02 July 2009

Angsty.

I don't know what it is, but lately I've been feeling antsy and angsty and generally unsettled. It has nothing to do with the PCS, that much I know. I suspect it has everything to do with all the turnings of the tides over yonder in the Sandboxes. I don't know how many times I have heard "All of our troops are out of the city!" in the last few days and then how many times I roll my eyes. (Not to mention the inevitable, "So does this mean Swiss gets to come home?" No. No it does not.)

They are not out. Decidedly not. Anyone who knows anything knows this. So why the charade? Why the lip service? Are we afraid to say we were wrong and they aren't ready? Do we not want to hurt feelings or relationships so we just go along with the plan anyway? Or are we just not ready to give up control, so we just say we are? In word but not in spirit? Or worse yet, are we still there because we didn't have a good place to move these guys to? Ask around and you might be surprised by the answers you find...

Somehow our guys went from soldiers to "Advisers" overnight, and somehow this means they are no longer "troops"? Wha? And what's worse is that somewhere the truth got lost in the translation and it seems that folks think the war in Iraq is now over. If only... Gaw, lately it seems like it is just beginning again, albeit in a new format. Violence is up. Attacks are up. Security is uneven at best.

And this major offensive in Afghanistan (with one KIA already) and the DUSTWUN soldier too... it all makes me nervous. It makes me edgy. It makes me realize that even though things seemed 'easy' and 'safe' for a little while, they aren't. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Troops are still dying, losing their legs, anything else you can (or can't) imagine. There are still mortar attacks, IEDs, the works... This isn't easy, this isn't over and the danger isn't gone. And all of this brings the fact that Swiss isn't safe, none of our loved ones over there are, into sharp focus. And that scares the crap out of me.

So I guess the nerves, the angst, the antsyness... all just par for the course. This is what it feels like when your loved ones are at war. It ain't a fun place to be. But then again, most of you know that. And you know this feeling. Maybe you are feeling it right now too...

At the risk of sounding hokey, the only thing I can think to do is keep these guys and gals in your thoughts (or prayers if that is your bag). And don't let the folks around you forget. It isn't over yet and we all need to remember that. Do it for them, for their families, or even for me... just one in the endless sea of worried, nervous and angsty spouses. Until they all come home. Okay?

I know it isn't much, but it is something. And right now I'll take anything that will help me feel even a little bit better about this.

7 comments:

Bette said...

The antsy/angsty feeling may be par for the course (I agree it is), but that doesn't diminish how unpleasant it is!

You know where to find the other ansty/angsties. You're not alone in this, hon. And many prayers are being said by those of us whose bag it is.

Post Tenebras Lux said...

Hey. Also unhappy, and definitely praying. Hugs.

liberal army wife said...

If I get one more question "so, is he headed home now". Someone. will. get. hurt.

yes, this weird itchiness between the shoulder blades, jumping when the phone rings, turning on the computer whenever you are near it... IS what passes for normal in our lives.

LAW

Bree said...

I'm praying girl. It's no fun. Just 4 months ago I was in your shoes, it was a constant tension, burden to bear. One most people never see or realize unless you've been there. & unfortunately it becomes what I call the "new normal", as military wives we go through more "new normals" in 1 year than most people do in a lifetime.

I've tried to keep my head out of the news. Even though my husband got back a few months ago & they told us he'd get his 365 days before deploying again, they lied. He's eligible for deployment again in September. A mere 6 months after coming home from Iraq. & the unit he's moving to is deploying at the end of this year. *sigh* Trust me, I'm praying.

Tucker said...

Thanks Ladies... I'm praying for y'all too, and I'm praying hard! It is amazing what all this angst and antsyness takes out of you, right?

Here's to speedy returns home, safe tours of duty and the peace of mind knowing that the Big Man Upstairs is looking out for each and every one of ours.

Kanani said...

Yeah, I heard about this today. All I could think about was his poor family. Sitting, waiting, wondering, endlessly googling or trying to watch (but not watch) TV.

Anyway, that got me on edge this morning, then hearing about the stuff in Helmand.

Phew... I'm going to end the night with a beer and John Grisham novel.

Rob said...

We are keeping the troops in our thoughts and prayers until they all come home.

Especially now with a soldier missing in Afghanistan who has now been reportedly sold to a clan.