21 April 2010


Swiss got a call from his ex the other day. That usually isn't a good thing, in fact, it is usually a miserable, horrible, no-good, very bad thing. But, against all odds, it was a 'good' phone call. One I never thought we would get...

She told us (him) that she thought Kid A might be better off with us.    *gasp*

This is very different from the previous calls in regards to this matter... those were more of the "I can't handle this anymore- you take him, I don't want him" type. This was genuine concern for how he is going to grow up and that troubles that he might find (or might have already found). A recognition that where he's at might not be the best place for him and that we might be able to offer him something she and her fiance can't. Not better or worse, just different. And maybe all Kid A really needs is a big fat dose of something different (with a large helping of rules to boot).

Now, all of this must be taken with grains of salt the size of your head. Things change quickly with this cast of characters and we thought it best for Kid A to finish out the school year where he is at so that means there is time for moods to change and opinions to reverse. And there are the mountains of legal documents and court dates that will inevitably come, so this isn't something that can (or should) happen over night. There are conversations about HOW this will happen and when and laying out ground rules for everyone involved. It will take a bit of time before all the dust settles on this newest chapter.

And can I just tell you how glad I am we have a few months to figure this out? I mean, talk about a change in lifestyle for us. WOW. Now, please don't take that statement to mean that I'm all self-centered and thinking this is all about me and Swiss. It isn't. It is about Kid A and doing what is best for him at this, arguably, most critical junction in his life. But going from newlywed/newly reunited love-birds living in our own little insulated bubble populated with only our dog and the TV/Internet to responsible parents doing homework and going to soccer games and hosting teenage boys at the house for Guitar Hero or whatever they play now hang outs. Goo! THAT is a huge change no matter which way you slice it.

I am part giddy and part angsty and nervous. Kid A and I have a great relationship and I am excited about the prospect of Swiss and I getting him squared away and helping him get on track. Part of me hopes that a few years with us will save everyone with a stake in this a lot of drama and heartache down the road. But I am scared. Because there will be fights and we will get to be the bad guys and there will be hours of homework and snooping to ensure he isn't lying and- yeah. Wow. A totally different lifestyle.

But like I said, we are a few months away from all this and, again, there is a huge possibility that all of this will fall through. But I find myself thinking where will his room be?, will he like the weird things I cook?, how will we get him to school in the morning?, which school will he go to?, how will he like living on a military post?, and how long will it be bad before it gets better? But, mostly, I find myself wondering if I will be able to be a good mom. I just hope the answer is yes.


Bette said...

The fact that you're giving this life change careful consideration and hoping that you'll meet the challenge tells me that you're going to do well. It won't be easy, and it sure won't always be fun, but I think y'all are going to do great in the long run.

xxoo from another stepmom :-)

Tucker said...

Thanks Bette! This StepMom thing is hard but I so appreciate the vote of confidence! :)

Hilary Jacobs said...

Being the mother to only plants, and we have some rough days, I have no experience to draw from. But, it sounds like you are asking the right questions!

Post Tenebras Lux said...

Wow. Seriously big changes. I think the fact that you are thinking about all the challenges ahead, and the fact that you *want* to be a good mom are *huge* factors that will make for success. (As you said) it won't always be perfect--but it sounds like you've got what it takes to make it work.