Do any of you sort of forget what it feels like to be married? I'm not saying that I don't feel like I am married or anything like that. I just mean, do you ever find yourself in the middle of a deployment trying to remember what it was like to have someone else in the house, to cook for two, to wash underwear that isn't from Victoria's Secret or to have to come to a consensus to watch TV? Do you find yourself trying to grasp what it is/was like to cohabitate, to have someone else physically in the house at almost all times?
Because I sort of feel like all that stuff is slipping away... I remember the times when all those things were normal. But they don't feel real, it feels like something that happened a long, long time ago... in a land far, far away.
Am I weird? Never mind, don't answer that.
Please don't misconstrue this as me not wanting to be married or contemplating single life again or any other ridiculousness. I am very happily married. It's just that right now I feel more married rightthisminute to my cell phone and the idea of a husband than I do the person on the other end of the line. Does that even make sense?
I've started sleeping in the middle of the bed again. I eat dinner on tiny plates at my computer. I use up all the hot water. I buy less cheese and more fruit. I watch SATC reruns whenever they are on. Somewhere along the line this became my new normal. And I don't like it. I liked my old normal that involved Swiss at home, cooking for two, having a 'side' of the bed, bushing my teeth with someone else standing next to me, the smell of soap that isn't from Bath & Body Works and sweaty PTs on the floor. Know what I mean?
Sigh. I know my old normal will become my new normal again when Swiss is home, but somehow this new normal feels really foreign and lonely. I like being married. This imposed geographical bachelorette business? For the birds.
Come home soon Swiss... I'd like to get back to our normal again. I miss you...