra? For how many troops? How many families? As of 2007 there were 538,128 men and women serving active duty.

When will this epidemic stop? What will it take for the attitudes and environments to change? When will we stop treating these brave men and women like equipment and realize that these experiences, these wars, these emotional and physical tolls they pay are breaking them?

I will be writing more on this later... but I wanted to give it the attention is deserves.

Help!!!

Okay... I already talked about the pending Ball. And I really feel like if I am going to do this Ball thing, I am going to look damned good. And not just fancy good... sassy good. I don't want to be the Belle of the Ball, but I don't want to look like everyone else there. That said, I am not wearing a chartreuse taffeta monstrosity either. Sassy, kicky and sexy... but classy too. Thing a merging of Carrie and Charlotte... That's what I am going for. Problem: the town outside of post only has a Dillard's. And I'm guessing lots of the ladies will be shopping there... and the mall here is scary.

So enter the wonderful world of Internet Shopping! ...Shall we? (I just ask that you keep in mind the fact that I am no size 6... I'm an athletic girl and I'm not that tall... but I am not afraid of heights or stilettos! That and I'm NOT going to spend a fortune on this thing...)


Option 1: Ralph Lauren one shoulder black dress... Ooh! It has a ruffle!

Option 2: Continuing the one shoulder theme, only this time in red.

Option 3: Now let's stay on the red one shoulder bandwagon. I kinda really like this one!

Option 4: One shoulder again! Only this time in navy. (but it comes in black as well)

I am sensing a theme... but moving on...

Option 5: Its green! And not one shouldered! I am totally mixing it up now! (but this one comes in red and black too)

Option 6: Heh... back to one shouldered and in black. (This is Swiss' favorite)

Option 7: This one is decidedly different. Strapless (meh.) and patterned.

Option 8: Black with two shoulders (!) and this one may make me look like I have a teensey waist.

and finally... what? I can't help it! I'm indecisive!!! Just ask Swiss!

Option 9: Another black number that will aid in the teensey waist department. And it's kind of sassy with the belt, no?

And on one final note... Apaches are REALLY loud when they fly right over your house not too far above tree level. Just thought you'd like to know.

Okay Ladies... I need your input! Help me find something fabulous for the Ball! Cast your votes now!

Temporary lodging.

Task: Find temporary lodging.

Sounds simple, no? So I started me search on-line. Got lots of numbers. Tried to look at lots of pictures... but then the little nagging voice in the back of my nugget got louder and louder... Are we going to get taken advantage of? What part of town to live in? What if we end up in a bad part? How big? How nice? Furnished house/apartment? Corporate lodging? Extended stay hotels? Or... is there an option on post? How much to spend? Who can we trust??????

Answer to all of the above: D. I don't know. (PS: I HATE not knowing. You can imagine how well this trait pairs with being a MilSpouse... ha!)

Frankly, the concept of furnished apartments creeps me out. I have no idea why. Maybe because it seems like other people's stuff? I don't know. Most are probably better than the average hotel. Swiss had a furnished apartment that was very nice when we first met. This unreasonable paranoia, coupled with my minorly anal retentive tendencies, and the fact that I don't really trust anyone trying to sell me anything is making this quite daunting.

Gaw... I sound like I have issues! I swear... I'm not this neurotic about everything. You are going to have to trust me on this one.

It's just that we have worked hard to have a nice home, to have that comfortable AO, and I'll be honest: I am insanely attached to my sofa. And my bed. So having to bid adieu to all the creature comforts of home just isn't all that thrilling. Now, being back with Swiss? BEYOND THRILLING!

So, have any of you had to jump into the pool of temporary lodging? Any tips? Any red flags to look for? Or is this just a case of $=nice? Help!!!

Changing the pace.

With Swiss on his cross-country trek with the government van I will have some extra time this weekend. Time that I can do whatever I please with (don't be mistaken though... I would SO rather be with Swiss!). So what shall I do?

I think I shall paint. I am a not-so-closeted artist... but I really haven't had time with all that has been going on... any ideas for what I should paint?

These are just a few of the things I have done in the last year... now I just need some inspiration! Happy Friday Internets!