27 December 2008

Reality Check.

I had a bit of a reality check while we were (are) home for the holidays. I always knew that this Deployment was going to suck. I knew it was going to suck to be apart from Swiss and be a "single" again. I knew we were going to miss out on a lot of things. But I don't think I really thought hard about what that meant.

This Christmas seemed so precious. And sitting amongst our family with presents and food and laughter, I almost cried when I thought about Swiss not being here for this next year. I started to think about all of the missed Birthdays, our first anniversary spent thousands of miles apart, watching the fireworks on the 4th alone, not having Swiss in the stands for our softball games, missed Thanksgivings (which is my favorite), a New Year's without Swiss to kiss at midnight, a hunting season without him, a football season with no one to curse our favorite team, missing the changing of the seasons, missing hot cocoa after shoveling the snow, ... the list goes on, and I am sure you all know what I speak of. But I'll tell you what: all of those realities hit me like a ton of bricks.

We are getting short on time together, the D-date is nearing ever faster. And no matter how hard I try to sear the sight, smell and feel of Swiss, I feel like nothing will stick. And no matter how hard I try to stretch out the moments we have together, time keeps flying by. I don't like it, not one bit. But I will keep on trying, keep on making the most of what time we have left before the big D. Its really the only option.

Anyway, I hope that all of you had a very Merry Christmas and that you are enjoying the holidays with the ones you love. May your New Year's be grand and here's to a safe, swift 2009.


liberal army wife said...

I'll second the swift safe bit... and the rest of it too. We are about 2 weeks away from the Big D... and this is seriously starting to suck.


p.s. Talked to Sissy - she'd love to get together with you!

Bette said...

I know those feelings well. Even though I appreciate how a looming deployment makes me treasure the time with my sweetheart more than I might if we were a "normal" couple, that's not always much comfort. I'll be thinking of you (and commiserating, too!).