Torn.

So this weekend was my "Bachelorette Party" with my bestest friend Beth. We went down to Milwaukee (Holla!) to see the Counting Crows. It was excellent. Great concert, great seats, great company. We had a stellar time. But in order to have that stellar time with Beth, I had to give up precious time with Swiss. And I loathed it.

It is hard to know that I am not 100% in at times. It is hard to admit that I would rather be with him right now than anywhere else. And it is hard to come to terms with my emotions on this matter. I have done my best to say & do the right things to/for the people I love and care about so they don't think it is any reflection of my feelings towards them. Because it isn't. It's just me.

All I can think about when we aren't together are the many, many upcoming months that he and I will be apart. All the missed moments. All of the of the lonely nights. All of the solitude. All of the distance. And it kills me to lose any more of those moment together.

Time feels like it is moving so quickly now. We are nearing 2 months until the wedding, 3 until the PCS. And every moment feels like it is fleeting. All I want to do is slow things down, to reign it all in so that it stops feeling like it is spiraling out of control. And I just don't know how.