21 July 2009

On unnecessary shirtlessness.

Okay, first off I realize how stark a contrast this post is to the last one. But forgive me because I saw something on the walk home that begged to be blogged about. Public shirtlessness. It is an odd quirk of mine, it is something I loathe and generally find to be gratuitous, narcissistic and completely unnecessary.

By my Stay-back-100-meters-or-you-will-be-shot Army Neighbor no less.

Beer belly? Check. Random quasi-tribal large tattoos? Check. Giant white socks with black high-tops? Check. Excessively baggy/long shorts? Check. It was like a perfect storm of suburban pseudo-fit white-guy faux pas.

Now, to be fair, I have a sub-set of situations in which public shirtlessness is okay. Doing physical activity in 90+ degree heat? Sure. If you are either one of these men: Exhibit A and Exhibit B? Yes please. Swimming? Employed as a life guard? Totally appropriate. But pruning the hedges in front of your house at 4:30 on a cloudy 77 degree day? Not so much.

Gaw, I wouldn't even 'let' Swiss run around in public without a shirt on. Besides the extra effort of batting away women on my part (wink), I just can't think of that many situations in which it is truly called for. Furthermore, (not to get all feministy on y'all) but it certainly isn't acceptable for me to roll on out my front door shirtless, braless and prune my hedges. Wait, that just sounded like a euphemism for something dirrrrty. Never mind. Would the neighbor dudes like it? Probably (because it involves BOOBIES!), but let me assure you, I am no Angelina Jolie, no one wants to see my belly or love handles and I am sure that the neighbor ladies would sneer and cackle until I was shamed into a shirt. So why does Mr. Check-out-my-guns-but-please-ignore-my-beer-belly get to do it? Someone please answer this for me!

Anyway, that is my random rant for today. I am interested to see what weird things you all take issue with... do any of you share my dislike for male public quasi-nudity? Please share and make me feel less like a prude. Thanks.


Bree said...

LOL your checklist totally describes my dad minus the tattoos!! No clue why he does it but he goes shirtless a lot, I think it's just a dude thing.

My male annoyances: the constant "readjusting" and/or "scratching". I mean REALLY, is it necessary? & can you imagine the looks we women would get if we did the same? Talk about no shame.

The Army Wife said...

I'm sorry, what did the rest of your post say? I got completely distracted by the STUPID HOT PICTURE OF RYAN REYNOLDS!!!!


And yay for boobies! Didn't you know that's always acceptable ;) ha!

indiana.girl said...

All I can say is, exibit A please!! Yum.

Perhaps shirtlessness is the male of the species getting back at all those women that wear spandex as shouldn't. We know who they are, we've seen them at Walmart.

Bette said...

I'm with you, sister! The dirty old man next door? Shirtless, with manboobs that require a foundation garment. Hasn't seen his waistband in decades, I'm sure. He's the anti-Daniel Craig. It's practically criminal.

kimba said...

Saw a guy at the end of his driveway yesterday wearing nothing but a black Speedo. Hell-o, Germany :-)

Tsoniki Crazy Bull said...

Over the weekend I saw a teenager with his pants belted below his butt. I was just happy his boxers were up to where they were supposed to be! Ick.

neverapartinheart said...

I agree that being shirtless in public is not right.

With that being said, my husband is a repeat offender. However... no man boobs or beer belly there. In the summer when he runs, he usually takes his shirt off about 2 miles in. And he cuts the grass shirtless when its hot.

Other than that... shirts are on at all times. Took me a while to get used to thats for sure.