07 January 2009

Roller coasters.

I used to like them. They were unpredictable and thrilling and fun. Now, I think they suck. Rickety deathtraps at overpriced amusement parks... and you have to wait in line for an hour for a 3 minute ride. Gaw, I am getting surly in my old age.

But I hate emotional roller coasters even more than the real deal. I like to think I am pretty even keeled, I have a steady temperament and am generally a happy, quirky, fun gal. But this deployment business can really put some kinks in one's demeanor.

Like yesterday... one minute I am crying as I watch Swiss walk to work, then I write an entry here that is all somber and introspective and then I chase down a wiener dog and blog about that too. Then I work on the letter I am going to stuff in his ruck and I am all misty again. Hella misty. But I go pick him up from work and all we do all night is laugh and snort and have fun.

While Swiss is at work I have loads of time to think and muse and do loads of frivolous things (read: Guitar Hero), and this morning I was sitting here thinking about the past few days and how surreal they have been. I sometimes just can't wrap my head around the sheer volume of emotions this THING is pulling out of me. To be scared out of your gourd and laughing hysterically in a matter of minutes is seriously taxing. Pouring out your emotions and fears and trying your best to convey everything you feel on a piece of paper and then not 10 minutes later merrily cooking dinner and pleasantly talking about our days is not normal, at least not in my book. Bah!

Anyway, I will just chalk this all up to being one of the many things I didn't see coming. And maybe some of you can relate... maybe not. Maybe I am just crazy. But if you know what I mean, I'd love to hear your take on it all...


Bette said...

You're not crazy! Or if you are, we all are. I'm guessing everyone who's sent someone off to war has gone through this -- I know I have, and in fact am doing it again.

liberal army wife said...

nope, not crazy. One second I'm happy he's still home for a couple days.. and then I'm ready to cry because he's leaving in acouple days.


Tucker said...

I love you ladies. You make me feel normal. And that is a very good feeling.

LopsidedMom said...

Just remember to breathe on the way up and throw your arms out and shout "Whee!!!" on the way down and it will be over before you know it.
You are most definitely not crazy, ma dear.

slightly salty said...

Deployments do crazy things to us and you are not crazy or alone. With every deployment, I feel about a million different emotions and thoughts coursing through me and I also feel like I have a split personlity b/c one minute I could be fine and laughing and then hysterically crying or screaming the next. It's a lot to process when you think about. A lot of deployments are for a crazy long ridiculous period of time and how can any person wrap his/her head around it. You just can't. You take it one day at a time, literally. And then add the danger factor and then adds a whole other level of whacky. It's amazing we military spouses survive with our sanity intact. :)