"Some people aren't cut out for this military lifestyle."
I've heard that statement, or a derivation thereof, a million times. And I'll likely hear it a million more. The thing is... I just don't get it. I don't buy it and I don't know that I ever will. But let me tell you why before you cite the girl(s) you know and the yadda, yadda, yadda- we all know that girl and we all have heard the horror stories. Swiss lived the horror story last deployment. I'm not contending that there aren't folks who "can't hack it". I'm contending that they are choosing not to hack it and not because they don't possess some special superpower the rest of us apparently have. (BTW- if the superpower thing is true, I want to know why I didn't get issued a cape when we got married.)
Here's my point: What we do isn't really anything special. We take what life and our spouse's employer and our own personal choices hand us and do our best. We act like grown ups and take responsibility, accountability, and we get pro-active. We choose to make it work- our marriages, our life, our careers, our situation, our families. We focus on the good. We act like adults. In some ways, it isn't any different than dealing with other personal circumstances... sick children, ill parent, losing a job, you name it... you choose do the best you can with the cards you are dealt because that is what adults do. You don't get a do over. You don't get to sit this one out. You don't get to say "I don't want to". It is your life and you put on your big girl panties and just DO IT. People do it all day, every day. And you don't hear people say "Some people just aren't cut out for having a sick kid" do you?
Of COURSE there are people who are, for lack of a better word, failures as MilSpouses. But it isn't because they aren't "cut out" for it. I don't even know that that means... is there a prototypical MilSpouse type? Not a chance. It takes all kinds and of the many MilSpouses I've met, the one thing that always strikes me is how gloriously different we all are, yet we all succeed and are united by the service of our families. These spouses who fail are what they are because somewhere along the line they chose to not deal with this life and make the best of it- they chose not to do whatever it took to make it work. They chose to walk away, ignore it, rebel against it, defy it, and ultimately be selfish. They chose to give up.
Life isn't ever easy... and I won't ever contend that the Military Life is easy. It is probably harder than the Average Joe's life. But life, for anyone, is sink or swim. Military life isn't any different. I chose to swim... no matter how hard it got, how little I knew, how tired I was, how aggravating it got, how hopeless it sometimes seemed. Because I never saw another viable option- this was my life and it was up to me to make it work. I married the man I love and he was in the Army- so there was nothing to do but step up and make it happen. One way or another. That is what adults do. We ALL have the choice to fail or succeed. I chose to succeed. No special super powers. No certificate deeming me a prime MilSpouse candidate. I just chose.
To me, when a military marriage fails, it isn't the military's fault. It isn't the lifestyle. It isn't the deployments (though no one will ever contend that they make marriages easier). It is because, at the end of the day, the two people in marriage failed each other. And that happens. It happens ALL the time in the civilian world. They don't get to blame the military- so why do these folks pin the blame on the the Army or the Corps or the Navy or AF or CG? That isn't fair. My guess is that any of these marriages would have failed in the military or out. Because it is personal. Not inextricably tied to the military... you can blame a million things on the military, but the failure of your marriage isn't one of them. That one is on you and your partner.
It just seems like that statement is more of a cop-out or excuse than a reality. An easy way out for the ones who don't want to step up to the plate. Yes, it is hard. Yes there are challenges. But that's not unique to the military. That is LIFE. Some marriages will fail and some will succeed, some people will thrive and some will struggle- but these are personal issues that can't be blamed on the military lifestyle. It is about attitude and desire and being personally accountable for the way you choose to life your life and the consequences thereof. The honest truth is that anyone, ANYONE, can hack it as a MilSpouse. You just have to want to.
But hey, that's just my two cents.