31 August 2009

Shedding.

No, not Fletcher. Though to be fair, the does DOES shed something fierce. It boggles my mind how he isn't bald. And also, I'm pretty sure that if we collected all of his fur out of the vacuum cleaner, we would be able to clone him in less than 2 weeks... not even Dolly style, like Adam and Eve style. Which is sort of gross now that I think about it... that is a lot of hair. Ugh. But here I am, way off track, less than 3 sentences into this post.

The past few weeks have felt pretty overwhelming. Like the precariously perched tower of stuff looming over my head just kept getting bigger, taller and more unstable, threatening to collapse at any moment. Poor Swiss has had to listen to all of my neuroses, the plethora of ridiculous expectations I've put on myself, and my frustrations with not being able to get things just so. And about my mangled toe. But he's been a rock. He's been a fount of perspective, calmness and practicality. Just as he always is.

With a bit of time and deep breathing and outside perspective (Thanks Britt!) I, quite clearly, saw that he was right about all of it. I need to let go of the things I can't fix, can't schedule and can't will into being. A few dollars here, a few last minute decision there... none of it will cause the world to end. Not having enough towels when I move down to Fort X? That is what the PX is for. Not knowing the details of the move to Fort X? All things that can be handled after R&R. Not having a hotel yet for R&R because we don't have any concrete dates? Small potatoes and an easy last-minute fix.

I need to shed these neuroses. I need to let go. I need to stop trying to be SuperArmyWife. I need to release whatever notion I have of what a good deployed spouse is. Army life doesn't let us plan things that far out, so why stress about it? This deployment means that I have to tackle most things alone, so why make it harder by setting ridiculous expectations for myself? R&R is going to be great no matter where we stay, so why waste time and energy making plans that will likely change 3 or 4 times yet? I need to stay focused on the things I can change. The things I can (and actually NEED) to deal with. The other stuff? I need to let it ride.

Since I've decided to do just that? The weight is so much less, the burden is lifted and this deployment seems 'doable' again (though to be fair, I'm only going on 36 hours-ha!). I can put my focus back where it belongs, on Us. It all feels a lot less scary now... that tower isn't as unstable, isn't as big and isn't as menacing. I can do this.

7 comments:

Bette said...

Great attitude! You sound good.

Also, I've been reading about people who spin pet hair into yarn. Consider it.

Tucker said...

Ha! Bette you totally made me laugh out loud at work! I say that stuff and I find it utterly creepy. I mean, I like Fletch, but not THAT much!

Jenny said...

Yay! I like this new attitude. Good stuff.

liberal army wife said...

Better. much better. It does take a while to be able to realize you cannot control what the Army does to you. We all struggle with that.

the pet hair... I've read that too, Bette - but just doesn't sound like what I'd like to wear! saw one woman, who makes them into purses!!! ew.

LAW

Brittany said...

Anytime, lady! You know I am always always ALWAYS here for you!! Things will happen the way they are supposed to. We can control some things, just not all, and if the Army had their way, we wouldn't be able to control anything. So breath -- it will all work out :)

kimba said...

Dog Hair Knitting. You know you want to try it.

Letting go is the only way. It's hard, because you're a competent, smart, organized grownup, but it's the only way not to go insane. When I think of all the worrying I did about the move to Germany, and how much of it was a total waste of time and effort, I just cringe.

It'll all be fine, just like you said. Have a beer :)

Kanani said...

Nah, there's no such thing as a Super Army Wife, though I am sure there are people who think that there exists such a divine being.

Nope, there's only taking one thing at a time, and being grateful you're you.