10 October 2009

Ready.

I am ready for Swiss to be home. And not just R&R home. Really home.
I am ready to not be a long-distance commuter.
I am ready to have a home again. Not the graciousness of someone else's home. Our own.
I am ready to get on with life. Not just the stuff I have planned in the mean time while I'm waiting for our life to begin again.
I am ready to stop worrying and fretting and praying to a God I'm at odds with.
I'm ready for my husband to be safe and sound and in the same zip code.
I am ready to feel like myself again. But of course that requires Swiss and less fretting.
I am, in short, ready for this deployment to be over with.

Rarely has this deployment, on its own and without the help of house drama or kid drama or whatever, felt this weighty. Rarely has it, alone, been such an overwhelming suck of my energy, positivity, enthusiasm and self. Maybe it is because the past week has gone so slowly. Maybe because all of the pending travel has upped my anxiety and worry. Maybe because we've been doing this for too damned long. I don't know.

Either way. I am ready to be done with all of this.

4 comments:

liberal army wife said...

ditto ditto ditto..and oh HELL yeah.

Army Duck said...

I can only imagine how sucky it must be.. You suck you suck you suck deployment. Nearly R&R though!

kimba said...

You're doing great, you're almost there, you're strong and you're awesome. It sucks, but you're kicking its ass. Keep fighting - you'll win this, and soon. You too, LAW. *hugs*

Hilary Jacobs said...

I hear ya. It will end, somehow it just does. xoxoxo