Like a mirage.

Last night, on the phone, Swiss gave me the approximate number of days we have left until his homecoming. Obviously I can't give you that number (OPSEC Fairy!) but let me just say this, I was gobsmacked at how close it is. Like seriously, I was almost without words. (Though I think my precise words were. "Shut UP! THAT close?!?!?")

This is such a strange time in the deployment. We are finally close enough that I will let myself say we are close (but only close in the MilSpouse sense of the word- most civilian spouses would still be balking at this amount of time). We are close enough that the panic of all the stuff left to do is setting in. You know, the oh, I want to lose 5 lbs yet and shampoo the carpets and stock the fridge and color my hair and get a pedicure and figure out what to wear and set up his computer and spruce up the patio and, and, and... the list goes on. And on.

But the strangest thing is that, even though I know it is close, it still doesn't feel real. Maybe this is the product of going it alone for so long- like we've all said before, this is the new normal. Me without him. So even though I am giddy at the thought of him coming home and making our new, new normal (I'm starting to loathe that phrase BTW- must come up with a new one), it just doesn't feel real. Like the idea of him coming home is still just a far-away dream- because that's all its been for 11+ months. I know this feeling will subside and be overshadowed by excitement and giddiness as the day draws closer. But I can't wrap my head around how weird this feels... like its a mirage just out of reach and I have no way of making sure its real... strange I tell you, strange!