30 November 2009

Lacking substance.

Dudes. I do not know what is up with my posting lately. I sort of feel like I can't gather my thoughts well enough to put any of them into a post of any pertinence whatsoever. It all comes out as whiny drivel. And that annoys me. When you annoy yourself you know you are doing something wrong, am I right?

But I digress.

This new routine (or lack thereof) has been a bit of a trip to get into (and by that I mean it's been HARD). New home, new schedule, people to work and live around, plus Swiss has had a new schedule and a variable one at that so it has been hard to get into a routine. I like routines... they seem to make the days go by faster. I think, if anything, this latest chapter in the deployment has helped me realize just how much I thrive on routine. Not that uber-anal-down-to-the-last-detail routine... just the sort of hey-this-is-my-plan routine. Of course I know routines change, whatever routine I get myself into when I get down to Fort X will inevitably change with Swiss's return. And it will change again when, God willing, Swiss retires from Army life. But I think all of that I can deal with, because it will be on my (our) terms. Not me trying my best to fit into someone else's routine.

Also, we are about to embark on an Army journey new to both of us... retirement. EVERYONE: KNOCK ON WOOD!!! Swiss puts in his papers this week. We will likely have to wait a month-ish to find out if we got approved or if we are in for another year, which also means in for another deployment (A'stan, obvs). I don't know if I should be optimistic or prepare for the worst. I don't know if our odds are anywhere near as good as we think they are. I don't know if I am really, truly prepared for it to not get approved. I don't know what the prospect of another deployment would do to me, to him, to us. We've been so focused on the future, the post-Army life, the general notion that he will get approved that if things didn't go our way- it would be a pretty devastating blow to both of us. But here we sit, waiting. Hurry up and wait. But rest assured, when the paperwork comes through, y'all will hear about it fast.

And tomorrow marks the last full calendar month that Swiss and I will have to be apart. Some days I felt like it would never come. I am so glad it is here, but also... what the hell took so long? A good friend recently had her homecoming. Another is about 2-ish weeks ahead of us. I am so excited for them, for us. But man, this is a long time coming. And it isn't going by fast enough!

Also, we still don't have housing on post. I'm hoping for word this week... mostly because I just want to have this planned and crossed off my list. Seriously. Swiss says I shouldn't worry because he got housing within a week when he first PCS'd down there. Nay, I say! My luck isn't that good! And I don't have the uniform card to play, which I am certain adds an air of urgency and importance. I'm just an Army Wife... on the phone. But hopefully we will get some digs and an address and a move in date and that will go a long way to restoring what little sanity I have left!

Oooh, and here's a fun one to add in just for kicks... (and peeps who actually know me, don't be upset you are reading about this here, if it ended up being serious you would have heard first-hand, PROMISE) I had a pretty wicked health scare this week. Which is totally what this deployment was missing! Friday night I found a lump on the back of my neck. Then Saturday morning I found a second lump. Being a cytotech by trade, I freaked out right away and figured I either had lymphoma or metastatic something-or-other. I. Was. Terrified. So I went to the doctor Saturday and saw a specialist today. I've been reassured that they aren't worrisome and are likely reactive lymph nodes processing a virus. I have to watch them and if they aren't better in two weeks they are going to cut them out. No jokes. But like I said, they aren't at all concerned and I've been given a clean bill of health. So yay for not having cancer!!!

I wish I had something more witty and pithy and, you know, helpful or useful to write, but there you have it. My life in a nutshell: No routine, pending retirement, last full month, no house and no cancer! Let's hope this week is a better one!


Bette said...

I know that feeling -- you want to get all-out excited, but you also want to manage that excitement so if plans change, you're not totally crushed. Fingers crossed that the papers-dropping is without incident!

P.S. Not to get all Pollyanna on you, but a week without cancer is a pretty good week. ;-)

Tucker said...

Oh Bette!
You aren't a Polyanna! A week without cancer is surely a good one, I could just do without the 48 terrifying hours assuming that I did have cancer! ;)
But, as always, thanks for getting it! And we'll take all the finger crossing you'll send our way!

liberal army wife said...

Well... good grief girl! you really don't need anymore scares or insanity right now, do you?!!

sanity - I lost mine a while back. And I'll keep all my fingers Xed that housing works out and retirement papers are accepted.


loquita said...

Keep on writing, even if it feels like what you're writing isn't making sense. It will help clear your head.

As if I should be someone to say that -- letting myself give up blogging because I was having a hard time adjusting to life at Camp Swampy.

Anyway, I am SO with you about routines. I need them BADLY. Here's hoping you can get into a semblance of a groove to help this last bit of time pass as painlessly as possible.

And, of course, yay to no cancer. That is scary stuff!