Puppy paws and eyeballs.

They do not mix. Let me tell you!

Yep, I get to go to the Opthamologist today because Fletch managed to poke/nick/claw my eyeball last night while playing. I'm thinking that my contact lens took the brunt of the assault, but we will know for sure later today. So the moral of the story, in true OSHA fashion, is to wear protective eye wear when roughhousing with your dog on the floor.

And in other news, I am super pumped that there are two (2!) different series going on in the blog-o-sphere about reintegration and post-deployments: SisB over at Veritably Bare and LAW & The Army Wife over at LeftFace. I feel like, though 'far' away still, our reintegration is a final exam that I have no way of studying for... and it ain't open book either. So I am thrilled that these awesome ladies are going to share their experiences, advice, tips and really put themselves out there in such an open and honest way... I'm hoping I can glean some insider tips and at least show up to my final exam slightly prepared! Anyway, go check them out and share your experiences (mostly so I can glom off of your knowledge!)!

That is all I have for today. I do wish it would stop raining though... Happy Wednesday everyone! Off to get some caffeine!!!

UPDATE: The eyeball is fine, though now both eyes are dilated and I am stuck at work with enough fluorescent lighting to land a UFO. Mah eyez! They hurt! Anyway, that is all. Carry on!

For the record.

I don't like e-mails that end with "I love you gotta go quick stuff is happening".

I don't like snarky co-workers who are mean because they aren't happy with their own lives.

I don't like Spring when it is muddy and raining all the time.

I don't like that I don't know how to build a transporter or teleporter or one of those "Beam me up Scotty" things.

I don't like being a geographical Bachelorette. It sucks. For reals.

The end.

Odds and ends.

Aaaah... back to reality after a super swell long weekend at home- ugh. I love Wisconsin. I mean, really love it. It is all hilly and green and there are cows and big red barns and there is cheese and beer and brats and cranberries and Madison and Summerfest and family and friends and cheese and lakes and the Badgers and Brewers and the art museum and cheese. Yeah, I miss it there. Lots and lots.

I spent the weekend hanging out with Mom & Dad, Fletch got to play with Sally & Miller which is always comical... three English Setters in one place is a lot of dog and a lot of energy to contend with. We had a party on Sunday and I got to see all the friends and family from the Milwaukee area and catch up... most of which I haven't seen since our wedding in October. They all got to shout "Hi" to Swiss when he called too... is was awesome because those folks can be LOUD when they want to be!

Monday my Mom and I went down to our little town and watched the Memorial Day parade. It was so sweet and quaint and so quintessentially small-town American. The members of the VFW marched by and I got all misty... I applauded them as they marched by and quickly everyone along the street joined in. I was so proud and honored and humbled in those minutes as the WWII era war planes flew overhead and the local high school marching band played "God Bless America". At that moment, it was all that is right with our country. (Though to see what is wrong with it, read yesterday's post)

On the drive home Monday night, as Fletcher slept in the back seat, I thought long and hard about where Swiss and I will be in the future, about him coming home to Fort X, about retiring and finding a job, about family and priorities and getting on with our post-Army life. It is all so surreal sometimes... it is so liberating to know we can go anywhere we want... but the pull of family and friends is so strong. I'm still not sure how to reconcile these things, or which ones are more important. I know Swiss would go anywhere, and he would never balk if I said that a specific town was where I wanted us to live. He just wants us to be happy. And of course that is what I want too. I just don't know how to find OUR happy medium, not just one happy medium that the other is okay going along with.

There is a JROTC job at the (swanky) Military Academy very near my parents home. Not that it is necessary for me to live uber close to the parental units, but it would be a GREAT job for him (and it is one that he is already interested in). We could find a home 20-30 minutes away, and we would be SO close to the people who help make me, well, me. Beth would be an hour away, we could be near my 91 year old and completely wonderful Grandfather, my parents adore Swiss and are so much fun... all of my family and our friends are such amazing people and all of them are completely in love with Swiss. But I know deep down that all of these things are about ME. Not Swiss, at least not directly. All he wants is to make me happy, get a good job (preferably at a military academy) and have 10 or 20 acres to run around in. But where is that line? Where is the line that we can both stand on, both be happy with? Where is the middle ground that makes us BOTH happy? I don't know. I guess we have to figure that out for ourselves.

Anyway, this got to be reeeeeeeeal long. Sorry. But that is all the news here that is fit to print. Swiss is doing well, we are getting there. So here's to another week down. I'm crabby today, but I think that is only because people are dumb, which I'm afraid can't be helped. ugh.

Memorial Day rant.

Monday my Mom and I went down to our little town and watched the Memorial Day parade. It was so sweet and quaint and so quintessentially small-town American. The members of the VFW marched by and I got all misty... I applauded them as they passed me and quickly everyone along the street joined in. I was so proud and honored and humbled in those minutes as the WWII era war planes flew overhead and the local high school marching band played "God Bless America". At that moment, it was all that is right with our country.

And then I came home, hopped on the web, and witnessed all that is wrong with our country. I got all kinds of surly with the commenters over at Pioneer Woman today... it seems that Memorial Day, to many, isn't about the military or the sacrifices of those men and women specifically that allow us the freedoms and liberties we have. It seems that for a lot of folks it is about remembering their families, their lineage, their ancestors. While I think it is great to remember your family history, I can't help but be annoyed that so many folks ignore, forget or disregard the fact that this is the ONE day a year we specifically set aside to remember those who sacrificed EVERYTHING for our freedom. I guess I feel like we have every other day of the year to remember those loved ones who have passed, Memorial Day isn't that day, at least it shouldn't be that day. Plus this lady really torqued me off:

"repmogirl said: Thanks for reminding folks that Memorial Day is about more than barbecues…It seems to have become another military holiday, but in my family it’s more about keeping track of family history and passing it on to the next generation..." (emphasis is mine)

WHA? ANOTHER MILITARY HOLIDAY??? There are only 2 major ones lady. Two. 2 days a year to stop for a damned minute to say THANK YOU. Thank you for putting you life on hold, for fighting with all you have, for giving up your life to make this country what it is. 2 days. Quite frankly, it doesn't seem like enough. Anyway, thankfully a poster named Deb got it right:

"Thank you for sharing from your heart about your Memorial Day, which is centered on your family cemetery. As the wife of an Air Force officer who has selflessly served our country for over 20 years, including two tours in Iraq, I was really saddened to hear that your Memorial Day doesn’t focus on what Memorial Day is really all about. (But thanks for including the paragraph on cowboy “Sam” who served in Vietnam, and mentioning the military in the last paragraph.)
Please know that Memorial Day is a day to honor and remember the brave military men and women who died while in military service. You & I would not enjoy the freedoms we have today without the military folks, past & present, who are willing to give their lives in order to secure our freedom.
Thank you to all of you out there who serve in the military! May God bless America, land of the free…because of the brave."

YEAH. What she said.

So that is my rant. I don't mean to sound sanctimonious, it is just that I get so fed up with the people of this country who forget about our military, who shrug off their daily sacrifices as inconsequential, who don't care to remember or honor them, who look at the military with disdain or disgust, who flippantly blow off the remembrance of the people who DIED so that you can have your white picket fences and an internet to spew your stupidity on (repmogirl, not Ree). I get annoyed that people feel the need to make THIS holiday about them, about their own tiny bubbles, not the National Day of Remembrance for the strangers that died for your freedoms, this year, last year, and every year before. What those men and women died for was your right to be an outspoken moron and not have to reap any consequences for it. So at least be thankful for your right to be an idiot, you ungrateful twit.

Hhmph. Rant over.

UPDATE: I was over at The Big Picture (go check it out, they have some beautiful Memorial day photos) and while there is plenty of drivel in the comments, there are a few from European readers who thanked our WWII troops for all they have done, all their sacrifices so that they too may be free. So that the French and Spanish and all the others can still be just that, not part of a German empire (see # 35, 37, 41, 84, 88). These folks made me tear up because they don't even live here, the troops weren't their countrymen, it wasn't their sacrifice and yet, they GET IT. They get it in a way that clearly so few Americans do.

Memorial Day

'Flags-In' at Arlington National Cemetery for Memorial Day 2008, originally uploaded by Army.mil.

I am off to the motherland this weekend, back to Wisconsin and home. But please remember what this weekend is about... remember those who gave everything so that we may have what we do today. Let this weekend be about them... not just BBQ's, sales and a day off from work.

The Memorial Day Order:
"The 30th day of May, 1868, is designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country ... and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village and hamlet churchyard in the land.

We are organized, Comrades, as our regulations tell us, for the purpose among other things, "of preserving and strengthening those kind and fraternal feelings which have bound together the soldiers, sailors and Marines, who united to suppress the late rebellion." What can aid more to assure this result than by cherishing tenderly the memory of our heroic dead? We should guard their graves with sacred vigilance. All that the consecrated wealth and taste of the nation can add to their adornment and security, is but a fitting tribute to the memory of her slain defenders. Let pleasant paths invite the coming and going of reverent visitors and fond mourners. Let no neglect, no ravages of time, testify to the present or to the coming generations that we have forgotten as a people the cost of a free and undivided republic.

Let us, then, at the time appointed, gather around their sacred remains, and garland the passionless mounds above them with choicest flowers of springtime; let us raise above them the dear old flag they saved; let us in this solemn presence renew our pledge to aid and assist those whom they have left among us a sacred charge upon the Nation's gratitude—the soldier's and sailor's widow and orphan." —General Orders No. 11, Grand Army of the Republic Headquarters

Fletcher

Fletcher, originally uploaded by Tucker&Swiss.

I share this picture because it is the ONLY one I have where he doesn't a) look insane or b) appear as a white & black blur. He actually looks quite distinguished and stately.

Don't be fooled though, in reality he is much more like a toddler on meth, a la Coco.

Their wedding video is cooler than yours. Sorry.

Brian & Eileen's Wedding Music Video. from LOCKDOWN projects on Vimeo.

This should totally make you feel inadequate about your wedding and also make you feel really uncool because you didn't think of it. At least, that is what it did for me. But still, AWESOME. (Thanks Jenny!)

An observation.

Once you have officially decided to leave your place of employment (but haven't actually TOLD anyone yet) it is amazing how much less tolerant you are of the ridiculousness. I mean, like, WAY less tolerant. I am ready to pull my hair out.

Can't I just quit now and eat bon-bons, watch Daniel Craig movies and paint?

Wha?

Mortgage?

DAMMIT!


P.S.-I am SO totally in love with Glee!


(and yes, you are welcome for the gratuitous eye-candy.)

Teh randomness.

Yeah, so I went AWOL this weekend from the blog-o-sphere. Sorry.
I’ve been in a sort of quasi funk… not that things aren’t good, because they are… just that Ugh, are we done yet?
(HA HAHAHA Ha hahahahahhaaaha AHAHAHAHAH! NO. We are not.)

I coached the U12 girls in a tournament this weekend. We were 1-3. But somehow we still got 2nd place in the “Bronze” Bracket. Also known as the LOSER bracket (and I say this with utter confidence as we lost both qualifying games). I love how we are sugar coating everything for kids now days. Anyway, this coaching gig has been an interesting observation and study in the results of parenting methods… and I totally made 2 girls cry. One told me she didn’t like the position we put her at so I said if she didn’t like it she could sit on the bench. Tears. The other told me she wasn’t cheering for her teammates because she was bored, to which I said, if you are bored then go home. Tears. Heh… I sound like such a hard-ass. The thing that blows my mind is how some of these 11 & 12 year old girls have no idea what the word respect means. They don’t come out of the womb like that, right? Someone made them that way. And those parents? I want to kick them in the shins and whip them the bird. Mature, I know.

But I digress. Fletcher and I have reached a happy compromise that involves him sleeping in his kennel in the basement so that I am no longer awakened at 5:09 am and grumpy as all get out. It is good! Plus I think Fletch is waaaaay cuter at 6 am than he is at 5. Everyone wins!

And in other super exciting news, I just booked my first paying job as a photographer. (ahwehewyeysrusdiufydsiuhg!!!!) It will be a family photo shoot combined with 9 month baby pictures. The baby girl? She is adorable! This family? They are beautiful. And we are doing it in their garden, which is more like a botanical park. I can’t wait! I think this means I might need to come up with a logo or something. Hmm. Should I stick with Tucker & Swiss as a name or branch out? Do I go with my real name? Make something random up? What do you all think????

A favor.

To any of you who read this who don't have husbands (or wives or boyfriends or whatever your flavor) deployed: Do me a favor, please? Hug him (or her). Hold him tight and talk to him, for more than your allotted 30 minutes per day. Do it because I can't. Do it because you can. And savor every second of it. Okay? Good.

Thank you.

Us and our craptastic timing.

So part of our big Post-Army plans include getting Swiss a ROTC or JROTC job. He votes JROTC because the pay is better. I vote ROTC because he is SO good at teaching and would be a huge asset to any program. And college towns are usually way cooler than regular towns. And the other thing is that we are sort of picky about where we retire to (rightfully so in Swiss's case- dude has EARNED it). We have a few states that we think are part of our "wheel-house"... states we are pretty sure we would be happy in, places we aspire to live in, places we hope beyond all hope will have jobs when we are done with Lady Army.

That bit about our craptastic timing? We are about 15 months out. And guess what? Six (6!) of our "Dream" locations popped up on the ROTC job posting site this week. Yeah, we (meaning Swiss) can't apply for them yet because his retirement isn't approved (actually he can't submit the paperwork for another 4 months) and we are too far out right now. Madison? Check. Missoula? Check. Minneapolis? Check. And a few others that are smaller towns, but in states we like. Well, feck.

Feck. Feck. FECK!

Why couldn't they wait a year? Madison? Ohh, it would have been perfect. PERFECT!!!! Twin Cities? Wonderful. Missoula? I love that town. Washington? Utah? Yes please!

What sucks the most is that likely none of these positions will be open by the time Swiss can apply. And that makes me SO sad... it makes me wonder and worry about where we will end up. It makes me sad that we likely won't be able to live in Madison... which was my perfect, make my heart skip a beat, master plan. So yeah, I am sort of mourning that dream's death... lamenting the loss of the "You really CAN have it all" Utopia I had created in my mind for us. le sigh.

I know something else will come along, I know there is an outside chance that this position will stay open. I know everything will work out okay, but, you know, DAMN.

Stephen Colbert reports for BCT.

Stephen Colbert reports for basic combat training, originally uploaded by Army.mil.

I heart you Stephen Colbert. Oh, and nice bag...

(And just in case you are reading this... ha!... I do not count you or the lovely Jon Stewart in my list of "The Media", just so you know...)

Why the media sucks.

So this latest event… you likely know which one I speak of… brings into sharp focus why the media sucks. I can hear the calls of “Free Speech” and the “Right to know” and those lauding the Information Age where we all get our news as it happens. And in many situations I agree with all of that… but not this one. NOT ANY LIKE THIS ONE.

I loathe that the “media” (read this as ALL media, liberal, independent, conservative, TV, radio, internet- all of it) places more value on a hot lead than what their partial news may do to the families and loved ones involved- be it 2 or 2,000. They are more worried about getting the story out first, whether it is complete or not, than thinking about the fact that (pardon the caps lock fit I am about to have) PEOPLE’S LOVED ONES DIED AND THIS IS THE FIRST THEY ARE HEARING ABOUT IT. No, they didn’t name names. But that is because they can’t… Why? Because likely the military hasn’t been able to notify the families of these deaths yet.

So I ask you to imagine how many wives, husbands, moms and dads are sitting around work or home today wringing their hands because they haven’t heard from their soldier. Imagine how they feel seeing it on every internet news site, the local news, the nightly national news, probably on the radio, even overhearing it at the proverbial workplace watercooler. And all they can do is wait. Wait for the phone call or e-mail that will fill them with relief, only to be flooded with guilt at feeling relieved someone else’s loved one died. Or wait for the life changing knock at the door. Wait for the soldiers in Class A’s who have been trained to tell you your life will never be the same because (s)he won’t be coming home. Wait. Worry. Fear. That isn’t news. That is agony. And it is inexcusable.

But for what? What did anyone benefit from getting all these incomplete stories? A sensational news tale from war-torn Iraq? Military scandal? High drama more befitting a movie script? Something to casually chat about over lunch? Maybe for someone, but not me, not for thousands of military families. That story broke my heart. That story caused so much worry and angst and mind-numbing fear for so many people. And I cannot forgive you media for putting the almighty dollar and a sensational lead before common courtesy, respect and the sanity of families who sacrifice and deal with so much already. Shame on you.

Happy Mother's Day, Military Spouses Day, apologies and ramblings.

First off: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM! You are the best... you were the best mom, the best advocate, the best supporter, the best caregiver and now that I am all growed up... you are my best friend. Thank you for all you have done, thank you for all you do, and I'm sorry we couldn't be together on this day.

Second: Happy Military Spouse's Day (a day late). To all you MilSpouses out there: YOU ROCK. I could go on and on, but you know the gist of it... so keep on truckin' and thanks to all you wonderful MilSpouses who have become so much more... my friends.

Third: Yo, I am sorry I have been much of a Debbie Downer these days. There has been a toxic cloud of PMS, loneliness, uncertainty and blah hanging over me lately and this stage of the deployment falls squarely in between "Look! We are a quarter done!" and "Balls. 5 more months until I get to see him. Seriously?". It isn't a fun place to be. But, I think the winds are changing... hopefully this funk will blow right on out of here soon. So yeah, I am going to give myself a "Do Better" and do just that. Thanks for sticking by me even when I am not what anyone would call fun.

Lastly: You know those times when folks tell you that you, in fact, cannot have it all? Well, I say PISH-POSH! We, Swiss and I, ARE going to have it all. Why? Because I said so, and because I am going to put my mind to it, and dammit things are going to work out for us because (by the time he gets home) these 3 years of long-distance dating, insane 'family' drama, moves, and a deployment have been effing hard and we have earned it. We are going to get great jobs someplace we would like to live, we are going to be near (but not too near) family... one way or another, we are going to have that house we always wanted to build, we will have our 20 acres, we will travel to exotic locales and we WILL have it all. Our happily ever after. So there.

Long weekend.

Trout stream, originally uploaded by Tucker&Swiss.

I am off this afternoon for a long weekend hanging out with my Dad. That picture there? Yep, that is where we are going... purty isn't it? I'm excited for the day off of work, excited to get out of the house, excited to hang out in the woods, and excited to see my Dad. It should be a nice break from all the sameness around here.

Last night I had my 2nd softball practice as coach for my U12 girl's fastpitch team. Like wrangling cats... that talk back... and think they know everything. But on the plus side, I have finally been able to use some of the great one-liners and coach-isms I learned over the years. What time is it coach? Don't worry about it, it's practice time! Heh. I am turning into a coaching cliche as we speak. Anyway, it is fun and gets me out of the house and it was a b-e-a-utiful day yesterday.

Next week's agenda? Get a hair cut (or all of them). Clean the house. Sign dog up for obedience classes (and purchase sedatives... just kidding. Sort of.). Purchase items for kitchen renovation. Force Brother In-Law to pick a date to install said kitchen items. Revel and bask in new kitchen glory.

I hope you all have a super weekend and enjoy the good weather if you've got it!

Touch.

Day 68 :: touch, originally uploaded by Meredith_Farmer.

This is one of those days when all I can think about is his touch. And not in an X-rated, dirty way... I crave the simplest, most banal, everyday touches. I miss the way my feet find their way under his legs when we sit on the couch. I miss the way he always reaches out to hold my hand. I miss how my hand always finds his leg when we sit next to one another. I miss his hand on the back of my neck. I miss curling up behind him in the middle of the night. I miss his forehead against mine. But mostly I miss his arms around me. I miss how safe and loved I feel when I am in his arms, how all the bad things melt away and how I can feel what we share, what our relationship is all about. And I would do anything just to feel his arms around me right now. Even for just one minute. Sigh.

5 more months.

Rain, rain go away.

Rain Rain Go Away..., originally uploaded by Lisa Photography.

We are in day 1 of a 5 day stretch of rain/thunderstorms. I know my plants will love it. I, however, do not. You know, just in case Mother Nature is listening.

Maybe the best reason ever to move to Europe.

Tuileries, originally uploaded by chris_catford.

According to this article, the French spend the most time eating and sleeping of all 'wealthy' nations of the world. I knew there was a reason I loved France so much... do you think I could talk Swiss into moving to Paris??? (hint: NOT A CHANCE.)

...le sigh...

Near... ...far.

Yes, Grover has taken over Tucker & Swiss. You know… near… …far. Remember that? Yeah, Grover was cool. Gaw, haven’t even started this post and I am off track already.

Okay, so my point: lately the hot topic in the house has been the “where” portion of our life post-Army. As in where are we going to get jobs? Where would we want to live? Where do we not want to live? Where can we have/afford/find the happily ever after we’ve decided on (this includes at least 20 acres of land, chicken coops, a garden, a studio for painting, a cozy house built just for us, and ideally the ability to hunt on said 20+ acres for Swiss)? Where, where, where? And all of the where’s lead to all the obligatory issues regarding proximity to family, current jobs versus new careers, autonomy & privacy, etc. Fun, right?

See, currently we (and by we I mean me) live in a mid-sized town in the upper Midwest. Swiss’s ex-wife P lives in the same city which we will call M-town with Swiss’s son. Swiss’s brother also lives in M-town. And 30 minutes down the road in S-ville reside Swiss’s parents. Me? I have a good job and own the house we live in here in M-town, but my family lives 4 hours away in P-town. I am super close with them, they adore Swiss and we don’t get to see them near as much as we would like, which sort of sucks. However, Swiss’s parents, while great folks, like to put monopolies on our time and P usually collapses into her “The Sky is Falling” routine when we are in M-town. Long story short? Even though I have been told by my Boss’s Boss (a retired Naval MD who I adore as far as bosses go) that he would hold my job for me for the year we go back to Fort X after this deployment, Swiss and I aren’t staying in M-town. We decided last night. This is a pretty huge decision for us.

So then what does all of this mean? Do we stay in the mid-west? Do we just find someplace ‘near’ here, but far enough away from everyone to have some privacy, autonomy and space? Do we run ‘far’ away and just do what makes us happy and run for greener pastures (read: Colorado, Utah, Idaho, Washington, Oregon) and hope family follows us out there or is willing to make visits despite the distance?

Granted, all of this is a little premature since we don’t know which jobs (ROTC or JROTC hopefully) will be open to Swiss when he retires. And these decisions are most certainly going to hinge on where we can get hired and therefore paid. But y’all, I am a planner. I cannot sit here after we’ve decided NOT to stay in the place we currently call home and not think about the vast oceans of cities, towns and states that could possibly await us. East? West? Middle? Small town? Big city? Suburbs? Damn, why is this country so effing big??? So, I am super interested to see where y'all plan to settle once military life is over... where and why?

Give me your Money!

Okay, not ME. Give THEM your money. And by THEM I mean military kids. Sounds like a better idea now, right?

Anyway, check out this post at LeftFace (Great work LopsidedMom!) and then go here: Donors Choose. Stephen Colbert is wicked awesome and I am super stoked that he is championing this cause. I donated to a high school at LeJeune... mini-computers for field work and environmental testing. That is the coolest part, you get to pick the Service Branch you want to support (Go Army!) and then you get to pick the specific project you want to donate to. And all of them help military kids. Wicked cool.

So go give a little money that will really help, so support the military by supporting their kids. And like Mr. Colbert, I too believe the children are our future, so let's start sucking up to them now, okay? Thus ending this PSA.

3 months.

Also known as 1/4 of the way done with this beast. Can I get a w00t? Only 5 more months till I get to see Swiss... and he ain't gonna know what hit him. hee!

This month will forever be known as the Month Without A Phone. And it sucked. But hey, at least I got to watch Lord of the Rings. I took art classes, I started coaching U12 girl's softball, and finally got my dog to act quasi-normal*. I don't really have much more to say about this month, other than is sort of sucked. Yes, it could have been worse, but no sense sugar coating it. These are the months that really show you who your friends are and help you realize how lucky you are to have those kinds of people in your life, real or imaginary.

Swiss still loathes his unit and is frustrated with wimpy command decisions and wishes there was a steady, reliable supply of toilet paper in the middle of the desert. And you know, of all the things that are REALLY IMPORTANT in a war zone, it is wearing your combat patch. Totally. But he did get a sweet new iPod that I will promptly steal when he gets home and has been inundated with care packages not just from me, but from my aunt, his mom, my mom and a family friend. I think we've already made up for P's measly 1 package last time. I win. (Yes, that is totally juvenile. I don't mind.)

My parents visited this month, which was cool, though their dogs taught my previously mute puppy to bark. Awesome. On the other hand mine taught theirs to incessantly go to the door because playing outside is waaaaay more fun than sleeping. Heh. Score one for Fletcher. I finalized my decisions for the big kitchen remodel... now I just have to get my handy brother in-law to get over and do it. Free family labor is the best kind. Cannot wait for the new, shiny kitchen... and a dishwasher that actually works. My art classes were good, I got much better at portraits and drawing figures. That shiz is hard, yo. But I am getting better. And I am painting a lot. Also, good. I am sadly addicted to TV, but also getting my butt off the sofa to work out now that I have a buddy (Awesome.). Otherwise, it is Spring (finally!) and I got new sidewalks. Thrilling, I know.

So that is all that April held for the Tucker and Swiss household. May is full of Father-Daughter bonding time (Our annual fishing and hunting trips to the bluff country. Yes, I kill stuff. And then I eat it and it is yummy.), softball tournaments (and therefore whole weekends spent with 12 year old girls, God help me!), and a visit from my bestest friend Beth (can you say IKEA? Sweet.).

Thanks to all of you who made this crappy month better. You Ladies ROCK. Here's to a good May, healthy Sprinkles, safe deployments and great friends!


*Subject to change at any given moment.

Addictions.

63:365 aaaaahhhhhhh, originally uploaded by jess elle.

My latest addictions are Chamomile tea and blogging pictures from flickr. Hey, at least it ain't drugs, right? The tea for now is Tazo Calm and I am on the hunt for other brands. The photos? What can I say... I'm a photo junkie always looking for inspiration and well, cooler people with cooler photographs than me. Anyway, that is all. I have nothing else of consequence to share other than the Vet is in love with my dog. Ignorance is bliss I suppose...

Work it out.

working out, originally uploaded by tongueinchic.

I am pumped. Why? Because ArmyWife and I are going to be workout buddies! No, I suppose you are right, that isn't Earth-shattering news. BUT, it is super cool because we live just over 1,000 miles apart. God Bless teh Internetz!

Our plan? To report back to each other when we finish workouts, talk about our progress and work through this awesome book: The New Rules of Lifting for Women. Oh, and that other pesky thing necessary for workouts: Motivation. As she said, "...it is going to be GLORIOUS!" and I agree. Of course I also have to give a shout out to Alternative Army Wife because a) she is way cooler than I am and b) she got me all kinds of geared up to get back into my workout groove (she's going to be a fitness guru, just you wait!). So yeah, that is the plan.

Go Team!

MEH Magazine

MEH Magazine, originally uploaded by shammonds.

This is how I feel today... come to think of it, this is how I have been feeling for a while. Just Meh. At least there is a magazine for gals (or guys) like me... Silver lining and all...

Teh Randomness.

It is still cold and rainy here. It was 90 on Friday. I am having withdrawal. Please bring the warmness and the sun back!

I had shrimp and curry couscous tonight for dinner and it was yummy.

The list of things Fletcher is terrified of now includes thunderstorms along with sirens and whistles. That is one odd mutt we got.

Actually hearing Swiss's voice makes everything SO much better! I know that sounds sappy and corny but it is true and I am not ashamed to admit it.

I am waaaay too fond of my television. And Ty Murray has some GUNS on him! woo! And I might be in lurve with Castle.

Okay, that is all for now. Sorry I am so boring!

PHONES!!!

Okay, this is one happy girl you are talking to (um, er, reading?). Swiss got phone service yesterday and we got to talk not once, but TWICE! And the last time for an hour! (of course it helped that it was 0300 there so everyone else with a normal sleep schedule was slumbering) Anyway, I am super happy and I feel relieved and joyful and can I just tell you how good it was to hear him laugh? le sigh.

Anyway, it is rainy and cold here, so I am staying in, painting and chilling out... and waiting for Swiss's next phone call. Squeeeeee!

10 more things...

I don't have anything of consequence to share today, but I feel compelled to post. So here you go, 10 more random things about me that you will undoubtedly find completely unfascinating. That is a lot of un's.

Here we go:
1. I have a birthmark on my forehead and it is like a mood ring. It is usually hardly noticeable now that I am 'grown up' (whatever that means) but when I am upset or stressed it is b-r-i-g-h-t pink an square in the middle of my forehead. Sexay.
2. I have creepy double jointed fingers.
3. My last meal would include BBQ, sushi, a Chipotle burrito and a big bowl of corn. Possibly mashed potatoes.
4. I want to get a tattoo but think I am too old. I know I am not, but I am weird like that.
5. I am have a very strong bond with my eye liner. Won't leave the house without it on.
6. I am a whiz at getting stains out of anything, and I have my Grandma Ethel to thank for it.
7. I sneeze in pairs.
8. I dance in public and gauge loyalty/friendship by one's ability to put up with it and/or join in.
9. I love post cards.
10. My favorite city in the whole wide world is Venice, no wait, Paris... or maybe Madrid? Ugh, that was a horrible one to end with. I'll go with Madrid... but reserve the right to change my mind starting now.

You are special and make everything better.

Well, at least that is what Matthew said to me when he and his brother and Mom stopped by our house last night. Matthew belongs to my wonderful and amazing friend Val and he may be the sweetest child I have ever met. I adore him (and his brother Sam) to no end and have considered kidnapping them both.

Anyway, he invited me to brunch on Sunday with his family for strawberry pannekoeken and told me it was because I was special and make everything better when I am around. (Val tells me he came up with that all on his own) Don't you love it when a 9 year old makes you melt? So here's a big, heartfelt THANK YOU to Mr. Matthew, for making my day, making me feel special, and inviting me to brunch. You are a doll and have no idea how much that meant to me.

I would also like to extend the same big, heartfelt Thank You to all you wonderful readers who gave me great advice and super support yesterday. Things are better today, all because of y'all and a sweet 9 year old. Well done!

Happy Earth Day!

Happy Earth Day!, originally uploaded by Christine (is in summer mode!).

How Lord of the Rings is like a deployment.

Admittedly the past few days have been rough. Generally, I think I am doing pretty darned good job of dealing with this deployment, staying positive, going on with life and doing my best to thrive in this new situation. But lately I'm feeling kind of like I'm just going through the motions, like I am on auto-pilot. I suspect it has much to do with the month of nonexistent phone service and not being able to hear Swiss’s voice. I suspect it also has something to do with feeling like we've only just reached Rivendell in our epic journey to Mordor... in other words we haven’t even finished the first movie. Yes, I just referenced the Lord of the Rings trilogy and compared it to this deployment. I think it is oddly fitting. The Precious? Totally the end of this deployment. I loves the precious. Must have the precious!

I think it also has something to do with being here in the civilian world… it is starting to feel like Swiss and this deployment has been forgotten by all but a few. No one asks. No one talks about it. We talk about everything else, but somehow this deployment and how we are doing seems to be verboten. Maybe they are just afraid to talk about it. Maybe they think I will have a meltdown if it gets brought up (I won't... I haven't had anything even resembling a melt-down yet, at least not in public!). Maybe they don't know what to say, so they don't say anything at all. Maybe they think I am doing perfectly fine and don't need anything. I don't know. I just know I'm feeling sort of invisible. If I have a bad day, no one asks. I don't have very many bad days, so it is sort of disappointing that it doesn't register that I might need some support or a kind gesture.

Now mind you, this isn't everyone in my life (thank God!). I have a few great friends who aren't afraid to ask or talk about it and still genuinely care about us. And I am so thankful for them, but a good portion of them are not here, they are scattered to the four corners and not physically present in my day-to-day life (I heart you ladeez!). And I know those are the folks I should focus on, but I am feeling a tiny bit lost at sea right now and I am terrible at asking for the kind of 'help' that would go so far in making this easier. I don't want a pity party and I don't need help-help. I just need someone to ask "how are you doing?" or say "let's go get dinner some night". I don't want to seem weak because I feel like I should be able to do this all on my own, but this hasn't exactly been what I would call easy. It would be nice though if someone came up to me and asked if I am doing okay. I don't want to have to say "I'm having a shit time right now, can you ask me out to dinner or drinks or come over to just hang out?". Maybe that is silly of me.

I know I will get over this soon. I know it will pass... I will put my Big Girl Britches on and get over myself. I will keep on trucking to Mordor and focus on getting to the Precious. But man, this really sucks sometimes.

Not fair.

Nope, this isn't a rant against Commo Guy (though he still hasn't done his job... aarrrgh). This is me wondering if the universe really does come together to point it's finger and laugh at you. You know, taunt you with all the things you want but can't have in really, really large doses? Like a Cosmic Bully taunting you with the lunch money he just stole from you. Yeah, Cosmic Bully... do you think those exist?

You see, in the span of just one day, I have seen no less than 46 passionate kisses on television. Okay, so maybe that means Network TV is conspiring against me and maybe that I watch too much television. But still, thanks for the not-so-gentle reminder that I won't be getting any passionate kisses for another 6 months. But really, once was enough. I get it. 46 times though? That's just plain mean. Because believe me, I am acutely aware of this fact, so STOP BEATING ME OVER THE HEAD WITH IT! Please?

Thank you.

2 cents.

So I was putzing around the interwebs this Sunday morning, sipping my coffee (mmmm hazelnut) and letting the plethora of links and stories lead me where they may. Sort of like a grown-up Choose Your Own Adventure book (I looooooved those as a kid). Anyway, I came across this story, which then led me to this story. And you know what struck me, well, other than that I was reading OpEd articles about American Idol? This:

"Which brings up the elephant in the room: Adam's gayness. (He has not actually come out, but pictures of him kissing men and a video of him saying that women are not his preference are all over the Internet.) No gay man has ever won "Idol," which raises the sociopolitical stakes of the show's finale considerably. If Adam loses, will it be because of homophobia?"

SERIOUSLY? This is beyond ridiculous... and this isn't even about AI. This is about someone who is insanely talented by any measure. His sexual orientation doesn't affect his talent and it shouldn't preclude him from the success he rightfully deserves (not that he won't have success if he doesn't win, heck my Mom is in love with the kid and would by his album). But is America really this shallow? Are we really that concerned with the sexual preferences of its artists? Are we willing to shortchange someone just because of who they may or may not like to kiss?

I guess there is only one way to find out and American will have its say in a few short weeks. I'm hoping for the best and that eyeliner and internet photos aren't the only things he is judged on. You can do it America! I have faith in you!!!

F-r-u-s-t-r-a-t-e-d.

Okay, let me preface this statement/vent/whine with this: I know there are some of you MilSpouses out there who hardly ever get to talk to your significant others during the course of a deployment (you can feel free to tell me to suck it and shut up). I know it was worse in WWI, WWII, Vietnam, Korea, et. al. I know we have computers and e-mail. I get it, it could so be worse and some of you deal with this all the time. With that said:

I WANT THE FUCKING PHONES TO BE WORKING ALREADY!

We are moving into week 4 of no verbal communication. The SPAWAR station is set up though... the phones are in, the tables are made, the cable is laid. All we are waiting on is some civilian contractor (aka Commo Guy) to get their ass out to BFE and point the damned satellite in the right freaking direction. That's it. But the civilian just hasn't shown up in the past week and no one really knows when he will be there. So we sit in radio silence and rely on hotmail to communicate.

And if one more civilian tells me "well, at least you have the computer" I will likely punch them. Then I will likely spew forth something ineloquent about how they would feel not seeing their husband for almost 3 months and relying on freaking e-mail to talk and not hearing his voice and then start crying. And then I will have no more civilian friends because they will all think I am either a bitch or insane... or both.

See what you are doing to me Commo Guy? Just get out there and point that thing in the right direction and I will regain my sanity. Is that so hard??? Throw me a freaking bone here dude... Poor Swiss would prefer nothing more than to wring some necks over this, but has resigned himself to the fact that most of the folks in his unit are inept and beyond help. Oh woe is us. Just please, make me sane again and get those phones up and running. Please?

Thus ending my rant.

Oh, and I swear I'm not usually this surly! I just really, really, really need to hear Swiss's voice.

Sitar Hero.

This is for my ladeez. (Though it totally needs like 60 more buttons/notes)

I heart the Sound of Music.

Can I also say that in a bout of cosmic synchronicity, the piano lady in the subway at work was playing Edelweiss. It made me want to twirl and sing along at the top of my lungs. Yes, I heart the Sound of Music. This is a dirty little secret of mine and now you all know.

PS- I forgot to give a Shout Out to LopsidedMom for passing on this goodness. She rocks!

Nerd alert.

aka: The Joy of Science.

Okay, so I am a nerd. I fully and willingly admit this, dare I even say I am proud of it. As a Biology major (Ecology, Evolution & Behavioral Biology to be exact- even nerdier, right?) I spent a fair chunk of college holed up in our science building (Oh Chamberlain, how I miss you and your musty corridors, odd murals and clunky, green elevator) or working on lab assignments. But far and away the coolest thing I ever did in college was meet Jane Goodall. Yes, THE Jane Goodall.

I was taking a primate anthropology course (ugh, the memories, that class was h-a-r-d) my Junior year and she came to our wee college to talk to the whole campus and community about her experiences and her project Roots and Shoots. Our class was lucky enough to get to have lunch with her, chat and get her to sign our books (A Reason for Hope, it is a great read by the way, go read it!). She is so amazing, so wise and patient and kind and adventurous. Passionate. She is a pioneer- for scientists, for women, for educators and advocates. As Stephen Jay Gould said, "Jane Goodall's work with chimpanzees represents one of the Western world's greatest scientific achievements." She is what science is all about... not stuffy professors who sit behind big desks, tenures and grant money. She is 'boots on the ground'... She is the real deal and she is everything that I wanted to be when I was in college.

Anyway, the point of this whole post is that today I saw an article about her at salon.com... I read it and I could feel the excitement building in me again. (By the way, go read it because her story is fascinating as is she... it isn't overly scientific, I promise!) I started thinking about how important all of this is, how important it is to teach future generations about their world, remembering how fun and thrilling science can be... discovering new things, putting the big picture together, understanding how and why our surroundings are like they are. I got excited about science and biology and all the things I loved about my degree in college again.

Yes, I know, the nerd sirens are going off. But here is the point: I am going to quit my job when Swiss comes home and go be a high school biology teacher. I am crazy, I know. But it has always been one of the options on the table... having such a visceral reaction to this article stirred up all sorts of 'emotions' that working in a clinical lab under government regulations had stifled. I can pass on this excitement and passion to at least a few kids, I can share knowledge, be creative and teach kids to think critically, to appreciate their surroundings and not be afraid to challenge the established dogmas. I know there are all sorts of issues that surround teaching and working with high school kids, I'm not naive. But I am excited about this and I have Jane Goodall to thank for it.

Thanks Jane, and happy 75th Birthday!

Books and their covers.

Please go watch this. Seriously, do it now.

And then move to England with me so I can vote for this woman a million times over.

I can't tell you how much I needed to see something like this, witness something so unexpected and beautiful and heartwarming.

I wish her all the best in this world and certainly all the success she deserves with a voice like that (and maybe a big, juicy first kiss with Daniel Craig). Go watch it, I guarantee it will make your day, make your heart swell, teach you a wonderful lesson and possibly make you cry*.

Mother Jones was spot on: Susan Boyle, Curing Cynicism Since 2009. Oh, and Thank you LopsidedMom and LAW for essentially making me watch this and thus making my Monday.

*In the interest of full disclosure, it totally made me cry.

Exactly!!!

So I am in the middle of reading "I Love a Man in Uniform" by Lily Burana (which is excellent and super engaging BTW) and I just came across a nugget of wisdom and insight that had me instantly running over to my computer to post about it. Here it is:

"The weirdest thing about West Point? No one discussed the war. ... In my "civilian" friendships, your opinion is like your fingerprint, a critical marker of your identity. We talked about the war all the time, pro or con. It was a political football tossed back and forth in constant conversational play. But at West Point, I never conversed about the political or moral ramifications of the war. ... The depth of candor surrounding the domestic ramifications of the current conflict was astonishing. But what we thought of the war itself? It never came up. Not even once." -Lily Burana

YES! That is the problem! That is why we have LeftFace! That is why we are trying to open up the dialogue about what it means to be a military spouse and how to reconcile personal opinions (and politics) with our husband's careers and the culture of the military.

It isn't about bashing one view or extolling the virtues of any given political party. It is about SHARING. It is about the exchange of thoughts and ideas. It is about openly and honestly talking about the very issues that our loved ones must enact. We SHOULD be talking about this war. We MUST be questioning policies. We NEED to engage each other about these topics! Why? Because every last bit of these policies directly effect us, the 1%. I refuse to just take what someone (especially our government, regardless of who is running it) tells me at face value. I was taught to think outside the box, to analyze the situations, problems and resolutions in front of me. I was molded into a critical thinker, not only by my parents, but by my educational institutions and my life experiences. None of that changed when I became an Army wife.

Just because we are military, doesn't negate our ability (and right) to be critical, challenging and open minded. It doesn't renege our right to question and debate the policies, politicians and government who we are inextricably tied to. And engaging in these thoughtful, open, honest and critical debates does NOT make me unpatriotic, it does not make me a bad military spouse and it most certainly does not lessen my pride in our armed forces, our country or my husband. Thankyouverymuch.

The other D.

Distance. They say it makes the heart grow fonder, right? But the cynic in me knows that distance can do a lot of other things... those are the things that worm their way into my head when I can't sleep...

Distance can make us drift apart. Distance can make us weaker. Distance can make us different. Distance can create tension or worse yet temptation.

Please don't take this wrong right off the bat. Swiss and I are doing great (aside from the ongoing weeks of no phone calls). We are happy and communicating and still madly in love and without drama. Thank Gawd. We aren't struggling with any of these things, and lest you think I am trying to create issues, you should all know that I am a planner. And I generally plan for the worst case scenario.

The thing of it is that Swiss and I have such a stable, normal, affectionate, honest and fun relationship. It is the most normal relationship I have ever been in. We are so happy and we are so good together. And yes, we had to the whole long distance thing for 90% of our relationship so it hasn't all been cupcakes and fairy tales. But we've had it good. We communicate and we are open and we've gotten through many an issue together, without yelling (neither of us are good fighters), all while being as supportive and understanding as we can.

But I wonder what all this time apart will do to change that. I am not naive enough to think that he will come home and everything will be just as it was when he left. I worry that things won't be as smooth as they were before. I worry that we won't be as good at reading each other, that we won't know how to be like we were before. I don't feel like I am changing, but I can't see how I couldn't. Same for Swiss. And I don't know what weeks and months on end of conversing only by computer screen & keyboard or phones alone does to the communication skills you established before. I don't know what kind of complications it could create.

In short, I wonder if things will ever be the same. Lord, I hope so, because we only had 3 months of 'normal'. We had 90 days to live together full time, to be us. And I can't help but wonder how far reaching the effects of this deployment will be on our relationship. How long will we pay for this? And what will the cost be?

I hate to sound melodramatic about all of this. We really are doing fine and I'm not seeing any red flags. But I guess it would be weird to not think about all of this, no? Anyway, at the end of the day I am going to put my faith in us and in our love. Faith that we will work through any issues that do arise... I can only hope that they are minimal and easy to deal with.

And at night when I am laying awake, I will think of this, think of how strong our love is, and rest easy. "And ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation." -Kahlil Gibran

Here.

I am still here. Things are fine-ish. I am working on a post that is hard to write, so have patience with me. In the meantime, go check out LeftFace... there are some great resources, stories and a serious on MilSpouse employment. I am so impressed by all you ladies!

Mystery solved.

So funny story... a few weeks ago Swiss got a text message on his cell phone (which is here at home with me). It came at 11:48PM on a Wednesday night and read:

"Thank u Swiss-u r the epitamy of what a Soldier should be!"

Note the excellent spelling and grammar... It was from a number neither of us knew so I just ignored it rather than call/text back a 'stranger'. I chalked it up to a drunk buddy who got sappy at the bar... or something like that.

Well today the mystery of the random texter was found out, thanks to my brother in law. It was P, Swiss's ex-wife who is engaged to be married. Drunken engaged ex-wife texts are my favorite! We haven't had one of those since waaaay before we were married... oh how I've missed them! I'm sure she was either a) trying to rattle my cage thinking that I had his phone or b) trying to suck up to Swiss assuming that he had his phone with him in the Sand. Either way it made me laugh when I found out who it was... I still can't figure out the reason behind it- she usually isn't that nice!

But no matter, it is just another entertaining tale to tell in the saga of The Ex-Wife. Do y'all have any crazy ex-wife stories to share? I have more, but this is as much as I am willing to tempt Karma!

LIARS!

So the massive snowstorm that we were doomed to endure never really showed up to play. You could say that it didn't bring its 'A' game because wispy bits of snow that melt immediately upon impact hardly counts. Well, I guess the 'storm' did show up, but it only brought its 'G' game, maybe. Those meteorologists can't be trusted! But color me happy because instead of shoveling I am just having to clean muddy paws (which I have become OCD about since I just mopped all the floors yesterday).

Anywhoodles, I've spent the morning painting which is 84 shades of awesome and thanks to the lack of snow I can complete the shopping for the latest items Swiss has requested (including, but not limited to: a AA battery powered alarm clock, Guitar Hero Metallica, shelf brackets with adhesive and baby wipes). And I am making homemade granola bars to send him too. Yum. So, that is all I have for my Sunday update. You can all rest easy now that you are up to speed on my thrilling life...

FU, Snow.

This is the top local news headline (yes, it is verbatim): "Sorry, but 6 inches of snow en route".

Not cool Weather, not cool.

But on the plus side, this site (warning NSFW or kids) makes me laugh until I snort and hopefully that will pull me through this crappy bout of weather. It also makes me want to get this shirt for my dog. Not that I am a big fan of dressing up pets, but come on, that is funny. "I am part of the problem" heh.

On the down side, rumor has it that it will be another week or so until the "commo" guys get the SPAWAR phones up and running. Why yes, wait until the entire unit is out there before you even being working to get the phones up and running. No sense doing it before now, like when the advon went out a month ago. That would be silly.

But back on the plus side, I got all my art supplies so this weekend will be filled with painting, sangria (I'm in charge of finding the best recipe for Beth's wedding party- suggestions?), and apparently snow.

So I don't know where that leaves me, but here's wishing a Happy Friday to everyone and enjoy the lack of snow wherever you are.

FRG-ing

So, I got a call from my sweet FRG leader the other day. (God bless her- she has 6 kids all under 10, a deployed husband and is heading up the FRG. I don't know how she does it.) She asked me to be a POC (don't I sound all Army-ish with my aronyms?! Oh, POC=point of contact.) for a few other ladies in the unit. Anyway, I am really glad to help and I know she is happy to have some other folks to do a lot of the calls, plus it helps me feel connected to the unit which I hae been sorely lacking. But I can't help but wonder what these poor women are going to think of me when they find out that their POC is a) a newbie at ALL of this and b) right around 1,200 miles away. Am I insane for doing this or will all the detials not matter?

And for those of you who either have been a POC or have had a POC: tips? Crib sheets? Cliff noties? Please!

Updates.

First off: THANK YOU! Thank you to all of you who sent me well wishes yesterday, for all the support, kindness, wisdom and kind thoughts. This deployment would be so much harder without all of you, so thanks a million! I'm doing much better today thanks to you all.

Second, we gals over at LeftFace are in a bit of a competition for best new MilSpouse blog. If you like us, please, please go vote for us here. Thanks!

Third, I just found this organization, Operation Dreamseed, via research for this blog post about Kids in Afghanistan. Wow, they are an amazing organization with a presence in not only Afghanistan and Iraq, but also Nicaragua and Colombia. Here is their mission:

"Operating within the values of freedom, democracy, education, and self-betterment, Operation Dreamseed will develop and support education initiatives in the schools and education systems of underdeveloped countries in order to foster and facilitate the access to and process of learning."

If you can, go check them out and see if you (and your peeps) can get some donations together to help the cause. Thus ending this PSA.

Lastly, I really want to watch Grey's Anatomy tonight and put up another post about the status of Owen's PTSD, but alas, I will be in art class. So y'all will have to wait a twee bit until I can watch the episode online and pull a post together.

So go vote and have a super Thursday everyone!

Deployment Math.

Do you ever have one of those moments when something you know suddenly becomes something you realize? Does that even make any sense?

Here's my point. Just yesterday I was all proud of Swiss and I because we got 2 whole months down... only 10 more to go! Hooah! But then all the deployment math started running through my head, especially the equations about how much longer it will be until I get to see my man.

That's when it hit me. Even though we have 2 months down (which sadly seems like an eternity), I am still going to have to wait 6 more months to see his face, touch him, be near him. I knew that, we had talked about it numerous times before. It will be Fall before I see him. Most of 2009 will be over by that time. For some reason today all of it really sunk in. 6 more months of this. It sort of makes me wan to cry (and by sort of I mean really).

6 more months of no kisses, no hand to hold, no one to curl up next to in bed, no handsome man to come home to, no normal couple-ness. It makes these past 2 months feel like 2 days. Like we haven't really accomplished anything in getting this over with.

I know that isn't the case... 2 months is not nothing. And I know that the flip side is that once he is home on R&R, it will only be a handful of months until he is home again. But today that knowledge doesn't help... it doesn't make me any less lonely and it doesn't make this any easier.

I just really miss him. And I am really ready to have him home again. If anyone finds or has a Fast Forward button please pass it my way post haste...

2 months.

59 days down. Only 306-ish to go.

Ugh. That still sounds like a lot of days.

These past 2 months have been... well... interesting. There have been emotional struggles, additions to our family (hey Fletch!), creative endeavors, family drama, new projects, and the small matter of figuring out what my (our) "new normal" is. There have been weeks and days that have flown by and there have been ones that slowly creep along like cold molasses. There are good day and there are bad, there are also just ho-hum neither-nor days. But the best thing? The days apart are getting less and less.

Swiss has been in country for a while now, the unit has finally joined him and the rest of the advance party. Their accommodations are sparse and their access to basics are variable, but he is in good spirits (and I will be too once they get the phones installed!) and doing well. His missions have all been inside the wire, mostly involving getting things up and running for the rest of the unit's arrival. This knowledge helps me sleep at night and not be completely neurotic more than you could ever know. It remains to be seen what he will be tasked with once things are finished at their base, but I'm holding out hope for more of the same. We've been able to talk/e-mail quite frequently, though we are on a phone hiatus right now (don't ask unless you want to hear a rant!), and it has gone a long way in making this doable. We are doing our best to keep connected and get through this together- it seems to be working so far!

I have tried to stay busy, from adopting a dog to taking art classes, blogging, planning a kitchen remodel and helping out with the FRG. Things have really taken off with our liberal group of MilSpouses- LeftFace is our pride and joy and I am constantly amazed by how incredible those women are. I am also beyond thankful for finding them and for their friendship- I can't imagine how different these two months could have been without them. I've already sent 4 care packages to Swiss, which I probably like putting together and shopping for a bit too much, and have elaborate plans for home-made granola bars this weekend.

So all in all, these past 2 months aren't at all what I expected them to be like, but that pretty much sums up every military/Army related experience I've had so far. It has been hard at times, borderline unbearable even, but it has also been okay. Most of the time, actually, it is fine (I won't say it is good though because nothing is actually good when Swiss isn't around). I miss him more than I can explain, but the support I've gotten from friends and family have helped me stay afloat, stay positive, and stay focused on our future.

We are 1/6th done. Hooah.

10 more things.

Okay... so here are 10 more random things about me. I'm not posting these because I think y'all lay awake at night wondering what my favorite cereal is, but mostly because I have nothing else exciting to share. Aren't you lucky?

1. Speaking of cereal, my favorite is Quaker Oatmeal Squares. They ain't sexy, but they taste real good.
2. I am an only child and Swiss is the youngest of 6. SIX!
3. My favorite band is Coldplay. The old stuff is just as amazing as the new stuff, but Viva la Vida is my favorite album (followed closely by X&Y)
4. When I was little I called macaroni & cheese "Monkey Cheese"
5. My favorite phrases are "Do better" and "Woosh Go" (Topped only by when Swiss says "I love you")
6. My 3 favorite movies are: Almost Famous, Amelie and The Sound of Music. (But on any given day About a Boy might sneak in there... I know, I know, it's a soft 3)
7. I have hazel eyes. Green one day, brown the next... sometimes they even get blueish.
8. I like to put "ish" on the end of lots of things. (See above and below)
9. The color of my hallway paint is called Gertrude. (It is a peachy-pinkish and Swiss doesn't mind it.)
10. Our favorite take-out is Chipotle. Hands down.

Don't you feel better knowing these things about me? (It's okay to say no.)

Home.

So, funny story: I dropped Fletcher off at the kennel on Friday night. I got into the car and had to do everything I could to not cry. And it didn't work. It is official, the Army has made me even worse at goodbyes than I was before... because you know it is all the Army's fault. (I never said the story was funny ha-ha... more like funny odd.)

Outie like a bellybutton.

So I am off to the land of Beer and Cheese... otherwise known as home. I'm off for a weekend of March Madness (Rock Chalk Jayhawk!), great conversations, wedding cake samples and shopping for home decor items. Also known as a weekend with my best friend Beth (who is super amazing, crazy smart, pithy and insanely fun).

Have a super weekend everyone! See you on Monday!

Aw heck... here it is: PTSD and Grey's Anatomy?

So last night I was watching TV because my husband is deployed and that is what I do. Grey’s Anatomy came on and I’ll admit that I’ve gotten sucked back into the show this season. Izzy is dying and McDreamy is thinking of quitting and will he propose to Meredith?… good drama! But, the character I have been most intrigued by is Dr. Owen Hunt (Kevin McKidd). See, Owen is a former Major in the Army, a trauma surgeon for the past 3 years in Iraq (I don’t know how that happens but we are going with it because it is TV and not reality). He’s got some issues and he has just started a relationship with a fellow doctor, Cristina Yang ( Sandra Oh).

The show has been building up to a crescendo with these two for some time. About a month ago there was a story-line with Owen where his fiance shows up to the hospital and is aghast when she sees him because she didn’t know he was back from Iraq. It seems he cut and run on the life he had before his tour(s) in Iraq- not even his mom knows he is home. Two weeks ago Cristina awoke him from a nap and his reaction was violent- he shoved her across the room and she cut her arm. Ever since he showed up on Grey’s there have been glimmers and glimpses into the mental and emotional turmoil he is trying to wade though. Last night however, things came to a head and really cemented his diagnosis of PTSD. (See there is a point to this!)

The show began with Cristina asleep in bed and Owen resting next to her, clearly he adores her and he tenderly covers her up with the blanket as she sleeps. He tries to fall asleep by staring at the rotating blades of the ceiling fan… and he finally does. But moments later we see him straddling Cristina with his hands around her neck, violently choking her, she is trying to scream but she can’t breathe and is gasping for air while clawing at him to get him off of her. His strength is overwhelming and she can’t get his attention- his eyes are glassy and vacant- he doesn’t even flinch when she is hitting him in the face. Finally a roommate breaks in the room and her shouting snaps him out of it. Cristina runs for cover in the bathroom and Owen first looks bewildered but then starts crying, terrified of what he has done.

Later that day, Cristina is confronted by a friend (Dr. Meredith Grey) about needing to get out of this relationship, that is isn’t okay that he hurt her. Her reply was simple: There is something medically wrong with him, she can’t leave him just because he is sick. What if he broke his leg or had a heart attack? Would you ask me to leave him then? Meanwhile Dr. McDreamy tries to talk to Owen after he has a freezing bout on the helipad (seems the rotation of blades- ceiling fan or helicopter- is his trigger), Owen turns into a jerk, though McDreamy (a neurosurgeon) mentions that he can help him with his PTSD, there are new treatments and brain imaging that can help him get over this. Owen said that he managed to come home with no real injuries, he has all his limbs and there are so many who were so much more injured than him. McDreamy tries to tell him that his PTSD is a real injury and that he needs treatment. Owen walks out.

Later, Cristina confronts Owen in the stairwell, he knows there is something really wrong and he is terrified of hurting her, he worries what would have happened if he hadn’t snapped out of it. She is determined to stand by his side, she says that she knows her limits and she can handle this. But the most touching, gut-wrenching and hard to watch scene was at the end of the episode. Cristina and Owen meet in a quiet room, he asks if he can hold her. She says yes and they embrace, they end up make love and afterwords we see her laying in his arms. She is wide awake and Owen is drifting off to sleep. She wakes him by announcing that she was wrong, she can’t do this, she can’t be with him anymore because she is laying in his arms afraid to fall asleep. Afraid of what he might do.

The show ends with Owen on a CT bed getting ready for a brain scan with Dr. McDreamy at his side…

Did any of you see this episode? What do you think of this depiction of PTSD? Will this raise awareness or does it vilify a veteran? What does it mean that war related PTSD is making it into our pop culture and showing up in living rooms on network TV? Where do you think this story-line will go and how will things end for Owen… or more importantly where would you like to see it go? I would love to hear your thoughts on this!

PS- You can watch this episode online at abc, it is under ‘free episodes’ this one was titled “Elevator Love Letter” from 26 March. I think it will be available to watch after 7pm Central.

UPDATE: Here’s some of the buzz online in the entertainment world about this episode… This
from ew.com:

"For starters, I was heaving sobs in under three minutes, despite the fact that I was
well-prepared for Owen’s post-traumatic-stress-disorder-induced sleep-choking of
Cristina. Callie heard the commotion and broke it up, otherwise things
could’ve gone much worse. And that’s just the point. At the risk of getting all
public service announcement here, I truly believe this is a fantastic story line
to tackle — the phenomenon of post-war night terrors that can endanger your bed
partner is very, very real (my Vietnam-vet dad went through this for years, when
I was too young to appreciate the strain on both him and my mom), and few people
realize (or really want to think about) what soldiers go through once they get
home. It helps, in this case, to have a pair of sublime actors handling this
sensitive topic. As good as they’ve been at amping up the romance crackling
between Owen and Cristina, Kevin McKidd and Sandra Oh brought the Emmy
consideration tonight from scene 1."

PTSD and Grey's Anatomy?

I wrote a long post over at LeftFace about last night's episode of Grey's Anatomy where they not only show the violence that can result from PTSD, but also the personal fallout that too often accompanies it. Please go check it out, otherwise I will have to re-post it here and that just seems redundant... no?

Happy Friday all and I'm really glad that other people have weird fruit eating dogs too.

Fletcher learns to eat an apple.

Fletcher learns to eat an apple., originally uploaded by Tucker&Swiss.

What else is there to say? My dog eats apples and it is hilarious. The end.

Spring is in the air.

Honeybee, originally uploaded by Tucker&Swiss.

Despite the overcast days and freezing misty rain (and dropping temperatures too) it is Spring here in the upper Midwest. It is good.

I have started my Spring cleaning and am anxiously awaiting what grass is left in the backyard (thanks Fletch) to turn green. I also made up some Spring resolutions (I've never been one for the New Year's kind): I am going to learn how to knit. I am taking a figure & portrait drawing class. And I hope to help coach a U12 fastpicth softball team (I've played ball since I was in first grade and played all though college- and no, none of the softball stereotypes fit me). I am going to get this kitchen project done. And I am going to try to find Swiss a Literary Agent.

That's a good list to start with I think. I'm hoping the busy-bee mentality will help these days go by faster and faster because it is going to be another 6 months until we get some R&R time. Wow. It will be fall by then...

Missing.

Missing - Miss"ing\, a. [From Miss, v. i.]
Absent from the place where it was expected to be found; lost; wanting; not present when called or looked for.

That is me, missing Swiss. Today was one of those days when I miss him so much it hurts. And of course it never helps when things aren't going right with everything else. But I love how just talking to him seems to make everything better. One of the million reasons why I love him.

Oh, and keep checking out LeftFace... lots of good stuff over there from some pretty amazing ladies!