13 January 2009

The Army is a bully.

I am surly today and this is a vent. So you have been warned.

Last night we got blind-sided with a new deployment date (earlier, OF COURSE) at the Pre-Deployment Briefing. Awesome. I don't know about you, but I totally love being blind-sided. And by that, I mean not. Decidedly not.

Ooh, and we were cheerfully told to "just be flexible" since they have NO idea where they are going and that they are likely to move around a lot once they are in theatre. He actually told us that since the amount and type of communication technologies were highly in question for this deployment, we should really get back to basics and work on letter writing. Aww, how precious. HOW CAN I WRITE LETTERS TO MY HUSBAND IF I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS???

Anyway, I'm just pissy because we had a time-table, we had things organized and planned. It was a little like a security blanket, it made me feel like I had at least a teensey bit of control over the situation. This throws everything out the window.

I'm surly that I might not get to talk to him all that often, I am worried about how much harder this is going to be if we can't communicate any way other than snail mail. I am scared about how far my imagination will run at night when I haven't heard his voice in weeks. I am frustrated that nothing is going how we thought it would. And I can't change any of it.

I know this is normal, I know that him leaving earlier means he will come home earlier, blah, blah, blah. None of that helps right now. I'm just surly.


Bette said...

Aw man, this sucks. It doesn't surprise me in the least -- I have yet to see anything happen on the timetable the Army initially gives us -- but that doesn't mean it sucks any less. I'm sorry.

kimba said...


Honestly, I don't know what else to say, other than I'm sorry. What a red ass.

Tucker said...

Thanks ladies. Yes, it sucks. I'm mostly upset about the possibility of not being able to talk with him with any sort of frequency. The extra days we will miss suck too, but there is some sort of consolation that he will be home quicker. BAH! Thanks for understanding ladies... I wouldn't be able to do this without you!

slightly salty said...

That beyond sucks. I'm frustrated for you. I realize the Army and other branches have a job to do over there but families do NOT need to hear that they will be LUCKY to have communication with their deployed loved ones. Especially when on one front, the military is supposedly trying to improve morale by making communications better for deployments. I also realize there is only so much they can do about that but really, that's just ridiculous and surely they could get their sh*t in order so that planning would be more organized.

I wish I had something useful to tell you but I really don't. My deployments with Obi-Wan are so different b/c he's in the Navy and most times, the longest we've gone without communication was a week b/c the ship was under some kind of security lockdown and couldn't email out or whatever. I know how my mind functions and having the constant communication that we've had in the past goes a long way to keeping me calm and keeping my sanity intact. That said, you are strong and will get through this. Hugs.

Anonymous said...

You be surly! The change in timetable is bad enough but you may come to find it works in your favor (think BandAid ripping off) but the change in communication expectations...that one is beyond hard.
Here's something to hang your hat on, perhaps? When he was outside the wire, I used to get calls from my husband at weird hours from not exactly sanctioned forms of communication (sat phone)...these guys miss us too and they make things work, you know?

Smiles said...

About letter writing - you don't have to know where he is. The letters will eventually find him and most likely just when he needs them most. One of the things that helps me is keeping things in perspective and keeping an attitude of gratitude. While communication might not be as frequent as you hope for it is better than it has been at any time in the past. I just read a book about World War II and the sailors (in this case) were gone for four years getting a single letter every couple of months. I am so thankful to live in this day and age and hear from my guy so much more often than that!

During his last deployment, even though he could have called once a month or so, we tried to stay away from it as much as possible. It was awkward to only have 2 minutes to say I love you and know there isn't time for anything else. It just wasn't natural for us and made things worse because it wasn't any fun to just hear each other crying on both sides of the call knowing there was so much more we wanted to express and not being able to get into it. Letters and e-mails worked for us. To my surprise he actually went out and bought a stack of miss you/love you cards to take with him so he could send them to me as time allowed. It was awesome considering how much I know he hates writing longhand. Made each one all the more special. And I preferred having a card or letter I could read over and over as I needed (usually each night before bed) over a phone call that 'vanished' quickly after and left me nothing to hang on to.

It sucks that the time line got moved up. My guy reminds me constantly that nothing is set in stone in the military, it's set in mud. When I get a need to plan I repeat that "set in mud" phrase to myself over and over so I don't get too attached to the plan and focus my time and energy on my guy instead.

Butterfly Wife said...

This sucks and it beyond sucks. And I am fully confident that you will make the most it.

I wrote letters to my Jack Bauer almost everyday. I wanted him to have something, but mostly I did it to connect myself to him when I couldn't be there on the phone or on the Internet. It was everything from a postcard just saying hello to deep philosophical questions without answer.

When the plans get changed so dramatically, I find it hard to get that "perspective" immediately. And sometimes later on it is difficult to have that same perspective, especially when a wife in the same unit seems to get to talk endlessly to her husband everyday and you are lucky to have 5 minutes once a month.

I'll stop rambling now.

liberal army wife said...

go right ahead... be surly. WE understand - and we would do it too... oh wait - I did...

It does suck, massively.