Against my better judgement, here's another family post. I am so angry and disappointed I could cry... but sometimes some people just don't deserve your tears.
Just before Swiss left for the Sandbox, we finally got things straightened out and taken care of in regards to Swiss Jr. We got his custody switched to Swiss's brother, since the Ex said she just couldn't take him and didn't want him anymore (what kind of parent doesn't want her own child anymore?). Swiss Jr. was doing so much better too... better in school, better attitude, better in general. And then, the first weekend after Swiss deployed, he spent it with his Mom and now he wants to go back to her... the woman who didn't want him just 3 months ago. Heavens only knows what she promised him.
It is all very disappointing... he's almost 14 so we can't make him do the right thing. At some point you can only do so much... he's got to want to do the rest. He has now turned his back on both his father and his uncle, and hurt them both so much. He has turned his back on everyone who wants the best for him, everyone who was willing to do anything and everything to help him. But this is his decision and the courts will back it because he is old enough in their eyes.
The thing I can't come to grips with is telling Swiss. I have to tell him, I don't want to be the one keeping secrets and being elusive... he had to deal with that enough last deployment with his Ex. But I want to protect him from this hurt, this disappointment. I don't want him to worry about it, I want him to focus and be in the now while he is over there. I think I will tell him when things are finalized, that way there won't be extra weeks agonizing over something he can do nothing to fix. I don't know.
I need help with this one. How do I do this?
5 comments:
It's so hard to know. Would he appreciate you holding out until there is actual news? Or would he feel like you were pre-chewing news for him?
*sigh* Personally, I'd tell him.
I'd tell him.
LAW
I thought about this last night - and first of all, the boy is 14, and at that age, they change their minds more often than their socks. Believe me, I had one of those little monsters. He'll probably do a few weeks at mom's.. and want outa there (or she'll want to boot his ass out, they try the patience of everyone around them and she doesn't sound like she'll fight to keep him at home)
As for telling him. I still think you need to. He obviously had a problem with the ex keeping things from him. So you may need to be more transparent than most, just so he realizes that you AREN'T the ex. But how to tell him - can you let him know that Jr is trying to re-establish a relationship with mom, but leave it at that, until the actual custody hearing or whatever is happening? Or - maybe Jr should tell him? Will the Judge or whomever want an affidavit from Swiss - since Swiss was the custodial parent? To have something decided without his input - he could see it as a denial of his rights as a parent.
my 2 cents.
LAW
I agree with LAW about telling him. You have to.
As for the Swiss Jr., at 14, he's capable of making the choice. The judge will probably want to know/need to know, particularly if it involves child support, which, based on what I hear, it most definitely WILL. Sounds like Jr. is going back to mom, but she only wants him for the $$$ she's been missing.
There's no telling what will happen, but the Judge will probably say that the mom will be custodial since Swiss is gone. It's a TOUGH place to be in right now.
I would tell him. It could be that his son needs to talk to him a little about it to get his head back on straight.
SB and I have had to talk about some major issues with his daughter. To some extent we need to protect them--they don't need to sweat the little stuff that we go through. But they need to know the big stuff, even if it's hard.
My 2 cents.
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