Oh, America.

What are we going to do with you? Come to think of it, what are we going to do with this whole damned planet?

Now, before I launch into what will surely be an incendiary and contentious blog post (especially since I'm generally Liberal Lite in my circle of blogger peeps, or as I prefer to be known, the Gateway Drug of Liberal MilSpouses), I must give you context. So here it is: Swiss and I have, lately, been discussing at length the environmental, population, water, etc issues plaguing our planet- spurred on by the latest water-centric issue of National Geographic, the Life series on Discovery, and -oddly enough- Superfreakonomics by Stephen Levitt (a must read for sure)... not to mention my 4 years getting all geeked up about ecosystems and global warming and keystone species while in college (Viva Bel-wah!).

So, there have been discussions in the Tucker & Swiss household about how to save the polar bears and what to do in order to slow the increased rate of climate change (Yes, we can debate the whys, ifs, hows, and wheres of global warming for sure- but let's save that for another date, okay? And read Superfreakonomics as homework before we do.) and what/who should bear the burden of making it right. We discussed the culling of deer populations when they get 'undesirably' large and then (over wine, natch) segued into China's regulation of procreation and naturally (some would say) took that to culling people from all walks of life- Not Swiss and I of course! Nor you, dear readers!- in order to get the 'undesirably' large human population under control. Of course this is morally repugnant, but it is also a fair point. Deer and polar bears haven't done anything to make the world the way it currently is- we humans have. So- ergo- we should be the ones to pay. And of course we never will because we run the world with bleeding hearts for all humankind and with policies generally geared toward only looking out for our own human race.

But--- in my sick, twisted, mad scientist mind, I started to think about who we would cull. Sick, I know. But really- who? What countries? What proportions? Would there be criteria? Ah, but then I stumbled upon this article somewhere on Facebook and lo-and-behold I found who we should be culling. Take a minute and read the article... especially the part at the end... I will wait.

Done yet?               Okay.

Yes, THOSE are the people we should be culling. Sorry. I know it is crass to say- but... REALLY? I want to know WHY you wouldn't want to get the person who wrote this gem (in reference to the Bible) out of the gene pool: "These apostles need to get a clue and hire a ghost writer. Even Miley Cyrus's manager was smart enough to do that." I am stupefied and insulted... and I'm not even that religious! Or what about the people who criticize the writing style in The Diary of Anne Frank... uh- sorry to break it to y'all- she was a little girl, being hidden from Nazis in an attic writing in her diary. IN REAL LIFE. And the ones who chastise (admittedly, my favorite book) To Kill a Mockingbird as "Simply put, this is a novel about racism written for people who received their knowledge about racism from this book!" Wha? That didn't even make sense... and one tiny little thing... I would encourage you to remember that this book was written in the 60's. Not 2010. So it really was a bigfuckingdeal back in its day- and THAT is why it is a classic.

But this one tickles my scientific heart to no end. On Darwin's The Origin of Species "This book is a very interesting work of fiction. Its too bad that so many people take it seriously, though. Darwin had a great imagination, but with no scientific evidence to support it, its just a fable. I can't believe people are so gullible as to believe the things written in here. I'm judging it as a work of fiction. Its imaginative, but its lacking. One star." I would argue, that this individual should perhaps stop by his local library and read every science text written, then read this article about the (notoriously anti-evolution) Vatican. Fable my ass, Homeslice. And then I would encourage this person to get on the evolutionary-Darwinian train and ride it all the way into extinction.

See, these are the people that suck the life out of my faith in humanity and the power of human intelligence. These are the folks who, against all odds, still survive- nee, thrive- in this world despite their alarming lack of mental fortitude and intellect. And, sadly, I would counter that folks like these ain't making any situation we, as a world, find ourselves in any better. Because if you sit down to read Charlotte's Web and come away with this "Even as a child I found the plot very far-fetched. It is because of this horrid book that I eat sausage every morning and tell my dad to kill every spider I see. It is a traumatic, coma-enducing story that has changed my life forever. In conclusion I feel no one should be put through such torture and this book should be banned from every school, library, and bookstore in the Milky Way."? Well, I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't prefer it if you stopped using up all the oxygen and drinking all the water and slowly killing off those cuddly (not really) polar bears, thankyouverymuch.

So, sadly, yes... indeed these fabled 1 star reviews do leave me, as the article's author Jeanette DeMain said they would, "profoundly disheartened and pessimistic about the continued existence of humankind."...and more and more in favor of some good old fashioned culling. Evil, I know. But its the less threatening brand of evil that is just a teensey bit endearing... right???